Residential Leader Training 2014

Wright Centre

Counselling Service Student Support UNE 6773 2897

http://www.une.edu.au/current-students/support/student-support

Where are we?

West Wing - TC Lamble building Book appointments on 6773-2897 Student Support

Overview

1. Counselling Service 2. Looking after your own mental health 3. Styles of interpersonal behaviour 4. Dealing with sensitive issues 5. Mental health concerns

1.

Counselling?!?!

Tell someone who cares!

 Why have counselling available at universities?

 Myths about counselling?

Counselling Service

• What does a counselling session actually involve?

• Who sees (should see?) a counsellor and why?

Mission or Aims

• • • • Encourage “appropriate” help-seeking – for students to be active rather than passive in their learning Strength/skill-building model Not do for the student what they can do for themselves Referral within and outside UNE – eg UNE Medical Centre, Student Administration (Student Central), Psychology Clinic, Services UNE (UNE Life), Unit coordinator, Centrelink

Challenges students face

•

Developmental

•

Financial

•

Life balance

•

Academic

Academic business cycle

• • • • • • Homesickness, social/relationships, finances, accommodation, engagement and retention Time/self-management, stress, self-doubt, avoidance/procrastination Depression, anxiety, mental health concerns Over-due work, exam anxiety, extensions of time, “special” exams, study skills Alcohol and other drugs, sexual harassment /assault Retention issues – risk of failing, “Show Cause”

2. Looking After Your Own Mental Health - Overview

• Identify the skills and attributes you bring to the role • Be clear about your role as a Peer Leader • Self-care when helping others • Know when and how to seek help for yourself

Your skills and attributes?

• • • • • • • • • • • • Approachability Empathy Listening Skills Assertiveness Understanding of Boundary Issues (e.g. dual roles / relationships) Responsibility Leadership Problem Solving / Organisational Skills Ethics Patience Balance Non judgement (of the person vs. behaviour)

Peers as Leaders

• Mentors • Model ethical behaviour •

Ethical bystanders

person.

are individuals whose behaviours intervene in ways that impact on ‘the event’ and its outcome positively. They take some action, but they are mindful of caring for themselves, as well as the impact on the other Carmody, (2009); Sex & Ethics: the sexual ethics education program for young people, Macmillan, Melbourne

Peer Leadership cont’

What does an RF who is proactive and preventative look like?

• Put strategies in place early in the year For example, with alcohol and other drugs your role is to: – – – – – promote harm minimisation model safe partying – Student Alcohol Policy be an ethical bystander promote only safe and ethical sex refer to/ consult with Student Support

Peer Leadership cont’

• What is “buying into a crisis”?

• What does an RL buying into a crisis look like?

The TA Drama Triangle

Persecutor Reality

Act in own interests.

Characteristics of Persecutors

Others suffer on account of their behaviour.

Rescuer Reality

Concern for victim.

Characteristics of Rescuers

Take over the thinking and problem solving. Do more than their share. Do things they do not want to do.

Discounts

The victim cannot solve his/her problem.

Discounts

The victim doesn’t matter (Retaliatory mode) I can’t be OK unless you get punished.

Persecutor Rescuer Victim Victim Reality

Suffering or potentially suffering

Characteristics of Victims

Act as if they do not have the resources to solve their problem (or someone else has to change for them to be happy). Act as if their neediness is so acute it prevents them from solving problems (do not think and feel at the same time). Do not use Adult ego state for thinking and problem solving.

Discount

I can’t solve this.

The TA Winner’s Triangle

Assertive Reality

Act in own interests

Characteristics of Assertive People

Ask for what they want. Say no to what they don’t want. Give feedback and initiate negotiation. Make changes in order to get their needs met. Do not punish. Problem solving.

Skill

Assertion skills.

Assertiveness Vulnerable Vulnerable Reality

Suffering or potentially suffering.

Characteristics of Vulnerable People

Use Adult ago state for thinking and problem solving. Awareness – use their feelings as data for problem solving.

Skill

Problem solving. Self-awareness.

Caring Reality

Concern for vulnerable people

Characteristics of Caring People

Do not do the thinking. Do not take over unless asked (and they want to). Do not do more than their share. Do not do things they do not want to do.

Skill

Listening skills. Self-awareness.

