Transcript Pastoral Sexual Abuse: - Musings of a Christian Psychologist

Trends, Challenges, Issues & Treatment
Diane M. Langberg, PhD
Diane Langberg & Associates
Philip G. Monroe, PsyD
Biblical Seminary
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The profile of pastoral abuse
Impact of abuse
Intervention strategies
Prevention strategies
Troubleshooting common pitfalls counselors
face
Q &A
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Components of pastoral abuse
 Climate factors
▪ Focus on expertise and charisma in leaders
 Personal history and character factors
 Deception
 Power (note various forms of power in the person
of the pastor) and vulnerability
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Who is to blame for pastoral sexual abuse?
 Only “bad apples” abuse?
 What about the system?
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Challenges in Ministry
 Stress Statistics: What is the biggest stressor?
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System “germs”
 Believing that capable leaders apply their own words
▪ Pastors know their spiritual needs best and will ask for help
when in need
 Making secondary work primary
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Courting narcissism?
The seminary’s tendency to neglect the
interior of the Christian life
Lack of pastoral oversight & discipleship
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Consider the ripples beyond the immediate
families involved
 The church family
 Victims of prior abuse
 If minor involved then all parents impacted
 The larger community if media gives attention to
the situation
 The church staff
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The work of guiding and shepherding the
various constituents cannot be done without
doing your own work
 Study the Word together
 Pray together
 Avoid rushing to get “there”
Remember: the process itself IS the work of God
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From 30,000 feet: Clinician opportunities
 Decision tree map introduction
 Goals (the good and the ugly)
 Prioritizing safety
 Clarifying roles, communication, ethical and
moral obligations
Abuse Event
Set
Guiding
Goals
Gather Data
Employment
Decisions
Congregational
Communications
Terminate
Suspend
Intervention Planning
Choose
& train
SCTs
Determine key
constituents to
help
Develop SCT
goals &
objectives
Use of outside
consultants for groups
or members
SCT time
together
SCT time
with key
others
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Crises reveal character –O. Chambers
Systems have character…
 Listen for what is of utmost importance among the
leadership (appearances, business success, fear of
conflict, cynicism, etc.)
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Watch for the following reactions
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Reactivity
Herding
Blame
Quick-fix
Undifferentiated leadership
If your primary allegiance is to your church, to
the institution’s preservation, then you will sin to
preserve it. If your allegiance is to Christ, you will
relinquish the church, the institution, rather than
sin.
Consider Spurgeon: If a thing be wrong, though
you gain by it, you must spurn it. If a thing be
right, though you lose by it, you must do it for the
Master’s sake.
The conflict and indifference between religion and
psychology is a curious state of affairs. Although both clergy
and practicing psychologists are involved in counseling
relationships and interested in emotional and behavioral
outcomes among those with whom they work, they generally
appear to do so in isolation without much guidance from each
other.
Thomas Plante
Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 1999
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Stepping on toes? Whose turf?
Lack of vision for collaboration
 Counselors take difficult parishioners
 Clergy are a good source of referrals
 Is that it?
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Anecdotes (and story-telling) form reality
Counselor missteps?
 Bad theology/exegetical errors & “integration” errors
 Protecting the victim without a proper foundation
 Indiscrete criticism of the church
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How are we doing in our communication, respect,
shared values? Consider this survey:
 ¼ of pastors described a positive experience with good
communication. But most didn’t. Seems to rarely happen
and too frequently negative
 Clergy perceive we don’t respect them
▪ 13% describe us as arrogant and uncooperative. “no respect for
what I had to bring to the table.”
▪ Clergy do see us as having skills they do not possess but
psychologists do not return this view
 We often fail to find common goals/values
 We fail to speak a similar vocabulary
McMinn, Aikins & Lish (2003). Basic and advanced competence in collaborating with clergy. PP: R&P, 34, 1972002
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Communicate!
 Defuse conflict, fear, confusion with transparency &
openness
 Learn their language and their values; validate!
 Address ethical and funding matters up front
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Build trust with leadership
 Do what you say you will do. Don’t overpromise
 Remember it takes time to undo prior suspicion
 Give evidence that you can learn from and be influenced
by leadership
 Show the fruit of humility and fraternity
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Offer both indirect and direct aid
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Address safety matters
Prioritize the victim’s connection to worship
Determine leadership oversight (don’t forget
gender issues)
Form small group of “listeners” who can also
be the victim’s voice
Speak to attempts to lay blame
If possible, provide separate victim and
church counselors
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Your job: help them wake from a coma
The use of SCTs along with traditional
counseling and discipleship
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Ideally, we should:
 Study the vast array of issues, teach the whole
congregation from front and back, develop
prevention plans, and address problems as they
occur
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But, realistically…
 Build committed Spiritual Care Teams, learn
together the key issues, develop a plan of action
for healing, Communicate and educate, Plan for
future prevention
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Teams for congregation, offender, victims
 Consider the character of potential members
▪ Spiritually mature, prayerful, self-aware, able to listen,
willing to learn, gentle but willing to confront,
confidential, safe, not controlling, collaborative, patient
 Require 2 year minimum commitment of time
▪ Determine how the group will make decisions, learn
together, and function together
 Determine how to collaborate with other teams,
leadership, and outside agencies
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Team 1
 Strong leaders, strong personalities, no-nonsense
attitudes. Sees job as exposing the sins and
weaknesses of the victim
 Too busy, long periods of time without contact
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Team 2
 Meets weekly to pray and fellowship
 Educator background
 Identifies progress and needs but not pressing
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To provide support and assistance to a person with acute spiritual
needs and return person to fellowship with God, family and fellow
believers
To provide the opportunity for shattered people to receive
comfort, opportunity to dig deeply and repent deeply, and grow
spiritually (there may be other roots, but team will explore
spiritual roots)
To bring hope to those who are broken, disillusioned, and in need
of restoration
To penetrate denial and clarify reality
Intercession and combined wisdom in leading
Provide guidance, accountability, and direction to for others
seeking to help shattered individuals and families
Encourage the whole community that the church is part of the
healing process and so avoid the tendency to either throw out the
sinner or the victim or ignore the sinner and victim.
