Transcript Gareth Jon Bradbury

NOVEMBER 2008
Gareth and Micaela. Is it a year since the sun grew
cold and sound ceased? Isn’t a day like a year and time
just a merging with eternity, and a ‘now’ and a ‘before’
and days taking flight into history with lines of
happiness and sadness so fine and blurred? Each
tomorrow proves that we have coped with yesterday
in our new-normal, where the world is so changed
that we barely recognize it. The way of hope is narrow
and life’s transience renders us but pilgrims passing
through, purposed and prepared.
Grief an uninvited companion, offers no solace in
suffering but is generous with agony, anguish,
despair, desperation and “darkness”, with tears in
quiet places and when least expected. Tears being the
balm that soothes as bodies bend with the heartache
and burden of it all; gnawing grief dictating its stages
relentlessly and without respite. Mourning working
its rite of rituals through each sad, slow, stark, still
day – the scattering of ashes, commemoration of
special “days” and personal rituals of remembrance,
reminders, reminiscences. Why is pain so painful;
sorrow so sad, heartache so all consuming and grief
so desolate? Why is agony so Young and loss so Tiny?
There is the Shepherd Who watches over us as we endure
the triune suffering of soul (in this strange duality of
existence, where we can smile while our hearts cry and
be still and quiet even as our minds scream); of spirit
(where only the Spirit can move so deeply within one’s
regenerate inner-being without hurting and Who
reveals that peace is not the cessation or absence of
grief and pain – but the hope and assurance of God’s
presence in the inner-most being, in the midst of such
sorrow); of body (as it bends, buckles, is bullied and
buffeted by the storm and burden of the deepest of
anguish). Life is not a moving “away from” but the
moving “towards”. Breathing is involuntary. The family
is heartbroken and will never get over the loss of Gareth
or know the happiness of before on this earth. We are
reconciled to that fact.
ROB, our ‘rock’, turned 65 in October. He grieves deeply
for his middle-son and grows easily sad as he misses
special times and moments shared in chat and
deliberations on all issues legal, business, family and
general; the lunches and coffees in CT most every week.
Two wise heads together. Rob carries the sorrow of the
loss of Gareth inwardly and his tears translate rarely
into sobbing. It is good when it does. The release of
tears is God’s ‘medicine’, His balm to soothe the agony of
the soul and to allow one to get through another
moment – until the next time.
PSALM 73:26. Memories of my son and the beauty of his life,
overwhelm me. My mornings begin with the ritual of
acknowledging that Gareth Jon and Micaela Bradbury are
alive. I move slowly to the dressing room and bury my face
in Gareth’s jerseys that still hold the fragrance of his being
and after-shave, my stylish, classy son. I cry there. I stay
there. When I am feeling brave, strong, I listen to his voice
on a special CD or play the music he enjoyed. Not morbid
but therapeutic, restful, positive, appreciative. I find solace
when friends and family draw alongside and gently, kindly,
selflessly, lovingly and quietly just stay there; so much care
and generosity by day and into the early hours, of loving
messages and holding tight. I long for my middle-boy; his
voice, the sparkle that made his whole face smile; the
warmth of his love, hugs, fun and laughter and to be guided
by his wisdom, patience and goodness.
I miss his
intelligence; advice, exuberance, enthusiasm, energy,
enjoyment of life and encouragement. I miss his lively chats
and debates, grace, goodness; banter, humour, hugs and
happiness-making. I ache to hear his voice, to answer his
regular phone calls (“Ma!” ... GJ! ... “Luvya Ma - later”) and
to see him waiting at his front door, “Cami ... come quickly ...
here’s Grrr-anny”. Micaela, precious miracle and smiling,
happy baby, would be laughing, walking and talking now and
showing us who she is. My body weeps with every heartbeat
and every breath of every day. My tears honour my son and
are his just due. I watch over our suffering family and stand
close as the memories of Gareth fill our every space - every
milestone emphasizing our immense loss – my treasured
family. The resilience and capacity of the human body to
endure such bullying, buffeting and battering, amazes me.
TYRONE emulates Rob’s integrity and wisdom and
practical and purposed manner. He is solid, sensitive to
the family’s needs; quiet, gentle and so strong in mind,
body and heart. He is uncompromising on issues of
faith, family and fairness and comforts with the strength
of his love, tears and hugs, “It’s OK Mom, it’s alright” and
“Gareth was unique, there will never be anyone like him”.
He suffers deep heartache over the loss of his brother. Ty
visited Germany in October to attend a large SAP
Conference in Berlin and turned 40 on 20th November.
ANDRIETTE loved her ‘brother’ deeply and dearly,
“Gareth was just so big” and “he filled every space”. She
misses his enormous influence within the family. The
daughter-we-never-had lifts us up with her help, comfort
and sunny personality as she stands close – loving and
caring.
