Transcript How to Have Supper - Pastoral Planning
with Bill Huebsch
What makes a home “Homey?”
www.
Our Parish Renewed .com
Suburban town near Minneapolis, Minnesota Typical suburban community North of Minneapolis Very middle class: ◦ ◦ Tracts of homes Mobile home parks Older town that became a bedroom community Lots of kids, big schools PastoralPlanning.com
300 children per grade But they aren’t usually at the parish They’re on the practice fields and rinks Practicing or play music At dance rehearsal Or in family cars being chauffeured by their over-extended parents.
PastoralPlanning.com
◦ ◦ ◦ This town has an elaborate system of youth leagues They meet after school On weekends Even during the summer Teams travel for their games which means long car rides and often, overnight trips This starts for little kids – age 7 or 8!
PastoralPlanning.com
◦ Conventional wisdom in this town is that if you want your kid to succeed They have to be in hockey skates by age 3 ◦ Hockey practice?
Rink time is scarce so it might be 6 AM on Sunday or 7 PM on Thursday The idea is that every child must be offered every opportunity PastoralPlanning.com
The kids and their parents all carry elaborate mobile phones and appointment calendars ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Univ of Michigan study: Average kid lost 12 hours of free time per week between 1981 and 1997 Playtime declined by 25% Unstructured outdoor activity fell by half Supper?
Forget it
PastoralPlanning.com
The average time which a child now spends in non-directive communication with his or her parents?
Less than 3 minutes per day It’s all about
loving attention
PastoralPlanning.com
◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Parents send this message: We love you for what you achieve The pie is limited You gotta grab yours Don’t take time off Don’t dawdle Don’t daydream If you’re not good enough you won’t make the cut PastoralPlanning.com
◦ ◦ ◦ One mom told me this sad story: Her mother had died in Wisconsin The funeral would mean being gone for two nights They wanted their children to be there, She was their grandma To know the extended family To hear the family stories This is so important!
PastoralPlanning.com
But missing softball practice meant being
benched
Missing a game meant being
cut
This wasn’t even an important game But the coach had his
rules
And they did not favor
family life
PastoralPlanning.com
One set of parents told me this: They built a new house a few years ago Bigger than they could afford
It has no dining room!
Not even a kitchen table ◦ ◦ But only a counter-top So they eat standing up Or in front of the TV PastoralPlanning.com
Into this busy family context Steps the
parish team
Parents want a little faith for their kids We offer programs to do that We become “just one more demand” among the many they juggle PastoralPlanning.com
We also know this: What we do at the parish to teach a youngster about faith Can only
reinforce
what they get at home from the parents The parents ARE the real teachers ◦ Whether we like it or not.
PastoralPlanning.com
But we tend to focus so much on the parish That we omit the household ◦ ◦ ◦ For example Time & Talent sign up Sunday?
It’s all about the parish!
Stewardship commitments?
All about the parish.
Evenings and weekends?
All about the parish.
PastoralPlanning.com
More examples: ◦ ◦ ◦ Religious ed classes?
◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ No parents are involved Except for a little in 2 nd grade A bit more at Confirmation Walking down the aisle at the wedding Minimum obligations for families Rules they must follow “Hurdles and Hoops” In order to “get” the Sacraments PastoralPlanning.com
More examples: ◦ ◦ ◦ Rehearsals, choir practice, training ◦ ◦ ◦ Same thing To be a lector you MUST attend the training How different are we from that coach?
Parish meetings?
Almost all occur at suppertime Sometimes we substitute supper with us …for supper with their families PastoralPlanning.com
But wait!
We’re talking here about families having
supper
◦ ◦ Supper at home Not at the parish Supper is
“the school of the family”
PastoralPlanning.com
PastoralPlanning.com
www.
Our Parish Renewed .com
What contribution can we make to the modern families I’ve been describing?
More parish programs?
More requirements they must meet?
More guilt about activity outside the parish?
OR… PastoralPlanning.com
1.
Parish-talk Focus on supper at home Rather than on the parish itself 2. Help people learn how to be better Homemakers Bedtime rituals Hospitality Supper 3. 50-50 Covenants PastoralPlanning.com
Focus the talk of the parish life, especially meals.
on household ◦ ◦ ◦ suppertime Family rituals In the bulletin On the website From the pulpit In everything we send home As part of scheduling PastoralPlanning.com
Understand that the parish is not the church It’s where the church gathers The church does not live at the parish The church lives in the ‘hood ◦ The apartments and condos ◦ The double-wides ◦ The homes and neighborhoods ◦ Even under the bridges or in the homeless shelters That’s actually where the church lives PastoralPlanning.com
Don’t live alone together Give each other attention Call each other by name!
