Transcript Slide 1

“Do you have any
children?” “No. (Laughs)
I’m sure of that.”
Identity work from older
childless people
Dr Jill Reynolds BPS Social Psychology Conference
Cambridge, September 2011
Research questions
• How do childless older people make sense of their
relationships, social networks, absorbing interests and
their social and emotional needs?
• Are patterns of sense-making of experience distinctive in
gendered ways?
Qualitative data from existing
datasets
• 80 interviews men and women over 65 years (UKDA
5237, Bowling, A. Adding Quality to Quantity: Quality
of Life in Older Age, 2000-2002) of whom 14 had no
children (9F:5M)
• 85 interviews men over 65 years (UKDA 6011 Arber, S.
and Davidson, K., Older Men: their Social Worlds
and Healthy Lifestyles, 1999-2002 of whom 15 had no
children
Identifying a self-narrative: my
assumptions
• an individual's account of the relationship among several self
relevant events across time. In developing a self-narrative we
establish coherent connections among life events. (Gergen, K.J.
1994: 187)
• Not one single story waiting to be brought out.
• Narratives shaped to the purpose of that telling.
• Discontinuities, multiple pathways rather than developmental
stages
• Canonical narratives (Bruner,1991) culturally available plots
(Mishler, 1999)
• Talk rhetorical within the larger argumentative context of the
culture (Billig, 1987)
Narratives of grandparenting
• Most respondents who were parents produced some
self-narrative in describing life events.
• Often these focused on children or grandchildren,
perhaps talking about frequency of visits or of caring
help they received.
• In the all male dataset, most bring up children or
grandchildren themselves without waiting to be asked.
• Co-construction of excellence of having children nearby.
• Many parents mention children or grandchildren in
response to what makes them most happy, while nearly
half refer to family on ‘the good things that give life
quality’.
Patterns in narratives of nonparents – women
• Most happy – seeing someone, friend, brother, feeling
well, being alive, little things
• Widows show some accounting in response to whether
they have children
• Two widows talk of neighbours’ children as family and
one of dog as ‘my baby’
• Those women who do not talk of marriage are likely to
talk of being happy with own company
Variable accounts of no children
050 f
R: Yes, it’s the only home I’ve had, married home, (I: Mm.)
Lived with my mum for a little while, (I:Mm-hm.) You
know, cause things were hard just after the war, you
know, you couldn’t get anywhere, and, um, families had
priority for council property, you see, we didn’t have any
children, didn’t want any. (I: Mm.) But sadly we never
did have any children because we were getting settled
and then he was killed, you see. (I: Mm.) So missed out
on a family.
I: OK – and if we talk about your quality of life now,
Grandparenting neighbours’
children 021 f
R: (laughs) But I do – I’ll tell you one thing I love in life,
and that is – I love cats and dogs – I love cats and dogs,
and I love children. (I: Mm.) I think the children – I love –
my neighbours next door, they’ve got lots of
grandchildren and I share ’em. (I: Oh!) Yeah, it’s lovely. I
shared all their children, and, and the son – that little girl
sitting on my lap there is (I: Uh-huh.) Is their little girl A,
and she’s a lovely little girl, she comes in every weekend
to see me. (I: Mm.) Lovely little girl.
Happy with own company 028 f
I: You've spoken about how you'd like someone to come
and see you (mmhmm) A social worker, is there
anything else which would make the quality of your life
better?
R: No, I don't think so, I quite happy how I am.
I: Okay. (short pause) Is there anything which would make
the quality of your life worse?
R: (short pause) Well, I suppose loneliness makes it
worse, doesn't it, really? Although I don't mind my own
company.
Patterns in narratives of nongrandparents – men
• Family question meets some accounting from widowers,
or protestations of being a bachelor
• One married man talks of being ‘grandma and grandad’
to neighbours’ children
• Less self-narrative, questions often met with factual,
abstract answers
• Co-construction of male identity as desirable
• New living together relationship of 18 months (70+)
• Bachelors often say happy with own company
• Happiness in terms of relationships – friends’ successes,
marriage
Accounting for no children 025 m
I: Uh-huh. OK - and have you got any children?
R: No children, none at all - been married for 52 years.
I: OK, that's fine - I won't ask you too many questions.
R: No, go on, you fire away, I'll be alright.
I: (laughs) OK. Um - what, what do you think of when you
hear the words quality of life?
Accounting for singleness 045 m
I: OK – what would make the quality of your life better?
R: (pause) Well of course I’m a single chap and I’m too old
for it, for getting married sort of now to make it better,
you see, but I’ve got, cause I’ve got friends, lady friends
and that. (Mm-hm.) So I can’t, I can’t go much further – I
can’t really expect to (laughs) well at 83, or 84 now.
