Transcript Mentoring "Power Pack" - John Mallison Ministries

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© John Mallison
Welcome
Skills And Tools For
Effective Mentoring
Today’s Program Will Cover:
1) Understanding mentoring - an introduction
2) Some guidelines for mentors
3) Asking good questions and listening
4) Setting boundaries
5) The role of prayer
6) Using the bible
7) A design for mentoring - role play
8) Mentoring and small groups
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© John Mallison
Skills & Tools for
Effective Mentoring
Today’s program will cover:
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An Overview Of Mentoring
Some Guidelines For Mentors
Setting Boundaries
The Role Of Prayer
Using The Bible
Peer-Mentoring
Finding Those To Mentor
Finding A Mentor
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Welcome
Strategies For Mentoring
Today’s Program Will Cover:
1) An overview of mentoring
2) What to look for in mentors
3) When to mentor
– Life stages
4) Mentoring beginners in the faith
5) Equipping mentors
– How adults learn
– Using this resource
6) Implementing a mentoring system
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Please form into
Pairs
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Please form into
Groups of 4
By joining with another pair
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Please form into
Groups of 6
By joining with 2 other pairs
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Share with your partner…..
• Four interesting things about yourself
• Your hopes and expectations for today
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Share with your partner…..
•
What do you enjoy doing most?
•
What’s the nicest thing that has happened to you
in the last 12 months?
•
What are your hopes and expectations for
today?
•
For what would you appreciate prayer in order to
get the most out of today?
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Share with your partner…..
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In what way has God surprised you recently?
•
God is frequently presented in the Psalms as our
Helper.
How has this been true for you?
•
What can you celebrate about your ministry?
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Prayer Needs
• What is a personal need for which you would like
prayer?
• What is a need in our own ministry for which you
would appreciate prayer?
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In Silence
• Thank God for what your friend and you
shared
• Pray for your friend that this seminar
will be an enjoyable, encouraging
and growing experience
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Discuss The Presentation
• What spoke to you personally
– to encourage
– to challenge
• On which aspects do you want John to give more
information?
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Any questions or comments
or
Aspects on which you need more information?
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Your Response…...
What was a word of God to you personally?
In what specific ways would you be different if you
took this seriously?
What persons and situations in your life would be
affected? - How?
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Your Response
What do you plan to stop doing
What do you plan to continue to do
What do you plan to begin to do
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A Word of God to you
Stop
Proceed with caution
Go!
Your Response…
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Your Response
What was an encouragement to you?
What did you learn that was especially helpful?
Is there something you now feel you need to
begin doing
stop doing
think more about?
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Share With Your Partner
Some things in this learning
experience which have….
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Provided new insights
Reinforced previous learning
Been especially helpful
Been greatly encouraging
Challenged you
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Individual Reflection
• List the names of a few who you have found to
be helpful/supportive/encouraging in:
– Your growth as a person
– Helping you develop various skills
– Your spiritual growth
• List some words next to each name to describe
them
• Review your list and underline one word which
stands out more than all the others.
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Individually
– Think of lay persons in the church who have
cared for you in various ways
e.g. Helping in your Christian growth
– Supporting you in difficult times
– Encouraging you in your Christian service
– What do you remember most about who they
are/were
– Their characteristics
– Their attitudes
– In what ways they were competent
(List some of these)
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Who has been a mentor to you?
- How did you find that helpful?
- What did you learn about mentoring from them?
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My Core Commitments In
Writing This Book
• To provide some practical guidelines for both
mentors and mentorees
• To emphasise that mentoring is essentially
experience-based learning to which reflection is
central
• To help especially leaders see the broad
possibilities for mentoring
• To enable the development of mentoring
networks
• To present Jesus Christ as our prime mentoring
model
© John Mallison
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My Core Commitments In
Writing This Book cont...
• Mentoring is NOT an optional extra
• To encourage every follower of Christ to ‘watch
over one another in love’
• The foundation for Christian mentoring is a vital,
growing relationship with Jesus Christ
• To explain the various dimensions of mentoring and
what is involved
• Mentoring can be done with varying degrees of
intensity from a close friendship to a professional
relationship
• To give Biblical and theological basis for mentoring
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Who This Book Is For
• Potential mentors/mentorees - how to do it and
how to begin
• Mentors - who want to improve their performance
• Team leaders - who want to build their teams
• Supervisors - who want to maximise their
mentoring
• Church and para-church leaders - who want to
develop mentoring networks
• Trainers - a sound resource to equip mentors
• Friends - who want their friendships to be more
effective
© John Mallison
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What This Book Can Do For You
It will:
• help you catch a vision of mentoring
• encourage you to begin
• provide practical know-how
• help you experience the potential of reflection for
learning from the experiences through which God
has taken you
• enable you to find a mentor or a mentoree
• equip you to build effective teams
• open your eyes to how churches and Christian
organisations can be transformed through
organised mentoring
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How The Study/Training Dimension
Works
The 32 Study Guides at the end of each section have:
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Personal reflection questions
– The outcome ... for a mentored person to
become a reflective Christ-centred disciple
Group work questions
– With one other person or a small group
The Trainer’s Guide provides
•
A recommended program
•
Clear guidelines for the trainer
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32 Study Guides
At the end of each section in each chapter:
• Personal Reflection
• Group Work
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Mentor
It’s Origin and Meaning
(In Greek mythology – Odysseus)
• The name of the wise & trusted companion &
friend of Ulysses
• Guardian of Ulysses’ house during his 10 year
absence at Trojan wars
• Teacher and advisor of Ulysses’ son Telemachus
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Definition
Christian mentoring is a dynamic, intentional
relationship of trust in which one person enables
another to maximise the grace of God in their life
and service
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Significant Words, etc (in definition)
• Dynamic
- Active, Growing, Flexible,
Stimulating, Empowering
• Intentional
- With Purpose and
Direction - Orderly
• Relationship
- Connection, Bond, Affinity,
Mateship, Concern, Commitment
• Trust
- Rely Upon, Put Confidence in
• Enable
- Give the Means to Make Possible
• Maximise
- Make the Most of
• Grace of God
- All God Freely Offers Us in Christ
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Other Definitions
• Gunter Krallmann:
‘A mentor in the biblical sense establishes a close
relationship with a protégé and on that basis through
fellowship, modelling, advice, encouragement,
correction, practical assistance and prayer support
influences his/her understudy to gain a deeper
comprehension of divine truth, lead a godlier life and
render more effective service to God’.
