Transcript Style - Ferdowsi University of Mashhad

Style in Scientific Writing
Arash Etemadi, MD PhD
Department of Epidemiology and Biostatistics,
Tehran University of Medical Sciences
What is style?
• Communication is an attempt to sell someone else our
ideas
• Style in writing is all about choice of how this is done
• Every writer has available resources of a full language
• English has particularly large choice of words and
structures
• Style is a choice of these that covers balance, emphasis
and tone
• No such thing as a “correct” style
• Each writer selects arrangement of words to best
express intended meaning and obtain desired response
from readers
Is there a “correct” style?
Example
• The door is not to be opened during a session
because the delegates may escape
• Do not open the doors during a session; the
delegates may escape
• On no account should the doors be opened
during a session, or the delegates may escape
• The delegates may escape: do not open the
doors during a session
Good writing
• Good writing is not just about a consistent
choice from one side of these oppositions
• The best writing has variety and flexibility
• Medical writers use formal, third-person,
passive, impersonal constructions: the
“dull dog”
Two important principles
• Clarity
• Brevity
Clarity
• Write with a design
• Avoid eccentricities of language
• Use simple, short sentences
• Put message at start of sentence
• Maintain unity of thought in sentences and
paragraphs
• Keep paragraphs short
Punctuation is powerful
• An English professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing“
on the chalkboard and asked his students
to punctuate it correctly..
• All of the males in the class wrote :
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
• All the females in the class wrote :
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Effective Paragraphs
• Length
– 100 to 400 words
• Development
– Unity
– Coherence
– Completeness
• Function
–
–
–
–
Introduction
Transition
Emphasis
Conclusion
You can say a lot in 70 words
1974 by Tim Browse, London, UK
The solicitor stood up.
"So you won't pay the outstanding council tax?"
"No." said the old man, standing calmly in the
dock.
"Why not? You think you're special?"
"No. But I don't see why I should have to pay for
my wife, too."
The solicitor smiled, and leaned forward.
"That's the way it works. Why shouldn't you pay
like everyone else?"
The old man paused.
"Because she died in 1974."
‫’‪1. Match your content to your readers‬‬
‫‪knowledge.‬‬
‫ً‬
‫”‪ HOMA‬اساسا مدلي از گروه مدلهاي پارادايمي است (‪ .)75‬چنين‬
‫مدلهايي (برخالف مدلهاي حداقلي) مدلهايي با پاية‬
‫ُ‬
‫فيزيولوژيكاند كه پاسخهاي آنها بر اساس نرم جمعيت تنظيم‬
‫شده است‪“.‬‬
2. Keep information specific rather than
general.
3. Write in plain language. Keep your
sentences short.
4. Use tables, diagrams, flowcharts and
graphs.
• Keep your sentences short and simple (an average of 20
words, or so)
• Use the active not the passive ("We did" rather than "It
was done")
• Be positive rather than negative (He was "usually late"
rather than "not often on time")
• Prefer simple words ("about" rather than
"approximately," "raised" rather than "elevated")
• Avoid needless words ("absolute perfection" is too much;
"perfection" will do).
Some tips for writers
•
•
•
•
Write paper first, do research later
Ask an enemy to comment on the paper
Ask a 14 year old to read the paper
Try to win the Nobel prize for science, not for
literature
• Learn from journalists
• Improve writing skills
• Keep it simple
Help!
• This was the first sentence of a recent scientific
article in the Journal of Clinical Oncology
(Introduction section):
• “Adoptive cell transfer (ACT) immunotherapy is
based on the ex vivo selection of tumor-reactive
lymphocytes, and their activation and numerical
expression before reinfusion to the autologous
tumor-bearing host.”
• Aaaccckkkk!!!!! That sentence does not make
me want to read on…
“GET TO THE POINT!”
