Transcript Style Analysis: DICTION

"AS WRITERS, WE LEARN MOST OF
WHAT WE KNOW JUST BY WATCHING
THE PROS, DON'T WE?"
~JOHN R. TRIMBLE
MENTOR SENTENCES
Mentor Sentences:
1. What do you notice about the following
sentences?
2. Using an image/sentence from your own
writing, or something random, write your
own sentence using the structure and
concepts from the following.
MENTOR SENTENCES
"The moon was a thin, bright machete cutting its way
through patches of clouds"
- In the Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alvarez, p. 89.
"From above, Assef's screams went on and on, the cries of
a wounded animal."
- Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner, p. 291
"On occasion the war was like a Ping-Pong ball. You could
put fancy spin on it, you could make it dance."
- The Things They Carried p. 32
TIPS TO CREATE METAPHOR/SIMILE
Isolate a Characteristic. Novelists often try to pick a single
remarkable feature of a character to describe. Trying to give a
complete image of an entire person would be incredibly difficult.
Vivid is Better. Which creates a stronger image in your mind,
“She was cold”–or–“She felt as if the wind was biting at her with
small, icy teeth.” When looking for metaphors, visual impact is
more important than perfect accuracy.
Draw it Out. If finding a metaphor is difficult for you, pull up a
piece of paper and start drawing concepts out.
The 10-Year Old Rule. Ask yourself if you could explain your
metaphor to a ten-year old. Your goal with metaphors is to take
an abstract or complex idea and anchor it down into something
easy to understand.
STYLE ANALYSIS: DICTION
DICTION REVIEW
The words diction and language are terms
that you will use interchangeably when you
analyze an author’s style. These words all
refer to the author’s word choice.
Denotation vs. Connotation
Denotation  dictionary definition
Connotation  suggested meaning
The words plump and obese both literally
describe a person who is overweight. This
is the dictionary definition of both words.
The word plump has the connotation of being
pleasantly fat, almost cutely overweight. Its
connotation describes women more often than
men. It is this extra “emotional” feeling that shows
how we use the word.
The word obese, often used by medical personnel,
has a more technical connotation. It carries a less
emotional, more scientific or clinical emotional tag.
NOW YOU TRY
Generate a list of words you would use to
describe a dwelling where a person may
live.
Discuss, with your partner, the various
emotional “tags” associated with each of
the dwellings you listed. How are they
subtly connotatively different from one
another, even though they share the same
connotative meaning?
WHAT ABOUT THIS SENTENCE?
The boy surveyed the class,
congratulating himself for snatching
the highest grade on the test.
WHAT ABOUT THIS SENTENCE?
The boy surveyed the class, congratulating
himself for snatching the highest grade on
the test.
Two words are important here: surveyed
and snatching. They are the words with the
strongest connotations.
WRITING COMMENTARY FOR YOUR
DICTION ANALYSIS
“surveyed”
conveys the idea of
someone looking
around as if he were a
king gazing down on
lesser beings
“snatching”
YOU TRY THE
COMMENTARY
GROUP PRACTICE/MODEL:
“THE RATTLER”
Read “The Rattler”
Annotate the excerpt for words that have
strong connotations, especially words that
reflect the man’s attitude toward the snake
and his task at hand
DICTION PARAGRAPH: BRAINSTORMING
“arrested”
frozen in time, caught
by a force stronger
than the snake
“live wire”
adversary meets
adversary, electric
feeling, potential
danger
“little tocsin”
an alarm, a warning
bell on a ship
STYLE ANALYSIS: DETAILS
MENTOR SENTENCE
"Just as we were reaching the car, we heard a commotion
coming from the woods. Something was crashing through the
brush – and breathing very heavily. It sounded like what you
might hear in a slasher film. And it was coming our way. We
froze, staring into the darkness. The sound grew louder and
closer. Then in a flash the thing burst into the clearing and
came charging in our direction, a yellow blur. A very big
yellow blur. As it galloped past, not stopping, not even
seeming to notice us, we could see it was a large Labrador
retriever. But it was nothing like the sweet Lily we had just
cuddled with inside. This one was soaking wet and covered up
to its belly in mud and burrs. Its tongue hung out wildly to one
side, and froth flew off its jowls as it barreled past."
Marley and Me p. 9, John Grogan
PART III: DETAILS
Details are literal, concrete, or factual
description (in other words, NOT figurative
language); think “imagery”
Who, what, when, where
Remember 
 Diction  connotative vocabulary
 Details  literal description
DETAILS ARE LITERAL
Who? What? When? Where? Why?
Example:
“turned a little to watch what I would do”
This supplies DATA/EVIDENCE to the reader; it
helps us visualize the snake turning around as it
sits on the desert sand
GROUP PRACTICE:
Read “The Rattler” (again )
With a different color pen or highlighter
from what you used for the diction analysis,
highlight any examples of details or
imagery that strike you as significant
SAMPLE ANALYSIS FOR
“THE RATTLER”
Quotation/Data
Commentary/Warrant
“turned a little to
watch”
afraid or hesitant
go “back to the ranch
house, [get] a hoe, and
[return]”
casual reaction to
trivial interruption
calm watching of a
possible threat
“To Be” Verbs:
Am
Is
Are
Was
Were
Be
Been
ACTIVE AND PASSIVE VOICE
MENTOR SENTENCES: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE TWO SENTENCES STRUCTURALLY?
