Transcript How To Keep Both Feet On The Ground & Out of Your Mouth

How To Keep Both Feet On The
Ground & Out of Your Mouth
Presenter - Monica Swallop
Tides Of Change
March 6 & 7, 2007
Co-presenters:
• Mary Guertler
• Michele Haines
• Barbarann
Lichtewalner
• Cheryl Breitfeller
• Sharon Karpiszin
•Nancy Rehrig
•Marty Landis
•Linda Kerschner
•Kitti Berkheimer
•Susan Stimpfle
Co-presenters
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Maureen Foster
Audrey Hammen
Linda Lee Iezzi
Diane Millman
Jane Wentz
Sandy Mink
Diane Carfara
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Robin German
Linda Andreas
Tammy Boom
Sue Supenia
Karen Jackson
Sharon Mitchell
Relativity
“If you change the way you look at
things, the things you look at will
change”
~Wayne Dyer
Turn it around...
• Look at a situation from all angles
• Look at the other person’s point of view
• Put yourself in their place
• Bring together different viewpoints
Take Charge of Your Emotions
• Live lightly
• Respond rather than react
• Avoid going to extremes
• Bypass bickering
Think Nice
• Set the tone
• Smile…people can hear
• Please
• Thank you
• Sincere compliments
Think Twice
“It is better to remain silent and be
thought a fool than to speak and
remove all doubt.”
– Mark Twain
Give the Benefit of the Doubt
• Assumptions are often false
• Don’t make a movie out of a situation
Avoid Judgement
• Put your mind in gear before your
mouth
• Best time to say nothing is when you
have the most to say
Five Rule
• Think of 5 good points about the person
- Nice smile
- Loves animals
- Great hair cut
- Kind
- Bakes a good cake
Five Rule
• Think of 5 reasons why person may
be acting the way they are:
- Their shoes are too tight
- They are hungry
- They don’t feel well
- They were called to task
- Fight with spouse
Find the good...
“Everyone has good in them…you
just have to look harder with some
people.”
~St. Theresa
Gossip – Drama Llama
• How would you feel if someone said the
same thing about you?
• If you can’t answer “I would like that”, don’t
say it or repeat it.
• Is this being said for a constructive
purpose?
• Is it being exaggerated in order to add
drama/excitement?
Recognize the Power of Words
• Once you recognize the power of words,
you are well on your way to speaking
words that uplift rather than tear down
• Awareness is half the battle
• Think before you speak
“I have never been hurt by
anything I did not say.”
~ Calvin Coolidge
Tactful Phrases
When you disagree:
• It seems to me that the problem…
• While I don’t agree with your conclusion...
• Would it be possible for you to recheck...
Tactful Phrases
When situation gets heated:
• Obviously you are too upset to discuss this
now, I will talk to you later.
• We don’t have to agree, but is there any
reason we can’t be civil to each other?
• You have every right to feel that way if that
were the case.
Tactful Phrases
• I understand you have a problem
with that, but I expect to be treated
with courtesy and professionalism
Tactful Phrases
When you are being pressured:
• I don’t feel totally comfortable with that…
• Don’t you think it would be a good idea to
hold off until...
Tactful Phrases
When clarification is needed…
- I’d appreciate your help understanding this…
- Perhaps I misunderstood…
- It looks like we got our signals crossed…
- Perhaps I did not explain myself clearly…
Tactful Phrases
• With all due respect….
Tactful Phrases
When you want to express anger:
- I feel I was treated unfairly...
- I was upset when I realized…
Anger
• Anger is one letter short of danger
• Walk away
• Evaluate the situation
It’s all in how you say it...
Avoid
Alternative
• You have to…(controlling) • Are you willing to…
• I can not..
• I will try…
• But….
• End the sentence; try
however
• I am sorry
• I apologize (use the
person’s name in
sentence form).
Humor
• Lightens up a situation
• Breaks down barriers
• Laughter is underestimated in the work
environment
• Create your own
Body Language
• Negative - “I don’t believe anything you are
saying - and I am bored.”
• Positive - “ I am really interested in what
you are saying.”
Body Language
• Avoid ‘closed’ body posture
- Arms folded across chest
- Hiding your hands and palms
Body Language
• Avoid touching face when speaking.
– Rubbing nose, eyes, ears, head, or neck shows
doubt in what you are saying or hearing
• Blink normally and nod your head to show
agreement
Avoid Extraneous Movements
• Finger drumming
• Scratching
• Twitching
• Darting eyes around the room
Positive Expectations
“This is a waste of time!”
“They’ll never agree to this.”
• If you don’t believe it, what makes you think
they will?
• Talk yourself into a state of optimism
• Go in with courage of your convictions
Being Proactive
Evaluate the Situation
• Is this trivial?
• Can I let this roll off my back?
• Take time to think about what it is you want
• Do not react from emotions
• Be honest with yourself; empathic with the
other side
History of the Situation
• Is it someone/something you deal with
everyday?
• Is the behavior intentional or innocent?
• Is it temporary?
• Will it change?
Let’s Talk
• Get the facts, or the facts will get you
• Be prepared to present in a confident
manner
• Use words or terms you are familiar with
• Keep it simple
• Know what it is that you want
• Focus
5 Second Confidence Fix
• Use ‘proud me’ posture - Your mother
probably taught it to you!
• Sit up straight
• Pull your shoulders up and back
• Automatically pulls your head up
• You will feel more optimistic & things will
literally be looking up
Greeting
• Make eye contact
• Smile
• Shake hands if you are comfortable doing
so and if appropriate
• Make it personal, use names
Express Your Intent
• Start with person’s name
• Use that cooperative attitude
• Speak slowly and clearly
• Avoid words that you might stumble over
• If you do stumble, replace the word with
another one
• Show the proper respect
Stand on Principles
• Avoid trying to outwit the other person
• Stand tall but don’t knock down
• Get your point across by presenting with a
cooperative attitude
Listen Attentively
• Let them know you are hearing their
concerns by repeating them and
asking questions
• Maintain eye contact
• Avoid unblinking stare…let them know
you are interested & still alive
Summary
• Relativity - look at the whole picture
• Take charge of your emotions - live lightly
• Think nice - think twice
• Give the benefit of the doubt
• Five Rules
• Recognize the power of words
Be Confident - Be Proactive
“Why not go out on a limb?
That is where the fruit is.”
~ Will Rogers