•
J Robert Clinton:
‘Mentoring refers to the process in which a person
with a serving, giving, encouraging attitude (Mentor),
sees the leadership potential in a still to be
developed person and is able to prompt or otherwise
significantly influence that person along to the
realisation of his/her potential’.
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© John Mallison
Other Definitions cont...
• BISHOP JOHN REID:
‘Peter was commissioned by Jesus to strengthen
his other followers, “...help your brothers be
stronger...” (Luke 22:32).
Just as Jesus enabled him to minister, Peter was
to do the same with his peers.
Mentoring describes an intentional and deliberate
attitude to encourage another’s life and ministry.
It finds its biblical base in Jesus’ words to Peter’.
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Mentoring - Part Of The Fabric Of Life
• The value of having a friend and adviser………..
‘Two are better than one’ (Eccl 4:9)
• Parents/children
• Artisan/apprentice relationship
• Coach of a sportsperson or team
• Mentoring at all levels of commerce, industry,
education and public life
• Mentoring was a way of life in Bible Times
• Jesus, with his disciples, provides our prime
mentoring model
• The New Testament is full of ‘one another’ and
‘together’ passages pointing to Christianity as
relational
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Discipler
Model
Spiritual
Beginning
Sponsor
Leading
Pastor
Guide
Growing
Serving
Coach
Teacher
Counsellor
Encourager
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Stages In Discipleship
Beginning
-
Conversion
Becoming -
Discipleship
Ministering
-
Obedience
Leading
-
Reproducing
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Encouragement
Mentors must be encouragers.
If a mentoree goes away discouraged, we have
failed.
There should always be a positive and helpful
outcome.
There will be times when we will speak firmly, even
reprimand,
but it must always be from a gospel perspective of
hope.
5/9
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Encouragement
Is Love Expressed.
• It is an assurance of commitment to another.
• It gives a sense of support,
reduces fear,
raises morale and
gives confidence.
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Mentoring
A Journey of Faith
The mentor's role:
· Facilitator on the journey
· Make available all which will enable the mentoree
to come to:
Wholeness in Christ
…
Walking together with Jesus
on the journey of Christian life and service
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Meeting any point of struggle with
· Love
· Compassion
· Understanding
In this context we can
· feel safe, and
· grow through our struggle
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Embracing all aspects of growth
· Spiritual
· Physical
· Intellectual
· Emotional
(The whole person)
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You Can Do It!
• Mentoring is a very significant role every
Christian disciple can fulfil ... irrespective of age
or experience.
• It is not restricted to ‘giants of the faith’.
The basic requirement is a living relationship with God
and an ability to listen and respond sensitively, and to
encourage.
If this is true of you, you can be God’s agent in
enriching another person’s life.
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You Can Do It
cont...
• Men: they often fear to share their inner struggles,
thoughts and feelings, lest disclosure erodes others’
confidence in them. But deep bonding can take place.
• Women: they are natural mentors and co-mentors.
• Busy people: some of the best mentoring is done
by very active people.
• Housebound: they can mentor by means of their
phones or by inviting others to visit them.
• Seniors: the wisdom of long experience can greatly
benefit others. Growing older as participants rather
than spectators!
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© John Mallison
Women Are Natural Mentors /Mentorees
When Under Stress.....
'Men Go Into Their Caves
Women Talk'
("Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus...."
John Gray)
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© John Mallison
Go and make disciples of all nations,
baptising them in the name of the Father and the
Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to
obey everything I have commanded you. And surely
I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
(Matthew 28:19,20, NIV)
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'Witness' (Luke in his gospel 24:48, and in Acts
1:8, 22:15)
'My'
· Tell of one's personal knowledge and experience
of Jesus Christ.
· Be living proof of the truth of the gospel of Christ
· Testify to Jesus Christ by word and deed by who
we are, what we say and what we do.
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Mentoring or Disciplemaking
‘Disciple' (73 times in Matthew's gospel)
- 'Learner'
· Developing knowledge and understanding of
God's nature and purposes in the context of a
growing personal relationship with God in Christ
that results in gratitude for God's grace
(undeserved kindness) expressed in exclusive
loyalty and obedience to him
· New values, attitudes and behaviour which reflect
Jesus Christ
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“Go and
make disciples
of all nations, baptising them in the name of the
Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and
teaching them to obey everything I have
commanded you.”
