Transcript Yes, No, Maybe So…Communication(And Other Strategies)For

Yes, No, Maybe So…
Communication
(And Other Strategies)
For Preventing Sexual Assault
Presented by:
UMKC Counseling Center
4825 Troost Building, Room 206
Kansas City, MO 64110
816-235-1635
What do you think?
• Jamie and Chris are on their fifth date,
watching a movie at Jamie’s apartment. They
slept together on their previous date, and both
enjoyed that very much. Things are going well
on this date too; they’ve had a few drinks, are
a bit tipsy, and are laughing and having great
conversation. After a while, they start kissing;
then Jamie gradually starts to touch Chris in
more intimate places. Chris doesn’t stop this,
but doesn’t reciprocate either, and appears to
“shrink back” a bit and to show more
hesitation while kissing.
What should Jamie do?
What do you think?
• This presentation will show how
different parts of this scenario
can relate to sexual assault and
sexual safety.
• It will also give some strategies
that Jamie and Chris (and you!)
can use to enjoy themselves and
stay safe in situations like this
one.
Overview
• Definitions and prevalence of sexual assault
• What behavior is OK and what is not
• How to keep yourself safe
• If you have been assaulted…
• Quiz
Fact Or Myth?
• Who is most likely to be the
perpetrator of a rape?
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Stranger
Club/party attendant
Acquaintance
Intimate partner
(click on your answer)
Fact Or Myth?
• Who is most likely to be the
perpetrator of a rape?
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Stranger
Club/party attendant
Acquaintance
Intimate partner
• According to the CDC, 30%
of women who are raped
for the first time are raped
by intimate partners. 24%
are raped by family
members, and 20% are
raped by acquaintances.
What is sexual assault?
• Any sexual activity where
consent is absent or not
freely given
• Includes unwanted
touching, kissing, oral sex,
or penetration (which is
considered rape)
• Most (but not all) victims
are female
• Anyone can commit
sexual assault: a stranger,
an acquaintance, a friend,
a family member, or a
significant other
What is sexual assault?
• A perpetrator might use physical force, threats, dishonesty,
intimidation, or subtle pressure
• Sexual assault also happens when:
– A person takes advantage of someone who is physically or mentally
unable to give consent
– A person uses their position of power, authority, or trust to get
someone to participate in sexual acts
• Sexual assault can also result from lack of communication
What is consent?
• Consent is positive cooperation that is informed,
freely and actively given, and mutually
understood
• By Missouri law, consent cannot be given when a
person is under the effect of alcohol or drugs
• Consent also cannot be given when a person:
– Is unconscious or asleep
– Has a mental or physical illness or deficiency that
makes them unable to give consent
Fact Or Myth?
• What percentage of women are sexually assaulted
while in college?
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5%
10%
25%
40%
(click on your answer)
Fact Or Myth?
• What percentage of women are sexually assaulted
while in college?
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•
•
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5%
10%
25%
40%
• CDC data from Spring 2008 show that 20-25% of
female college students have experienced
attempted or completed sexual assault while in
college
How common is sexual assault?
• Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually
assaulted
• In 2007, there were 248,300 victims of rape, attempted
rape, or sexual assault
• 11% of adult women and 2% of adult men report
experiencing forced sex at some point in their lives
• 74% of women who are raped know their attackers
Fact Or Myth?
• Alcohol is involved in approximately 90% of
sexual assaults in college
• True
• False
(click on your answer)
Fact Or Myth?
• Alcohol is involved in approximately 90% of
sexual assaults in college
• True
• False
• In about 90% of attempted or
completed sexual assaults on
college women, either the
victim or the perpetrator are
under the influence of alcohol
• Alcohol is the most commonly
used date rape drug
Role of Alcohol and Drugs
• For potential perpetrators, alcohol can:
– Cause them to misjudge their own arousal, or someone
else’s sexual desire
– Lower self-control, which can lead to poor decision-making
– Increase anger and contribute to aggression
Role of Alcohol and Drugs
• For potential victims, alcohol can lower
perception and judgment, which can cause:
– Difficulty communicating what they want and
don’t want
– Difficulty judging others’ sexual intentions
– Risky behavior (e.g., being alone with a stranger)
– Poor recognition of danger
– Difficulty responding to dangerous situations (e.g.,
leaving, fighting back)
Fact Or Myth?
