Transcript Narrative Writing - Haslingden Primary School

Narrative Writing
L.O. To create an effective buildup
Features of a good build-up
Your Task
• Create a mind map for your build-up. See
my Mind Map on the white board.(15
minutes)
• Write your build-up crossing off the details
on your Mind Map as you write about
them. (20 minutes)
• Check with a partner your work. Look back
at what I said about your opening. (10
minutes)
Blodden’s Adventure
“Stop talking and listen,” shouted Tremdalf, shaking his bony fist at
the assembled company of dwarfs. There was silence. “It’s no use
arguing among yourselves. We have to get that magic herb somehow.
Terebon needs it to make his potions. The success of the whole war
against the Orcs depends on it!”
No one disagreed. But who should go? The way was long and
hard and success could not be guaranteed. The herb did not always
flower. Everyone continued to tell his neighbour why he could not
possibly be spared from his daily work. Then, into the clamour, a shrill
high-pitched voice sounded.
“I’ll go, let me get the herb!”
A laugh filled the forest, lit by a thousand blinking fireflies. “What
Blodden! He couldn’t find a piece of rofal in a paper bag!” cried out
Tremdalf as he held his sides tight to stop them from splitting with
laughter. More laughter filled the trees.
The little dwarf’s face burned with shame, but he felt anger
welling up inside too. He’d show them – and leaping to his feet he
jumped forward and grabbed the map to the enchanted forest out of a
surprised Tremdalf’s hands.
Class 6EJ’s Joint Writing of a Build-Up.
“You must find the medicine!” shouted a shocked Tremdalf, the leader of the
dwarfs. The smell of fear moved all around the frosty trees as the dwarfs
stood battling against the cold wind wrapped in their big woolly coats,
armour and belts with their swords hanging from their waist. With the small
dwarf stepping out from behind a tree, people could taste death on the wind.
Every dwarf knew Blodden’s life would be in danger.
Blodden felt petrified; his whole body trembling with fear. He suddenly froze
to the spot and turned into a statue, his heart stopped dead, hairs on the
back of his neck stood up, goose bumps went up his arms and legs as
shivers went up his spine, his teeth chattered as he felt as weak as a lamb.
Inside Blodden knew he was the chosen one. Plucking up courage, he
stepped forward into the moonlight from the shadows.
“I’ll go!”
Laughter suddenly rung around the dark forest as the trees joined in helping
the cheers and jeers echo out into the surrounding mountains.
Dilemma
Blodden stepped forward to start his unknown journey out of the forest.
Within a few steps Blodden’s eye caught a flash in the bushes by his side.
The crack of a branch gave away that someone was following him.
“Treebeard!” shouted out Blodden in a commanding voice.
A large, strong looking dwarf slowly emerged out of the darkness shuffling
towards Blodden.
Any anger that Blodden felt disappeared when his eyes met Treebeard’s.
“I’m coming with you, you’re not going on your own!” pleaded Treebeard.
Blodden looked at Treebeard with one of those looks that told him he was
not going to be allowed to join Blodden on this adventure. For the first time
in their lives, Blodden was going to have to do this one on his own.
Treebeard stepped forward and held onto Blodden’s hand.
“You’re not going anywhere without me!”
Event
Blodden looked him in his eyes and he knew deep in his heart that he
couldn’t leave him behind. He was just very worried that he would be
burdened with guilt if anything happened to Treebeard.
Blodden started walking to the edge of the forest. He felt a warm comfort
from having Treebeard by his side.
In the distance rays of light started to penetrate the dark, gloomy forest.
They knew they were getting close.
Within minutes they arrived and walked into the day light. Their breath
was taken away as they saw the huge shape of Mount Doom in front of
them. Suddenly they felt very small and fragile. Turning to look at each
other, they saw determination in each others’ eyes. They had to succeed!
The Orcs were too close to the forest for them to fail. If they didn’t get
the herb, all dwarfs would be killed.
Struggling up the mountain, they soon found themselves dripping with
sweat. Their legs ached and their lungs screamed with pain.
What seemed like hours passed when they finally found themselves on th
summit. There in front of them lay the golden fields of rye grass where
the herb grew.
Within two steps, Blodden reached down and picked up the herb. Relief ran
through their veins and brought joy to every part of their body, soul and mind.
“We’ve saved the Dwarf race!” cried Treebeard.
“We have proved them all wrong!” cried Blodden, still shaking from the effort of
climbing the mountain.
They turned to each other with huge smiles and collapsed into the ground.
“Wow, you’ve really got a grumbling stomach,” laughed Treebeard as he lay on
the ground feeling his body shaking.
Blodden rolled over with a white face.
“That’s not me!”
All of the sudden the grass started shaking violently. Next, the sound of
rumbling filled the air. The smell of sulphur from rocks colliding filled their
nostrils. Fear filled the air and could be tasted on their tongues. Their legs
turned to jelly and their bodies shook. Then they saw something that bought
dread to their minds. The mountain was falling down. They started to run but
everywhere they turned the ground was disappearing.
Blodden turned to Treebeard. This was the end. They hugged knowing that this
was also the end for every Dwarf in Middle Earth.