….Matthew 28:19,20
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Key Verb -
‘Make Disciples’
Other ‘doing words’
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subordinate to it
They instruct in the ‘how’ (what is involved)
– ‘GO’ – Identify with others; Reach out;
Get involved
– ‘BAPTISE’ – Publicly own Christ; Make
him heard
– ‘TEACH’ – Help develop knowledge,
understanding and application to life of
Christ’s teachings
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‘Go’
can also read
‘As you go’
- in the routines of daily life
- in our daily encounters
Make disciples as a way of life
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Ongoing Disciplemaking
‘And the things you have heard me say in
the presence of many witnesses entrust to
reliable people who are qualified to teach
others also’. (2 Tim 2:2)
‘Also’ is an ongoing verb.
We teach those who are able to teach others,
who are able to teach others, and so it goes on.
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Jesus’ Remarkable Promise
‘I am with you always’
Christ’s unfailing presence and
power transforms
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'All authority in heaven and on earth has
been given to me… And surely I am with
you always to the very end of the age.'
•What encouragement do you receive from these
words of Christ?
•What difference would it make to your mentoring/
disciplemaking if this promise of Christ was really
taken seriously?
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The Biblical Foundation
· The big picture of God
· The true perspective on Human Beings
· The power of Spiritual Community
……………….
The limitless power of Calvary, the Empty Tomb
and Pentecost
………………
Optimism
Realism
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© John Mallison
An Adequate Idea Of God
Most of the problems we face from time to time
grow out of an inadequate idea of God.
• God is unconditional love
• God is merciful, full of grace
• God is faithful
• God is holy and righteous
• God is ever-present
• God is all-knowing
• God is all powerful
God Is The Mentor
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As Disciplers (mentors) we are not the
maker (enforcer)
We are not self-sufficient builders
God is the mentor
Christian mentors are ….
under mentors
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New Testament Perspective on Human Beings
Image Bearer
Flawed
Wounded
Child Of God
(away from “home” or at “home”)
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Realist!
Optimist!
(Grace - Hope & Promise)
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Our God-given Vision
The vision God gives us in Christ
is all about possibilities
- what might be, not what is.
People need not be locked into more of the same.
It is about new realities
which can be seen and apprehended by faith.
The Good News is that life can begin again!
God’s call is to actualise through the Spirit
what we already are in Christ - new creation.
(2 Cor 5:17)
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© John Mallison
The Vision God Gives To Us In
Christ
What might be, not what is
People need not be locked into more of the same
Life can begin again!
8/4
© John Mallison
‘Two
are better than one,
because they have a good reward for their toil.
For if they fall, one will lift up the other;
but woe to one who is alone and falls
and does not have another to help.’
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
9/1
© John Mallison
It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there’s no one to help, tough!…
By yourself you’re unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 , The Message
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‘One another’ ‘together’
We are Christians not only for our own sake
but also for the sake of others
“Pious Particles” - Moffatt
“The Bible knows nothing of solitary religion”
... Wesley
“We are to watch over
one another in love”
Partners
Spiritual Mates
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The “ONE ANOTHERS”
Love one another –
as Christ loved His disciples
John 13:34-35
1 John 3:11
Restore one another –
carry each other’s burdens
Galatians 6:1-2
Bear with and forgive one another
Colossians 3:13
Build up one another
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Encourage to believe…
protect from sin’s deceitfulness
Hebrews 3:12-14
Stir one another to love and
good works…encourage to hope
Confess sin to one another
Pray for one another
1 Thessalonians 5:11
James 5:16
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© John Mallison
‘Watch Over One Another In Love’
• John Wesley’s ‘General Rules for Methodist
Fellowships’
• Released in 1743.
• Key to his success in retaining those
who were converted through that revival.
• In class meetings and one-to-one,
they cared for one another.
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© John Mallison
‘Let us consider how we may
spur one another on towards
love and good deeds.
Let us not give up
Meeting together,
As some are in the habit of doing
But let us
Encourage one another...’
Hebrews 10:24,25
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© John Mallison
‘To Spur One Another On . . .’
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To call forth
Summons
Invite
Beg
Urge
Appeal to
‘. . . Towards love and good deeds’
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© John Mallison
‘Encourage One Another’
• Inspire with courage, faith and hope
• Console, comfort, cheer up
• Support, assist
• Inspire to press on, persevere
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© John Mallison

˘
- To Encourage
‘Holy Spirit’ (paraklete) – from the same root
The Supreme Encourager
When we encourage, we share in
the ministry of the Holy Spirit
- channels of grace
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© John Mallison
The Context Of This Passage
• A personal relationship with God
through Christ’s Death
• Direct access into his presence
• Make full use of this privilege
“Draw near to God”
“With confidence”
To receive all the grace he has for us
Mentoring essentially is
encouraging others to do the same
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© John Mallison
- Context • Confidently use our direct access to God’s
presence through Christ’s completed work (v. 19-21)
• Keep seeking after holiness, righteousness (v. 22)
• Maintain a strong hold on the hope we have in
Christ (v. 23)
• Rely upon God’s utter faithfulness (v. 23)
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© John Mallison
‘Keep each other on your toes
so sin doesn’t slow down your reflexes’
Hebrews 3:13 (The Message)
9/12
© John Mallison
“Your words
have kept people on their feet”
Job 4:4
9/13
© John Mallison
‘Let us see how inventive we can be in
encouraging and helping out one another’.