• It’s OK to kiss, touch, or
have sex with someone,
as long as they don’t
say no.
• True
• False
(click on your answer)
Fact Or Myth?
• It’s OK to kiss, touch, or
have sex with someone,
as long as they don’t
say no.
• True
• False
• Just because someone doesn’t say no, doesn’t
mean they are saying yes. If you are unsure of
what someone wants, the only way to know for
sure is to ask.
Is my behavior OK?
• Never assume consent. If you are getting mixed
messages, or are not sure what your partner
wants for any reason, ASK. Clearly tell your
partner that it is OK to say no.
• Clearly tell your partner what you want and do
not want, and ask them to tell you the same.
• LISTEN to your partner and respect their wishes.
Pay attention to nonverbal signs of discomfort or
hesitation.
Is my behavior OK?
• If someone doesn’t want to have sex with you, it doesn’t
mean they don’t like you. They may just not be ready.
Waiting can make your relationship stronger, and may make
sex more fulfilling if/when it does happen.
• Have you ever done something you regretted while you
were drunk? Alcohol and drugs can make it harder to make
good sexual decisions. When you’re drunk or high, it’s hard
to:
• Judge how you feel
• Clearly tell your partner what you want and don’t want
• Listen to your partner
Is my behavior OK?
• Both partners have the right to
choose; it is never OK to force,
pressure, or talk someone into
having sex.
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•
No matter what they’re wearing
No matter how drunk they are
No matter how turned on you are
Even if they’ve had sex with you before
Regardless of who paid for dinner
THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS
What do you think?
• Jordan and Alex have been flirting
in their English class all semester.
Alex invites Jordan to a house
party, where they drink, talk, and
dance together much of the
evening. At the end of the night,
both of them are intoxicated. Alex
appears sleepy, slurs words, and
stumbles while walking, so Jordan
helps Alex walk to a bedroom
upstairs.
– Is it OK for Jordan to make a move on
Alex at this point?
– How would this change if Jordan
asked Alex out the next day instead?
Staying Safe At Parties and Bars
• Know how much you are
drinking
– Count your drinks, and
alternate them with nonalcoholic beverages
– Decide in advance how much
you want to drink and stick to
that number
• Know what you are drinking
– Do not leave your drink alone
– Do not accept drinks form
others unless you saw them
poured
• Count on your friends!
– Use the “buddy system” to
monitor each other’s alcohol
consumption and safety
What do you think?
• Taylor and Casey have been dating for 8 months; they are sexually
active and enjoy this part of their relationship. While they are in
bed one night, Taylor begins to initiate sex, and Casey responds by
moving away and saying, “Is it OK if we just go to sleep tonight?”
Taylor is still turned on and continues to snuggle up to Casey and
ask, “Come on, why not?”
– Is it OK for Taylor to continue touching Casey at this point?
– How would the situation be different if Taylor said “Yeah, that’s
completely OK. Let’s get some sleep”?
Staying Safe With Partners and Dates
• Decide how far you are willing to go in advance, and stick to that.
• Tell your partner what you want, need, and expect, and what your
limits are. This can be hard, but it’s important in order to avoid hurt
feelings, negative experiences, and possible sexual assault.
• Be firm, clear, and direct. Feel free to say no at any time.
