Transcript The Art of Communication

The Art of Communication
Prepared for More Than Manners
By Tracy Kramer
January 2006
The ability to use language, to communicate with
people in times of joy and sorrow, and to persuade,
soothe, enchant, or calm another person, is a great
gift. It’s called the art of communication.
Letitia Baldridge
Complete Guide to the New Executive Manners in the ’90s
The Art of Communication
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The Two Vs
Conversational Skills
Small Talk
Remembering Names
Eye Contact
Body Language
Making a Presentation
Dealing with Difficult
People or Situations
 Giving and Receiving
Compliments
 Telephone Manners
 Mobile Phone
Etiquette
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The Two Vs: Voice and Vocabulary
Your conversation and ability to
communicate is enlivened by a good
vocabulary, but it is also transmitted
through the voice.
 A poor vocabulary will limit your ability to
convey the message that you really mean.
 An unpleasant voice can distract the
listener from even the most well-scripted
message.
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Having a “Great Voice”
When you hear a great speaking voice, most likely
that person:
 Is easy to understand, with good enunciation
 Speaks without strain, at a low, comfortable
pitch
 Projects enthusiasm with the voice, rather than
fatigue or depression.
 Has an unaccented, or lightly accented, voice
 Speaks at a controlled volume, neither too loud
nor too soft
 Has good pacing, neither too fast nor too slow
Cultivating a Pleasing Voice
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A well-modulated voice is a tremendous asset,
but a poor one can hold you back in your career
and social life.
Record you voice: Reading, presenting, speaking
with friends, on the telephone.
Evaluate your vocal qualities—alone and with
friends.
Pin-point areas that need improvement and
embark on a plan to make incremental changes.
Re-evaluate yourself often. Enlist the help of
friends to prevent back-sliding.
Building a Powerful Vocabulary
“Good language is contagious.” Clare
Boothe Luce
 Keep a dictionary with you.
 Read, read, read.
 Word-of-the-Day strategies
 Human Thesaurus strategies
 Word puzzles and games
 Eliminate foul language
I know you believe you understand what
you think I said, but I am not sure you
realize that what you heard is not what I
meant. --Oscar Wilde
Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so
we could hear twice as much as we speak.
---Epictetus
Power Communication Skills
To develop power in your communication skills, try
these techniques:
1.
Become proactive. You decide your own
actions, attitudes, and feelings. DECIDE to be
a good communicator. DECIDE to not be shy.
2.
Use visualization. Visualize what you want
to happen, then make it happen.
3.
Ask for Assistance. Have someone you trust
help you correct any communication problems.
Verbal Power
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Pitch and projection. Develop good voice
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Use silence. Silence can be powerful. Use it to
control. Avoid high pitch and mumbling.
 Act confident. Never let them see you sweat.
gather thought or provoke a response.
 Verbalize goals. Be very clear and specific
about what you want or need.
 Humor. Humor creates a bond and can diffuse
tense situations.
Small Talk
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What is “Small Talk”?
 Small
talk is casual or trivial conversation
 It is amiable, unhurried (unimportant)
conversation that is a prologue to serious
business conversation.
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When do you make small talk?
 While
waiting (for your drink, your meal,
other members of your party, for the meeting
to start, etc.)
Why is Small Talk Important?
Small talk is what persons say to each other to
find common ground. It’s how they get to know
one another.
 Small talk allows people to connect without the
threat of business decisions or tension.
 It can become a competitive edge when it
renders a person attractive and makes him or
her a pleasant person to sit next to at a
meeting, at lunch, at dinner, or other situations.
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I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than for
any other ability under the sun. -- John D. Rockefeller
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Technical skills and knowledge account for
only 15 percent of
 The
reason you get a job
 Keep a job
 Advance in a job
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85% of your job success is connected to
your people skills, e.g. communication
How Do You Make Small Talk?
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The single best topic of small talk is the
other person.
 Example:
“Mary, you gave an excellent
presentation. That must have required a lot
of research.”
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The main thing to remember is to keep it
light and upbeat. If you remember to
smile while you talk, you’ll make the
person listening to you smile, too.