(Mm-hm.) (pause) Yeah, I suppose being a, being a
traveller I missed a lot in my life, but I couldn’t help it
because I, I mean I started off at B, wasn’t the work, so it
made me go to L for work, and that started my travelling
you know, and I got to like travelling around (laughs).
I: So – what did you miss because of your travelling?
R: Well of course home life, yeah, missed the home life,
had to come away from that.
Neighbours’ kids 025 m (1)
R:(pause) Well I'm not too sure I understand - life quality
to me is the simple things of life we've got. (Mm.) I've got
me own things to do, watercolours, painting. (Uh-huh.)
The kids live all the way round here, (laughs) we've got
a load of them (clock starts to chime). No, but up until
now I've got no problems, we've got our own little
caravan in K, we go down to there, we've got a car, we
get out and about. (Mm.) But I can't think of anything
else that - you know, it's simple enough but it's happy
enough. (Yeah, yeah.) It's my way of life. (Yeah) Er
we've had no beefs about it, er as I say we've got good
neighbours around here, very good neighbours we have
a lot of fun with them. We're the grandma and granddad
round here. (laughs) Er –
Neighbours’ kids (2)
I: OK - and (pause) has your life changed a lot since you
retired?
R: Oh, yes - work a lot harder since we retired. Er
(pause).[...]Well decorating is the small part of it, but
we've all just got a very big garden out the back, that
has to be looked after, though I'm not allowed to do
much in. er - and I've got my own hobbies, watercolours.
(pause) And this time of the year, cause we've got quite
a lot to do for - not got to do, we've got - there is quite a
lot to do for the children, we make them Christmas
cards, things like that. (Mm.) They've got used to it now
and expect it. Er - there seems to get one more every
year. So this time of the year - well, I say this time of the
year, I didn't, I started doing these way back in August,
so...
Identity work as desirable still
Interviewer: Have you ever been engaged. Subject: No.
Interviewer: Or ever wanted to marry.
Subject: No. I have been chased twice but that is all.
[LAUGHS]
Interviewer: Why didn't you leap what was wrong.
Subject: One was over religious and the other one was
married.
Interviewer: Was that recently.
Subject: And I was very interested in her. [LAUGHS]
Interviewer: And you would never think of marrying.
Subject: Not now no, it is too late, I value my freedom as it
were
New relationships – 29
Interviewer: Is this your first stable relationship?
Subject: Yes, it is, amazingly enough, at my age!
Interviewer: May I ask how you met her, the lady?
Subject: Yes. We met quite by chance. We were on
holiday in Jersey and it was a quite amazing meeting. It
was a SAGA singles holiday and she'd been widowed
and it was her first holiday for some years and she went
rather reluctantly on holiday. She was persuaded to go
by her daughter and never regretted it! (Laughter) So, I
think that's reasonably unique at this sort of age.
Interviewer: Yes, it's very gratifying.
Subject: Very gratifying, yes.
Attitude concerning children – 29
Naturally, if I'd had children, I'd have wanted a larger
house, yes.
Interviewer: The fact that you didn't have children, is that
something which doesn't concerns you?
Subject: I would have liked to, yes, looking back on it. I
suppose that's my main regret that I didn't have anyone
to follow me, but there you are.
Interviewer: Your partner has children?
Subject: She has a daughter.
Interviewer And do you feel that she's part of your family?
Subject: Yes. We haven't know one another all that long,
but we get on very well, and there is a closeness which
is building up.
Happiness as relationships
Interviewer: What especially makes you happy now?
Subject: Well the family has got it all together really you
know all the families are doing well that’s always nice
Interviewer: When you say families that’s
Subject: From hers and mine are reasonably together and
we have lost my sister which of course is that group’s
mother but the B***** side is all right
Interviewer: Nephews and nieces you’re
Subject: Yes they are all reasonably near and they
contact me so they are another
Conclusions
• Research exploring ‘quality’ or ‘social worlds’ appears likely
to draw on talk of close relationships, and having children
close by is often constructed as advantage
• Accounting for ‘no children’ is evident in these data from
both men and women, but more likely to occur when the
participant has been married
• ‘Family’ is a resource that can be drawn on flexibly by all
participants: it doesn’t just mean own children or
grandchildren, identity work draws on close relationships.
• There is some evidence of gendered presumptions
regarding the social capital (relationships) of men.
• There is a gap in literature on ageing regarding the
experiences and strategies of those without children
Jill Reynolds
Faculty of Health & Social Care
The Open University
Walton Hall
Milton Keynes
MK7 6AA
www.open.ac.uk
[email protected]