Transcript Slide 1

Building and
managing the
mentoring
relationship
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Building the Mentoring Relationship –
Empathy and Rapport
This section of the advanced mentor training aims to show
the student mentor the importance of empathy and rapport
in building a good mentoring relationship.
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The Process of Mentoring:
Building Empathy
Being open to the ideas of others.
Showing sensitivity to the values and feelings of others.
Showing you are interested and you understand.
Showing an awareness that everyone has their own
perspective or mental model. People are different, some
are practical and deal with facts whereas others use
metaphors or images. The ‘empathy builder’ notices this
and reflects back through matching and mirroring.
• Reflecting back - reflects back what the person is a
saying.
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What do you think empathy is? When have you experienced it?
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The Process of Mentoring:
Building Rapport
• Rapport can happen naturally but more often it grows
out of a series of communications as trust develops. It
is built through upholding confidentiality, showing
warmth, demonstrating good listening ability and being
empathic.
• You can encourage this by the way you look and present
yourself, using positive body language and gestures, the
tone of voice and carefully chosen language.
Think about a relationship you’ve had with little or no rapport –
how did you know, what was missing?
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Carefully chosen language – Jargon busting
Remember that not everyone understands ‘specialist’
words or jargon. This is particularly important when
working with young people who have had little experience
of Higher Education.
Words such as those below can be confusing and
intimidating:
HE, FE, Degree, Seminar, Lecture, Tutorial,
Undergraduate, Faculty, BA, BSc, Campus ...
What can you do about this as an Outreach Ambassador?
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Establishing the relationship
Your work as an Outreach Ambassador may involve working
with an individual or a group over a period of time. This
enables you to establishing a positive relationship.
• You do this through your mentoring skills and making it
clear you are ‘on their side.’ You are there to help, to
inform, to listen.
• Be clear about the purpose and expectations of the
relationship. What is the contract? How long will it last?
How often will you meet?
• In order to build rapport and trust there needs to be
confidentiality – however there is a need to break this if
you have reason to believe that a young person under 18
or a vulnerable adult is being abused.
What are the building blocks necessary for establishing a positive
helping relationship?
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A professional approach
The way you present yourself is important in building trust,
respect and a successful mentoring experience.
• Be punctual, reliable and appropriately dressed. Do what
you say you will do. Know the limits of what you are going
to do so don’t promise what you can’t deliver.
• Be personable - smile, show an interest, be aware of
people’s needs, listen.
• Be prepared – show good organisation, have all materials
at hand, be aware of Health ands Safety issues.
• Be positive – always look for the good side, use humour
appropriately. Avoid criticising.
• Be honest – if you don’t know the answer, say so , but
suggest a way to find out.
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Telling your story
As a champion of the University of Worcester one of the best
ways of building trust with your mentee’s and communicating
the advantages of HE is to tell your story.
What is your background, what are you studying and why?
What has your journey been like. Talk about your feelings as
well as the facts. Be honest but positive. Expect a wide range
of questions some of which will be surprising.
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Emotional Intelligence
A key aspect of successful mentoring is emotional intelligence
(EQ).
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your
emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize
how your emotions affect people around you.
Emotional intelligence also involves your perception of others:
when you understand how they feel, this allows you to
manage relationships more effectively.
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Emotional Intelligence
This is essentially being aware of your own feelings and those
of others.
People with high EQ
• are able to recognise and label their own feelings
• take responsibility for their feelings and use them to make
choices
• They respect the feelings of others and don’t blame,
command, criticise, control or judge others
It’s about managing ourselves and understanding others.
Those with low EQ may lack confidence and motivation.
Think of a time when you had strong feelings about
study issue e.g. some criticism about your work.
How did you respond to them?
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Emotional Intelligence
"The ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought,
understand emotions and to regulate emotions to promote personal
growth." Salovey & Mayer (2001)
• Perceiving emotions – the ability to detect and decipher
emotions in faces, pictures, voices, and cultural artefacts —
including the ability to identify one's own emotions.
• Using emotions – the ability to harness emotions to
facilitate various cognitive activities, such as thinking and
problem solving. The emotionally intelligent person can
capitalize fully upon his or her changing moods in order to
best fit the task at hand.
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Emotional Intelligence
Understanding emotions – the ability to comprehend
emotion language and to appreciate complicated relationships
among emotions. For example, understanding emotions
encompasses the ability to be sensitive to slight variations
between emotions, and the ability to recognize and describe
how emotions evolve over time.
Managing emotions – the ability to regulate emotions in
both ourselves and in others. Therefore, the emotionally
intelligent person can harness emotions, even negative ones,
and manage them to achieve intended goals.
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Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman (1999) suggests these:
• Self-awareness – the ability to know one's emotions,
strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals and
recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to
guide decisions.
• Self-regulation – involves controlling or redirecting one's
disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing
circumstances.
• Social skill – managing relationships to move people in the
desired direction
• Empathy - considering other people's feelings especially
when making decisions .
• Motivation - being driven to achieve for the sake of
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achievement.
Improving Emotional Intelligence
Being aware of how others learn and how they respond are
parts of developing an emotional intelligence. Being aware of
others feelings and your own and relating intelligently help
build good mentoring relationships.
• Observe how you react to people. Don’t rush to judge other
people. Try to put yourself in their place, and try to be
more aware of their point of view and needs.
• Put the focus on your mentee, give them a chance to
develop, don’t worry about getting praise for yourself.
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Improving Emotional Intelligence
• How you react to stressful situations. Keep your emotions
under control when things go wrong. Learn to stay calm
and in control in difficult situations so that your mentee
does not over-react.
• Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone's
feelings or make a mistake, apologize directly. People are
usually more understanding and able to forgive and forget
if you are open and honest about your mistakes.
• Be aware of how your actions will affect others, put yourself
in their place.
• Think before you act!
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Prompting action and moving on
It is good to encourage others to commit to a next step. As a
mentor and Outreach Ambassador you can help this process
by asking commitment questions.
A good techniques is to ask for a score:
For example: ‘Out of 10, how committed are you to attending
the open day at the university?’
Think of a time when you made a commitment which changed your life. What
was the process you went through?
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Moving on and endings…
As the mentoring and Outreach work comes to a close it’s
important that this is done smoothly. It is good to plan for
this so there is time to reflect on what has been achieved.
It is always good to summarise what you have done together
and to thank people for their contributions and engagement.
If possible this can be a closing event of some kind. This is
especially appropriate for a group.
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Moving on and endings…
There is often a degree of sadness and regret at the ending of
an effective relationship.
It is important that the relationship finishes on a positive note
and celebrates success in the final review.
It is useful to provide contact details for the university or
department but not your personal details.
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Any Questions?
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