Small Talk at a Business Lunch
If you’re the guest, make small talk until the
host signals the beginning of business talk.
 If you know the other person is married and/or
has a family, ask a very general question about
it. If they don’t pick up the ball, drop it.
 Bring up light business topics, such as new
businesses, new inventions, funny happenings.
Nothing heavy or serious.
 A good joke is best delivered early, before the
business discussion begins.
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Small Talk at a Social Function
Give equal time to everyone around you,
especially both dinner partners.
 If conversation bogs down, ask “personal”
questions: Where was your last vacation? How
do you know the host/hostess? What was the
last movie seen/book read? Etc.
 Lauch light topics of interest to all, not boring or
depressing ones.
 If you know any good quotes, bring them out
only when they fit the occasion.
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When NOT to Make Small Talk
Anytime someone is concentrating:
Reading, working, involved in another
conversation.
 When privacy might be expected: In a
doctor’s/dentist’s waiting room, in a
changing room, in a restroom.
 When someone doesn’t respond to your
initial gambit, but goes immediately back
to their previous activity.
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Conversational Tips
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Be well informed. Read books, newspapers,
periodicals, etc. to keep current.
Be prepared. Be aware of and conversant about
any “hot” topics in the news.
Don’t interrupt. Let whomever you’re talking
with finish their conversation.
Do listen. Part of good conversation is
responding, not just waiting for your turn to talk.
Do think before you respond. Give a thoughtful
response, one that shows you were listening.
What to Talk About
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An interesting or fun topic
from the papers
Ask parents about their
children
Congratulate someone for
recovering from an
illness/surgery
Propose fundraising ideas for a
social need
Provide news of sports of
major interest, like the
Olympics
Discuss the real estate market
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Discuss heartening news about
the economy
Discuss local civic problems
and how you might help
Describe fascinating
discoveries or inventions
you’ve heard about
Provide happy news of mutual
friends
Talk about the latest play,
concert, cultural event in your
area.
What NOT to Talk about
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Your health
The cost of things
Mean gossip
Off-color jokes
Non-humorous
controversial issues
Depressing news items
The break up of a
relationship
Details of an illness or
surgery
Depressing economic
news
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Ranting about local civic
problems
Criticizing local artistic
events
Passing judgment on
what people eat or drink
Discoursing on a sporting
event that is not
interesting to all parties
Politics in any
controversial manner
Religion, in any
judgmental manner
How to tell if you’re a conversational
bore
You’re likely a conversational bore is people:
 Are looking around the room (for someone to save
them)
 Have eyes that are glazed over
 Have sunk so deeply into their chairs, they’re practically
lying down
 Have given up trying to interrupt you
 Keep checking their watches
It’s the conversationalist who overdoes it, who won’t get
off the subject, or how sticks to his or her topic like glue
that is the bore.
The three topics most likely to bore others are: Your
health, your job, and your children.
How to be a Conversational Hero
Listen. Listen attentively to others.
 No interruptions. Let everyone finish speaking
 Show a great sense of humor. Be able to
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laugh at one’s self
 Be able to talk on any subject. This means
being well read and knowledgeable
 Know how to diffuse someone else’s mournful
conversation
 Know how to take a topic of conversation into
new, interesting depths
How to Remember Names
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An important skill is the ability to remember names.
Stop telling yourself that you don’t remember names and
convince yourself that you are great at remembering
names.
Slow down, listen carefully, mentally repeat the name
and a connection, then verify that you heard it correctly.
Use the person’s name often, over and over, during the
initial conversation.
Look at the person’s name tag and features and make a
mental connection.
If the name is unusual or difficult, ask the person to spell
it.
Ask for a business card, if it’s appropriate--not a superior
Forgotten Names
If someone can’t remember your name:
smile, reintroduce yourself, and tell how
you originally met.
 If you can’t remember a person’s name:
Apologize, acknowledge previous
introduction, and ask for their name.
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Non-Verbal Communication
The most important thing in communications
is to hear what isn’t being said. --Peter F.