Caring

      • • •  What does burn-out look like?

Any under or over-reacting? Inconsistency? Favoritism?

Peer pressure?

Being all things to all people?

What does self-care look like?

Notice what is going on for you Vicarious trauma? → Debrief Identify when you are “buying into crisis” Set and know your limits/boundaries and role limits Have healthy outlets – seek balance Know what hat you are wearing – avoid conflicts of interest – Friend or RF? Consultation and referral!!!!!!

3. Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour Overview

• Assertiveness model • Responding vs Reacting – TA ego states model

Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour

• • • •

Passive Style

People are behaving passively when they let others push them around, when they don’t stand up for themselves, and when the do what they are told regardless of how they feel about it.

The advantage of being passive is that you rarely experience direct rejection The disadvantage is that you are taken advantage of and you store up a heavy burden of resentment and anger.

Think of a passive Simpsons character.

Scenario

Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would a passive Julia respond?

The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus.

Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would a passive Julia do?

Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour

• • • •

Aggressive Style

Typical examples of aggressive behaviour are fighting, accusing, threatening and generally stepping on people without regard for their feelings.

The advantage of this kind of behaviour is that people do not push you around.

The disadvantage is that people do not want to be around you.

Think of an aggressive Simpsons character.

Scenario

Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would an aggressive Julia respond?

The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus.

Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would an aggressive Julia do?

Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour

• • •

Passive-Aggressive Style

Sometimes I satisfy your concerns at the expense of my own.

Sometimes I satisfy my concerns at the expense of yours.

• • • Example: being the ‘martyr’; sulking, complaining, aggressive indecision, selective forgetting, blocking Advantage: they avoid confronting the issue and then take ‘revenge’ or ‘punish’ the other. Disadvantage: they store up a heavy burden of resentment and anger.

Think of a passive-aggressive Simpsons character.

Scenario

Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would a passive-aggressive Julia respond?

The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus.

Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would a passive-aggressive Julia do?

Styles of Interpersonal Behaviour

• • • Assertive Style People are behaving assertively when they stand up for themselves, express their true feelings and do not let others take advantage of them. At the same time they are considerate of others feelings. Meekness and withdrawal, attack and blame are no longer needed with the mastery of assertive behaviour.

The advantage of being assertive is that you can get what you want, usually without making others angry. If you are assertive, you can act in your own best interest, and not feel guilty or wrong about it.

Think of an assertive Simpsons Character.

• • • • •

Elements of Responsible Assertion

Respect for others and self Respectful communication is a key concept of assertive behaviour. Treating others with respect is different to defence. When we respect someone we honour their basic human rights without accepting what they think and do unquestioningly.

Some people equate respect with agreement, and disrespect with lack of agreement. However, it is possible to show respect for someone at the same time as you express a different opinion or idea.

Responsible assertive behaviour often involves balancing respect for others with self respect i.e valuing your own thoughts, ideas, beliefs etc. as well as valuing others.

An example of this behaviour is asking for help if you need it, instead of assuming other people’s needs are more important than your own. At the same time, you can respect the other person’s right to refuse your request.

Elements of Responsible Assertion

• Directness • Assertive behaviour communicates feelings, beliefs and needs directly and clearly while non-assertion and aggression are indirect forms of communication.

Elements of Responsible Assertion

• Honesty • Assertive behaviour means expressing yourself in ways that accurately represent your feelings, opinions, preferences without putting down yourself or others in the process. Assertive honesty is always balanced by appropriateness.

Non-Assertive communication

• • Hinting One of the best examples of indirectness is hinting e.g. yawning when friends stay longer than you want them to.

• Expecting others to mind-read merely makes us frustrated and others confused.

Non-Assertive communication

• Aggressive indecision • Many people think that aggressive messages are direct because the other person ‘gets the message’; however the message the receiver usually gets is that he is stupid or not OK in some other way. The receiver may then get stuck on this message and never work out what the aggressor wants.

Appropriateness

When a statement is inappropriate in its content, it may appear aggressive or simply lower the effectiveness of the communication.

• • • • • Location Timing Firmness Our relationship with the other person Using assertive ‘I want’ or ‘I feel’ statements too frequently can give the impression that you are only interested in what you want and that you are insensitive to others. Going overboard with any type of assertive communication may alienate others, so it is important to use these types of statements with discrimination.

