Transcript Revising Frankenstein’s Hero Journey

Revising Frankenstein’s Hero
Journey
The good news:
• Students used quotes from the text to support
their analysis.
• Students did not lose focus. Almost everyone
stayed on topic and had a steady focus.
• Students organized their essays as essays
should be organized (mostly).
• Nearly everyone used in-text citations for their
quotes.
The bad news:
• Most people scored “Approaches Expectations” in
Idea Development, Reading/Research,
Conventions, and Content Understanding.
• Lots of quotes were just “dropped in” and not
explained.
• The use of the words “This shows” over and over
again makes it clear to me that you don’t know
the difference between showing and telling.
So? What now?
• Revise!!! Learn from your mistakes and fix
them.
Idea Development
If you have a 4: You need to explain yourself in
your paragraphs. You need to show the reader
WHY you know this example from Frankenstein fits
with this point in the Hero Journey.
If you have a 5: You need to explain HOW your
quote shows proves that this example fits with the
Hero Journey.
If you have a 6: You need to connect HOW this step
in the Hero Journey leads Victor or the Monster
down the path to being a hero—transformation. In
order to make it to an A, you must connect each
step back to Joseph Campbell’s definition of a hero.
Reading/Research
• If you have a 4: You probably didn’t cite or quote
the hero notes. You just wrote what you know as
if they were your ideas.
• If you have a 5: You have good quotes, but they
may be too long, or your quotes are inconsistent.
• If you have a 6: You cannot get an A in this
category unless you can show a seamless
transition between your quotes and your words.
As are reserved for those whose quotes are
impeccable. Both the quotes from the Hero
Journey notes and Frankenstein should be the
BEST quotes available.
Conventions
• If you have a 4: You likely were inconsistent
citing sources, used tone that wasn’t scholarly, or
had repeated the same sorts of punctuation
errors again and again. You may have even done
all three.
• If you have a 5: You probably did one of the
three things above.
• If you have a 6: You did most things right, but to
get the A you need to show that you can use all
kinds of sentences and commit VERY few errors.
To get the A, your citations need to be PERFECT.
Content Understanding
• If you have a 4: You briefly noted the step in
the hero journey, but you didn’t show a strong
understanding of the steps.
• If you have a 5: You add some details to the
steps, but you may be inconsistent overall.
• If you have a 6: To get the A in this category,
you need to know the journey, be able to
thoroughly explain each step, and show how
each step changes the character into a hero.
Focus, Controlling Idea, and
Organization
• To get to an A in these categories, you need to
continually support your very strong thesis. Each
step in the journey would show how it’s Victor or
the Creature who is clearly the hero.
• An A in these categories happens when all the
other categories are stellar. Because only
through thorough idea development will readers
see the connections in your focus and controlling
idea.
• Your transitions would be subtle. You wouldn’t
use things like “the next step in the Hero
Journey.”
Example revision
According to Campbell, the Belly of the Whale is the
point of no return. For the Creature, this is the point
where he has been disappointed so many times that
he turns to evil. When the Creature kills William, it is
just the first of many deaths caused by the creature.
“William is dead—that sweet child whose smiles
delighted and warmed my heart... Victor, he is
murdered” (Shelley 143). These are the words of
Victor’s father, in the letter informing Victor of his
brother’s death. The creature has murdered an
innocent child in an attempt to avenge himself
against Victor. It is significant that William is
basically the opposite of the creature in every way.
The monster is jealous. The creature then places the
locket in Justine’s pocket, which causes Justine to be
executed as William’s murderer. This shows that the
creature has snapped under the weight of his own
isolation. He has given up ever connecting with
Victor or any other human in a positive way.
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Where is the transition
from the previous
paragraph?
Where do you explain what
this stage is supposed to
look like?
How does this quote show
that there’s no going back?
You say it is significant that
William is the opposite of
the creature, but you don’t
explain the significance.
What does the locket have
to do with anything?
The last two sentences are
GREAT, but they should be
the focus of the paragraph,
not the end.
Get rid of things like “these
are the words…” “this
shows…” and
inappropriate tone like “is
basically “