SIAN (13), talented, musical, sporty, creative and a
beautiful young woman, completed her Junior schooling
as Head Girl of Paarl Girl’s Junior with an excellent
speech, 4 cups (one for Violin) and 1st Prize for Maths and
Science as well as 5 Award Certificates; Boland Hockey
Colours, Boland Indoor Hockey Colours, School Hockey
Colours (“for JonJon” who played Maritzburg College 1st
Hockey and Maties 1st Hockey) Tennis Colours and
central Boland Tennis Colours. Gareth would have been
so proud of his protégé who grieves deeply for her uncle
and comforts us with her attention, sensitivity and love.
1st year High School at Paarl Girl’s in 2009.
ROBBIE (12) is Grampa Junior; a gentleman, goodlooking, very bright and has a wonderful sense of
humour.
His 89% achievement included top
marks for Maths and Computers and Humanities.
Like Gareth he is a sport fanatic with Rugby,
Cricket, Tennis and Chess his games. Gareth’s
teams are his teams. JonJon was his hero and his
tears fall with mine as we hold tight, smile, laugh
and talk of the things Gareth did and said. I catch
him looking ‘far-away’ and join him in
remembering. I must listen to Snow Patrol’s
‘Chasing Cars’ on his iPod. “Dada song” (among
many), says Cami. Robbie progresses to Grade 7 at
Paarl Boy’s in 2009 as a prefect.
RYAN JON (8) is a strong and loving lad. He is
growing up fast and like his siblings, is so bright –
achieving his U9 Boland Chess Colours earlier this
year. He walks around all day with a rugby ball and
is brilliant at figures, board games, puzzles and
computers. He achieved maximum “4s” in his
report and moves to Grade 3 next year at Paarl
Boy’s. He hugs and has me listen to, “Blessed be
the Name of the Lord - He gives and takes away”,
from a CD and Gareth’s birthday gift to him.
GARETH is Philippians 1:20. Gareth Jon Bradbury
epitomised energy, enthusiasm and excellence. A
deeply contented man, his character, courage,
commitment, charity and his Christian hope, marked
his every action. Gregarious, gracious, good, gallant,
(good-looking!), generous; a gentleman, a giant,
thoroughly decent – his presence, laughter and voice
filled every space.
His discussions, debates and
deliberations displayed intelligence, wisdom and
fairness and influenced the lives of so many. Freespirited and with a fantastic sense of humour, he made
the world laugh. Socially aware and inclusive, his
brightness drew all into the circle of its warmth; his
generosity benefiting and satisfying every recipient.
His social circle is legendary, as was his commitment to
his colleagues and family; his legacy our inheritance,
harvest and hope.
The void in our lives and in that of so many is Garethshaped. His voice sounds from every place and his
presence permeates every space. He was the occasionmaker, play-maker and game-maker and children’s
mentor and hero. Cheering Ernie’s winning putt, Man
United’s winning goal and the Sharks’ winning try, will
never be the same without Gareth. Watching rugby
without Gareth is like playing the game without the
ball. The Sharks winning the Currie Cup was Gareth’s
win and we could hear his exuberant, “Try-time!” and
feel the sting of his ‘High-fives’ as his friends smsed to
celebrate “Gareth’s win”.
Gareth lived the Bradbury family motto - Aequitas
Actionum Regula (“let equity be the rule of our actions”)
- to the letter and the Bradbury crest – a winged dove
with leafed twig in its beak – was indicative of his peace,
gentleness and always optimism. The finest 3 sons, 3
brothers - “Brother’s in Arms”. Gareth lived in the Cape
but KZN was his “home” – the land of the Zulu, the soil,
the green hills, the warm seas, the Drakensberg, the golf
courses, Maritzburg College and Johnny Clegg. Gareth,
an 80s man, will remain, “Forever Young”.
ADRI is beautiful and bravely battles desolate and
desperate days in her love, longing and loneliness for
her husband Gareth and her baby Micaela. She bears
her unimaginable heartache and sorrow with great
courage. Our hearts break for Adri and Nunu - our
Gareth-girls whom we love and carry in their sorrow.
Their well-being is our, and others, priority.
Adri and Cami spent a restful 3 weeks with friends of
hers and Gareth’s in Italy in September. Adri captured
magnificent photographs of Rome, Sorrento, Lucca,
Florence and Vienna and came back rested and revived,
a respite for her for that while, but who must now try
and cope again with her sorrow and grief and the
emptiness of a ‘sad’ house that once knew light,
laughter, warmth, sunshine, brightness, fun, action,
noise, singing, happy chatter, cosy ‘catch-up’- moments
of the day, dreams in the night, companionship, action,
and socializing.