WHY SOME PEOPLE ARE NON ASSERTIVE?

• Mistaken Traditional Assumptions • • • • It is selfish to put your needs before others’ needs.

You should always try to accommodate others. If you don’t they won’t be there when you need them.

It’s always good policy to stay on people’s good side.

Things could get even worse, don’t rock the boat.

Your Legitimate Rights

• • • • I have a right to have and state own opinions and convictions in a respectful way.

I have a right to question unfair treatment or criticism.

I have a right to say “no” to requests if they are unreasonable or compromise my own needs and priorities.

I have a right to choose not to respond to a situation or to ask for time to consider.

Tips for Assertive Communication

• Maintain eye contact – but not a fixed stare.

• Watch your body posture – face the person, turn your body towards them, sit or stand up straight.

• Make your facial expression match what you are saying.

• Speak in a calm voice at medium volume.

• Stay centered and remember the centering breath.

• Think assertively. Be positive with yourself.

• Show respect for the other person.

• Be specific – focus on the person’s behaviour or on what you need them to do.

• Be clear about your goals • Be honest in the expression of your thoughts and feelings.

• Ask for time to think if necessary.

• Make your message clear. Don’t confuse it by adding unnecessary ‘padding’ or apologies.

• Use “I” statements . For example “I’m angry about what you said” rather than “you’re no good.”

• Choose an appropriate time to communicate with the other person. If you are ready this may be when the situation occurs, but take time to go away and think if you need to. In some cases it may be appropriate to wait until the other person is alone.

• Listen to the other person’s point of view and let them know you have heard. Reflect their thoughts, feelings, assumptions. Seek clarity.

• Be prepared to compromise so that both parties can be accommodated.

• Escalate your assertion when having to persist. Don’t start off in an escalated way. Repeat vs justifying

Scenario

Since Julia became a resident fellow she has noticed some disturbing things. First of all she noticed that Pham, a shy 18 year old from Vietnam, was being victimised. She heard students holding their noses when they walked past Pham whilst telling him that he should go back to Vietnam. Pham retaliates and puts a virus on the college computers. Pham is sorry that he did this and goes to Julia for help. How would an assertive Julia respond?

The students are furious that their computer and files have been corrupted by the virus. They therefore start to both verbally and physically abuse other Vietnamese students on campus.

Julia is very concerned about this escalating situation. What would an assertive Julia do?

Responding or reacting?

Ego State Behaviours

How we think, feel and behave towards other people

AND STRUCTURING PARENT

Gives rules and firm guidelines. Tells what to do and how to do something well and successfully. AFIRMS HUMAN/SELF WORTH towards ourselves.

NURTURING PARENT

Caring, supportive, loving, gives permission to succeed. Affirms strengths. AFFIRMS HUMAN/SELF WORTH

CRITICAL PARENT

Ridicules, tears down, harsh rules, “You should”, “You ought”, “You never” NEGATES HUMAN /SELF WORTH

MARSHMALLOW PARENT

Over protects, smothers, lets others or self off the hook.

NEGATES HUMAN/SELF WORTH BY NOT ENCOURAGING CAPABILITY

ADULT

The problem solving part of you that takes information from the outside world plus internal thoughts and feelings and works things out without interference from the Parent and Child

FREE CHILD

Spontaneous, fun loving, affectionate, creative, curious. Feels and expresses a range of emotions appropriate to here and now situations.

ADAPTED CHILD

1. Rebellious: Defensive, rebellious against Parental messages. Obstinate and self destructive.

2. Conforming: Pleases others and not self. Often feels scared, helpless and defeated. Unaware of own needs and won’t get them met.

Scenario

Karlee is a fresher on your block who is very outgoing and is partying more often than not in those first few weeks of term 1. She has started to miss some classes due to sleeping in – usually due to recovering from a night of drinking. Some nights Karlee’s friends manage to get her to bed with no major dramas, but on other nights Karlee is being very loud, is crying and tripping over herself, or is being argumentative. Karlee’s friends are often asking for your assistance, saying they’ve had enough. Karlee has also found you to be very approachable, such that when she stumbles into the college late in the evening, she is knocking on your door, being flirtatious, and/or falling onto your floor clearly intoxicated.