(Hebrews 10:24,25, The Message)
9/14
© John Mallison
'We all blossom in the presence of one who sees
the good in us and who can coax the best out of us.'
……..Desmond Tutu
9/15
© John Mallison
Disadvantages Of Trying To Make It On Our Own
• Not the way God created us - created relational beings
• 'The self-made man worships his creator'
• No points of reference - Don't have compass bearings - go astray
• Become discouraged very easily
• Lose one's perception and perspective
• No accountability
• Achieve less
• Loss of objectivity
• No one to share joys with - attainments, successes, dreams
• No one to share sorrow or pain
• No synergy - interaction, empowerment
• No one to rescue us when we fall or go astray (rescue from
ourselves)
• No one to help to keep us honest in our P R material!!
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© John Mallison
Disadvantages Of Trying To Make It Alone
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•
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No one to tell you, you need to think again
Limiting available resources
No accountability
Internalisation without conclusion (action/change)
Nothing to combat discouragement - can live in a
state of confusion
Disconnected
No 'bench marks'
No one to rescue us
Burnout is possible
Inability to grow
Can become selfish / self-centred
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© John Mallison
Jesus - Our Prime Model
His Being:
• Who he was as a person - his character, his integrity, his
credibility, his uniqueness.
His Words:
• What Jesus said indeed proved to be words of life (John
6:68).
• He spoke plainly so all understood, always enabling the
practical application.
• He never compromised the truth - sometimes meant offence
and loss of supporters.
His Deeds:
‘We have never seen anything like this’ (Mark 2:12).
All Jesus’ ministry was motivated by divine love.
Jesus entrusted his ministry to the disciples with remarkable
results.
They were instrumental in changing the course of history!
© John Mallison
10/1
JESUS - OUR PRIME MODEL Cont...
‘All biblical mentoring then is under-mentoring.
Jesus Christ is the real
and decisive agent
in Christian mentoring.
He claims our wholehearted trust in him
as present enabler.’
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© John Mallison
Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Involvement with people
Patience
Pure motives
Personal integrity
Nobody insignificant
Human need was above the law
One on one training of disciples
Teaching - method - known to unknown
Set boundaries
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© John Mallison
Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Compassion
Got alongside and worked with people
Took out of situation for instruction
Acceptance
Direct
Freely gave - self / possessions
Way dealt with politics and religious leaders
Simplicity of his life
Everything bathed in prayer
Creativity
Stayed focused
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© John Mallison
Jesus - Our Prime Mentoring Model cont.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Willing to give correction (gently)
Gave clear guidance
Showed concern
Praised people
Humility (didn’t blow own trumpet)
Servanthood
Forgiveness (never wrote people off - gave
another chance
Love for people
Understands our humanity
Availability
Empowered people
10/5
© John Mallison
I often think of the genuine faith of yours
- a faith that was alive in Lois your
grandmother
and in Eunice your mother before you,
and which, I am confident, lives in you also.
2 Timothy 1:5
11/1
© John Mallison
Women Mentors
in the New Testament
Priscilla
Apollos
(and Aquila)
Lois
Eunice
Timothy
11/2
© John Mallison
The Heart Of Christian Mentoring
Helping The Development Of A Growing
Relationship With God
Mentoring is concerned essentially with assisting a person
to recognise and respond to the prompting of God’s Spirit
so that the mind and power of Christ
may govern all a person is and does
in order to arrive at the goal to which God is leading.
It is about enabling another
to ‘live and keep in step with the Spirit’ (Gal 5:25).
12/1
© John Mallison
Być Jak Jezus
Sztuka Kształtowania
Uczniów I Przywódców
To Be Like Jesus
Ability To Mentor
Disciples And Leaders
12/2
© John Mallison
Purpose
To develop
Attentiveness (Trained, Disciplined)
and
Obedience
To
God
12/3
© John Mallison
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?
Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover
your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep
company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and
lightly.”
- Matthew 11:28-30, The Message
12/4
© John Mallison
GOD
Mentor
Me
Co-mentor
Mentoree
13/1
Mallison
© John
John Malison
GOD
Father/
Mother
Me
Brother/
Sister
Son/
Daughter
13/2
© John Mallison
GOD
Receiving
Me
Sharing
Giving
13/3
© John Mallison
GOD
Barnabas
Paul
Barnabas
Timothy
13/4
© John Mallison
Receiving and Giving
13/5
© John Mallison
Peer Mentoring
A Shared relationship,
involving both giving and receiving.
It is an Equal relationship between two people
who value and respect each other
and believe each can enrich the other.
The ‘one another’ and ‘together’ passages of the
New Testament
can usually be lived out at a greater level of
intimacy
in peer mentoring relationships.
14/1
© John Mallison
Peer Mentoring (continued)
The effectiveness of these relationships is because of
unrestricted openness, trust, commitment,
sense of responsibility for each other
and mutual accountability
which is already present in good friendships. It can be
developed further
when there is an agreement to be more purposeful.
Unfortunately this so readily available,
and most effective form of mentoring
is overlooked by many
or not developed to its full potential.