Staying Safe With Partners and Dates
• Watch for signs of trouble - emotional or verbal abuse usually
comes before physical or sexual violence in relationships. Red
flags to watch for include:
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Disrespect - making fun, criticism, insults, bossiness, threats
Pressure
Attempts to control you
Ignoring your requests or limits (especially physical ones)
Unwillingness to compromise
Jealousy
Anger over small things; throwing or breaking things when angry
Alcohol or drug abuse
Staying Safe With Partners and Dates
• Stay around others until you know and trust your partner
– Go on group dates
– Only see your date in public places
• Always know where you are and how you can leave if you need to. Plan for
what you’ll do if you begin to feel unsafe, and get help if necessary. You can call
your friends, family, or the police.
• Notice and trust your feelings, like discomfort or fear. Act on the feelings - it’s
better to make a scene than risk your safety.
Staying Safe With Partners and
Dates
• Have a support system - someone you can
call for help, or who can help you decide if a
particular behavior is inappropriate or if a
relationship is unhealthy
• Limit your use of alcohol and drugs - they can impair your
judgment and ability to protect yourself
• Know that you can be assaulted – it doesn’t just happen to
other people
If You Have Been Assaulted…
• Common Reactions Include:
– Shock and confusion
– Fear, distrust of others
– Helplessness and lack of
control
– Shame and embarrassment
– Guilt, self-blame
– Feelings of anger and betrayal
– Denial
– Nightmares, flashbacks, and
insomnia
– Depression, anxiety
• Reactions vary person to
person
If You Have Been Assaulted…
• What you can do:
– Right away:
• Get medical attention
• Seek support from someone you feel comfortable with
• If you decide to report the assault, call the police ASAP
– You have the option to report an assault and/or press charges, but you do not
have to
– If you decide to report an assault, preserve evidence by avoiding showering,
douching, or changing clothes until you have been examined and the evidence
has been collected
– Coping Strategies:
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Counseling
Talking to friends and family
Journaling
Exercise
Creative outlets (music, drawing, etc.)
Campus Resources
• UMKC Police:
• 816-235-1515 (or 911)
• www.umkc.edu/adminfinance/police
• UMKC Student Health Center:
• 816-235-6133
• www.umkc.edu/studenthealth
• UMKC Counseling Center:
• 816-235-1635
• http://www.umkc.edu/counselingcenter
• UMKC Women’s Center:
• 816-235-1638
• http://www.umkc.edu/womenc
Community Resources
• Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault
• 816-931-4527, www.mocsa.org
• 24-Hour Crisis Lines:
• 816-531-0233 (MO) and 913-642-0233 (KS)
• Also has counseling and sexual assault advocacy
• Medical Care
• St. Luke’s, Plaza Hospital: 816-932-2000 (24 hours)
• Truman Medical Center, Hospital Hill: 816-404-1000
(24 hours)
• Police: 911
National Resources
• National Sexual Violence Resources Center
– www.nsvrc.org
• The National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence
– www.ncdsv.org
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
– www.rainn.org
• The Family Violence Prevention Fund
– www.endabuse.org
Helping a Friend
• If a friend tells you they have been
assaulted:
– Believe them – people rarely lie about
being assaulted
– Listen and try to understand their
feelings; do not judge, be patient and
sensitive
– Ask how you can help; offer them
shelter and company; offer to
accompany them to the police,
hospital, counseling, etc.
– Remind them that the assault is not
their fault, and avoid questions that
imply it was their fault (e.g., why did
you go to his room, what were you
wearing, why didn’t you scream, etc.)
– Empower them and help them regain
control by letting them decide what to
do
Take-Home Message
Sexual assault is not 100% preventable
BUT
there is a lot you can do to minimize your risk
of being assaulted or committing an assault
QUIZ!
• A sexual assault may have
occurred when:
– Someone doesn’t want to
perform oral sex but their date
pressures them until they do
– A professor gets their student
to touch them intimately in
return for better grades
– A person does not want to have
sex with their spouse but is
afraid to say no because the
spouse has been abusive in the
past
– Someone has sex with another
person who is clearly very
drunk
– All of the above
QUIZ!
