Transcript Chapter 7 Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate

Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Chapter 7
Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
What Is Love?
• Difficult to define
– special attitude with behavioral and emotional
components
– different things to different people
– difficult to measure
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
What Is Love? (cont.)
• Rubin's "love scale"
– 3 components
• attachment
• caring
• intimacy
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Types of Love
• Passionate love (infatuation)
– intense psychological feelings
– generalized physiological arousal, strong sexual
desire
– avoid conflict, feelings of completeness
– short-lived
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Types of Love (cont.)
• Companionate love
– less intense
– friendly affection & deep attachment
– familiarity & tolerance for short-comings
– more enduring than passionate love
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Types of Love (cont.)
• Sternberg's triangular theory
– 3 components
• passion
• intimacy
• commitment
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Types of Love (cont.)
Fig. 7.1 Sternberg’s love triangle: (passion, intimacy and commitment) and the various
kinds of love as reflected in different combinations of the three components. Note:
Nonlove is the absence of all three components.
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Types of Love (cont.)
• Sternberg's triangular theory
– passion builds then fades
– intimacy & commitment continue to build
– variations in components yield different kinds of love
• intimacy alone = friendship
• passion alone = infatuation
• commitment alone = empty love
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Types of Love (cont.)
Fig. 7.2 Sternberg theorizes that the passion component of love peaks early in a
relationship and then declines, whereas the other two components, intimacy and
commitment, continue to build gradually over time.
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Types of Love (cont.)
• Lee's styles of loving
– romantic (eros)
– game-playing (ludus)
– possessive (mania)
– compassionate (storge)
– altruistic (agape)
– pragmatic (pragma)
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom
• The chemistry of love
– neurotransmitters
• norepinephrine
• dopamine
• phenylethylamine (PEA)
• oxytocin
– endorphins
– loss and neurotransmitter withdrawal
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
• Proximity
– mere exposure effect
– familiarity breeds predictability  greater comfort
– greater proximity often reflects shared interests
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
• Similarity
– level of physical attractiveness
– age, educational status and religion
– race and ethnicity
– Why?
• share similar interests & activities
• communicate better
• confirm own views & experiences
• supportive of values & beliefs
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Fig. 7.5 Noncohabitational Sexual Partnerships by Race and Sex
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
• Reciprocity
– when someone shows they like us, we tend to like
them back
– increases self-esteem
– increases likelihood of relationship enduring
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
• Physical attractiveness
– "what's beautiful is good" belief
– status by association
– most important in early stages
– may be an indice of physical health
– heterosexual males place greater value
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
•
Sociobiology- behavior explained by evolutionary needs
(Buss)
– men attracted to young attractive females to maximize
reproductive success
– women attracted to older, established men to
maximize their reproductive success
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Falling in Love: Why and With Whom (cont.)
Fig. 7.3 How willing would you be to marry someone who….
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
The Development of Intimacy
• Self-love
– genuine interest, concern, respect for self
– prerequisite for a satisfying relationship with others
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Love and Styles of Attachment
• Attachment; intense emotional tie
– Attachment style (Ainsworth)
• secure attachment
• insecure attachment
• anxious-ambivalent attachment
– Attachment styles in adulthood
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
The Development of Intimacy (cont.)
• The phases of a relationship
– inclusion: an invitation to relate
– response: agreeing to relate
– care: concern for other's welfare
– trust: support and care for each other
– affection: warmth & attachment; desire
– playfulness: delight in each other
– genitality: decision to engage in sex
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Issues in Loving Relationships
• Relationship between love & sex
– several possibilities
– questions to ask
• does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship?
• do men & women have different views of sex &
love?
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)
• Does sexual orientation affect views of sex & love?
– homosexual men more likely to separate love from
sex; lesbians more likely to postpone sex until
intimacy has been established
– falling in love with a same sex person often helps in
gay or lesbian identity
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)
• Sex & relationships on your terms
– sexual expression is an individual decision
• steps to take
• knowing and asking for what you want
• friendships without sex
• saying "not yet" to sex
• ending a relationship
• managing rejection
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Issues in Loving Relationships (cont.)
• Jealousy in relationships
– Jealousy-prone person
• low self-esteem
• high value on wealth and popularity
– Negative consequences
• precipitates partner violence
• stifles relationship development
• raises anxiety, depression, anger
– Sex differences
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
• Ingredients in lasting love relationship
– self-acceptance
– appreciation of each other's qualities
– commitment
– good communication, realistic expectations and
shared interests
– ability to face & deal with conflict
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
• Characteristics of high quality relationships
– Supportive communication
– Companionship
– Sexual expression and variety
– Seeing partner as best friend
– Maintaining frequent positive interaction
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
• Individual and relationship growth
– growth and change maintain relationship
– overcome obstacles
• view problems as challenges
• negotiate and renegotiate wants
• accept each other as unique
Our Sexuality, 9th Edition, Robert L. Crooks
Chapter 7: Love, Attraction, Attachment and Intimate Relationships
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction (cont.)
• Sexual Variety
– communication is critical
– be spontaneous
– plan for intimate time
– don't worry about frequency "standards"