“So much love Mom, with no where to go”. Adri is a
devoted and dedicated mother and guides Cami
through her grief with courage and commitment as she
deals with the desolation of her own grief with great
fortitude. Adri’s right arm improves day by day with
scars the testimony of her fortitude.
Adri organised and convened a large and successful
‘Gareth and Micaela Charity Golf Day’ which was held
on 19 October 2008 at Stellenbosch Country Club. The
day was a great success with generous contributions
raised for the charity Kidz2Kidz. It was good to be
busy. The weather was kind as 28 4Balls took to the
field. 170 adult friends and 77 children gathered for
lunch and the day’s events - a special day with beautiful
people at a beautiful place to remember Gareth and
Micaela. The kindness and generosity of friends,
sponsors, prizes and auction donations, was
overwhelming. Adri manages her and Cami’s life with
perspective and purpose.
CAMI is our sunshine in this terrible storm. Her
Dada’s girl, she clearly remembers her Dada’s love,
laughter and loud-fun of rough and tumbles, high
swings and milkshakes, books, bedtime and Bible. We
will keep that memory alive. Our little Gareth-girl
spends every second weekend with us and delights our
hearts with everything she is and everything she does.
Nunu (Gareth’s name for his little one) is a precious, pretty,
perceptive, caring, lively, loving, kind, adventurous, chatty,
busy, sporty, inquisitive and quaint little girl. Gareth’s
adored little lass - who enjoys her bikey, books, bossing
Sammy-dog and walking in the vineyards and forest
collecting interesting things for Mama. She confidently
displays her Dada’s character with sunny brightness, chatter,
enjoyment of activity, love of books and love and empathy
for people and animals. She talks about Dada and “my
sister” Micaela , always.
With a riot of grandies, dogs, bikes, picnic basket and
exuberance we set off to the dam were Cami discovers,
“Muddy feet is nice Gran”. And later, “Let’s go and get muddy
feet again, Gran”. “When Dada swings me very high he laughs
and laughs and laughs” (his name is Laughter my little one).
“Dada take me for milkshake at Willowbridge every day
(Saturdays)”. Guess what my darling. Grampa is taking you
for a milkshake today. “I love you (and milkshakes!) Gran.” I
attend to and watch over her through moments of missing,
quiet and thoughtful processing. I hold her tight on my lap,
stroke her dark, shiny little head, sing her a lullaby and tell
her that I love her “to the sun, moon and stars and back”.
Lying on her bed with her at night, fingers linked, heads and
heartbeats together and blinds opened wide to the starry,
Cape, midnight-blue sky, we talk. “That my best star Granny,
Dada at that star, I miss him Ganna, I love my Dada”. Oh, me
too my darling. Dada loves you so much and didn’t want to
leave you and Mama but Jesus invited him to be with Him in
Heaven and to look after Micaela. “We will be with Dada at
that star one day”, she offers with a call for another lullaby
and “Stay with me Gran”. Always. Long after she is asleep I
lie and look at her little Gareth-face and remember ... .
MICAELA was beginning to learn from her Dada and to
follow in his footsteps.
Her ever-ready smile,
contentment and happy disposition was evidence of
this. Micaela, miracle baby, was brought into the world
through much pain, travail and selfless commitment,
devotion and faith, of a trusting mother. Adri and
Micaela survived a turbulent delivery and birth that
threatened the lives of both mother and daughter. I can
still see the surrender of Adri’s determination and the
patience of Gareth’s love as he and Cami and Adri
endured each day of separation during her 7 week long
stay in hospital before and after the birth of their little
lamb.
RYAN, like Tyrone, suffers heartache and unashamedly
allows tears to flow. Gareth was so proud of Ryan,
encouraging him as he stood by in strong support. Ryan
endures his heartache with fortitude and missing. He is
doing extremely well with his stylish and stunning
Arpeggio, newly extended and renovated throughout
(June-August 2008). The Ristorante is popular, buzzing
and busy and Ryan has introduced “Mio Fratello” (‘my
brother’) a popular pasta dish. Ryan now has a young,
vibrant and efficient staff who help to relieve the stress,
pressure, exhaustion and frustration of what he
endured after the initial building and staff problems.
We are so very grateful. I worked long, hard and late
hours with the Décor which is striking and sets a
lovely tone in the Ristorante. An extremely talented
friend painted a 9m wall mural depicting a view from
a villa across stones, maze, hedge, arbour, pine-nut
trees, hills and sky – with a beautiful garden gate
sporting the Bradbury Family Crest and Motto – and
all this flanked by a wall of pillars and alcoves (in
relief). It is a beautiful and tranquil scene.
