Transcript Slide 1

Six Steps to Better
Writing
with
Claire Kelly
Writing Centre
Topics
1. Beat the Bugbears
2. Clear Your Diction
3. Select Sentence Length Wisely
4. Document Sources Rigorously
5. Signpost Your Work
6. Create Compelling Thesis
Statements/Research Questions
1. Beat the
Bugbears
(illus. Sir John Tenniel, Alice in
Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll.)
What Are
Grammatical Bugbears?
O Usage & grammar mistakes, frequently merely
conventional or formal errors
O Many do not impair the effectiveness of the
communication
O Do we have to avoid them?
O Consider how “status markers” overshadow a
writer’s message:
Hamlet was suppose to chastise his
mother and kill his uncle, but his
essentially contemplative nature
prevented him from taking effective
action until events outpaced him.
Where Writing Places You
In an
office
making
decisions
...?
On a
porch
playing
the banjo
...?
Grammatical Bugbears
Cannot be ignored:
O use to
O should of / would of / had of
O it’s (“its”) / who (“whom”) / their (“there”)
O with regards to
O affect (for “effect”)
O accept (for “except”)
O alot (for “a lot”)
MS Word May Not Help!
MS Word May Not Help!
Memory Test
O On the next slide you will see three familiar
expressions
O Memorize them—you have 10 seconds
O When the screen goes black, start writing!
Memory Test
Variety is the
the spice of
life
A bird in the
the hand is
worth two in
the bush
A stitch in
in time
saves
nine
Why We Miss Bugbears
O We see what we expect to see
O We interpret as we read
O We are probably our own worst editors because
we know what we meant to say
O The best help you can give another writer is to
point out inefficient, unclear writing honestly!
2. Clear Your Diction!
O Writers complete an apprenticeship that
emphasizes expansiveness and dilation over
precision and economy
O Elegant variation can be the enemy of
conciseness
O It is time to choose . . .
O The right words and
O Words you know and can use well.
Cut Clichés
•
•
•
•
At the end of the day
Fairly unique
I personally
At this moment in
time
• With all due respect
• It comes down to
•
•
•
•
•
•
Absolutely
It’s a nightmare
24/7
It’s not rocket science
The bigger picture
Going forward
• “The bigger picture”
Novelty & Vocabulary
O “make it new” is not the always best advice
for selecting words
O Accuracy and familiarity (of individual words,
not phrases) are crucial
O The evil comes from clichés and
unnecessarily obscure words—which do NOT
really impress people
Complex Diction
O What do people REALLY think of overly
complex diction?
Consequences
of Erudite
Vernacular
Utilized
O D. Oppenheimer, Stanford U (2003):
O people who use unnecessarily
complicated
Irrespective
of Necessity:
language are viewed as less intelligent than
people who use more familiar language
Problems With Using
Long Words Needlessly
Effective Diction
Diction should be . . .
O
As simple as the subject permits (but no
The aforementioned
contretemps makes
simpler!)
Cordelia
bad about things.
O
As feel
freshreally
as possible
O
Exact and concrete
O
Appropriate to the audience and the
writer
Avoid “Ready-mades”
O to the extent that
O plays a leading role in
O on a daily basis
O the fact that
O in the event that
Watch for Inflation
•
•
•
•
•
•
Based on the fact that
Due to the fact that
Exhibit a tendency to
For the purpose of
For the reason that
In spite of the fact
that
Because
Because
Tend to
For
Because
Although
Nominalizations
allocation
allocate
assessment
assess
compliance
comply
determination
determine
expectations
expect
exposure
expose
[had] hopes [of]
hoped
Other Types of Repetition
Pointless bifurcation:
O basic and fundamental
O last and final
O issues and concerns
O full and complete
Why Wordiness?
O Most of these choices are the result of
“length anxiety”
O From early grades, length is the measure of
achievement
O Students learn to pad—to be honest, they
are taught to do it
3. Select Sentence Length
Wisely
O Students are often urged to vary the form
and length of their sentences
O Length in the wrong place is dangerous
O Proceed with caution
O Select length with a clear purpose
LENGTH
8 words
11 words
14 words
17-19 words
21-24 words
25-28 words
29+ words
QUALITY
very easy
easy
fairly easy
standard
fairly difficult
difficult
very difficult
Complexity/Wordiness
The goal of the work was to
confirm the nature of electrical
breakdown of nitrogen in uniform
fields at high pressures and
electrode gaps which approach
those obtained in engineering
practice, prior to the determination of the processes which
set the criterion for breakdown
in the above-mentioned gas in
uniform and non-uniform fields of
engineering significance.
We studied the
electrical breakdown of
nitrogen in uniform
fields at high pressures
(760 torr), using typical
electrode gap distances
(1 mm).
Why Variety?
O There should be a relationship between the
length of a sentence and its purpose
O Variety for its own sake is not enough
O A long sentence should be long for a reason.
Accumulatio—and Contrast
Falstaff is not evil because of his ambition,
but because of his gluttony, his sloth, his
skill at concealing the truth, his reluctance
to recognize his vice, his inability to reform
himself, and his ability to make all of this
seem humorous and attractive.
He makes a bad companion for Hal.
Variety in Length
O More gradual variations in length are
possible
O A number of short sentences in succession
can create a feeling of urgency in a
narrative—or boredom in a report.
O Increasing length of successive sentences
can build to the climax of an argument
O Variations in length should always reflect the
rhetorical goal and should never impede
clarity.
Long, Graceful Sentences
O A long sentence should still be readable
O Key tactic: Move from subject to verb quickly
O Avoid delaying the subject-verb progression
with long intervening elements
O A sentence which moves from subject to
verb rapidly will still be readable even when
it is quite long
Long Subject
Explaining why Shakespeare decided to have
Lady Macbeth die offstage rather than letting
the audience see her die has to do with
understanding the audience’s reactions to
Macbeth’s death.
18-word
subject—in a
29-word
sentence !
To the Subject and Beyond
Because Shakespeare wanted the audience to
focus on Macbeth’s death, he decided to have
Lady Macbeth die offstage.
1. Turn a long subject into an
introductory clause
2. You do not have to state
“explaining why” Just because you
ARE explaining why!
3. Don’t waste time telling the reader
that you WILL say something—
later.
Not Long But Bad
The initial cooling tower
circulating water
performance flow test
was conducted by the
research team.
The research team
tested the circulating
water flow of the
cooling tower.
A strong verb—in the
active voice—appears
early in the sentence.
4. Document Sources
Rigorously
• Close work with sources is crucial—record
every source as you use it (hard to find
later!)
• Three basic techniques:
1. Block quotations
2. Embedded quotations
3. Paraphrase with citation
In scientific and technical fields, #3 is the
overwhelming choice.
Block Quotations
144 words—
As this passage reveals, the description of the setting of "The
my goodness!
Lottery" is deceptively pleasant:
The morning of June 27th was clear and sunny, with the
fresh warmth of a full-summer day; the flowers were
blossoming profusely and the grass was richly green. The
people of the village began to gather in the square, between
the post office and the bank, around ten o'clock; in some
towns there were so many people that the lottery took two
days and had to be started on June 26th, but in this village,
where there were only about three hundred people, the
whole lottery took less than two hours, so it could begin at
ten o'clock in the morning and still be through in time to allow
the villagers to get home for noon dinner. (782)
There is no indication of the dark meaning of this gathering.
Bulk Quotation
O Not only is this overkill, but it fails to
emphasize the key details
O All we know is that something is missing
from the passage: an explanation of what is
going on
O Need we read the whole passage for this?
Embedded Quotation/Paraphrase
57 words—
And more
The setting of "The Lottery," evocative of
analysis!
flowers, green grass, and "the fresh
warmth of a full-summer day," is
deceptively pleasant. A small crowd forms
in the square, amiably confident that their
business will soon be finished, allowing
them "to get home for noon dinner" (782);
there is no indication of the dark purpose
of this gathering.
Less Is More
O The specific details are highlighted by being
separated from the original passage
O The passage is shorter and contains more
editorial comment
O There is no interruption in the flow of the
argument
Plagiarism
O Probably widespread
O CBC ‘s “Ideas” program suggested that nearly all
students plagiarize (2009)
O Unnecessary: Simply QUOTE
Bradley vs. Wegman
O 2006: Edward Wegman (George Mason
University) wrote a report critical of current
climate science (attacking Thomas Bradley
among others)
O 2010: Thomas Bradley (University of
Massachusetts) alleged that Wegman
reproduced sections of a textbook he wrote
without quoting—and he was right!
O However, as Steven McIntyre pointed out,
Bradley’s textbook contains plagiarism. . . .
Bradley & Fritts
Once the regression coefficients have been calculated, the eigenvectors
incorporated in the regression equation are mathematically transformed
into a new set of n coefficients corresponding to the original
(intercorrelated) set of n variables. These new coefficients are termed
weights or elements of the response function and are analogous to the
stepwise regression coefficients discussed earlier. . . . (Bradley, 1985, p.
346)
Once the regression coefficients for the selected set of orthogonal variables
have been calculated, they may be mathematically transformed into a new
set of coefficients which correspond to the original correlated set of
variables. These new coefficients (sometimes referred to as weights or
elements of the response function) are analogous to the stepwise regression
coefficients described in the previous section. . . . (Fritts, 1976, p. 353)
Bradley & Fritts
Quibbles:
Once the regression coefficients have been calculated, the eigenvectors
“are
termed” vs. “referred to”
incorporated in the regression equation are mathematically transformed
“discussed
earlier”
vs. “described
in tothe
section”
into a new set
of n coefficients
corresponding
theprevious
original
(intercorrelated)
set of n EXACTLY
variables. These new coefficients are termed
SAME
order of ideas
weights or elements of the response function and are analogous to the
stepwise regression coefficients discussed earlier. . . . (Bradley, 1985, p.
346)
42/55 words (76%
PLAGIARISED!
Once the regression coefficients for the selected set of orthogonal variables
have been calculated, they may be mathematically transformed into a new
set of coefficients which correspond to the original correlated set of
variables. These new coefficients (sometimes referred to as weights or
elements of the response function) are analogous to the stepwise regression
coefficients described in the previous section. . . . (Fritts, 1976, p. 353)
Do Cheaters Prosper?
O Moral of the story: document your sources
RIGOROUSLY, or the debate will be about
plagiarism and nothing more
O Plagiarism Roll of (Dis)Honour:
Stephen E. Ambrose, Civil War historian
Doris Kearns Goodwin, biographer of the Kennedy clan
David Rotor & Douglas Tipple, Public Works Dept. consultants
30 Carleton University engineering students (2002)
5. Signpost Your Work
O
O
O
O
Introductions and conclusions do most of
the signposting work in short papers
Long reports require structural
guideposts to keep the reader on track
Transitions and headings can aid reader
navigation
Internal previews and summaries make
the shape of a document clearer—even to
the writer!
Preview
Deciding whether to expand the company’s
activities to include equipment rental depends
on a number of local factors as well as on the
national supply situation. This analysis will focus
on local competition, availability of skilled
installers, and the total market size.
Internal Summary
Thus, although there is no significant local
competition, few qualified installers operate in this
region, which represents only a moderate-sized
market. These conditions suggest that a gradual,
low-capital approach might be most suitable. Such
a strategy has been successfully employed in the
Fredericton area.
Previews and Summaries
O
O
O
Generally, previews and internal summaries mirror
primary-level headings
Use summaries before and previews after
headings
Tell readers what is coming and what they should
now know
A Note on Repetition
O
O
O
O
O
Parts of reports will convey the same
information
Necessary structural repetition, not
wordiness
Keep each section independent
Make each clear and easy to read even if
readers skip opening material (many will!)
Make structural repetition meaningful
6. Create Compelling Thesis
Statements/Research
Questions
O A clear, succinctly-presented judgment or
question
O Must be worth pursuing (e.g., not merely
factual or opinion)
O Evidence must be attainable
O Statement/question must reflect what you
have actually done—so it is both the first and
last part of a paper that you work on
Defining Your Thesis
•
•
•
•
•
Know your subject
Know your general topic
Restrict or narrow your topic
Know your purpose
Know your audience
Too Broad
“What effects do tests have on learning?”
O Narrow the field (learning what?)
O Specify the “effects” you will target
Revised Question
“Does attempting (but failing) to retrieve target
vocabulary items enable better acquisition of
these items during subsequent encoding?”
Field: retrieval of vocabulary
items
Effects: better subsequent
retrieval
Qualifying Thesis
Statements
Indirect Hedging:
O Possibly,
O It seems that,
O Perhaps. . . .
Intensifying:
O Obviously,
O Clearly,
O This passage proves that. . . [you will never
see this in a research report!]
Common Thesis Errors
Blanket statements
O “Poverty hurts everyone.”
Pretentious language
O “In terms of its impact on society, poverty has many
negative aspects.”
Vague promises
O “This essay will be about poverty.”
Subjectivity
O In my opinion …, I think …, I believe …, I
feel …
Final Notes
O Every change affects clarity and
conciseness
O Reducing waste makes room for more real
content—without wearying the reader
O Bugbears can seriously weaken a paper—but
real value comes from skilful use of
evidence and carefully observed logic
O Following a rubric can never guarantee
excellence—but it can curtail vices