14/2
© John Mallison
Peer Mentoring
• Begin with a friend
• Set aside regular times to be together
• Maximise your times together
– Maintain a balance in your relationship
– Seek to be transparent with each other
• Focus on major areas where we can stray
• Ask good questions
• Be mutually accountable
• Show mutual respect
• Take scripture seriously
• Pray together
• Laugh together, cry together, have fun together
• Arrange some special times together
© John Mallison
14/3
Focus On Major Areas Where One
Can Stray
· Friendships
· Spouse and family
· Self-centredness
· Management of time
· Pride - self-image
· Lust
· Greed - attitude towards money
· Honesty
· Power
· Acknowledgement of authority
· Servanthood
· Availability for service
14/4
© John Mallison
Focus On Major Areas Where One
Can Stray cont.
• Anger
• Accountability
• Addictive behaviours
(workaholism)
• Self nurture (fitness,
days off, etc)
• Integrity
• Attitude
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Tolerance
Manipulative behaviour
Forgiveness
Baggage of past
Keeping focused
Self esteem
Balanced mentoring
network
14/5
© John Mallison
MAJOR AREAS OF MENTORING
Here are some common areas in which people seek
mentoring:
• Development of spiritual life
Setting aside adequate time in a busy schedule
How to pray more effectively
How to understand the Bible and take it more
seriously
Practising other spiritual disciplines
Developing own unique form of spirituality
Living and walking in the Spirit
• Giving quality time to - friends, spouse, family
15/1
© John Mallison
MAJOR AREAS OF MENTORING cont...
• Management of time and creative use of leisure
• Setting priorities and goals
• Choosing between the good and the best in life and
Christian service
• Personal and professional development
• Attitude towards, and use of, money
• Handling power with grace and humility
15/2
© John Mallison
MAJOR AREAS OF MENTORING cont...
• Sexual relationships
• Remaining open and honest
• Coping with stress
• Keeping positive and hopeful
• Self-control
• Resolving conflicts
• Relating well to people
15/3
© John Mallison
Individually
Try to recall a few Christians who have had a positive
influence upon you -- (relatives, friends, teachers"
leaders, pastors, etc.).
• In what ways did they influence you?
• How did they help you grow spiritually?
• What encouragement, guidance and support
did they give to help you develop as a leader?
• In difficult times how did they care for you?
What do you remember most about their -• Behaviour?
• Attitudes?
• Values?
List a few words that best characterise them.
© John Mallison
16/1
Try to recall a few Christian leaders who
have had a positive influence on you
(relatives, friends, teachers, leaders, ministers, etc)
What words describe their characteristics?
16/2
© John Mallison
Qualities To Look For In Mentors
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Available
Integrity
Maturity
Gracious
Positive
Good listener
Wise
Insightful
Intuitive
Dependable
• Able to see big picture
• Honesty
• Recognise potential
• Accepting
• Empathetic
• Affirming
• Supportive
• Understanding
• Encouraging
• Sense of humour
• Tough unconditional love
• Willing to share own experiences
16/3
© John Mallison
Basic Qualities Of A Mentor
Christ Centred
• The foundational quality for Christian mentoring.
• A life touched and continually renewed by Jesus Christ.
Passionate
• Passion is what drives us. To be really effective in
mentoring, we need a passion for it.
• Passion can grow as you get involved and see the
remarkable difference it can make.
Relational
• Able to establish and maintain relationships.
• Actively listen.
• Can inspire and motivate by their attitude.
• Enjoy being with others.
• Always out to encourage.
Affirming
• Believe in their mentorees - and tell them so
16/4
© John Mallison
Basic Qualities Of a Mentor cont...
Open and Transparent
• Believable, Real, Honest
Trusting and Trustworthy
• Keep confidences
Available
• Meet agreed commitments
• Available for extra contacts if a special need arises
Able To Facilitate Learning
• Not quick to give advice
• Use good questions are used to probe and enable
reflection
Competent
• Capable in the areas in which the mentoree wants to grow
Prayerful
• Pray to prepare, during and between meetings
© John Mallison
16/5
Basic Qualities Of A Mentor cont...
Prayerful
• Prayer is not an add-on for a good mentor
• 'Prayer leads one to see new paths and hear new
melodies in the air. Prayer is the breath of one's life,
which gives you freedom to go and to find many
signs which point out the way to a new land. Praying
is living.'
• On mentors' own personal prayer lists
• Prayer together during get-togethers and over the
phone
16/6
© John Mallison
The Main Roles Of A Mentor
• Roles keep changing to meet different needs and
situations.
• In practice, roles overlap one another.
• Some mentors will be better equipped to fulfil one
role more than another and will perform best
when operating that way.
17/1
© John Mallison
Discipler
• Discipleship is a process.
• The role of the mentor as a discipler covers
every stage in the life of a disciple of Jesus
Christ.
• It undergirds all other mentoring roles.
17/2
© John Mallison
Spiritual Guide
Paul summarises this role,
'We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching
everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present
everyone mature in Christ' (Col 1:28).
It is essentially about keeping those we help
focusing on Christ and keeping their lives open to
his grace in the fullest possible way.
17/3
© John Mallison
Coach
Coaching is a response to Paul's challenge 'to equip
the saints for the work of ministry'. (Eph 4:12)
· Providing help in understanding and maximising
their ministries.
· The artisan/apprentice relationship or the coach of
anindividual sportsperson or team, are good
models.
· Mentors may involve mentorees in aspects of their
own ministry to observe and for them to perform
certain tasks,
· Followed by time for reflection on both the
mentor's and mentoree's performance.
