Transcript Working with Sexually Abused Children

Working with
Sexually Abused
Children
I’m learning that you don’t have
to let people touch you bad
to hear the words “I love you.”
Angie, age 16
Pre-Service Workshop
Definition of Sexual Abuse
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Sexual exploitation of a child not
developmentally capable of
understanding or resisting the contact
or who may be psychologically or
socially dependant on the offender.
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Any inappropriate suggested or actual
sexual exposure or touching between
an adult and child. The activity is
inappropriate because the child does
not understand the nature of the
request and / or is coerced into the
activity through deceit or a threat.
Incest
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Sexual intercourse or interbreeding
between closely related individuals,
wherein marriage is prohibited by
law or custom.
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The involvement of a minor child in
sexual activity by his / her parent,
guardian, or caretaker.
Non-Touching Sexual
Abuse
A
child seeing by intent
sexual activities such as
sexual intercourse,
masturbation, pornography,
etc.
A
child being seen or
photographed naked by an
adult.
Child Sexual
Exploitation
 Refers
to the sexual
exploitation of
minors for the
commercial profit of
adults using children
as prostitutes and /
or subjects in
pornographic
materials.
Considerations in the
Definitions of Sexual Abuse
 Power
Physical: Strength and size
(real or implicit) of an offender.
Emotional: The withdrawal of
affection and approval from a
valued adult is “powerful” for a
child.
 Age:
Age difference of 4 years
or more between the victim and
offender.
Considerations in the
Definitions of Sexual Abuse
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Knowledge: Adult has knowledge of
what sexual activity is and the child does
not. The child does not understand the
significance of the act.
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Resources: The child is dependant upon
the adult for food, shelter, education,
etc. These resources are controlled by
the adult. In addition, the child may
have few alternative resources to get
their emotional and physical needs met.
Consent
Children under the age of 16 are
not responsible for or capable of
giving consent because:
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Children cannot understand the full
impact that the sexual behavior will
have on their future.
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Children do not have the freedom to
resist. Abusers have overt and covert
power to coerce or force a child to
participate.
(Rewards, Bribery, Intimidation and
Force)
Myths
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Sexual abuse is rare
The offender is usually a stranger
Sex offenders are dirty old men
Children do something to cause
the abuse
Sexual abuse usually involves
violence
If a child exhibits any symptoms,
the child has suffered sexual
abuse
The sexual abuse victim is
usually an adolescent female
Indicators
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Most kids don’t tell anyone if
they have been victims of
incestuous assault or sexual
abuse. This is mostly because
they don’t think anyone will
believe them.
Often the telling is not in
words, but through abrupt
changes in their behavior.
Since children are not usually
able to tell directly, it helps to
be sensitive to their signals.
Indicators
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Indirect allusions to problems at home:
“I’m afraid to go home tonight” or “I want to come live
with you.”
Mystifying statements which indicate a desire to tell
someone: “I don’t like Mr. Smith any more” or “My
uncle Dave wears funny underwear.”
Sudden reluctance to go to a particular place or be with
a particular person
Trying to show affection in inappropriate ways: french
kissing, trying to fondle genitals of other people /
animals
Diagnosis of a venereal disease
Sleep disturbances, nightmares, bedwetting, fear of
sleeping alone
Loss of appetite, or sudden increase
Lots of new fears, needing more reassurance than in
the past
Indicators
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A return to younger, more babyish behavior
Suddenly turning against a parent or relative
Frequent illness, actual or imagined
Unpredictable poor grades or erratic grade
performance
Suddenly becoming an overachiever in school
Lack of attention in class or group meetings
Extreme changes in behavior, acting out,
becoming aggressive or withdrawn
Irritability, excessive crying, emotional
Easily intimidated by older children, fear of male
or female adults; often manifested in cowering,
crying, being easily startled
Bullying younger children
If A Child Reports
Abuse…
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Believe the child.
Remain calm.
Don’t promises to keeping secrets!!
Know laws around reporting procedures.
Go with the child to a private place. Have them tell
you what happened in their own words.
Reassure the child that telling was the right thing to
do and the abuse is not their fault.