Drucker
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Body language is defined as “gestures,
unconscious bodily movements, facial
expressions, etc. which serve as nonverbal
communications or as accompaniments to
speech”
Body Language
Your words can be neutralized, contradicted, or
supported by your body language.
 55% or someone’s impression of you is visual,
38% is presentation—and words account for
only 7 % of the impact of your message.
 It’s not what you say, but how you say it, that
makes the biggest impact.
 The less you rely on gestures, the more people
are forced to pay attention to your words.
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Negative Body Language
Crossed arms signify
resistance or a closed
mind
 Leaning (on anything)
signifies laziness and
a lack of power.
 Lack of eye contact,
including looking
away, rolling eyes, etc
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Flailing arms or too
large hand gestures—
too distracting
 Leg swinging or foot
tapping—signifies
impatience
 Nail biting
 Slouching or poor
posture
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Eye Contact
Speaking without making eye contact is like
talking with a bag over your head. -Dorothy Sarnoff
 Eyes can project confidence and inspire
instant trust.
 Eyes convey the messages of approval,
love, interest, sincerity, credibility,
enthusiasm, excitement—and all of the
negative emotions, as well.
Eye Contact
Direct eye contact is vital if you’re to truly
communicate with another person.
 Direct eye contact should be made 40 to
60 percent of the time.
 Eye contact of less than 40% of the time
is seen as shifty.
 If eye contact is more than 60% of the
time, it is perceived as aggressive or
invasive.
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Eye Contact
Look directly at the person when they
speak and when you are speaking
 To be a good listener, your eyes should
say, “What you have to say is important to
me.”
 When you’re the talker, your eyes should
say, “What I have to say is really
interesting.” Convey enthusiasm.
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Eye Signals
The Business Gaze: concentrates on the
forehead, eyes and nose
 The Social Gaze: concentrates on the
eyes, nose, and mouth
 The Intimate Gaze: concentrates on the
mouth and lower
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Making Presentations That Get
Results
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Know your material
Organize your outline
Create opportunities for audience
participation
Be yourself
Believe in your message
Ways to Gain a Group’s Attention and
Interest
1.
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3.
Ask a question
Tell a joke or story
Say something unexpected
Basics of Public Speaking
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Get sleep the night before
Make sure you’re
appropriately dressed
Mingle with your
audience beforehand, if
possible
Fight anxiety by willing
yourself to relax—
mentally, physically and
emotionally
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Watch your posture
Take great care with the
content of your speech
Know your material to
perfection
Don’t eat just before you
speak
Just before you start,
psych yourself up
Relax
Basics of Public Speaking
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As you begin speaking,
look over your audience,
still smiling, and then
take a couple of deep
breaths
Make your first words
something light
As you talk, keep
sweeping your eyes over
the entire room
Keep listening to the
sound of your voice over
the microphone
Smile a lot
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Keep a glass of water
(not ice) nearby
Make absolutely certain
your equipment has been
checked out
Use your body language
to help persuade:
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Use hands deliberately, not
constantly
Don’t push on glasses
Control nervous habits
Stand upright, without
clutching or leaning on the
lectern
Dealing with Difficult People
A man and his friend stopped at a newsstand to
purchase a paper. The man thanked the vendor
politely, but the vendor remained coldly silent.
“A sullen fellow, isn’t he?” remarked the friend.
“Oh, he’s like that every night,” said the man.
“Then why do you continue to be so very polite to
him?” asked the friend.
Replied the man, “Why should I let him decide
how I’m going to act?”
From The Best of Sydney J. Harris
How to Handle Criticism
Ask questions. Search for the truth. Don’t
be defensive.
 Listen and reconfirm. Try to understand
the basis and message of the criticism.
 Sell the future. Try to find a way to make
the future better.
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How to Respond to Criticism
There are only 4 ways to respond to
criticism:
1. Accept it.
2. Reject it.
3. Ignore it.
4. Confrontation.
How do you respond? Take the selfassessment.
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Public Confrontations
Criticism in front of others is usually from
someone trying to force a response from you.
Your best option is to diffuse or delay. Never
ignore it.
