Transcript Slide 1

Working with Challenging People
Judith Albino, PhD
AAL Senior Consultant
President Emerita and Associate Dean
Colorado School of Public Health
We never really grow up; we just
learn how to behave in public
…and a few people must
have missed that class.
Learning Objectives
• Recognize a variety of challenging
personality types in the workplace.
• Appreciate the drivers for challenging
behaviors.
• Identify new strategies for responding to
difficult behaviors.
• Practice new behaviors to enhance the
work environment.
So What’s the Problem?
Challenging Personalities:
• Create stress in others
• Tend to become more challenging
• Reduce productivity
• Interfere with achieving school goals
• Poison the work environment
…but usually have no intention of
doing any of those things!
“Six Steps” Approach to
Working with Problem Faculty
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Clarify values and expectations
Follow policy
Build trust with colleagues
Evaluate yourself and your perceptions
Listen, listen, listen (repetition mine - JA)
Take effective action
Crookston, R. K. Working with Problem Faculty, Jossey-Bass, 2012.
Steps 1-5: Prevention and Promotion
for the Workplace Culture
They set the stage for positive interactions,
high performance, and respectful ways of
living and working together. They are
great rules to follow,
especially when the
opportunity is there to
build a culture of civility
and trust.
Step 6. Take Effective Action
•
•
•
•
•
•
Prepare in advance for problem interactions
Act quickly; never ignore
Confront offenders in private
Have a witness, and keep notes
Assemble a solid case
Impose consequences; reward good behavior
and never bad behavior
• Be patient; accept blame
But what if…
its’ too late?
you are taken by surprise?
the culture supports distrust?
people are not taken care of?
State vs. Trait Behaviors
It is important to distinguish challenges
that are temporary, or situational, from
those that will represent an ongoing
problem.
State vs. Trait Behaviors
• State Behaviors are related to
specific situations or
threats. Anyone can
go “lizard” if
anxious or
provoked enough.
Trait Behaviors
• Trait behaviors are chronic.
Challenging behaviors that do not
resolve when the problem is solved
usually represent traits.
Traits reflect
“personality”
rather than responses
to specific situations.
You’ll know them….
• Continually in crisis, overly dramatic
• Busybodies, communicating behind the
scenes and stirring things up
• Thrive on confrontation, love a fight
• Never satisfied
• Poor communication
• Argumentative and unreasonable
• Use power to obstruct
Perhaps you work with…
• A Bully
• A Wet Blanket
• A Know-it-All
• A Complainer
• A Controller
• A Sycophant
• A Gamer
…or even several of these!
The Bully
Bullies come in several forms,
best described in terms of tactics:
• Relentless criticism of administrators.
• Pressure on junior faculty.
• Demands accompanied by threats.
• Unilaterally overruling.
• End runs and lack of consulting.
• Steamrolling discussions with argument.
When they believe they will not get
their way, Bullies will even…
Wet Blanket
This one has a variety of
strategies as well:
• We tried that; it didn’t work.
• We don’t get paid enough for that.
• We’re not Harvard (or if you’re at Harvard,
“…not NYU,” or even Generic State Univ).
• When I was at _________, it was better….
• Garden variety cynical comments.
The Know-it-All
You know them. They are tiresome, but
they never get tired … at least, not of
hearing their own voices. They don’t
seem to want to do the
work or lead the project,
they just want to assure
everyone that they could
do it better. Behaviors can
be similar to those of Wet
Blankets.
The Complainer
Wet Blankets and Know-it-All’s complain,
too, but the Essential Complainer is really
all about complaints – and
it’s personal, too. S/he has
been treated unfairly,
deceived, or otherwise
misused over and over
again – in spite of all her
hard work.
The Controller
These challenging personalities also come in
several forms; sometimes we recognize
them as:
• Narcissists
• Witholders
• Manipulators
• Dr. “No”
Controllers can be…
• Charming, especially when you first meet
them (think “narcissist”)
• Mysterious and noncommunicative (when
they are witholding)
• Duplicitous, when they are manipulating
• Holdouts, naysayers, similar to wet
blankets, when something is moving ahead
without their control or involvement
The Sycophant
More boring than harmful, this challenging
personality can’t stop telling you how
wonderful you are;
the problem is that
something is expected
in return – basically,
that you require nothing
of them, but reward them
generously. Your time is
wasted, and you feel trapped.