17/4
© John Mallison
Counsellor
Degrees of counselling, from a word of advice
to an ongoing relationship with a highly trained
professional.
Make referrals to professional helpers when
appropriate.
17/5
© John Mallison
Teacher
· Integral to most of what a mentor does.
· People learn both formally and informally.
· Mentoring focuses more on informal learning.
· Experience based learning.
· Reviewing of life and ministry experiences, the
exploring of options for the way ahead, and
planning accordingly.
17/6
© John Mallison
Sponsor
Mentors use their position to
· benefit mentorees through their extensive
contacts, and
· protect their mentorees.
17/7
© John Mallison
Pastor
· Servanthood, an essential aspect of pastoring, is
best modelled by Christ.
· Peter's moving dialogue with Jesus after the
resurrection.
· Christian mentors will be shepherds to their
mentorees as they care for, protect, guide,
nourish, comfort, heal and encourage.
17/8
© John Mallison
Model
Much of human behaviour is learnt by the observation of
models
• Modelling is the greatest form of unconscious learning.
• Mentorees need models as visual aids.
• Jesus’ disciples learnt so much from just being with him.
• Paul urged his readers, ‘Whatever you have learned or
received or heard from me or seen in me – put it into
practice.
• Probably most of what our mentorees learn from us will be
learnt just being with us, from observing who we are – our
being, what we do and the way we do it, our attitudes, our
values and our behaviour.
• John U’ren – ‘Do they see your priorities and values?’
• Biographies and autobiographies of contemporary and
historical Christian leaders.
17/9
© John Mallison
Encourager
Mentors must be encouragers. If a mentoree goes
away discouraged, we have failed. There should
always be a positive and helpful outcome. There will
be times when we will speak firmly, even reprimand,
but it must always be from a gospel perspective of
hope.
Scripture is a major source of encouragement.
The ultimate encouragement found in God.
17/10
© John Mallison
Encouragement
•
‘Good Words can make an anxious heart glad’
(Prov 12:25)
• Failure To Speak can cause discouragement.
• Attitudes influence the effectiveness of mentoring
• The Need To Encourage - to positively influence
increased godliness (1 Thess 2:11,12), to inspire
courage in the face of trials (1 Thess 3:2,3), to hearten
as one hears of the faith and love of others (1 Thess
3:6-10), and to facilitate spiritual development (1
Thess 5:11).
•
•
Scripture - a major source of encouragement.
The Ultimate Encouragement will be found in
one’s relationship to God.
17/11
© John Mallison
Mentoring Styles
Factors Which Determine Style
• Our temperament - affects ...the manner in which
we act, feel and think.
• Our perception of mentoring
– mentoree-centred, concerned mainly with his
or her personal development and well-being
– performance-centred, getting a task done well
Directive and Non-directive Styles
• Directive mentors can often become
manipulative, keeping the mentoree in a highly
dependent role. (Not all unhelpful.)
• Non-directive mentors act gently and
reassuringly.
18/1
© John Mallison
Mentoring Styles cont...
Functional Style
• A functional mentor responds to
the needs of the mentoree in varying situations.
• Flexible in their styles.
• Both mentoree- and performance-centred.
• Holistic in their approach
Grace-Givers and Truth-Tellers
• Grace-giving ‘ the art of empowering or
encouraging
someone in their ministry or their station in life’.
• Truth-telling ‘is the art of informing someone
about objective reality’.
18/2
© John Mallison
Gracegivers
Truth–
tellers
Friend
Cheerleader
Boss
Supervisor
Kind
Suggests
words
Hard
words
Assigns
Listens
Process
Tells
Product
18/3
© John Mallison
Personal development - Performance
Being
- Doing
Process
- Outcome
18/4
© John Mallison
Grace-Givers & Truth-Tellers
Grace-Givers
Truth-Tellers
- Inspire
- Empower
- Encourage
- Mentoree-centred
- Inform
- Give advice
- Instruct
- Direct
- Performance-centred
18/5
© John Mallison
Jesus’ Style
Our ultimate model of style
• Jesus knew how to respond to the ever-changing
situation of his disciples
• A servant leader but authoritative
• Spoke encouraging words but reprimanded
• Listened but knew when to instruct
• Cheered on
• ‘Full of grace and truth’ (John 1:14)
18/6
© John Mallison
Your Personal Mentoring Resources
Here are some of our possible resources:
• Who you are in Christ
• Who you are as a person
• Your spiritual gifts
• Your knowledge and understanding of the
Scriptures
• The skills you have developed
• Life experiences
19/1
© John Mallison
Your Personal Mentoring Resources
cont...
cont
• Ministry experiences
• Just being a good listener
• Your ability to encourage
• Your availability
• Your network of relationships
• Your knowledge of available resources
• Your influence with systems and organisations (for
sponsoring)
19/2
© John Mallison
Our Personal Mentoring Resources
• Who you are in Christ is the essential resource.
• Without this resource, none of us can effectively
undertake Christian mentoring.
• Our experiences of Christ will vary and so will our
spirituality,
but the one constant is that we have a personal,
living relationship with him.
19/3
© John Mallison
Beginning As A Mentor
• Personal Reflection
Pray
Reflect on past experiences
– Help you have received
– Help you have given to others
Identifying potential mentorees
Refer to the ‘life stages’ as a framework for your
thinking.
