Transcript No Slide Title

When Work Hands you Fool’s Gold*:
Difficult Interactions
AIRS 31st Annual I&R Training and Education Conference
“Mining for I&R Excellence”
Reno, NV
Wednesday June 3, 2009
9:00 AM – 10:30 AM
* A term for non-gold ore similar in color to gold, usually
mistaken by beginning prospectors because of the brassy
glitter. Usually it is iron pyrite or muscovite mica and can
be easily tested by a streak test. (Gold will streak a bright
yellow while pyrite will streak a blackish red).
John Plonski
Database /Training Coordinator
Covenant House International
President NYS AIRS
[email protected]
Voice: (212) 727-4040
Fax: (212) 727-4964
Your presenter this
afternoon is...
John has been involved in crisis intervention since 1984. Beginning as an overnight volunteer crisis counselor for
six years at Response of Suffolk County. Since 1989 John has worked for the Covenant House Nineline, a national
crisis hotline for youth under 21 and their families. Over the years he has served Nineline as a crisis worker, shift
supervisor, and is currently Nineline’s Database Coordinator. In this position he oversees the maintenance of the
agency’s call entry and referral databases. At present Nineline’s referral database consists of over 30,000 records
providing referrals throughout the United States and its territories.
John has presented basic and advanced crisis intervention skills development training for his own and other
agencies. His presentations of various topics at training conferences on the state and national level have been well
received. He has also developed skills development trainings for individual agencies. John has consulted on
several of the AIRS on-line training modules as well as the AIRS/United Way “Managing the Surge: 2-1-1 Volunteer
Surge Management Curriculum”. His involvement at the 2-1-1 call center in Monroe, LA following the 2005 Gulf
storms lead to his becoming a member of the AIRS/United Way 2-1-1 Disaster Response Team. He has been a
volunteer board member of the New York State Alliance of Information and Referral Systems (NYS AIRS) since
2000 and is currently their President.
John can be reached at [email protected] or by calling Covenant House International at (212) 727-4040.
Getting To Know You
Now that you know about me and since we are
going to be together for a while let’s find out
something about you.
• Who has never had a call the frustrated
them?
• When I hear . . . I know things will not go
well.
• My favorite way to end a difficult call is to …
• From this workshop I hope to learn how to
deal with …
• Who doesn’t like chocolate?
So just what is today’s goal?
The goal of the workshop is to look at those callers
we term difficult, why we term them as such, and
methods we can use to mitigate their impact.
We will gain an understanding of
• Which Callers we consider difficult
• What it is that makes them difficult to
work with
• How to interact with such Callers
in a manner that lessens the impact
on Workers
So just what is today’s goal?
The goal of the workshop is to look at those callers
we term difficult, why we term them as such, and
methods we can use to mitigate their impact.
We will gain an understanding of
• Which Callers we consider difficult
• What it is that makes them difficult to
work with
• How to interact with such Callers
in a manner that lessens the impact
on Workers
And most importantly we will come to
understand the true nature of the “Problem”
Our reactions to
the interaction.
Most of the time we feel
like this after a call.
Other times…Not so good.
What makes certain Callers
“Difficult”?
Difficult Callers are those whose:
• Motivation for calling is for purposes other than I&R
• Needs, conditions, or manner of presentation
induces us to feel we lack the skills to address the
situation
• Contact is motivated by a problem they are
unwilling or unable to identify or address
• Behavior, lifestyle, or personality we find
unattractive or unappealing.
Differences In Interactions
Typical I&R Caller:
Calls in response to a current situation they are
unable to cope with.
Works actively with the Worker to attain problem
resolution.
Responds as if the I&R Process is a new
experience for them.
Is unsure of what information the Worker needs to
help them.
Responds to the reflection of feelings but
generally doesn’t use their own feeling words.
Is interested only in changing their situation.
Generally, respectful of the Worker and
appreciative of their efforts.
Wants to know how or if they can change their
situation.
Unaware of what help is available to them.
Views the Worker as a facilitator.
“What can I do for myself?”
“Is this a Help Line?”
“Yes, that may work. I’ll try it.”
Seeks realistic resolutions.
Helps the Worker to understand their situation.
Contact is linear with a beginning, middle, and
end.
Accepts problem-solving input.
Will accept formal counseling or treatment as a
viable resolution.
Has conscious control over their contacts.
Maintains hope that things can get better.
Difficult Caller:
Calls in response to a situation in their past
that is still not resolved or a current ongoing
chronic situation.
Actively resists being involved in the I&R
Process.
Seems to possess an awareness or knowledge
of the I&R Process.
Provides detailed information about
themselves and their situation.