“Now if you will all give me your attention… I’ll
try to give you a complete overview… A
complex situation such as this one has many
subtle layers of meaning… Furthermore we
need to examine the juxtaposition of forms…
while delving deeper into interpretive
understanding of each … but let me digress a
moment…
beetle bailey Mort Walker
Good writing style
• Spend time acquiring a good, readable
style of writing
• Be clear and concise
• Avoid using too many long sentences
• When you have the choice of two words,
use the simpler one
• Avoid using colloquial language (are you
sure you know the culture?)
Do NOT
• Use big words that you do not really
mean
– Attributable
– Causality
– Preferential
– Significant (without statistical evidence)
– Validity
• Mix incidence and prevalence
• Mix frequency, rate, proportion, ratio
Writing Good Sentences
• Use the correct tense- present means it is
true while past means it is true under a
specific set of circumstances
• Do not switch tenses frequently
Writing methods:
verb tenses
Report methods in past tense (“we measured”),
But use present tense to describe how data are
presented in the paper (“data are summarized as
means  SD”)
Writing Results: tense
Use past tense, except to talk about how data are
presented in the paper.
e.g.:
We found that…
Women were more likely to…
Men smoked more cigarettes than…
BUT:
Figure 1 shows…
Table 1 displays…
The data suggest
The Scientific Manuscript
Writing Results: tense
FROM:
Jarvis et al. Prevalence of hardcore smoking in England, and associated
attitudes and beliefs: cross sectional study BMJ 2003;326:1061 (17 May)
Example:
Information was available for 7766 current cigarette smokers. Of these, 1216 (16%) were
classified as hardcore smokers. Table 1 gives characteristics of all the smokers. The
most striking difference was that hardcore smokers were about 10 years older on
average and tended to be more dependent on tobacco. Significantly more hardcore
smokers had manual occupations, lived in rented accommodation, and had completed
their full time education by the age of 16 years. There was no difference by sex.
The Discussion: verb tense
Verb Tenses (active!):
Past, when referring to study details, results, analyses,
and background research:
• We found that
• They lost more weight than
• Subjects may have experienced
• Miller et al. found
Present, when talking about what the data suggest …
The greater weight loss suggests
The explanation for this difference is not clear.
Potential explanations include
• Avoid long strings of adjectives
• Avoid long strings of nouns
Overview of principles…
Today’s lessons:
Words:
• 1. Reduce dead weight words and phrases
• 2. Cut, cut, cut; learn to part with your words
Sentences:
• 3. Follow: subject + verb + object (SVO)
• 4. Use strong verbs and avoid turning verbs into
nouns
• 5. Eliminate negatives; use positive
constructions instead
• 6. Use parallel Construction
Principles of Effective Writing
Words
• 1. Reduce dead weight words and phrases
• Get rid of jargon and repetition
Principles of Effective Writing
Examples:
“The expected prevalence of mental retardation,
based on the assumption of a normal
distribution of intelligence in the population, is
stated to be theoretically about 2.5%.”
Principles of Effective Writing
Examples:
“The expected prevalence of mental retardation,
based on the assumption of a normal
distribution of intelligence in the population, is
stated to be theoretically about 2.5%.”
Principles of Effective Writing
Examples:
“The expected prevalence of mental retardation,
based on the assumption of a normal
distribution of intelligence in the population, is
stated to be theoretically about 2.5%.

“The expected prevalence of mental retardation, if
intelligence is normally distributed, is 2.5%.”
Principles of Effective Writing
•
•
•
•
•
Clunky phrase
Equivalent
A majority of
A number of
Are of the same opinion
At the present moment
Less frequently occurring
most
many
agree
now
rare
Principles of Effective Writing
Beware of
Use instead
• With the possible exception of
• Due to the fact that
• For the purpose of
except
because
for
Principles of Effective Writing
• 2. Cut, cut, cut; learn to part with your
words
Principles of Effective Writing
Example:
“Brain injury incidence shows two peak
periods in almost all reports: rates are the
highest in young people, and the elderly.”
More punch
“Brain injury incidence peaks in the young
and the elderly.”
Principles of Effective Writing
Sentences
• 3. Follow: subject + verb + object
(active voice!)