• A sexual assault may have
occurred when:
– Someone doesn’t want to
perform oral sex but their date
pressures them until they do
– A professor gets their student
to touch them intimately in
return for better grades
– A person does not want to have
sex with their spouse but is
afraid to say no because the
spouse has been abusive in the
past
– Someone has sex with another
person who is clearly very
drunk
– All of the above
QUIZ!
• All of the following are ways that alcohol can increase the likelihood of a
sexual assault EXCEPT:
– It can be used intentionally as a date-rape drug
– It can cause inability to control sexual and violent impulses
– Alcohol can impair a potential perpetrator’s ability to accurately read a partner’s
sexual cues
– Alcohol can make it difficult for a potential victim to recognize and respond to signs
of danger
QUIZ!
• All of the following are ways that alcohol can increase the likelihood of a
sexual assault EXCEPT:
– It can be used intentionally as a date-rape drug
– It can cause inability to control sexual and violent impulses
– Alcohol can impair a potential perpetrator’s ability to accurately read a partner’s
sexual cues
– Alcohol can make it difficult for a potential victim to recognize and respond to signs
of danger
QUIZ!
• You can ensure that you
have your partner’s
consent for a sexual
activity by:
– Proceeding until they tell
you that they want to stop
– Asking if they are willing to
participate in a particular
sexual activity
– Assuming that because
they’ve done that activity
with you before, they’re
willing to do it again
– Reading their non-verbal
cues
QUIZ!
• You can ensure that you
have your partner’s
consent for a sexual
activity by:
– Proceeding until they tell
you that they want to stop
– Asking if they are willing to
participate in a particular
sexual activity
– Assuming that because
they’ve done that activity
with you before, they’re
willing to do it again
– Reading their non-verbal
cues
QUIZ!
• You can reduce your risk of
being sexually assaulted by:
– Limiting your use of alcohol
and other drugs at parties
and on dates
– Deciding in advance how far
you are willing to go with a
partner
– Dating in public places and
planning what you will do if
you begin to feel unsafe
– Clearly communicating your
sexual expectations and limits
with your partner
– All of the above
QUIZ!
• You can reduce your risk of
being sexually assaulted by:
– Limiting your use of alcohol
and other drugs at parties
and on dates
– Deciding in advance how far
you are willing to go with a
partner
– Dating in public places and
planning what you will do if
you begin to feel unsafe
– Clearly communicating your
sexual expectations and limits
with your partner
– All of the above
QUIZ!
• All of the following are
healthy ways to cope if
you are sexually
assaulted EXCEPT:
– Moving on with your life
as if the assault never
happened
– Talking to friends, family,
or a counselor
– Journaling
– Exercise
QUIZ!
• All of the following are
healthy ways to cope if
you are sexually
assaulted EXCEPT:
– Moving on with your life
as if the assault never
happened
– Talking to friends, family,
or a counselor
– Journaling
– Exercise
QUIZ!
• What strategies or ideas from this program will you
remember and use in your own life?
References
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Brooks-Harris, J. E. & Quemuel, C. A. (1998). Should we talk before we touch? A sexual
assault prevention workshop for men and women. Retrieved June 26, 2009 from
http://ccvillage.buffalo.edu/wc.html
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2008). Sexual violence: Facts at a glance.
Retrieved June 26, 2009 from http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/dvp/SV/SVDataSheet.pdf
Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault (2007). MOCSA services
[Brochure]. Kansas City, MO: Author.
Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault (2008). Professional sexual assault
overview. Presented at the UMKC Counseling Center, Kansas City, MO.
Missouri Partners in Prevention (n.d.). Women & Alcohol [Brochure]. Columbia, MO:
Author.
Möller, Gabriella (1998). Five smart steps to dating safely [Brochure]. ETR Associates.
UMKC Women’s Center. (n.d.). UMKC violence prevention and response [Brochure].
Kansas City, MO: Author.
U.S. Department of Justice. (2007). 2007 National Crime Victimization Survey. Retrieved
June 25, 2009 from http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/cv07.pdf