1. Publicly thank the person for the criticism.
2. Tell the confronter, “John, this is not the
appropriate time or place to discuss this
situation. However, I’d like to meet with you in
private.
This way, you’ve accepted the criticism, but taken
control away from the confronter.
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Constructive Confrontation
Techniques
1.
2.
3.
I don’t like
(name the
behavior or situation you want changed)
I want
(name a specific
condition you want)
I’m willing to
(make an
offer to cooperate to bring about the
desired results)
How to Handle People Who
Habitually Fly Off the Handle
Choice 1: Ignore them.
Choice 2: Put up with them.
Choice 3: Don’t put up with them.
Can’t Ignore it? Don’t Want to Put
Up With It?
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If you choose not to put up with their behavior,
rehearsing statements like the following will
prepare for the situation when it arises again:
“The next time you use profanity, I’m going to
walk out in the middle of your sentence.”
“We’re not getting anywhere now. Let’s talk
later.”
“When you blow up like this, I tend to stop
listening. If we could discuss this issue when
we’ve calmed down, I think we’ll be able to
resolve it sooner.”
NEVER try to get the bully to take responsibility.
How to Win Over Someone Who’s
Against You
1.
2.
3.
4.
Find a point of agreement.
Ask them to clarify their position.
Suggest alternatives.
Find something you like about what they
do and compliment them. Be careful not
to patronize.
Extricating Yourself From Difficult
Situations
It takes courage and kindness to escape the
situation and still look gracious
 Your options are deflecting, distracting or
distancing
 You’re on a plane trying to work or sleep and
your seatmate gets chatty: “I wish I could talk
to you. I can see you’re a very interesting
person. But I’m on a deadline/I haven’t slept,
so I really need to work/sleep. I hope you don’t
mind that I don’t talk with you for a while.
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Extricating Yourself From Difficult
Situations
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A nasty argument has erupted: If you can’t distance yourself,
distract—”Enough of that subject. What about world peace?”
The stories are getting dirty in mixed company, making some guests
uncomfortable: “Do you mind if I ask Fred something? I’ve been
dying to hear is opinion on gay marriage all night.”
The conversation is way over the head of most of the crowd:
“You’re too smart for the rest of us. Come down to our planet for a
while and tell us about … telephone privacy.”
Someone has just committed a gross gaffe, making everyone go
quiet: Someone has to wade into the icy river and restart the
conversation “Turning from that controversial topic, less talk about
something less intense, like politics or religion. How about…”
If YOU make the gaffe, apologize immediately, sincerely, and try to
find a way to salvage the situation.. Without getting defensive.
Giving Compliments
Nothing is more affirmative than a
compliment.
 A compliment should not be exaggerated,
snide, or phony, because it turns into a
negative gesture.
 Say it with sincerity, from the heart.
 A compliment is an excellent ice-breaker
and conversation starter.
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When to Give Compliments
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After your hosts have
served a delicious meal or
entertaining cocktail party
After someone has made
a public appearance
After there has been
recognition or an honor
bestowed
When someone has
extended great effort on
a project
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When a person has done
something courageous
When a person has done
a good job, won or lost,
in a competitive sport
When a person has
achieved any type of
milestone in his/her life
Whenever its warranted
How to Accept a Compliment
Nothing can take the wind out of a person’s sails
faster than to have one’s compliment rejected.
 TAKE THE COMPLIMENT IN THE SPIRIT IT WAS
GIVEN.
When someone says something nice to you, say:
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Thank you
 Aren’t you nice to say that
 I really appreciate those warm words
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Whatever you do, don’t refute a compliment
Telephone Manners
75-80% of today’s business is conducted over
the telephone.
 The manner in which you answer your
telephone, at home or at the office, says a lot
about your concern for how you are perceived.
 Because we take the telephone for granted, we
have ceased to worry about what kind of noise
we are transmitting—including the sounds of
full-blown sneezes, coughs, chewing, grunts,
and even a soda being slurped through a straw.
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Basic Telephone Manners
Treat every call as
important. Every time
you place or receive a
call, your voice and
manner should reflect
your professional best.
