Transcript Slide 1

At a loss for words?
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writingcenter.tamu.edu | 979-458-1455
Writing Clearly and
Concisely
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Writing Clearly
The great enemy of clear
language is insincerity.
—George Orwell
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Delete or revise ambiguous words,
especially those too informal for the
situation.
SO
Maybe
Could have
Very
Absolutely
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Clarity and Complexity
Complex phrases and clauses, new information,
and technical terms are easier to process when
placed at the end of sentences.
Complex: Lincoln’s claim that the Civil War was God’s
punishment of both North and South for slavery
appears in the last part of the speech.
Revised: In the last part of his speech, Lincoln claims
that God gave the Civil War to both North and South
as a punishment for slavery.
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Clarity and Complexity
Here is another example—the more complex
phrase is easier for the reader to process when it
comes at the end of the sentence.
Complex: Questions about the ethics of withdrawing
intravenous feeding are the most difficult.
Revised: Most difficult are questions about the ethics of
withdrawing intravenous feeding.
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Check for Repeated Words
Become aware of words
you overuse. When
revising, identify any these
and other instances of
unnecessary repetition.
Using a thesaurus and a
dictionary, replace
repeated words that might
distract readers.
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Eliminate Repetition
A class of beacon mounts has been designed to
allow for all three tracking system beacons to be
attached to the rig in a global manner. This
consists of machining all of the mounting holes
on the rig the same and having a method for each
beacon type to mount onto the rig using the
holes.
Repetition of key words, however, can create coherence.
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Create Coherence
Key Words: Most difficult are questions about the
ethics of withdrawing intravenous feeding.
Intravenous feeding can prolong life to an indefinite
extent, but it cannot always preserve its quality.
Without quality, many would argue, life is worthless.
Varied Word Choice: Most difficult are questions
about the ethics of withdrawing intravenous feeding.
Tube sustenance can prolong existence to an indefinite
extent, but it cannot always preserve its quality.
Without that, many would argue, living is worthless.
Don’t Dangle Modifiers
A dangling modifier describes someone or something
that is not in the sentence.
• Incorrect: Plump and juicy, Aunt Gertrude won first prize at
the fair.
 Plump and juicy, Aunt Gertrude’s roasted pig won first prize
at the fair.
• Incorrect: As a teacher, it is important to stay patient.
 As a teacher, I need to stay patient.
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Or Misplace Modifiers
A misplaced modifier is too far away from the word
it’s trying to describe.
• Incorrect: Plump and juicy, Aunt Gertrude makes the best
roasted pig in south Texas.
 Plump and juicy, Aunt Gertrude’s roasted pig is the best in
south Texas.
• Incorrect: Rotting in the cellar, my brother found the fiveyear-old potatoes.
 My brother found the five year old potatoes rotting in the
cellar.
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Active vs. Passive Voice
Active: We have determined the target market to be
adults between the ages of 30 and 45.
Passive: The target market was determined to be
adults between the ages of 30 and 45.
Who’s doing what to whom?
• Active voice identifies the actor.
• Passive puts the thing being acted on first.
Check which style your professor prefers.
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Writing Concisely
This report, by its very length, defends
itself against the risk of being read.
—Winston Churchill
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Check for
Wordiness
 Doubles
 Redundancies
 Wordy phrases
 Negatives
 Sentence sprawl
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Remove Excess Words
Delete doubles
full and complete
tried and true
each and every
Delete redundancies
true facts
free gift
in a wise manner
red in color
seven in number
long in duration
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Revise Wordy Phrases
Arrived at the decision  decided
Is able to  can
A majority of  most
In order to  to
Despite the fact that  although
Are of the same opinion  agree
A small number of  few
For the purpose of  to
From Successful Scientific Writing by Janice R. Matthews, John M. Brown, and Robert W. Matthews
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Change Negatives to
Affirmatives
not different  similar
not many  few
not the same  different
not often  rarely
not allow  prevent
not stop  continue
not notice  overlook
not include  omit
From Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace by Joseph Williams
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Remove Sentence Sprawl
A sentence sprawls when there are many clauses or
phrases after the verb. One way to reduce sprawl is by
cutting or revising who/that/which clauses.
Ex: Teachers should remember that students are
vulnerable and uncertain about those everyday, egobruising moments that adults ignore, and that they do not
understand that one day…
Ex: Teachers should remember students are vulnerable
and uncertain about those everyday, ego-bruising
moments adults ignore, and they do not understand that
one day…
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Paramedic Method
1.
2.
3.
4.
Circle the prepositions.
Circle the “is” forms.
Find the action.
Put this action in a simple (not
compound) active verb.
5. Start fast—no slow windups.
6. Read the passage aloud with emphasis
and feeling.
7. Mark off sentence’s basic rhythmic
units.
8. Mark sentence lengths.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/032
1441699/ref=dp_image_text_0?ie=UTF8&n=2831
55&s=books
The Official Style
The National Research Council Space Studies
Board, in cooperation with the Aeronautics
and Space Engineering Board, is in the process
of organizing a decadal survey to establish
priorities and provide recommendations for
life and physical sciences research in
microgravity and partial gravity for the 20102020 decade.
Source: Aeronautics and Space Engineering Board of the National Academies
(http://sites.nationalacademies.org/DEPS/ASEB/index.htm)
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Paramedic Method
Find the prepositions
and “to be” verbs.
Find the action and
simplify:
•
•
•
is in the process of organizing
 is organizing
establish priorities  prioritize
provide recommendations 
recommend
Start fast—no slow
wind-ups.
in cooperation with  and
The National Research Council
Space Studies Board, in
cooperation with the Aeronautics
and Space Engineering Board, is in
the process of organizing a decadal
survey to establish priorities and
provide
recommendations for life
co
and physical sciences research in
microgravity and partial gravity for
the 2010-2020 decade.
Revision
The National Research Council Space Studies
Board and the Aeronautics and Space
Engineering Board are organizing a 2010-2020
survey to prioritize concerns and recommend life
and physical sciences research in microgravity
and partial gravity.
The Lard Factor
Divide the difference between the number of
words in the original and the number in the
revised version by the number in the original.
Original (46) minus Revision (34) = 12
12÷ 46 = .26 or 26%
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