The Gamer (Naïve Type)
Controllers also may be gamers, but naive-type
gamers are less skilled at working in
organizations. They don’t contribute in the
group, then want to give
input one-on-one. They
have good ideas, but don’t
collaborate, believing that
those in “power” decide
everything. They are always
competing, but their timing is off, leading
others to consider them disruptive.
So how can we make them change?
It isn’t easy, and it may not be possible, but
it is possible to:
• understand their motivations
• change the way we respond
• limit the damage they do
• open a dialogue to move
to something better
Motivations
Ostensibly, “difficult” behaviors stem from:
• A desire to get things done, or
• A desire to do things better.
But more important reasons may be:
• A desire to feel one is important, valued, or
part of the group; or
• A desire to “get back” for perceived injuries
or injustices.
Interestingly, difficult behaviors rarely
accomplish any of these things!
Consider, for example:
What motivation might underlie:
• Angry acting out?
• Failure to offer opinions?
• Currying favor?
• Constant complaining?
• Witholding information?
• Using power inappropriately?
• Talking/arguing over others?
Why are “Challenging People” not
getting what they want?
• Their behaviors become the agenda.
• They put us on the defensive (it’s natural).
• Our reactions are “freeze, fight, or flee.”
• Others go into “shock.”
• They make us worry about how we are
seen vis-à-vis their difficult behaviors.
So, it’s also about us….
Tools for Managing Challenging
Behaviors
Our own behavior
Our own behavior
Our own behavior!
Maybe it’s ONLY
about us.
If “Challenging Person” is the Problem,
why should I have to change?
• Who is distressed by CP’s behavior?
• Is CP likely to change?
• Who can change?
In other words,
it’s MY problem.
So the new goal is….
• Respond differently, and more
constructively, to CP’s behavior.
CP eventually might
behave differently (or not),
but you’ll feel
better in either case.
DARE: A Plan
to Change the Dialogue:
• DESCRIBE: CP’s behaviors.
• ACKNOWLEDGE: how it makes you feel.
• RECALIBRATE: your response.
• EXPERIENCE: a different interaction, and
follow through.
How do I do that?
• Think of one of your CP’s.
• Remember a specific challenging behavior.
• Identify why s/he behaves that way.
• Remember how it makes you feel (trigger).
• Identify what you usually do.
• Decide what to do instead.
• Practice & create reminders.
• Imagine being free.
• Reward CP appropriately!
Begin the process by…
• Opening your ears
- find kernels of truth
• Shutting your mouth
- buy time and avoid saying
something you could regret
…and about that new response:
• be respectful
• be honest
• be appreciative
• be authentic
• limit inconvenience to others
• focus on feelings, when appropriate
• invite a different venue, if needed
• assume a long-term process
Don’t forget to:
• Stay on the balcony for
the best perspective
• Know yourself – especially your
“inner lizard”
Let‘s try that…
In pairs, alternating turns:
Describe your CP.
Describe your usual reaction –
emotions and behaviors.
With your partner:
Brainstorm new responses.
Was that helpful?
• What questions do you have?
Tips and Strategies:
Be proactive
• Have a plan, not necessarily a
goal; remember whose
behavior you are changing.
• Prepare for the worst possible
situation.
Tips and Strategies: Empathy
• Be authentic, and you won’t seem
patronizing, i.e., “I understand that you
feel….”
• You can accept, without agreeing
• Apologize if you can, and use that word
Tips and Strategies:
Choose Words Carefully
“Trigger” words can cause people to harden
their positions and just become more difficult:
“Calm down!”
“You have to….”
“You can’t….”
“Sorry.”
Avoid the extremes: “always,” “never,” etc.
Tips and Strategies: Listen
• Really listen, or at least look and sound
that way. Maintain eye contact, nod,
ask questions, look interested.
• The person who senses that you actually
care is more likely to become
reasonable.
Tips and Strategies: Use Questions
Use questions to:
Avoid argument
Show empathy
Seek understanding
Find areas for agreement
Move towards buy-in
Work in Groups to Try it Out
1. Each Group takes a Case.
2. Answer the first two questions
individually, and then discuss them.
3. Answer questions 3-7 together,
and plan to report out.
Presentation of CP Cases
Case 1. Power of the Professoriate
As Academic Dean of a large dental school, you work with a strong
faculty governance structure; you meet with School Senate Officers
monthly, as well as with the entire Senate. Associate Professor
Wright, Chair of the Senate, is intimidated by one of the members,
Dr. Noble, a full professor from Wright’s own department. At the
last Senate meeting, when a long-discussed document providing
workload guidelines (which members of the Senate had participated
in drafting) was up for a final vote, Dr. Noble began to trash the
work, insisting that it was full of empty promises and represented
just another administration assault on faculty rights and privileges.