 It’s the duty of the person
placing the call to identify
him/herself when the
phone is answered.
 The person you called
always has priority. Don’t
call someone, then put
them on hold.
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When your phone rings,
answer it promptly—
within 2 rings at the
office, 4 at home.
 Always identify yourself
when answering.
 Never ask “Who is
calling” or “What was
that name?”
 Risky option: “May I say
who is calling?”
 Always return calls—same
day if possible
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Basic Telephone Manners
When you take a
message, be sure to get
it right. Take the date,
time, caller’s name and
number and message.
Read it back.
 Time your call so it won’t
interfere with someone’s
job.
 Always ask if the time is
convenient.
 Always apologize when
you’ve dialed a wrong
number.
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If someone has an
appointment with you,
don’t take a phone call.
If you’re with someone in
their home or office and
they (have to) take a call,
offer to leave.
Watch background noises
If you initiated the call
and it’s disconnected, it’s
your responsibility to recall.
Take the time to give the
call a good ending.
Telephone Tag
Telephone tag is counterproductive, so try to
circumvent it.
 Leave a complete message. Tell what you need
and if it can be handled with or without a call
back.
 Ask persons you speak with frequently when
they prefer you to call them.
 Don’t just leave a message asking for a return
call. Find out, if possible, when the person will
be available and make a phone date with them.
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Answering Machines and Voice Mail
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Answering machines and voice mail are
important tools in today’s business.
Place short out-going messages on your
machine.
Don’t tell caller’s how to leave a message.
Don’t set amusing or musical out-going
messages.
The best messages are brief and clear: Leave
your name, telephone number, and a convenient
time to return your call.
Answering Machines and Voice Mail
When you’re the caller:
 Leave a complete &
accurate message
 Always leave a message;
don’t waste the call
 Always leave your name,
#, and convenient time to
call.
 Organize your thoughts
before you leave the
message
When it’s your machine:
 Leave a brief, clear
message
 Encourage content by
telling how long the
message may be
 Avoid platitudes
 Avoid long messages or
advertisements
 Update your message
frequently
Mobile Phone Etiquette
The prevalence of cellular/mobile phones
have created many opportunities to
engage in blatantly rude behavior.
 Today, people feel entitled to speak on
their phones whenever and wherever they
choose, regardless of their surroundings.
 In general, mobile phones should not be
used in public places or in the company of
other persons!
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Mobile Phone Etiquette
Avoid taking your phone
inside a restaurant,
concert, theater, or
church (unless it’s
necessary and turned
down)
 Talking loudly in a public
place is an invasion of
other people’s space and
privacy.
 Limit your conversation
on a plane or train.
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When sitting with or near
other people, don’t
intrude on their time or
space.
Never answer or place
calls in front of other
people without their
permission.
Be aware of how
exclusionary it is to
other’s around you.
Verbal Communication Conclusions
To have the reputation of being a great
conversationalist brings magic into your life.
You will be wanted as a guest at everyone’s
party; people will lean in your direction to hear
what you have to say; people may even quote
you—the most sincere form of flattery.
 It’s well worth acquiring the self-discipline and
the knowledge it takes to become a good
conversationalist.
 Excellent communication skills, at all levels, can
provide an advantage over the competition.
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E-Mail Etiquette
Too many people abuse e-mail:
 They forget everything they ever learned
about proper writing, punctuation, and
proof-reading.
 They assume that everyone needs to
know or cares about their smallest of
thoughts.
 They substitute anonymity for good
manners.
E-Mail Etiquette
Since the privacy of e-mail is doubtful,
before clicking the send button, ask
yourself:
 Have I said what I really meant to say?
Am I clear? No doubt about my meaning?
 Have I used distasteful language?
 Have I harmed anyone in my message?
 Have I done a good turn for someone
(compliment, etc.)?
E-Mail Etiquette
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Never send an e-mail out in all capital or lower
case letters.
Think twice (thrice?) about choosing “reply to
all.”
Do not send cutesie, up lifting, or chain-letter emails at the office.
Do not send angry or recriminating e-mails.