From Wilson et al, Restoring the Fallen
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Provide professional counseling
Determine veracity of facts
Make church judicial decisions
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Spiritual work means warfare
 Worship and study together
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Group learning (biblical and experiential)
 Abuse, abuse of power, deception/denial, their impact on
others, protection, true and false repentance, restoration,
restitution, forgiveness, healing, etc.
 Restoration processes (time, process, fruit?)
▪ Who or what will drive the group’s work?
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Group training
Creating a plan of action
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Explore how the group functions together
with and without their ministry target
 When it comes to data collection, exploration,
confrontation, assessment, decision-making
 When it comes to worship, fun, personal issues
 When it comes to collaborating with outsiders
(some of whom may not share the group’s view)
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Common areas of weakness? Validation;
good questions, listening for what is missing
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Protection from self and others; boundaries set
Truth-telling about the abuse
Submission to process and acceptance of spiritual
mentors
Discovery of roots of abuse and other sin (naming
things from God’s view; hearing from others)
Deeper Truth-telling about life patterns and God’s
sanctifying work
Restitution (acknowledges injustice and seeks to
correct it)
Repentance (from actions and attitudes)
Reconnection to the larger body of Christ
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Summarize and synthesize the data collected
by the SCT
Focus questions and areas of growth
Identify dynamic or personal barriers to the
work of the SCT
Keep track of growth, hope, and future
directions
Review communication to the larger
leadership and congregation
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Indirect service:
 Develop SCTs for pastor families
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Direct service
 Provide confidential sessions (therapy or spiritual
direction) for leaders and family members
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When progress stalls
 Waiting for someone to be repentant?
 When a group doesn’t work or is worn out
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Premature restoration
 Mechanical vs. spiritual restoration (Tavis Smiley)
 Fairness vs. blessing the victim
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Power conflicts and system issues
Dual relationships: Who is your client?
Abuse reporting and theological grounding
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Give opportunities to express hurts/pains
Educate regarding key topics about sin,
righteousness, leadership, abuse, etc.
Provide information regarding common
responses to leader abuse
Cast a vision from Philippians 3:12f
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Prepare yourself
Education
Develop a map for success using SCTs
Prep for common problems
Train and supervise SCTs
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Evaluate your readiness to love the
congregation with patience, truth-telling, and
humility
Remember the overarching goals and facets of a
biblical response to abuse
Identify deficiencies (spiritual, professional, etc.)
Memorize your consultant mantra:
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listen well; be willing to learn;
validate the dreams and concerns of leadership;
provide reasoning for the clear direction you offer;
leave final decisions to the leadership
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Where is the finish line?
 How do you know when restoration is complete?
When repentance is enough?
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Why does the victim get the final say?
 Who drives the decisions of protection? What if
victims are in charge?
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Can a Christian leader ever return to ministry?
 Ezek. 44?
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What are the pit-falls of this kind of work?
Know the differences between:
 Restriction
 Repentance
 Restitution
 Reconciliation
 Restoration
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Armstrong, J.H. (1995). Can fallen pastors be restored?
Chicago, IL: Moody Press.
Friedman, E.H. (1985). From generation to generation: Family
Process in church and Synagogue. NY: Guilford Press.
Freidman, E.H. (2007). A failure of nerve: Leadership in the
age of the quick fix. Seabury Books.
Grenz, S. & Bell, R. (1995). Betrayal of trust: Sexual
misconduct in the pastorate. Downers Grove: IVP.
Hoge, D.R., & Wenger, J.E. (2005). Pastors in transition: Why
clergy leave local church ministry. Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B.
Eerdmans Publishing Co.
Hopkins, N. M. (1998). The congregational response to clergy
betrayals of trust. Collegeville, MN: The Liturgical Press.
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Hopkins, N. M. & Laaser, M. (1995). Restoring the soul of a church:
Healing congregations wounded by clergy sexual misconduct. Collegeville,
MN: The Liturgical Press.
Langberg, D. (2003). Counseling survivors of sexual abuse. Xulon Press.