Principles of Effective Writing
“Subject verb object”
“Subject verb object”
“Subject verb object”
“Subject verb object”
or just…
“Subject verb”
Principles of Effective Writing
The passive voice….
• In passive-voice sentences, the subject is acted
upon; the subject doesn’t act.
• Passive verb = a form of the verb “to be” +
the past participle of the main verb
• The main verb must be a transitive verb (that
is, take an object).
Principles of Effective Writing
"Cigarette ads were designed to appeal especially to
children."
vs.
"We designed the cigarette ads to appeal especially to
children.”
Responsible party!
Principles of Effective Writing
MYTH: The passive voice is more objective.
It’s not more objective, just more vague.
Principles of Effective Writing
Passive:
To study DNA repair mechanics, this study on hamster
cell DNA was carried out.
More objective? No! More confusing!

Active:
To study DNA repair mechanics, we carried out this
study on hamster cell DNA.
Principles of Effective Writing
Passive:
General dysfunction of the immune system has
been suggested at the leukocyte level in both
animal and human studies.
More objective? No! More confusing!

Active:
Both human and animal studies suggest that
diabetics have general immune dysfunction at the
leukocyte level.
Principles of Effective Writing
A note about breaking the rules…
Most writing rules are guidelines, not
laws, and can be broken when the
occasion calls for it.
Principles of Effective Writing
For example, sometimes it is appropriate to use
the passive voice.
•
•
When the action of the sentence is more important
than who did it (e.g., materials and methods)
Three liters of fluid is filtered through porous glass beads.
When the subject is unknown
“The professor was assaulted in the hallways”– they do
not know the
perpetrator of this heinous crime.
Principles of Effective Writing
• 4. Use strong verbs and avoid turning
verbs into nouns
Principles of Effective Writing
Weak verbs
Obtain estimates of
estimate
Has seen an expansion in
has expanded
Provides a methodologic emphasis
emphasizes methodology
Take an assessment of
Formerly spunky assess
verbs transformed
into boring nouns
Principles of Effective Writing
Provide a review of
review
Offer confirmation of
confirm
Make a decision
decide
Shows a peak
peaks
Principles of Effective Writing
The case of the buried predicate…
subject
confusing garbage
One study of 930 adults with multiple
sclerosis (MS) receiving care in one of two
managed care settings or in a fee-for-service
setting found that only two-thirds of those
needing to contact a neurologist for an MSrelated problem in the prior 6 months had
done so (Vickrey et al 1999).
predicate
Principles of Effective Writing
The case of the buried predicate…
One study found that, of 930 adults with
multiple sclerosis (MS) who were receiving
care in one of two managed care settings or
in a fee-for-service setting, only two-thirds of
those needing to contact a neurologist for an
MS-related problem in the prior six months
had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).
Principles of Effective Writing
• 5. Eliminate negatives; use positive
constructions instead
Principles of Effective Writing
• He was not often on time
– He usually came late.
• She did not think that studying writing
was a sensible use of one’s time.
– She thought studying writing was a waste of time.
Principles of Effective Writing
6. Use parallel construction
Principles of Effective Writing
Pairs of ideas—two ideas joined by “and”, “or”,
or “but”—should be written in parallel form.
Cardiac input decreased by 40% but
blood pressure decreased by only 10%.
SVX but SVX
Principles of Effective Writing
Parallelism
Not Parallel:
If you want to be a good doctor, you must study hard,
critically think about the medical literature, and you
should be a good listener.
Parallel:
If you want to be a good doctor you must study hard,
listen well, and think critically about the medical
literature. (imperative, imperative, imperative)
Parallel:
If you want to be a good doctor, you must be a good
student, a good listener, and a critical thinker about
the medical literature. (noun, noun, noun)
George Orwell's rules
1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of
speech which you are used to seeing in print.
2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it
out.
4. Never use the passive where you can use the
active.
5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a
jargon word if you can think of an everyday
English equivalent.
6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything
outright barbarous