• • • • • • • • • • • •

4.Dealing With Sensitive/Difficult Issues

What will be or are the “sensitive” issues?

Personal hygiene Alcohol and other drugs Poor interpersonal skills Sexual harassment Sexist, racist, homophobic behaviour Reckless/risky behaviour Abusive behaviour – in or out of relationships Online behaviour At risk of failing– poor attendance, late work, disruptive Dress sense?

“Whingers”? “Complainers”? “Agitators”?

Risk of harm to self or other(s)

Continuum of issues

• No statement of needs → Sense of entitlement • Alienate self → Are alienated (or are alienating!) • No help-seeking → people Involvement of too many

Before the Conversation Starting the Conversation Tailoring your approach to their position.

Tips to Approaching Difficult Topics

Flag the need for a conversation about how they’re going Ask them to suggest a time Choose an appropriate location (privacy issues) Clarify your role and limits to confidentiality If defensive?

Normalize occasional lapses (if appropriate).Minimize the sense of stigma. Be supportive, not punitive. Establish the topic If in denial?

Focus on the behaviour not the person, try and approach from what you’ve observed (not others’ opinions). Stick to your guns. Get a sense of where they are with the issue: Defensive? In denial? Oblivious? If oblivious? Work to encourage understanding of the issue and its consequences. During the Conversation Suggesting Strategies Communicate concern and positive regard. Be non-specific when mentioning others’ opinions. Work from a collaborative approach – suggest rather than dictate. Encourage them to speak and ask open-ended questions. Don’t be too quick to rush in with solutions .

Try and get them to make a specific commitment - the more precise the better. Gently encourage an understanding of the consequences. Refer to those who are best suited to manage the issue. College Head, GP, counsellor, ASO etc.

Useful Questions??

• • • • • • • • • How are you? How are you finding college so far? What’s been the hardest thing for you? Has this ever happened before? Would you agree with that? What helps you to cope with this? How did you cope with it before? Can you think of anything that might help you manage this? What can we do to help you fix this?

Scenario

George is a new student at college. He is popular and has already built up a large network of friends within the college. George has placed a number of sexually provocative pictures of women on his wall and door. He also plays porn movies on his computer as a joke and has this running when other residents drop in to see him. He and his friends have now taken to mimicking some of the voices and dialogue from the movies in the dining room and at parties. As a joke, George has also cut up photographs and stuck the heads of female residents on the bodies of the provocative pictures. Some students have reported that the pictures make them uncomfortable. You also become aware that some students don’t share the same level of amusement that George and his friends do about the movies.

5. Mental Health Problems Overview

• How to detect and help with some common mental health issues • When and how to refer people to counselling • When confidentiality counts and when it must be broken – duty of care?

State of Student Mental Health?

Recognition that symptoms of depression and anxiety (& other mental health issues) are genuine concerns for students • • • • • • Of 1 in 5 Aust. with mental health disorder, 26% are 16-24 Stallman (2008) found % of uni students reporting high or very high levels of distress was twice that of general population (26.6% vs 12.6%) with ?

Stallman and Shochet (2009) noted higher levels of distress in 2 nd semester and more lost or “disability” days This study also found more students reported very high levels of distress than the general population (8.9% vs 2.2%) Stallman, H. M. (2008). Prevalence of mental health problems in a university health service sample. Australian Family Physician, 37, 673–677.

Stallman, Helen Margaret and Shochet, Ian (2009) 'Prevalence of mental health problems in Australian university health services', Australian Psychologist, 44: 2, 122 — 127

Non-coping indicators ?

• • • • • • • • • extreme procrastination and/or poorly prepared work infrequent class attendance inability to concentrate lack of energy falling asleep in class or at work disturbing material in academic work changes in personal hygiene impaired speech or disjointed thoughts increased irritability, anger, or restlessness

Non-coping indicators cont’

• • • • • • • social withdrawal, isolation feelings of helplessness or hopelessness increased anxiousness, panic, or persistent worrying hyperactivity or very rapid speech dramatic weight loss or gain strange or bizarre behaviour threatens, talks about or hints at doing harm to self or others