20/1
© John Mallison
Developing Your Network
God Always Goes Before
– He takes the initiative
Reflect on
– Your network of relationships
– Your mentor(s) mentorees will usually be there
20/2
© John Mallison
Discovering A Mentoree
• Keep alert to unspoken cries for help
• Issue open- ended invitations
• Recognise approaches from potential mentorees
• Don’t be quick to commit yourself
20/3
© John Mallison
"Never hesitate to contact me
if you think I can be of help
- I mean that!"
20/4
© John Mallison
The Crucial Role Of Prayer
• The Need For Prayer Support
The power of collective prayer
• Prayer With Mentorees
• The Need For Prayer In Effective Mentoring
Personal spirituality and mission,
Prayer and work,
Faith and action,
Withdrawal and participation
All Belong Together
Jesus said, ‘Without me you can do nothing’
(John 15:5b).
21/1
© John Mallison
Build
Your
Prayer Base
21/2
© John Mallison
1341.2
Prayer Strategy
Unknown Supporters
Prayer Partners
Prayer Chain
Prayer Groups
Intercessors
Own time with God
21/3
© John Mallison
General
Prayer Partners
Prayer Chain
Intercessors
Prayer Base
© John Mallison
21/4
The Model Of Jesus' Prayer Life
Through times of solitude with his Father he
maintained that intimacy which
undergirded and empowered
his whole life and ministry.
(Mark 1:35; Luke 6:12-15)
21/5
© John Mallison
• Although Paul had great gifts and held an
eminent place in the early church,
he was dependent on the prayers of others.
• Strong example of
personal humility and
mutuality of Christian Community.
21/6
© John Mallison
Paul Asked For Prayer
Eph 6:19,20
“Pray also for me, that...”
“Pray that I may...”
Col 4:3,4
“Pray for us that...”
“Pray that...”
1 Thess 5:25
“...pray for us”
2 Thess 3:1, 2
“Pray for us that ...”
“Pray that we ...”
Heb 13:18
“Pray for us.”
Co1 4:18
“Remember my chains.”
21/7
© John Mallison
“Do not deceive yourselves by
just listening to his word
instead
put it into practice”
“… Persevere … A Doer … Blessed…”
James 1:22-25
22/1
© John Mallison
'It is never sufficient simply to have read God's word.
It must penetrate deep within us, dwell in us like the
Holy of Holies in the Sanctuary, so that we do not sin
thought, word or deed.
Just knowing Scripture does not mean that it will
change us or automatically prevent us from doing
wrong. Scripture must be believed, must come alive
for us as being important & relevant, & must be acted
upon if it is to be a power of good in our lives. The
power of Scripture lies in its ability to give the
wanderer direction; the disillusioned, hope; the
seeker, answers; the discouraged, comfort; & provide
us with the words that reflect God's heart & purpose.
'God's word must become part of the way we think if it
is to direct us.' (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
22/2
© John Mallison
These are the Scriptures
that testify about me
John 5:39
22/3
© John Mallison
But these are written that you may
believe that Jesus is the Christ, the
Son of God, and that by believing you
may have life in his name.
John 20:31
22/4
© John Mallison
The purpose of Bible study:
• to meet God in Christ
and
• to be addressed by him through the Holy Spirit
22/5
© John Mallison
Personal encounter
with
Jesus Christ
22/6
© John Mallison
22/7
© John Mallison
THE PURPOSE OF SCRIPTURE
IS TO
TRANSFORM
NOT MERELY TO
INFORM
22/8
© John Mallison
‘Let not Thy word, O Lord, become a
judgment upon us,
that we hear it and do it not
that we know it and love it not
that we believe it and obey it not.”
- Thomas à Kempis
22/9
© John Mallison
The questions the biblical writers ask are:
• Who is God?
• What does he require of me?
22/10
© John Mallison
Our Theological House
Our Everyday House
22/11
© John Mallison
Our Theological House
Our beliefs
Our ideal values
22/12
© John Mallison
Our Everday House
Our behaviour
Our actual values
22/13
© John Mallison
Our beliefs  Our behaviour
Our ideal values  Our actual values
22/14
© John Mallison
Applying God's Word To Our Lives
• How would I be different if I took this seriously?
• What persons and situations would I view
differently?
22/15
© John Mallison
Do not be anxious about anything, but in
everything, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And
the peace of God, which transcends all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your
minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
22/16
© John Mallison
How Adults Learn
People learn in different ways.
Discover which way your mentorees learn best.
• Experience-Based Learning
Every area and circumstance of life
provides an environment for learning.
Experience-based learning involves
a conscious effort to process and learn from
experiences on one’s own,
with another person or a small group.
The apprenticeship model
- the major component of learning takes place in
the workplace with a qualified person.
The most common form used by Jesus.
23/1
© John Mallison
The Important Role of Reflection
Reflection helps turn experience into learning.
It is the central factor in experience-based learning.
•
•
•
•
•
Revisit our experiences
Analyse what was happening
Identify behaviour, ideas and feelings.
The positive aspects affirmed
Ways explored to remove the negative aspects
In mentoring, our aim is to produce
reflective disciples of Christ.
23/2
© John Mallison
Our Goal…
To develop Reflective Disciples
who become Reflective Leaders
23/3
© John Mallison
Mentoring As Experience-Based
Learning
Kurt Lewin’s experiential learning cycle
(developed further by David Kolb )
Learning is a continuous process, grounded in
experience.