Ryan, from Biology teacher to Restaurateur, enjoyed a
wonderful 2 weeks travelling 5000kms across Italy and
Sicily in July, savouring the cuisine and beauty of the
land of pasta. From Ivrea in the North (100kms from
Swiss border) through Piedmont, Tuscany, Parma,
Milan, Bologna, Naples, Reggio d’Calabria to
Taormina and Palermo in Sicily before Rome, Siena,
Florence and Milan. He sadly missed the Amalfi
Coast, Capri and Sorrento due to a transport strike on
Sicily which had him thoroughly enjoy extra actionpacked days of sun and laughter with dear Maria and
Calegiro in Capo d’Orlando Sicily.
He recently
acquired a 3 litre silver white Mitsubishi Colt Club
Cab. Gareth would have had a good name for this one
too.
The family continues to travel away on holiday together
twice a year. Family holidays were Gareth’s priority.
They will continue with Gareth and Micaela in our love
and memory. Mahai in the Northern Drakensberg,
which Gareth ‘owned’, saw our 32nd Easter visit this year
(with a gathering at Hippo Pools on the Mahai River
where Gareth spent his youth, for the scattering of
Gareth and Micaela’s ashes as Gareth wished) and
Knysna (Gareth’s place and style) will find us visiting
Under Milkwood again this December, God willing. The
family must learn to weave its loose threads back into
the tapestry of life without the Shuttle that once pulled
its weft and warp.
With Gareth the world was vibrant, bright, lively, warm
and filled with banter, humour, hugs, love, loyalty,
laughter, light and grace – and rallying calls to action.
The space is silent, pace slowed and the void Garethshaped. The family meets at sometime on most every
weekend (as we mostly always did) for lunch, the day,
rugby, when we talk always of Gareth and his little lamb
with tears and tenderness - and laughter and smiles.
The grandies continue to honour their hero with their
love, empathy, memories, smiles and tears. To them
the leadership and loudness of fun has ceased.
Rob (and the Nutriplus office) is very busy feeding well
over 100,000 learners (daily) in the WCape School
Nutrition Programme.
The large numbers are
increasing with the upturn of poverty and downturn of
the economy. The WC Ed Dept uses Rob’s advice,
business acumen and models which facilitates the
efficient and smooth functioning of the scheme.
Nutriplus has opened a new factory in a pleasant
industrial complex in Stellenbosch where Nutrismart
manufactures and packages SmartSoy an excellent Soya
Mince and dried veggies product. A successful venture
and another food company to keep pace with Nutriplus,
Arpeggio and X-IT.
I enjoy working flexi-time in Rob’s office and attend our
grandies sport, school and cultural activities and
functions. Their weekend sleep-overs are a riot of fun,
love, action and satisfying exhaustion. Rob and I are
blessed indeed. Cami was a starfish in her school
concert. Her Dada’s star. Both steel plates were
removed from Cami’s legs (thighs) on 27th November
2008 and her little face is healing so beautifully under
the care of her Mama and the Specialist.
Our garden is being upgraded at present with small
house alterations scheduled for next year.
On Sunday 9 November 2008 the family spent the day
together. We enjoyed Gareth’s favourite food, music and
talked about him with love, tenderness, tears and the
agony of loss and longing read and heard God’s promises
and watched the children pool and play. It was a sad and
bitter-sweet time as memories bombarded us and
overwhelmed our frailty. But we smiled and laughed and
loved - as Gareth always did.
On Wednesday 12 November 2008 we crafted a posy for
Micaela and wept with and for Adri.
Where do Rob and I and our family begin and end in our
thanks to all of you for your love, many hundreds of
smses, reams of emails, phone calls, encouragement,
support and empathy and flights ‘down’ and ‘from’ (also
Australia, USA, Canada and UK)? How are we able to
express our gratitude for the selfless extent of your
goodness, tears, kindness, love, standing alongside and
shared heartache and friendship? Gareth’s love and
legacy to us reaps your kindness and love.
We are so grateful that you knew and loved Gareth.
Thank you for walking quietly, gently and softly
alongside and for identifying with us in loving
understanding and empathy as you continue to hug,
hold, pray for and cry with us. We know how much you
also grieve for Gareth and Micaela.
Jesus said, “In this world you will have tribulation, but
be of good cheer (in the knowledge of His completed
work, our response and assurance of our real home
with Him in Heaven/New Earth) for I have overcome
the world” (of sin and death, by victory through
resurrection - our hope).
With love, hugs and heart,
ROB & SHAN
Philippians 1:20 perfectly describes Gareth:
“This is in keeping with my own eager desire and persistent expectation and
hope, that I shall not disgrace myself nor be put to shame in anything; but that
with the utmost freedom of speech and unfailing courage, now as always
theretofore, Christ the Messiah will be magnified and get glory and praise in this
body of mine and be boldly exalted in my person whether through by life or
through by death.”
End