• • • • • • • •

When making a referral

Clarification of your role and its limits Clarification of role of person/service you are referring to Treat student with honesty and respect Focus on positives of appropriate help-seeking It’s a strength – not a weakness to seek help (knowing one’s limitations is a strength) Challenge the myths, misconceptions, etc (eg “I will be judged”; “People will think I’m crazy”) “Normalise” what the student is experiencing (eg statistics, what other students report/need, what has been put in place for others) Counselling is voluntary (unless mandated to attend as part of Student Disciplinary action)

Making a referral cont’

• Explain how and why you are concerned and suggesting a referral – Not a punitive exercise – Student’s interests paramount – – State what you are noticing re: feelings, behaviours, thoughts Explore possible consequences for student and inform them – – – At risk of failing (non-attendance, overdue work, disruptive behaviour)?

At risk of student misconduct?

At risk of harm (immediate, ongoing, to others)?

Making a referral cont’

• • • • • Option of you escorting person to referred service or providing letter of referral (eg international student) Use of own car?? Or what does your residence have in place?

Option of student having a support person with them Option of student having informal discussion with counsellor about what we do (before even talks about self – i.e. put toe in water) Information about our service on the web

When confidentiality counts and when it must be broken

• Immediate?

risk of harm to self.

• Immediate?

risk of harm to others • Harm might be self-inflicted • Harm might be inflicted by or on another • Is it your role to assess risk?

What are the limits of your confidentiality? What does this mean?

What’s your Duty of Care?

Do students know what you must do?

• Suicide Safe Talk – Do you ask if a student has thoughts of suicide / self harm?

– – – – – Do you assess for immediate risk of harm? A suicide plan?

Do you disclose to Head / SRF in any case? What if person agrees to safety plan or self-care? What if they don’t?

What happens if person does agree to a referral?

What happens if person does not agree to a referral?

Are you bound to disclose? Does the student know this?

• • • • • • •

Situations you might encounter

Suicide / self-harm risk?

Sexual assault? Drink-driving?

Drug-use?

Damage to property?

Illegal activity?

Cyber-bullying? Cyber-attack?

• • Collusion? Becoming complicit? Keeping secrets? Is ignorance a form of defence? (Avoiding cans of worms? Blind eye?)

Scenario

Cherry, when tired or intoxicated, will often disclose information about a difficult past to fellow students. Students are coming to you concerned about Cherry’s wellbeing – especially as they have noticed cuts on Cherry’s arms and legs. Cherry has also told various students that she does not want to live – sometimes disclosing this on Facebook, in text messages, notes, poems, or in conversation. The students are spending more and more time with Cherry and are approaching you for guidance.

What do you do?

In summary - What are your challenges?

• • • • • • Enabling, rescuing, abusing, overlooking, downplaying, reacting Student doesn’t see a problem – denial Passivity or aggression from students Limits – confidentiality, work within policies, equity, costs, time, formal vs informal processes or procedures (eg if disclosure made vs no disclosure) Educating student, others, self To maintain ethical and professional behaviour

Useful numbers – 6773 2897

• • • • • • • • National Ambulance 000 or 131233 Police 000 Lifeline (24 hrs) 131114 Suicide Prevention & Crisis Intervention (24hrs) 1300 363 622 Kids Help Line (if under 25yrs old) on 1800 55 1800 or online at http://www.kidshelp.com.au

Salvo Crisis Line (suicide prevention) on (02) 9331 2000 or Salvo Care Line on 02 9331 6000 Grief Support (24 hr assistance) on (02) 9489 6644 or 1800 642 066 Alcohol and Drug Information Service (24 hour assistance) on (02) 9361 8000 • • • • • • • Domestic Violence Crisis Line (emergency accommodation, crisis counselling, & referral) on 1800 656 463 National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service. Also available online. 1800 737 732 or 1800RESPECT • NSW NSW Rape Crisis Centre 1800 424 017 • NSW Mental Health Line 24 hr service (to connect you with the right care) 1800 011 511 Armidale Call 000 for Emergencies Armidale Police Station (02) 6771 0699 Armidale Sexual Assault Service UNE Safety & Security (24hrs) (02) 6776 9655 (BH) (02) 6776 9500 (AH) (02) 6773 2099 Armidale Hospital 24 hr Accident & Emergency (02) 6776 9622

Thank you for your participation

All the best in your student leadership roles.