Help the child feel safe.
Reach out for help. By providing yourself with
support, you will be better able to help the child.
Inform your consultant.
Complete incident reports, etc.
Helping Your Child
Following Abuse
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Continue to believe the child.
Do not blame the child.
Consult a physician.
Instruct the child to tell you immediately
if the offender attempts to do anything
again.
Give your child reassurance and support
that they are safe.
Respond to questions or feelings with a
calm matter-of-fact attitude.
Respect the child’s privacy by not telling a
lot of people.
Try to follow a regular routine at home.
Common Characteristics
of Victims
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Stress-related physical problems
Emotional / acting-out problems
Bland emotions
Difficulty identifying feelings
Lack of insight
Low self-image
Internalized guilt and blame
Mixed feelings regarding parents
Exaggerated, pseudomaturity
Antecedents to Acting Out
Behavior Can Be:
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Instructions
 “Its
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Sounds
A
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door opening
Sights
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time to get ready for bed.”
wink or head nod
Smells
A
man’s cologne, pipe tobacco,
woman’s perfume, etc
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Place
A
bedroom, barn, bathroom, car, etc
The Sexually Abusive Family is
Hard to Describe…
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Couple married or unmarried
May both be biological parents or one
stepparent or boyfriend
Appear “normal” to outsiders
Any race, profession, socioeconomic
group or religion
Often appear to neighbors as a close
family dedicated to their children
What we can say about all these families
is that the couple is experiencing
problems meeting their own and each
other’s needs
THE CHILD WILL HAVE
EXPECTATIONS THAT
THE FOSTER FAMILY
WILL FUNCTION LIKE
THE BIOLOGICAL FAMILY.
The Sexually Abused Child
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Emotional needs are neglected.
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Sexual behavior is reinforced because
the child has the offender’s attention.
They may be told they are “special”.
They may experience affectionate
touching.
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As the sexual activity becomes more
involved:
 The
child grows less comfortable
 The offender may begin to threaten
 The child begins to exhibit symptoms
 The child learns not to trust
Development of Sexually
Abused Children
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Learn how to be sexually responsive to
people with the same characteristics as
their offender
Learn a set of behaviors that are taught
in the sexual contact
Remember and sometimes repeat those
behaviors
Learn these behaviors no matter what
age they are at the time
Believe their self-worth is dependent on
their sexual performance
Sexually Abused Children
Express Affection By:
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Initiating Sexual Contact
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Clinging
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Engaging in Inappropriate
Behavior to Gain Attention
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Sexual Play with Other
Children
Beginning a Relationship
with a Sexually Abused Child
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Don’t focus on the abuse
Praise for positive behaviors and
talents
Be sensitive to feelings
Remind the child that the abuse was
not their fault
Be understanding of the child’s desire
to go home
Do not criticize the biological parents
Children want to be protected from
abuse - not their parents!
Avoiding Inappropriate
Affection:
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Provide the child with a lot of
positive attention and appropriate
affection
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Teach appropriate ways to ask for
affection / reassurance
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Set clear rules regarding
acceptable touch and words
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Do not horseplay, tickle or wrestle
foster care youth
Subtle Inappropriate
Behavior
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Power Issues:
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Horseplay with other youth
Wrestling
Erotic talk to arouse
Exposing themselves
Walking around in underwear
Patting people as they walk by
Name calling
Very responsive to females / males
Touching nylons, rubbing legs
Taking lingerie
In bedroom alone with other youth
“Secrets”
Mutual masturbation
Hugging - too long and often
Goals in helping foster
parents handle behaviors
of sexually abused youth
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Try to understand the cause of behavior or “why”
Try to understand and assess the impact of the
foster family
Think about consequences the child earns (avoid
“power” based consequences)
Understand there is no one right way to handle a
behavior
Avoid discipline methods that involve control or
force
Look at behavior as an opportunity to teach
Try to understand and focus on the child’s
developmental stage vs. age
Working with
Sexually Abused
Children
Pre-Service Workshop
This training presentation is available for download at:
www.utahparenting.org
© 2007 Utah Youth Village.