Langberg, D. (1999). On the threshold of hope: Opening the door to
healing for survivors of sexual abuse. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House.
Pedigo, T.L. (2004). Restoration manual: A workbook for restoring fallen
ministers and religious leaders. Colorado Springs: Winning Edge
Ministries.
Wilson, E. & S., Friesen, P & V, Paulson, L & N. (1997). Restoring the
fallen: A team approach to caring, confronting, & reconciling. Downers
Grove, IL: IVP.
Yantzi, M. (1998). Sexual offending and restoration. Scottsdale, PA:
Herald Press.
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http://www.netgrace.org. G.R.A.C.E (Godly
Response to Abuse in the Christian
Environment).
http://www.peaceandsafety.com. PASCH
(Peace and Safety in the Christian Home)
Langberg, D. (1996). Clergy sexual abuse. In Kroeger
& Beck (eds) Women, abuse, and the Bible. Grand
Rapids, MI: Baker Books.
 Maxwell, J. (2006). Devastated by an affair: How
churches heal after the pastor commits adultery.
Christianity Today. http://www.ctlibrary.com/39606.
 Monroe, P. (2006). Abusers & true repentance.
Christian Counseling Today, 13:3, 48-49. Found at:
http://www.ecounseling.com/articles/690
 Reed, E. (Winter, 2006). Restoring fallen pastors.
Leadership Magazine. Found at:
http://www.ctlibrary.com/le/2006/winter/22.21.html
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Book title
 McMinn, M.R., & Dominguez, A.W. (2005). Psychology and the
Church. Hauppauge, NY: Nova Science Publishers. [collection of
articles]
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Key Article titles
 What evangelicals want to know about psychology (JPT, 29(2),
2001, pp 99-105)
 Training Psychologists to work with religious organizations
(Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 32(3), 2001, pp
324-328)
 Psychology and the church: an exemplar…of collaboration
(PP:R&P 31(5), 2000, pp 515-520)
 A collaborative relationship between professional psychology
and the Roman Catholic Church (PP:R&P 30(6), 1999, pp 541546.
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Information you may find helpful in
communicating to church leaders
 Sample information about abuse
 Sample goals
 Biblical vision for the church
 Sample education for the church
 10 Overarching principles
▪ From Langberg & Monroe, 2007 World Conference
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Types
 It takes many forms—both subtle and obvious
 2 categories: family abuse; leader abuse
 Victims and offenders rarely fit neat categories
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The effect
 The ripple effect: an enlarging pool of victims
 Division always ensues due to conflicting pressures,
emphases, and goals
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The need
 A vision in the church for the protection and healing
of the abused
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Deceptive responses
 Denial: It didn’t happen, she’s crazy!
 Minimization: It only happened once. We all sin
 Misnaming: It was an affair (leader abuse)
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Impulsive responses
 Premature reconciliation (Jesus comes to redeem)
 Demanding cut-offs (throw the evil-doer out)
 Harshness (discipline; speaking truth in love)
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Abandonment
 Moving victims on to new churches
 Secrecy (it will harm too many to know it…)
 PHP 3:12 I
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want to know Christ and the power of his
resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his
sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so,
somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
ISA 61:1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to preach good
news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the
brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and
release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the
year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of
our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for
those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of
beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of
mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of
despair.
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Providing safety for bruised reeds
Bearing witness
Dealing with fear, anger, hopelessness
Encouraging restoration and healing (without
demanding it)
Providing mercy ministry
Introducing the Resurrection as THE healing
power
Uncovering lies and pointing to the truth
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Probable Topics
 Abuse (deception plus power), impact of abuse, patterns
of healing (victim, offender, congregation), repentance,
forgiveness, restoration, reconciliation, truth telling,
leader responsibilities, legal/ethical matters
 Common restorative practices
 Necessity of team approach
 Systemic assessments
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Audience
 Key leaders
 Broader congregation
QUESTION: Are you speaking a language they
understand?
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Abuse in the church impacts many
 Leaders need a large umbrella if they are going to serve
those involved
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When many are impacted, division is common
 Leaders remember they must be advocates for truth,
justice, and grace
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Protection of the “least of these” takes precedence
 Leaders understand abuse of power and provide tangible
protection for the body of Christ
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Never underestimate the power of selfdeception
 Caretakers recognize and work for true
repentance
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“As if you too…”
 Caretakers work to understand the world and
experiences of abuser and abused “as if” they
themselves were in their shoes
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Premature restoration is tempting
 Leaders resist the temptation to rush back to life “the way
it used to be” but work to cultivate maturity, healing, and
holy obedience to God
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Wisdom comes from God—not committees
 Leaders immerse themselves in the study of God’s Word
and prayer to discern His perspective on all issues
pertaining to abuse and restoration
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Crises reveal character
 Leaders use crises to explore and correct individual and
systemic defects
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The Church is not ours
 Leaders remember not to harm the church: to
purify themselves first before working to purify
the bride of Christ
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The redemptive work of Christ in ALL is our
goal
 Leaders promote an atmosphere of grace, mercy
and justice for all
Phil’s email:
[email protected]