Transcript SAFE DATES - Killingly Public Schools / Overview

SAFE DATES
An Adolescent Dating Abuse
Prevention Curriculum
DEFINING CARING
RELATIONSHIPS

Important qualities in a dating relationship

Supportive & caring actions

Treatment from a dating partner

Treatment to a dating partner

Choice in the way treated from a dating partner

Choice in the way to treat a dating partner
Important Qualities in a Relationship
Funny
 Independent
 Respected
 Trusted
 Supported
 Encouraged
 Loved
 Excited
 Romanced

DEFINING DATING ABUSE

Harmful dating behaviors

Physical & Emotional abusive behaviors

Physical & Emotional abuse in the dating
relationship

Abusive behavior identification

Susceptibility to dating abuse

Rejection of abuse in a dating relationship
Emotional Harmful Behaviors



















Calling a Date Names
Criticizing Opinions
Ignoring a Date’s Feelings
Isolating Date from Others
Behaving Jealously
Telling Lies
Scaring a Date
Cheating on a Date
Making Someone Feel Guilty
Spreading Rumors
Threatening to Hurt a Date
Threatening to Hurt Oneself
Using Sexually Derogatory Names
Criticizing Beliefs about Sex
Putting Down Family and Friends
Driving Recklessly to Scare a Date
Humiliating a Date in Public or Private
Insulting a Date’s Beliefs or Values
Displaying Inappropriate Anger
Physical Harmful Behaviors




















Hitting
Scratching
Pushing
Pinching
Choking
Spitting
Shaking
Shoving
Forcing
Biting
Pulling Hair
Using a Weapon
Throwing Things
Keeping a Date from Leaving
Molestation
Rape
Forcing Unwanted Sexual Actions
Damaging Personal Property
Acting in an Intimidating Way
Purposefully Injuring an Animal
WHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE?

Controlling & Manipulative functions of dating abuse

Identification of abusive behaviors

Misperceptions about dating abuse

Dating abuse as a serious matter

Abuse is not a victims fault

Short & Long term consequences of abusive relationships

Warning signs of an abusive relationship
Short-term Consequences of Abuse










Break-up
Fight
Resentment
Frustration
Anger
Scared/Fear
Insecurity
Pain
Suffering
Physical Injuries
Long-term Consequences of Abuse
Break-up
 Arrested
 Death
 Suicide
 Depression
 Chronic Physical Injuries
 Trust Issues
 Lose of Friends/Family
 Damaged Relationships

HOW TO HELP FRIENDS

Complexity of decision making in leaving an
abusive relationship

Difficulty & fear of asking for help from the victim

Ways to support a friend that is a victim

Community resources for abuse

How to find help if a victim of abuse
HELPING FRIENDS

Red flags of dating
abuse

Confronting a friend
about dating abuse

Supporting a friend in
an abusive
relationship
Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who
may be in an Abusive Relationship)









Being Physically Hurt
Feeling Afraid of you Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Feeling Isolated
Losing Friends
Changing behavior due to girlfriend/boyfriend
jealousy
Feeling embarrassed, ashamed, put down or
guilty
Being Threatened
Feeling Manipulated or Controlled
Feeling Nervous, Sick to Stomach when
boyfriend/girlfriend is Irritated, Frustrated or
Angry
Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who
may be in an Abusive Relationship)





Feeling a pounding or fluttering in chest when
boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t happy
Not being allowed to, or being afraid to, make
decisions for yourself
Noticing that your girlfriend/boyfriend has very
traditional (stereotypical) beliefs about women
and men
Feeling as if your date gets too personal or
touches you in an unwanted way
Not having your thoughts or wishes for personal
space respected
Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who
may be Abusing their Partner)









Physical Assaulting partner
Intimidating partner
Angry if partner spends time with other people
Asking partner to change behavior because
you’re jealous
Verbally threatening partner
Using “guilt trips” to get partner to do something
Feeling unable to control your own feeling of
anger
Making partner afraid of you
Forcing partner to do sexual things that he or she
is not comfortable doing
Helping a Friend









Believe Story
Make Sure They are Safe/Safety Plan
Tell Person They Don’t Deserve to be Abused
Ask Many Questions to get them to Think about
Problem
Ask them their Options (leave, stay, get advice
from professional, etc)
Let them know Abuse gets Worse if Ignored
Encourage them to Seek Help (Hotline; Legal,
Medical, Counseling resources)
Don’t Gossip
Let Victim Make Own Decisions (Let make
decision when they are ready)
OVERCOMING GENDER
STEREOTYPES

Specific images of
dating relationships

Images influence on
interactions in
relationship

Harmful consequences
of gender stereotyping

Role of gender
stereotypes in dating
relationships
Gender Stereotypes











Boys Pay for Dates
Boy makes physical advances
Only boys can ask girls out
Girls should play hard to get
Women should be caretakers
Women should do work in the kitchen
Women should always obey and listen to men
Me should be in control
Men should be waited on
All men are violent
Women are emotional and irrational
EQUAL POWER THROUGH
COMMUNICATION

Eight communication
skills for resolving
conflict

Non-violent responses
to partner that does
not communicate fair
and equal
Eight Basic Skills for Equal
Communication








Secure your center (respond when thinking clearly)
Ask clarifying questions (honest/open questions,
avoid misunderstanding)
Find out partner’s feelings (feels about situation)
Express feelings (be honest and specific)
Determine what’s important to you (can’t
compromise)
Acknowledge what’s important to partner
Think about similarities and differences
(determine where agree/disagree and why disagree)
Exchange ideas for possible solutions
(brainstorm)
HOW WE FEEL, HOW WE DEAL

Expression of feelings and emotions

Acknowledgment of feelings

Situations that trigger anger

Physiological & Psychological cues of anger

Non-violent responses to anger

Choice of response when angry
Hot Buttons (Triggers)
Someone
 Someone
promises
 Someone
 Someone
feelings

who is always late
who doesn’t follow through on
being loud and obnoxious
does something that hurts your
Diffusing Anger












Talking to myself (positive self-talk)
Walking/Running
Counting
Controlling my breathing
Crying
Walking Away/Removing self from situation
Hitting pillow
Exercising strenuously
Asking someone for advice
Explaining to the person why I’m angry
Playing with my pet
Listening to music
Eight Dating Tips











Things to do to protect self:
Double-date, go out with group of friends
Date in public places
Decide boundaries on sex, be firm and clear
Trust feelings and instincts
Be careful if date holds strong gender stereotypes
Things to do to respect partner:
Respect dates feelings and wishes about being
sexual
Pay attention to date’s body language
Be aware of own gender stereotypes
Stop physical advances if date says NO
PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT

Sexual assault victims never to
blame

Rape is unacceptable

Understand & interpret “NO” cues

Protecting yourself in potential
rape situation

Establish clear sexual boundaries
with dating partner

Tips to decrease chance of being
a victim of sexual assault
SUMMARY TOPICS
DATING ABUSE & CONSEQUENCES
“RED FLAGS” FOR ABUSE
EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION
PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT