Transcript elaboration 1 - OlyPen - OlyPen

Elaboration: Strategic Teaching
To Improve Student Writing
Part 1: Introduction and Lesson 1
Defining Elaboration
OSPI High School Instructional Support Materials for
Writing
These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help
students improve their writing.
Version 2
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
OSPI Writing Instructional Support Materials
Core Development Team
Nikki Elliott-Schuman – OSPI, Project Director
Charlotte Carr – Retired Seattle SD, Facilitator
Barbara Ballard – Coupeville SD
Anne Beitlers – Seattle SD
Marcie Belgard – Richland SD
Betsy Cornell – Moses Lake SD
Lydia Fesler – Spokane SD
Lori Hadley – Puyallup SD
Lissa Humphreys – East Valley SD (Spokane)
Kathleen McGuinness – Kennewick SD
Lisa McKeen – East Valley SD (Yakima)
Sharon Schilperoort – Yakima SD
Holly Stein – Eastside Catholic High School
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Purpose
To share teaching strategies that will help
students develop a piece of writing that
elaborates on a single idea and addresses
the needs and interests of a particular
audience.
Elaboration is critical for clear and
effective writing.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Alignment with GLEs - Writing
EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively
Component 3.1.1 Develops ideas and organizes writing
from 3.1.1 - 7th Grade
from 3.1.1 - 8th Grade
• Selects specific details
relevant to the topic to extend
ideas and develop elaboration
(e.g., multiple examples,
statistics, anecdotes,
reasons).
• Uses personal
experiences, observations,
and/or research to support
opinions and ideas (e.g.,
relevant data to support
conclusions in math, science,
social studies; personal
knowledge of an illness to
persuade the audience that
water pollution is dangerous).
• Selects specific details
relevant to the topic to extend
ideas or develop elaboration
(e.g., quotations, data,
reasons, multiple examples
that build on each other).
• Uses personal
experiences, observations,
and/or research to support
opinions and ideas (e.g.,
relevant data to support
conclusions in math, science,
social studies; appropriate
anecdotes to explain or
persuade; information
synthesized from a variety of
sources to support an
argument).
from 3.1.1-9th/10th Grade
Selects specific details
relevant to the topic to extend
ideas or develop elaboration
(e.g., quotations, data,
reasons, multiple examples
that build on each other).
• Uses personal
experiences, observations,
and/or research from a
variety of sources to support
opinions and ideas (e.g.,
relevant data to support
conclusions in math, science,
social studies; appropriate
researched information to
explain or persuade;
contrasting points of view to
support a hypothesis or
argument).
•
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Alignment with GLEs – Writing
continued
EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively
Component 3.2 Uses appropriate style GLE 3.2.2 and 3.2.3
from 3.2.2 & 3.2.3 7th grade
from 3.2.2 & 3.2.3 8th grade
from 3.2.2 & 3.2.3 9th/10th
grade
• Selects and uses precise
language to persuade or
inform.
• Writes a variety of
sentence lengths for effect
(e.g., Up in her bedroom,
behind her closed door, the
girl stamped her foot in rage,
wishing she could go to the
picnic. Grounded!”).
• Writes a variety of sentence
structures (e.g., uses
appositive phrases).
• Selects and uses precise
language to persuade or
inform.
• Writes a variety of
sentence structures and
lengths to create a cadence
appropriate for audience,
purpose, and form.
• Writes a variety of
sentence structures (e.g.,
inverts sentence to draw
attention to the point being
made in an essay).
•
Selects and uses precise
language to persuade or
inform.
• Writes a variety of
sentence structures and
lengths to create a cadence
appropriate for diverse
audiences, purposes, and
forms.
• Writes a variety of
sentence structures (e.g.,
absolutes to add detail and
elaborate).
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Alignment with GLEs
Across the Curriculum
Reading
2.2.1 Explain an author’s development of time and
sequence through the use of literary devices (7th).
2.2.3 Explain the influence of setting on mood, character,
and plot (8th).
2.3.1 Explain how an action leads to long-lasting effects (9th
& 10th).
2.4.5 Provide a response to text that expresses an insight
(9th and 10th).
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Alignment with GLEs
Across the Curriculum
Math
Science
1.1.5 Explain solutions
3.1.3 Explain the criteria to
when dividing by fractions
evaluate the solutions to
(8th).
a problem or challenge
(9th & 10th).
1.1.7 Describe strategies for
mentally solving
3.1.3 Compare and evaluate
problems involving
the effectiveness of
integers and exponents
different solutions to a
(8th).
problem or challenge
based on criteria, using
1.1.8 Explain situations
scientific concepts and
involving real numbers
principles (9th & 10th).
where estimates are
sufficient and others for
3.1.3 Describe how to
which exact value is
change a system to solve
required. (9th & 10th).
a problem (9th &10th).
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Link to the WASL
• The quality of elaboration is directly related to
scores on the Content, Organization, and
Style portion of the Writing WASL. The best
writing has multiple layers of relevant
elaboration.
• When WASL papers were analyzed, specific
layered elaboration was the most critical
element that differentiated between scores of
“2” and “3” and scores of “3” and “4.”
• Thoughtful elaboration is guided by the needs
of the audience. Top scoring WASL papers
show clear audience awareness.
Source: WASL scoring team, OSPI Standards Review Committee report
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Research/Bibliography
•
Teaching writing
To improve student writing, teachers should spend substantially more time on
idea development and elaboration than on mechanics and editing (Gamble,
1990).
•
Audience awareness
Improvement in student writing is directly connected to the development of a
sense of audience (McAlexander, 1996).
•
Reading/Writing Connection
Students benefit from using new vocabulary as they elaborate in writing; they
create new contexts for using new vocabulary, and they are actively involved in
their own learning. This improves the level of learning and retention (Coomber,
Peet, and Smith, 1986).
Teaching writing and reading together benefits the learning of both; specifically,
reading improves student elaboration (Tierney, 1988).
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Bibliography for Elaboration
• Coomber, James. “Elaboration in Vocabulary Learning:
A Comparison of Three Rehearsal Methods.” Research
in the Teaching of English, v20 n3 (1986): 281-93.
• Gamble, Sandra. Robert Hashway. “A Network of
Writing Skills.” Reading Improvement, v27 n1 (1990):
p10-13.
• McAlexander, Patricia J. “Ideas in Practice: Audience
Awareness and Developmental Composition.” Journal of
Developmental Education, v20 n1 (1996): 28-30,32-33.
• Tierney, Robert J. “Writing and Reading Working
Together. Occasional Paper No. 5.” Center for the Study
of Writing, Berkeley, CA.; Center for the Study of Writing,
Pittsburgh, PA, 1988.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
All rights reserved.
Agenda of Lessons
Elaboration Module
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Defining Elaboration
Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration
Recognizing Elaboration
Show, Don't Tell
Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language
Elaboration within Sentences
Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences
Criteria for Assessment
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DEFINING ELABORATION
Lesson 1
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Definition of Elaboration
• Elaboration means. . .
– To tell the reader more using
• Specific words
• Extensions (phrases, clauses)
• Onion-like layering of detail
• Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or
scenario, lists for specificity, examples,
definitions, descriptions, quotations,
statistics, and facts.
Lesson 1
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What does elaboration look like?
• ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short
narrative inserted into an essay that
develops an idea or argument. This
sounds like. . .
Once when I was in middle
school, the kids would
always. . .
Lesson 1
Hey, I remember the time when I
had to carry my . . .
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Develop your point with an anecdote.
Student sample
You can’t give up, Jack.
I remember one time
when I played on the high
school baseball team. We
were losing, and it was the
8th inning. Everyone was
getting discouraged, and
then the coach said,
“BOYS! You’ve got to
RALLY here! Turn your
ball caps around and GET
OUT THERE!” So, Jack,
turn your ball cap – I mean
ATTITUDE -- around and
get out there!
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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ANECDOTES - your turn
• Do you remember any teacher who told lots of
stories as they were teaching? Or parents who
told stories about “when they were young”?
• This is an effective way to make or develop a
point. Share some with your classmates.
Lesson 1
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What does elaboration look like?
• EXAMPLES -- provide more specific
information about an idea. This sounds
like. . .
The cats were all
acting like they were
crazy. For example,
one jumped at me with
all …
Lesson 1
We had a barrage of
different weather last
week: hail, rain, snow,
and sunshine.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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My brothers always
seem to pick on me.
For instance, they may
hide my soccer shoes
before a game.
Develop your point with an
example.
Student Sample
The game of golf can be
played for an entire lifetime
and also by yourself. People
of any age can go out and
play a round of golf whenever
they want as opposed to
team sports. For example,
football, soccer, and
volleyball take an entire team
of people to play. How many
times are you going to call up
ten or more of your friends
and go play sports?
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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EXAMPLES - your turn
• Examples are an effective way to help the
reader understand your ideas.
• Tell a classmate about a situation at
school and provide him/her with an
example.
Lesson 1
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What does elaboration look like?
• DEFINITIONS -- are restatements of an
unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it
means. This sounds like…
The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La
Carte. What I mean by A La Carte is the little deli
line past the lunch line where you can buy cookies,
slushies, and candy bars.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Develop your point with a definition.
Student sample
One of the best programs at
our school is something called
Brainworks. Brainworks is an
after-school program where kids
go and do their homework. They
even let you work on the
computers there. I like it a lot
because the lady who runs the
program keeps everyone pretty
quiet. At my house, I have 6 little
brothers and sisters, and there is
never a quiet place to work.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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DEFINITION – your turn
• Defining specific words shows an
awareness of the audience. It shows you
are thinking of what the audience knows
and what they don’t know.
• Talk to your classmate about some of the
“lingo” you hear at school. What would
you have to define for your parents?
Lesson 1
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What does elaboration look like?
• STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the
numbers (data) and information that help
support your idea or argument.
Mom, did you know
that 98% of all my
friends get to stay
up until 1:00 AM on
weekends?
Lesson 1
Well, Son, did you
know that 3 out of 4
parents would have
grounded you for
staying out so late?
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Kids who
smoke at an
early age are
prone to heart
attacks later in
life.
Develop your point with facts and
statistics.
Student Sample
Another craze to sweep
America was the low-carb diet.
It was reported in the
newspaper after the last
holiday season that 67% of all
Americans were low-carb
dieting. Let me tell you the
personal impact that has had
on my family’s wheat farm
here in Washington.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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STATISTICS and FACTS – your
turn
• Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic
about school, e.g., number of football games
won, number of friendly teachers, amount of
time wasted in class.
• Think of what statistics would convince the
audience.
• Share an idea with the whole group.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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What does elaboration look like?
• QUOTATIONS -- are words someone
says that can help support your idea or
argument.
Dr. Stein, the
veterinarian from
the animal
shelter, agreed
when she said,
Lesson 1
“Spaying or neutering
dogs and cats is the
single best gift a pet
owner can give.”
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Develop your point with quotations.
Student Sample
Another reason to graduate from
high school is that even technical jobs
require a diploma. Jared Turner from
Best Performance Welding magazine
states, “We won’t even consider hiring
a person without a high school
diploma. Our workers need to read
the job specs, monitor equipment
performance, and write orders and
reports.” Turner went on to describe
the many qualified applicants who
compete for positions in his busy firm.
This seems to be different from the
good old days and makes a pretty
decent point about staying in school.
Lesson 1
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QUOTATION – your turn
• Quotations or simple dialogue can add
information and credibility to your idea or
argument.
• Tell your classmate what a world famous
principal and author of The Best Schools
for Kids might say about your school.
Lesson 1
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What does elaboration look like?
• DESCRIPTIONS --are ways to create vivid
images for the reader.
The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and
I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs.
Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through
Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers, and rubber hair wraps,
my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack.
“Must shut off ringer,” I thought.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Develop your point with description.
Student Sample
Jackie walked slowly to
the Vietnam Veterans’
Memorial exhibit. In her
hands were two yellow
daffodils that she had
brought with her on the
hour-long bus ride.
Their green stems,
snapped from the patch
in the backyard, were
slowly drying out.
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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DESCRIPTION – your turn
• Description can take many forms and still be
effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be
specific with your word choice. Try to create an
image that appeals to your reader’s senses.
• Work with your partner and write a paragraph
that describes the cafeteria at your school.
Elaborate using sensory details.
Lesson 1
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Your Turn
Think about an activity, a sport, or a class
you believe should be offered to students at your
school. Write a letter to your principal
persuading him/her why this activity, sport, or
class should be offered.
As you think about your audience, decide
what type of elaboration would be most
convincing.
(anecdotes, examples, statistics and facts, quotations/expert opinion,
description)
See - Elaboration Scoring Guide
See student samples - Grade 10 Aerobics
Lesson 1
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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Feedback, please
We welcome your comments. Please feel
free to try these lessons and send
feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at
[email protected]. We appreciate
your labeling the subject line as Feedback:
OSPI Instructional Support Materials.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI.
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