Uses feeling words in discussing their situation.
Is mostly interested in the transitory relief
offered by talking.
While not necessarily disrespectful of the
Worker and their efforts they can be
aggressive, angry, manipulative, and/or
demanding.
Wants to know about the Worker.
Is very aware of the help available to them.
Views the Worker as a friend, acquaintance, or
captive audience.
“What can you do for me?”
“Is this a Talk Line?”
“Yes, that may work . . .But . . .” Alternately,
“Been there . . .done that. . .nothing works”.
Demands miraculous/impossible resolutions.
Blocks the Worker from understanding their
situation.
Contact is circular moving from beginning to
beginning.
Resists problem-solving input.
Rejects formal counseling or treatment as a
viable resolution.
Contacts are a result of habitual need.
Maintains the belief that there is no hope things
will get better.
Let’s see which Callers you find
difficult.
C’mon gang, can we be serious?
The Difficult
Bakers Dozen
• Abusive Callers
• Angry Callers
• Sexuality Issue
Callers
• Sexual Gratification
Callers (Sex-grat
Callers)
• Yes…, But…
• Intoxicated Callers
• Donor/Stakeholder
Callers
• Distracted Callers
• Silent Callers
• Prank/Hoax Callers
• Nobody Can Help
• It’s Not Over ‘Til I
Say It’s Over
• Chronic Callers
Now that we know who they are so what
do we do about them?
Well you can opt to do nothing and view the
situation as something that is “being done” to
you.
Or…
You can begin to take control of the situation by
accepting reality that there are going to be
Callers you will, for a variety of reasons, find
difficult.
Then…
You can look at the issue situationally as being
one of Interactions as opposed to Individuals.
As Interactions? Not as
Individuals?
Yes. If we go to the basics of our Active Listening
skills we find they are based on Carl Rogers
Client Centered Theory which maintains:
• The Worker and Caller interact as equals
• The Caller dictates the pace of the call while making
their own choices and decisions
• The Worker mirrors the Caller by using the
Active Listening Skills.
This interaction is governed by the 4 fundamentals
of Client Centered Interactions: Acceptance
(being non-judgmental), Respect, Empathy, and
Hope.
And this helps us how?
• When we react to an individual we
are no longer neutral in the interaction.
• Judgment enters into play
• Once that happens the equality of the
interaction disappears and we come to feel someone is “doing
something” to us.
• If we view the interaction situationally we can develop methods for
dealing with each type of interaction instead of each person that
calls.
• This removes personality from the equation
mitigating the possibility of frustration and stress.
• This makes it easier for us to stay within the tenets
and fundamentals of Active Listening
empowering us to do what we do best.
Further, some basic ABC’s
The Crisis intervention Specialist must accept:
• The boundaries of Crisis intervention, what they can
reasonably expect themselves to accomplish and what is
beyond their control
• Feelings of helplessness and frustration can and do result
from certain types of calls
• That there is not an ideal solution for every problem, and
some problems may have no solution
• We have no control over whether an inquirer follows
through or will eventually receive the help they need
• The need to be aware of their personal triggers
• The need to debrief with colleagues and/or supervisors
• Crisis intervention cannot “turn” people’s lives around.
A comedic respite...
Phil appeared on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and towards the end of the program had already won
$500,000.
“You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "but for 1 million dollars you've only got one lifeline left phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Phil, "I'll have a go!" "OK. The question is: Which of the following birds does NOT build it's own nest?
(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c) cuckoo, or (d) thrush."
"I ain't got a clue," said Phil, "so I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Xena over at Budd Lake".
Phil called Xena, told her the circumstances and repeated the question to her. The seconds ticked down. “That’s
simple” shouted Xena,......”it's a cuckoo."
“You’re sure, Xena?" asked Phil “Sure as sure can be” said Xena.
Phil hung up the phone and told the EmCee, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer." "Is that your final answer?" asked
the host. “That it is, Sir."
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Phil, you've won one
million dollars!"
The next night, Phil invited Xena to Outback to buy her a delicious meal. As they are eating he asks…
"Tell me, Xena? How in did you know it was the cuckoo that doesn't build it's own nest? I mean you know nothing
at all about birds."
“For crying out loud”" laughed Xena. "Everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!"
Well difficult individuals
give me a headache! What
more can I do?
Well the basics are….
• Trust your instincts
• Trust your skills
• Think before you talk
• Know and respect your “Buttons”
• Use supervisory and peer support
• Accept that Difficult Callers are people too
• Recognize your own value
Also there are skills...
• Remain in the present
• Assertive confrontation
• Address behaviors not situations
• Maintain a professional distance
• Fact checking
• Know when, and how,
to say “No”
• Focus on focusing
There are some Do’s and Don’ts.