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach
yesterday when she was attacked by a walrus. Her
body was dragged into the ocean and was later
found by beachcombers.”
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a
walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the
ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of
indigestion. Beachcombers later found her remains on
the shore.”
- Dave Myers
MENTOR SENTENCES: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE TWO SENTENCES STRUCTURALLY?
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach
yesterday when she was attacked by a walrus. Her
body was dragged into the ocean and was later
found by beachcombers.”
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a
walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the
ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of
indigestion. Beachcombers later found her remains on
the shore.”
- Dave Myers
HOW TO RECOGNIZE ACTIVE AND PASSIVE SENTENCES
1. Identify the subject of the sentence.
2. Identify the action that the sentence identifies.
3. Examine the relationship between the subject
and verb.
•
•
•
Does the subject perform the action of the verb? (If
so, the sentence is active.)
Does the subject sit there while something else -named or unnamed -- performs an action on it? (If
so, the sentence is passive.)
Can't tell? If the main verb is a linking verb ("is,"
"was," "are," "seems," etc.), then the verb functions
like an equals sign; there is no action (either active
or passive) involved -- it merely describes a state
of being.
BASIC EXAMPLES
I love you.
 subject: "I"
 action: "loving"
 relationship: The subject ("I") is the one performing the action
("loving").
 The sentence is active.
You are loved by me.
 subject: "you"
 action: "loving"
 relationship: The subject ("You") sits passively while the action
("loving") is performed by somebody else ("me").
 This sentence is passive.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PASSIVE VOICE AND PAST TENSE
Many people confuse the
passive voice with the
past tense. The most
common passive
constructions also happen
to be past tense (e.g. "I've
been framed"), but "voice"
has to do with who, while
"tense" has to do with
when.
Active
Voice
Passive
Voice
Past
tense
I taught; I
learned.
I was (have been)
taught [by
someone]; It was
(has been) learned
[by someone].
Present
Tense
I teach; I
learn.
I am [being] taught
[by someone]; It is
[being] learned [by
someone].
Future
Tense
I will teach;
I will learn.
I will be taught [by
someone]; It will be
learned [by
someone]..
MENTOR SENTENCES
“And the uncles, the aunts, the cousins, the nieces,
the nephews, that lived in those walls, the
gibbering pack of tree apes that said nothing,
nothing, nothing and said it loud, loud, loud.”
-Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, p. 44
"I was too good for this war. Too smart, too
compassionate, too everything."
- Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried, p. 41
ANAPHORA
Origin: From the Greek ἀναφορά
(anafora), meaning “to bring back” or “to
carry back”.
In plain English: Repetition of a word or
phrase at the beginning of successive
sentences or clauses.
ANAPHORA
Effect:
oKey words or ideas are emphasized, often with
great emotional pull.
oRepetition makes the line memorable.
oThe speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.
ANAPHORA EXAMPLES
“I came, I saw, I conquered.”
— Julius Caesar, shortly after the Battle of Zela, 47 BC
“We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas
and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence
and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our
island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on
the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we
shall fight in the hills …”
— Winston Churchill, House of Commons, London, England, 4
June 1940
ANAPHORA EXAMPLES
“If Margret Thatcher wins, I warn you not to be
ordinary, I warn you not to be young, I warn
you not to fall ill, I warn you not to get old.”
— Neil Kinnock, Bridgend, Wales, 7 June 1983
“As you know, we’ve got the iPod, best music
player in the world. We’ve got the iPod Nanos,
brand new models, colors are back. We’ve got
the amazing new iPod Shuffle.”
— Steve Jobs, Macworld 2007 Keynote Address
EPISTROPHE
Origin: From the Greek
ἐπιστροφή (epistrofi), meaning “turning
about” or “upon turning”.
In plain English: Repetition of a word or
phrase at the end of successive sentences or
clauses.
EPISTROPHE
Effect:
The emphasis is on the last word(s) of a series of
sentences or phrases, so it can be dramatic.
It is particularly effective when one wishes to
emphasize a concept, idea or situation.
Repetition makes the lines memorable.
The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.
EPISTROPHE EXAMPLES
“… that government of the people, by the
people, for the people, shall not perish from the
earth.“
— Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, 19 November
1863
“There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern
problem. There is no Northern problem. There is
only an American problem.”
— Lyndon Johnson, Washington, D.C., 15 March 1965
EPISTROPHE EXAMPLES
“Our struggle has reached a decisive moment. We call on our
people to seize this moment, so that the process towards democracy
is rapid and uninterrupted. … I have fought against white
domination and I have fought against black domination.”
— Nelson Mandela, Cape Town, 11 February 1990
“I left campus knowing little about the millions of young people
cheated out of
educational opportunities here in this country. And I knew nothing
about the millions of people living in unspeakable poverty and
disease in developing countries.”
— Bill Gates, Harvard University address, 7 June 2007