Transcript Wild At Heart Chapter 3

Wild At Heart
Chapter 4
• The Wound
• Every boy in his journey to become a man, takes
an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of
his strength. Because the wound is rarely
discussed and even more rarely healed. Every man
carries a wound.
• And the wound is nearly always given by his
father.
A Man’s Deepest question.
(60-61)
• Sam’s rock climbing story-61-62
• Male sport “shop talk”
• It’s our way of affirming each other without
looking like we are affirming. Men rarely praise
each other directly.
• It’s not a question, it’s the question- Do I have
what it takes? Am I powerful?
• Until a man knows he’s a man he will forever be
trying to prove he is one
Where does masculinity come from?
• Masculinity is bestowed
• A boy learns who he is and what he’s got from a
man, or the company of men.
• He cannot learn it from other boys
• The plan from the beginning of time was that his
father would lay a foundation for a young boy’s
heart, and pass on to him that essential
knowledge and confidence in his strength
• Dad would be the most important man in a boy’s
life. He would answer his question and give him
his name (blessing).
• Scriptural Fathers and sons
• Adam receives his name from God and is given
the power of naming. He names all of creation.
• Abraham names Isaac Jacob and Esau crave
Isaac’s blessing
• Jesus is given His father’s blessing Luke 3:22
• Rachel Ben-Oni- Jacob-Benjamin
• It is a critical move, when a boy draws his
identity no longer from his mother, but from his
father
• The father needs to actively intervene
Mother’s and Sons
(63-64)
• For the first years the Mother is the center of the
son’s universe
• Mama’s little sweetheart….
• A boy can not grow into manhood with a name
like that.
• A boy will shift his gaze to the father and will
want to wrestle, play catch, work in the garage.
Dad’s return home is celebrated
• Femininity can never bestow masculinity
• Sweet heart/Tiger which way will a boy head?
• Turns to Mother for comfort and Dad for
adventure, to test his strength, answer his
question
• John car story (64)
– If a mother will not allow her son to become
dangerous, if she does not let the father take
him away she will emasculate him.
• “A Perfect World story”
From Strength to Strength
(66-68)
• Masculinity is an essence
• The traditional way of raising sons
• John’s fishing story
• The fish were never the important thing, it was
the delight, the contact, the masculine presence
being bestowed on me
• Men and their father’s
• What did your dad teach you?
• In these stories, what is mostly passed on is the
masculine blessing.
• Tribal cultures Fathers and sons
• Johns wrestling/bloody lip story (67)
• The ancient societies believed that a boy
becomes a man only through ritual and effortonly through the active intervention of older
men.
• A mother’s involvement can be an integral part
of this process.
• The father is key to answering the question and
bestowing masculinity on his son.
• That is why the deepest wound is almost always
given by the father.
The Father-wound
(69-71)
• Dave’s Story 69
• Charles’ Story 69
• Depression story 70
• Craig’s seagull story
• Violent fathers-Am I man?
• No you are a mama’s boy, a faggot, a seagull.
Defining sentences that shape a man’s life.
• One thing about assault wounds (verbal physical,
or sexual abuse) they are obvious.
• Passive wounds are not, they are subtle, they
often go unrecognized as wounds and therefore
are actualy more difficult to heal.
• John’s father-wound
• Not receiving a blessing from your father is a
wound
• Not seeing your father when you are young,
never being with your father, a remote father, an
absent father, a workaholic father is a wound
• Alex’s father 71
• Stuart’s father
• Divorce or abandonment is a wound that lingers
because the boy (or girl) believes if they had
done things better, Daddy would have stayed.
• Silent Fathers wound their sons
• The silence is deafening
• Silent father provide a wound that no one could
see or understand
• Do I have what it takes? Am I a man Daddy?
• Silent fathers silence= I don’t know, I doubt it,
you’ll have to find out for yourself, probably not.
The Wound’s effect
72-75
• Every man carries a wound
• Every wound whether it’s assaultive or passive,
delivers a message. The message feels final and
true, absolutely true because it is delivered with
such force.
• John’s reaction to his wound 72
• “Becoming a Christian doesn’t necessarily fix
things. My arrows were still lodged deep and
refused to allow some angry wounds inside to
heal” Brent Curtis
• The driven man 72-73
• The casualties of a driven man and it’s effect on
others
• Stan’s story 73
• The two basic reactions to a man’s wound
• They either overcompensate for it and become
driven (violent) men
• Or they shrink back and go passive (retreating
men).
• Often its an odd mixture of both. College age
man with goatee and backwards baseball hat
• Alex’s story continued 74
• Charles’ story continued 74
• Dave’s story continued
• Stuart’s story continued
• The wound comes, and with it is a message.
From that place aboy makes a vow, chooses a
way of life that gives rise to the false self (poser)
• Next time more on what happens to a man after
the wound is given
• Chapter 5 -“The battle for a man’s heart”