Transcript The Positive Resolution of my Grief Journey

Renewal: The Positive
Resolution my Grief
Journey
Finding meaning in Luijoe’s Death
How I started The Compassionate
Friends: A Powerpoint presentation
for the Purpose Drive Life Seminar
Closing Activity, December 18, 2005
My spunky 6 year old Luijoe and I had this
conversation during the Holy Week of
2000...
Luijoe: How could Jesus be alive
again?
Me: He rose from the dead and on the
third day went to heaven.
Luijoe:If I die mama, will I be alive
again ?
Me: When we die, Lui, we will live
forever, through eternal life in
heaven.
The next day he was jumping in
bed, arms wide in exuberance.
Luijoe: When I die, I will
be alive again!
Me: Yes, baby, you will
live forever, but not on
Earth . I won’t see you
anymore but you will
have eternal life with
God .
That night while we
had our usual
prayers
before
.
bedtime, he got his
prayer book.
Luijoe: who is that man
(pointing to the man
beside Mother Mary)
Me: That’s St. John the
Apostle
Luijoe: What is he doing?
Me: Jesus told John to take
care and comfort his
mother when he dies.
Taken from Luijoe’s prayer book
Luijoe was so touched with St. John’s compassion that he
asked about him every night just before our trip to Cebu. We
also read Footprints together and promised that we would
play footprints in the beach.
Taken from Luijoe’s prayer book
Playing footprints in the sand was the last fun
activity Luijoe and I did at the beach on a brilliant
day of May 27, 2000 . That was the last time I saw
him alive.
an hour before he died. He died around 2:30 pm. This was the last time I saw Luijoe alive.
Luijoe, my beautiful and prayerful son died of accidental
drowning at the swimming pool of a beach resort in
Cebu.
My world fell apart. I felt like the earth just swallowed me
up into a deep hole.
No words can describe the excruciating pain I felt that
day .
“It’s not the natural order of things to lose a child,”
“Your children are supposed to outlive you.”
Why had I not seen our conversation as a sign that
something devastating was about to happen?
Distraught and heart-broken, I became bitter and
questioned God.

Why me? Why our
family? Why Luijoe?

Why did you take Luijoe
instead of me?

Why? Why? Why?
I created a memorial website http://angel-luijoe.net soon
after his burial so as to unleash my grief into something
creative. In the website, I offered grief support and
resources to bereaved parents.

For the next four years, I hovered
between acceptance and
resentment over his death. I
isolated myself from friends and
relatives because I felt that they
could never understand the pain
that cut my heart in half. Perhaps
well-meaning friends or relatives
wanted to comfort me, but their
words made my insides twist in
knots. "It is God will." "You will get
over it." "It was not meant to be."
I couldn’t just accept it as God’s
will. I was seeking for answers.

On January 2004, I had an angiogram. I was
suspected to have some blocked artery based on
two stress tests. It was negative. I was surprised. My
mind was already set for angioplasty.

My sister gave me the “Purpose Driven Life” book”
and wrote “How can a heart heal and be free of ills if
not through God’s will”?

And since then, I have been asking myself: What is
the purpose of my life? Why did Luijoe have to die
before me?
Sometime October 2005, Daisy Mendoza , co-parent council
member of Ateneo handed out the “Purpose Driven Life Seminar”
brochure during our board meeting. The seminar revealed itself to
me:

November 4 (Made to Last Forever)- Although I knew my son was in
heaven, it didn’t really mean anything to me. But after reading, “This life
is in preparation for the next”, I became more convinced that there is
eternal life. Luijoe was able to see it coming just before his death.

November 25 (Transformed by Trouble)- “Everything that happens to
you has spiritual significance” . Through my son’s memorial website, a
newly bereaved mother whose daughter also died of drowning emailed
me on how I lived through all these years. Through text and email, I
shared my experiences and how I coped. (I met up with her in Cebu to
listen to her grief.) Was comforting bereaved families my ministry?, I
reflected.

November 27 – Then a realization just hit me. Should I start a grief
support group? I emailed The Compassionate Friends International
Council if I could start a chapter in the Philippines. I had emailed them in
2000 but they emailed back that they didn’t have international support.
The Compassionate
Friends (TCF)

Founded in England in 1969 by 2 bereaved parents, TCF was
established in the United States in 1972 and there are now
chapters in every state- almost 600 altogether. TCF operates
as separate entities in nearly 30 countries around the world.

An international self-help, mutual assistance organization
offering friendship and understanding to bereaved parents
and their families
who have experienced the death of a child at any age, from
any cause.

The mission of The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is to assist
families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of
a child of any age and to provide information to help others be
supportive.

November 30- The
Compassionate Friends
International Council gave the
information and support materials
on starting a chapter. They added
that I needed to have 3 bereaved
families to start the chapter.

That night I created The
Compassionate Friends
Philippines’ website
http://compassionatefriends.info

After making the website, I was
wondering : now who could be
the 2 or 3 other co-founders? I
prayed “God, please lead me to
my co-founders”
A thought entered my mind: Starting The Compassionate
Friends in the Philippines would ensure continuity of grief
support to bereaved families for many years to come.
On December 1, 2005, The
Compassionate Friends Philippines is
launched.

I thought of contacting Cathy BabaoGuballa, founder of Migi’s Corner
and columnist. I surfed for her email
address in an article she wrote for
The Inquirer. She doesn’t know me, I
thought. Setting my fears aside, I
invited her as one of the co-founders.

To my pleasant surprise, she emailed
me that same night that she would
join and even invited Alma Miclat, of
Maningning’s Foundation.

The next day December 1, I formally
invited Alma Miclat and mutual
friend, Pia Cayetano of Gabriel’s
Symphony and both were very
enthusiastic to join.
Everything was happening so fast. We met
for the first time on December 9 to plan on
our First Chapter meeting our special
events and activities.

The first chapter meeting was on December
17. Our topic was “Coping with the Holidays”
because the Christmas holidays is usually a
depressing season for newly bereaved
parents.
“Each one should use whatever gift he has
received to serve others” 1 Peter 4:10
How God SHAPED me for my ministry
S:
Luijoe is a spiritual gift sent to our family in the form of an angel, a
messenger of God. I needed to discover the meaning of the predeath signs before Luijoe’s death and his death itself. Aside from
validating the good news of “Eternal Life”, “St. John” symbolized
compassion and in turn, I felt I needed to pass this comfort to
newly bereaved family members.
H:
Passion to help others . My father influenced me early in life to be
of service to the community. I just had to search a particular
service suited for me.
A:
Abilities and interest are in the field of Research , Business
management, Web design and Information Technology.
P:
Basically, an introvert , not much of a speaker but an organizer.
The other co-founders of my ministry compensate for my
shortcomings.
E:
Being comforted during my grieving journey. “He comforts us in
all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are
troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has
given us”
“Your greatest ministry will most likely come out
of your greatest hurt”
The Compassionate Friends
Philippines
In memory of my angel, Jose
Luis “Luijoe” Dado. As long as
I live and love, the pain and
grief will always be there. But
that pain has now transformed
into a positive resolution.
“We are healed to help others.
We are blessed to be a
blessing. We are saved to
serve, not to sit around and
wait for heaven”