Let’s start with the Do’s...
• Use a calm but firm voice tone to
communicate both caring and certainty
to the Caller
• Acknowledge feelings but do not
allow them to be the focus of the
conversation
• Recognize that change can be difficult, scary, and
tiring
• If you have spoken to the Caller previously
let them know you are familiar with them
and their situation
Some more Do’s
• Recognize that interacting with Difficult
Callers is a fertile ground for intense
personal reactions on the part of the
Worker
• Use the listening skill of silence
• Keep your expectations of what can be accomplished
in the interaction realistic and share them with the
Caller
• Keep your interactions focused, pragmatic,
concrete, and oriented toward problem
solving or appropriately ending the call
There are also a few Don’ts...
• Don’t invalidate the Caller
• Don’t allow the Caller to dictate how
the interaction should be carried on
• Don’t be surprised if these Callers make you feel
confused and helpless
• Don’t use “I” statements
• Don’t give, or allow yourself to be manipulated
into giving advice or information about a topic you
are not familiar with
A few more don’ts...
• Don’t ask the Caller how they thought you
could help them
• Don’t strive to uncover feelings that lie
beneath the surface
• Don’t enter the “world” of the delusional or
hallucinatory Caller
• Don’t reinvent the wheel
• Don’t get trapped in the Caller’s rehashing of what has
been already discussed
Reserve the right not to answer
questions.
• “Hi . . .How Are You?"
• “What’s your name?
• “Can I Talk To A Male / Female?”
• “Do / Don’t You Give Advice?”
• “If I Need, Can I Call Back And Talk To
You?”
• “Can I Call Back Anytime?”
• “Is it normal to … ?”
• “Can We Talk About Anything?”
Let’s look at our Difficult
Dozen and see how we
can apply some of the
tips.
• Abusive Callers
• Angry Callers
• Sexuality Issue
Callers
• Sexual Gratification
Callers (Sex-grat
Callers)
• Yes…, But…
• Intoxicated Callers
• Donor/Stakeholder
Callers
• Distracted Callers
• Silent Callers
• Prank/Hoax Callers
• Nobody Can Help
• It’s Not Over ‘Til I Say
It’s Over
• Chronic Callers
Let’s talk a little
about
Fear
And Anxiety
What Supervisors Will Notice
Supervisors may notice an emotional impact on a worker by
their performance and productivity in the following ways:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Working slowly
Appearing numb or emotionless
Missing deadlines
Withdrawal from work activity
Absenteeism; calling in sick frequently
Overworking
Irritability and anger
Forgetting directives, procedures and requests
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Difficulty with work transitions or changes in routines
What Caregivers Will Notice
The worker will also experience certain reactions. Some of
these reactions are:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Disbelief and shock
Fear and anxiety about the future
Disorientation; difficulty making decisions or concentrating
Apathy and emotional numbing
Nightmares and reoccurring thoughts about the event
Irritability and anger
Sadness and depression
Feeling powerless
Changes in eating patterns; loss of appetite or overeating
Crying for “no apparent reason”
Headaches, back pains and stomach problems
Difficulty sleeping or falling asleep
Increased use of alcohol and drugs
What to do?
Supervisors:
• Do not assume that staff will step forward to ask
for help or support.
• Facilitate communication among staff.
• Educate your supervisors and managers.
• Provide educational resources.
• Consider a professional counselor/facilitator onsite.
• Consider temporary changes in your leave and
travel policies.
• Promote tolerance.
• Organize community activities.
• Plan for the recurrence of situations.
What to do?
Caregivers:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Know what to expect of yourself.
Talk with your co-workers and listen patiently.
Accept that life will go on.
Take care of yourself.
Spend time with friends and family.
Limit exposure to reminders of the distressing situation.
Find time for activities you enjoy.
Take one thing at a time.
Do something positive.
Avoid drugs and excessive drinking.
Ask for help when you need it.
Don’t try to cope alone.
Allow yourself to appreciated the good work you do.
In closing . . .
• Keep in mind that you can and you do good work.
• There will be people you will have to interact with you will not
like
• Deal with difficult interactions situationally not personally
• Be realistic in your assessment of what you can and can’t do
• Make use of the staff support your agency
provides
• Establish firm but respectful boundaries
• The basic tenets of equality and respect
applies to us as well as the Caller
One final point…
Drum roll please!
Last...but least!
You do not have control over who
is on the phone each time you pick
it up.
You do have control over how you
will adapt to dealing with that
Caller and how you will allow the
interaction to affect you.
You Have 2 Choices
You can
surrender!
Or adapt