He threatened to take it to the University Faculty Council and to the
Union. Both you and Dr. Wright were pulled into arguing that the
faculty had fully participated. The meeting was monopolized by
Noble, and no other business items were discussed. You have seen
this behavior before, and you know that Noble also speaks angrily
about University administration in his classroom.
Case 2. Too Much Too Late
You are Assistant Dean for External Relations and have been chairing
a committee to develop a strategy for involvement of the School’s
faculty and students in a major, federally-funded “healthy
neighborhoods” project. Prof. Arten, has been attentive at meetings
but has said little all year as the plan has taken shape. Twice after
meetings, she approached you with minor questions, and you
encouraged her to discuss those fully with other members and to
raise them in meetings. Considered a brilliant faculty member at her
previous (and highly prestigious) institution, she has been very
productive academically during the two years she has been here,
although she is quiet and some have described her as “standoffish.”
As final suggestions were being made on the plan today, she said she
had some ideas to share. She then gave a formal ppt presentation,
laying out a totally different approach and ending with, “…you’ll
see this is better; we did it like this at Previous U.” Everyone seemed
stunned, and some were angry.
Case 3. A Challenging Director
As Director of Clinics, you are responsible for four clinics within the
school and 3 off-site clinics; the latter address special community
needs and stand alone in many respects, so you treat the program
heads as clinic site directors. An ongoing challenge is keeping these
programs fully involved and informed, and also taking their special
needs into account. One such program serves an inner city
community; it is well funded by a community foundation and has
had the same director since its inception. Dr. Oster is respected in
that community and he fully controls the foundation board. You
get along well. Still, he never attends a meeting without a long list
of complaints, many of which could be dealt with more effectively
elsewhere. You have noticed that, within the School, others have
started to roll their eyes when he opens his mouth. You try to
assure him that issues are being taken care of, but he started in again
today at the Executive Meeting with, “This is just another example
of our needs ignored…”
Case 4. Improper Practices
A new Administrative Vice President was brought in after a financial
crisis at your university; his previous experience was in corporate
finance. He has put in some much-needed financial monitoring
systems and policies that have made it easier for you to take action
in cases of non-productive employees. But you, as associate dean
for finance, and the other deans find him hard to take. V-P Cooper
meets regularly with the deans as a group. You dread the sessions.
He usually starts with statements such as, “You people don’t have
any idea what a real financial plan is, do you?” After that opener
today, he threw some spread sheets on the table and looked
directly at you. “This is incomprehensible; what were you thinking
when you set up this Academic Enrichment Fund?” You started to
explain the fund’s purpose in rewarding or redirecting faculty
efforts, but he interrupted, declaring it a “lucrative playhouse” for
unemployable professors. You were stunned and embarrassed.
Case 5. Dampening Influence
You are a relatively new academic associate dean; the associate
dean for student affairs is a competent individual who has carried
out that role for more than 20 years. Things generally work well in
Dr. Purcell’s area, but you realize that you are beginning to feel
annoyed by her resistance to new ideas. Several new department
chairs would like to experiment with some new learning formats
that require flexibility with respect to schedules and classroom
assignments – all in Dr. Purcell’s area. At leadership meetings with
deans and chairs, these suggestions have been met by, “University
will never let us do that,” or “We just don’t have the staffing to
take care of it.” When you suggested that the group look at class
and classroom schedules together, she stalled and has still not
produced the documents a month later. She keeps saying, “We’ll
work something out,” but there is no progress. You know that
some of the chairs are discouraged and worry that the students are
not receiving the best possible educational experience.
More Tips for Working with
Challenging People
•
•
•
•
Involve others
Agree when possible
Limit access
Make an effort to
meet real needs
• Appreciate whatever
you can
• Consider the worst
that could happen
• Stand up for yourself
• Take your dog out of
the fight
• Focus on CP’s talents
• Don’t respond when
angry; learn to wait
• Gently correct
overgeneralizations
• Shape behaviors over
time
FINALLY:
DO NOT ARGUE WITH IDIOTS. THEY
WILL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR
LEVEL AND THEN BEAT YOU WITH
EXPERIENCE.
Best wishes in working
with all the challenging
people you must face.
Judith Albino