Transcript Healthy Relationships and Family Formation for

Grandparents Raising
Grandchildren
Jennifer L. Baker, Psy.D.
Anne B. Summers, Ph.D.
Debbi Steinmann, M.A.
The Training for the
Healthy Marriage
and Family
Formation
curriculum was
created through
the cooperative
efforts of:
Training Instructor / Mentors
Melissa A. Gibson, M.S.
Kim Rozell, M.A.
Graduate Assistants
Brent Anderson, M.S.
Matthew Biller, M.A.
Cate Brandon, M.A.
Tabitha Carlson, M.S.
Dawn Clinard, M.A.
Jessie Clinton, M.S.
Anup Jonathan
Tony Larson, B.A.
Nicole Mannis, M.A.
Robert Mindrup, M.S.S.W.
Colleen Quinn, Ph.D.
Amber Schafner, M.A.
Amanda Schroeder, B.S.
Who are the
Grandparents
Raising
Grandchildren?
• Biological grandparents
• Step-grandparent family
• Single biological
grandparent
• Unrelated persons
Grandparents
Raising
Grandchildren
National
Statistics
• 4.5 million children are
living in grandparentheaded households.
• 1.5 million children in the
U.S. are living in homes
headed by other relatives.
Grandparents
Raising
Grandchildren
in Missouri
• 77, 857 children are living
in grandparent-headed
households (5.5% of all
the children in the state).
• 18,555 children are living
in households headed by
other relatives (1.3% of all
the children in the state).
Local Statistics
To access statistics, log on to:
http://factfinder.census.gov
Additional data on grandparents and
grandchildren is available at:
http://www.aecf.org/kidscount/
Factors Unique to Custodial
Grandparents
• Grandparents have a parental role with both
their own children and with the grandchildren.
• A biological parent may or may not be in the
home.
• The grandparents become parents because of
the emotional and/or physical loss of one or
both biological parents.
• The grandparent/grandchild relationship may or
may not consist of a legal relationship.
Reasons Parents Cannot
Provide Care:
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•
•
•
•
Divorce
Substance abuse
Teenage parenthood
Family violence
Child abuse and
neglect
• Parental military
service
• Poverty
•
•
•
•
•
•
Mental health issues
Financial difficulties
Physical health issues
Crime & incarceration
Terminal illness or death
Rapid rise of single
parent households
• Parental abandonment
A Grandparent’s
Adjustment
Possible reactions
include:
• Anger & resentment
• Disappointment
• Sadness for the
grandchildren
• Feeling isolated from
friends
• Depression
Challenges
• Change in expectations
• Usually an unplanned
parenthood
• Change in social roles/social
groups
• Lack of social support
• Financial issues
• Housing concerns
Challenges
• Emotional issues
& depression
• Generational
differences
• Uncertainty about
how to help their
children &
grandchildren
• Resentment from
other children &
grandchildren
Challenges
•
•
•
•
Physical and emotional exhaustion
Increased health problems
Legal relationship with grandchildren
Dual relationships with their children
and grandchildren
• Interference with marital relationship
Issues for Healthy Marriage as
Grandparents Raise
Grandchildren
• Spouses do not always agree on how to handle
their situation.
• Conflict between grandparents, their adult
children, and the grandchildren can be
especially difficult.
• Guilt and blame associated with the question,
“Why were we not able to raise our child(ren)
successfully?”
• One of the grandparents may be a stepgrandparent and have little investment in
raising step-grandchildren.
Unexpected Strains on
Marriage
• How to raise
children
• Jealousy
• Marital conflicts
regarding setting
limits
• Barriers to privacy
and sexual
intimacy
• Financial, physical and
emotional strains
• Readjusting priorities
• Decreased time for
oneself and spouse
• Disruption in
relationships with other
children, extended family
members, and friends
Strengths
Grandparents
Bring to Their
Grandchildren
• Accumulated wisdom from
living experiences
• Maturity
• Family history and roots
• An attachment figure for
the grandchildren
• Positive identity and
family continuity
• Communication of
unconditional love
• A sense of security
Potential Rewards for
Grandparents
• An unexpected source of purpose and meaning.
• Seeing the grandchild(ren) grow and develop.
• Participating in the grandchild(ren)’s activities.
• Being the recipient of the grandchild(ren)’s love.
• Increased influence over the fate of grandchildren.
• Having a second chance to be a parent.
• Being involved in community activities related to
children.
Potential
Rewards for
Grandparents
• Observing and sharing in
the different perspectives
that children bring to
relationships.
• Sharing in the laughter and
humor of their
grandchildren.
• Rejoicing in the optimism
of children.
Potential
Rewards for
Grandparents
• An opportunity to
experience self-renewal
through grandchildren.
• Seeing grandchildren
develop self-confidence,
self-identity, self-respect,
and self-esteem.
• Adding new social
networks to their lives.
What May
Help
Grandparents
Raising
Grandchildren
• Educational Support
Services
• Emotional Support
Services
• Support from School
Districts or Head Start
• Financial Support Services
What May
Help
Grandparents
Raising
Grandchildren
• Legal Advocacy Service
• Housing Support Service
• Public Awareness
Campaign
• Routine monitoring of their
physical and psychological
well-being by professionals
Maintaining a Healthy
Marriage While Raising
Grandchildren
• Keep communication channels open by
talking to each other often.
• Create special and protected time together.
• Create time-outs for each other.
• Present a united front to your
grandchildren and adult children.
• Keep issues in perspective by maintaining
a sense of humor.
Coping Skills
for
Grandparents
• Listen to your other grown
children.
• Don’t forget about your
other grandchildren.
• Consider instituting family
meetings.
• Consider counseling.
• Find emotional support.
• Make your own decisions.
• Foundation for Grandparenting:
http://www.grandparenting.org
• Grandparents and More:
http://www.grandparentsandmore.com
Websites
• Grandparents Resource Center:
http://grc4usa.org
• Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
and Grief:
http://parentingtoolbox.com/gp.html
•American Association for Retired
Persons: http//www.aarp.org
Websites
AARP also publishes GIC Voice
Newsletter, a free quarterly newsletter
for grandparents who are raising
grandchildren. To subscribe go to:
http://www.giclocalsupport.org/pages/
gic_newsletter_subscribe.cfm
Questions