Make time for each other Hint: Turn them off Create a place of love and forgiveness Manage the TV & media devices Develop household rituals And above all: Have supper as often as possible PastoralPlanning.com
◦ ◦ 2000 Federal Study There is a strong association Family meals ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ (5 or more suppers per week) Produce academic success Psychological adjustment Lower rates of drug and alcohol use Lower rates of early sexual activity Much lower rates of suicide One and two parents families alike PastoralPlanning.com
Supper is THE place where formation for life takes place This is “religious education” This is where tradition is passed on to the next generation ◦ This is where story telling happens If it doesn’t happen here It can’t happen anywhere else PastoralPlanning.com
Family rituals ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Meals Bedtimes Farewells Critical events Predictability We need this in order to be well-adjusted & Connection Identity A way to enact values happy.
PastoralPlanning.com
Think of supper as a liturgical act Be home Be unrushed Keep it simple Turn off the TV Cook together Linger at the table Invite guests often Wait for the Risen Christ to appear here PastoralPlanning.com
Light candles Use linens The good china Sacred writings!
Sacred vestments PastoralPlanning.com
Get yourself a 3 pound cod Divide it the long way
The stuffing:
◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Crush some crackers (1 cup) Add a few chopped walnuts (3 tbsp.) 1 tbsp. parsley 4 tbsp. butter, melted Mix all together. (A drop or two of cooking sherry adds a nice touch.) PastoralPlanning.com
How to stuff a fish Lay the cod out flat. Place the stuffing in the center. Fold the fish over stuffing and seal it with toothpicks. Drizzle a little butter and lemon over top. Dress it up however you like!
Let stand to rest a few minutes.
PastoralPlanning.com
How to bake the cod Oil a glass pan.
Place the fish in the pan.
Melt some butter and a dollop of lemon juice.
Drizzle over the fish.
Dust with a little paprika for color.
Bake in a 400 ° F oven for 25 to 30 minutes (depending on the thickness of your fish).
PastoralPlanning.com
PastoralPlanning.com
Jesus understood this very well When he chose a symbol to leave behind ◦ ◦ One which would help us recall him And the community to which we belong He did not choose to leave behind ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ A theology system A moral code A textbook about all this Or even an organized church He left behind only this: Supper PastoralPlanning.com
The meal WAS the teaching moment ◦ ◦ Look at Luke 10 great meals Each one a key turning point So it is with us We must refocus on the meal as the key teaching moment among family members PastoralPlanning.com
If you don’t eat supper You can’t figure out what Jesus was talking about ◦ Or calling us to do ◦ Or any of it You can’t theologize the Kingdom of God You can’t even church-ize it.
You have to live it in daily life Which means: having supper PastoralPlanning.com
and use the china more
PastoralPlanning.com
1.
Parish-talk Focus on supper at home Rather than on the parish itself 2. Help people learn how to be better Homemakers Bedtime rituals Hospitality Supper 3. 50-50 Covenants PastoralPlanning.com
50-50 Covenants between Households and Parish
PastoralPlanning.com
◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Right now: Parish: 90% Household: 10% Parish & Household On a 50-50 basis This is not working.
Instead: Make “friendly agreements” between ◦ Seems fair, doesn’t it?
Who could say no to this?
PastoralPlanning.com
The household sits down and agrees to its part The parish also agrees to its part PastoralPlanning.com
Parish ◦ Focus on good liturgy ◦ Welcome all ◦ No meetings during the supper hour ◦ ◦ ◦ Coach parents Flexibility with requirements Resources to assist them to help the poor & live their faith Household ◦ Within the home ◦ ◦ Shared Meals Forgiveness Paying attention Within the ‘hood Recycle garbage Support charities Reduce prejudice Within the parish Financial support Time and talent Being present
1.
2.
3.
4.
Strong and committed parish leaders A deep understanding that the church lives in these homes Don’t be afraid to call people to step up to the plate Trust that the Holy Spirit is working there!
PastoralPlanning.com
How to Have Supper Coaching parents to form their own kids Faith on the Run Parables on the Run Ways to bring parents into the picture And ways to support home life PastoralPlanning.com
1.
Parish-talk Focus on supper at home Rather than on the parish itself 2. Help people learn how to be better Homemakers Bedtime rituals Hospitality Supper 3. 50-50 Covenants PastoralPlanning.com