Use e-mails in the same manner you would
formal written communication.
Formal Business Letters
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A letter is an important reaction to an event: someone’s
good or bad news, renewing an old relationship, etc.
Business correspondence may touch on very personal
matters, not just the exchange of business.
Every time you add a personal sentence or two to a
formal business letter, you turn that letter into a
personal-business letter.
The ability of a good letter to influence is considerable.
The right kind of letter is far more effective than a fax,
e-mail or telephone call.
The Written Word
If you send a letter instead of fax, e-mail, or telephone:
 There is often better preparation involved.
 It is usually edited with care.
 It is often typed or written on good quality stock.
 Quality stationary is as pleasing to the touch and to the
eye.
 It usually has a handsome envelope, properly addressed.
 If in a sealed envelope, it is seen only by the recipient.
Letter Etiquette
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The office letterhead is meant
for business, not personal use.
If you are involved in a project
in which others also play
leading roles, you should make
copies for them when you
send or receive
correspondence.
Don’t send sloppy letters.
A hand-written letter is very
compelling, whether it’s on
company letterhead or your
own personal stationary.
Don’t write or type on both
sides of office letterhead.
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You may write on both sides of
personal stationary, if the
paper is thick enough.
If writing by hand, use black,
navy, or dark brown ink.
If you don’t have blank second
sheets, use another copy of
the letterhead and write “-2-”
at the top.
Be sure that the addressee’s
name is spelled properly and
that his/her title is included.
Over-familiarity in the
salutation may be
inappropriate.
Salutations
A letter to a peer or someone with whom
you are on a first name basis: “Dear Joe,”
 A letter to a superior you know on a
friendly basis, but don’t feel confident
about using a first name: “Dear Joe
Williams:”
 A more formal letter to a superior or
anyone you have not met: ”Dear Mr.
Williams:”
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Letter Content
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Letters are reserved for correspondence between
individuals, not within an organization.
Letters adhere to more complex conventions than
memos
Letters have a 3-part design: Introduction, middle and
ending.
In the introduction, acknowledge any previous
communication and explain why you are writing.
In the middle, use short paragraphs to detail your
message.
At the end, be very specific about what actions you want
to happen.
Letter Format
Date
Name
Company
Street Address
City, State Zip
Re:
Salutation:
Here we go.
More info.
What I want is..
Closing.
Signed signature
Typed signature
Cc:
Enc (1)
Complimentary Closings
The only closing you need for a business
letter is “Sincerely” or “Sincerely yours”
 Keep the acronyms and affectionate terms
for your personal correspondence.
 If you are writing to the President or any
person holding a high office, you may
appropriately use “Respectfully yours”
 It is gross carelessness not to sign your
typed letters.
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Thank You Notes
Part of good manners is knowing how to
accept a gift or courtesy with grace.
 Send a thank you note:

 When
you have received a gift
 When you have received a meal or been
entertained in some manner
 When someone has done you a favor, no
matter how small
Notes
Notes, unlike memos, are short, personal
correspondence used to convey your own
thoughts or feelings on an issue.
 Send a note:

 To
compliment or congratulate someone
(promotion, good news, successful project,
speech, etc.)
 To express sympathy or condolence
 To request a favor
Memorandums
Memos accomplish routine tasks, such as:
making announcements
 distributing agendas and minutes of meetings
 describing policies and procedures
 requesting information or responding to such
requests
 Issuing brief reports
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Memo, by definition, are generic and
general
Memo Format
Date:
To:
Cc:
From:
Re:
 To sign a print memo, depending on your
relationship with the readers, either write your
name or initials on the from line (friendly) or
sign at the bottom (more formal).
Practice Points
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Good news in a
Colleague’s family
Congratulations on
completing project
Congratulations on
promotion
Gratitude for business
meal
Gratitude for dinner in a
home
Acknowledging a
compliment
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Asking for a favor
Declining a favor
For an inappropriate gift
Politely refusing a gift
Condolence letter
Letter of apology
Letter of complaint
Request for information
Request for clarification
Acknowledging a
compliment