To learn from experience we need to take time to
reflect on a specific action, thinking about it and
making sense of it, then planning ways of acting
more effectively in the future.
A journey of discovery rather than acting as a passive
participant in a didactic learning situation - listening
to a ‘teller’.
23/4
© John Mallison
Learning Is a Continuous Process
Grounded in experience
Act
Reflect
Plan
Act
Reflect
Plan
23/5
© John Mallison
Questions For Reflection
• What was your purpose
• How did you prepare?
• What went well/not so well?
• What feelings did you identify in yourself and others?
• Which of the feelings were unhelpful?
• In what ways can these obstructive feelings be removed
in future similar experiences?
• What were the positive feelings?
• How can these positive feelings be utilised in the
future?
• What did you learn about yourself?
• What did you learn about your ministry?
• What did you learn about ‘you in ministry’?
23/6
© John Mallison
Questions For Reflection cont...
• What do you think Jesus would do in a similar
situation?
• What does Scripture have to say that is relevant here?
• What did your learn about God in this experience?
• What would you do the same in future?
• What would you do differently?
• (You may need to explore options and select the most
appropriate - brainstorming could be helpful)
• What/who could hinder or block you in doing things
differently?
How will you handle this?
• What/who could be of help?
How and when will you enlist this help?
23/7
© John Mallison
Special Experiences
For Reflection
• A case study
• Interviews and field trips
• A critical incident report
Brainstorming
23/8
© John Mallison
Journalling
Journal writing is reflective writing
Journalling introduces
the important dimension of autobiography
into learning experiences,
personalising the learning,
strengthening ownership of the experience and
the awareness of relevance for future action.
~~~~~
Remember adults learn in different ways
- some will not find journalling easy.
23/9
© John Mallison
Setting Boundaries
We need to know what is our task and what isn’t,
when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’.
Boundaries help us take control of our lives.
People can assume functions that in the end are not helpful,
which prevent another accepting ownership,
taking responsibility for themselves.
Christians often find this confusing.
Paul puts it well when he says,
‘Bear one another’s burdens’ (Gal 6:2)
and then goes on to say, ‘all should carry their own loads’
(Gal 6:5).
‘Burden’ - beyond our normal ability to carry.
‘Load’ - what is manageable.
24/1
© John Mallison
Setting Boundaries cont...
• Consult and be accountable
• Discuss the boundaries
• Be available - within reason
• Keep confidences
•
Avoid excessive intimacy
– Touches can be good, bad or confusing.
(Codes of Ethics)
• Allow others their freedom to develop god’s way
– Don’t try to force mentorees into your own mould
24/2
© John Mallison
Setting Boundaries cont...
• Don’t be a perpetual rescuer
Repeated rescuing only reinforces irresponsible
behaviour.
Mentors help their mentorees take responsibility for
their lives.
There are consequences to all our actions - good or
bad, helpful or unhelpful, joyful or sorrowful.
• Know your own limitations - act as a bridge to
specialised resources
• Engender respect for your boundaries
• Limit the time-span of your relationship
• Learn to let go
– Endings are a natural part of any relationship.
– Use a simple closure strategy
24/3
© John Mallison
Boundaries
1. Read the section
2. Discuss in pairs
• What is new?
• To what do you need to give more attention?
– Why, and how?
3. Plenary: Feedback, Questions, Discussion
4. Group Work
• Discuss question given to your group
• Plan a role play
5. Plenary
• Performance of role plays
• Discussion
24/4
© John Mallison
ASK GOOD QUESTIONS
Questions are enormously important.
The art of asking good questions is a major factor in effective
mentoring. Some say it’s the most important tool.
Spending more time asking good questions, and listening
rather than talking, is a good rule to follow
………………
Asking good questions…
• gets the mentoree thinking for themselves
• builds confidence as they have an active
and not a passive role
• gathers useful information and clarifies issues
• encourages reflection, and promotes future action
25/1
© John Mallison
Mentoring to Develop Disciples & Leaders
contains
247 Questions !!
 For reflection
 For the first or early mentoring sessions
 For ongoing mentoring sessions
- Reporting back
- Aspects of personal & spiritual life & ministry
- Thinking through issues
- Making action plans
- Appraisal of relationship
 For peer mentoring
 For spiritual director’s issues
 For spiritual formation groups
© John Mallison
25/2
Active Listening
‘Seek first to understand’
Sensitive, empathetic, concentrated listening
to discover what people are really trying to
communicate
is essential
in a mentoring relationship.
Indeed it is one of the most important aspects of
good mentoring.
26/1
© John Mallison
Listening in dialogue is listening more to meanings
than to words… In true listening, we reach behind the
words, see through them, to find the person who is
being revealed. Listening is a search to find the
treasure of the true person as revealed verbally and
nonverbally. There is the semantic problem, of
course. The words bear a different connotation for
you than they do for me. Consequently, I can never tell
you what you said, but only what I heard. I will have to
rephrase what you have said, and check it out with
you to make sure that what left your mind and heart
arrived in my mind and heart intact and without
distortion.
John Powell, theologian
26/2
© John Mallison
Silence of Love
This silence of love is not indifference;
it is not merely poverty of something to say.
It is a positive form of self-communication.
Just as silence is needed to hear a watch ticking,
so silence is the medium through which heartbeats
are heard.
26/3
© John Mallison
Lord, grant me
the grace of silence
that I may refrain from
hasty or prolonged speech.
26/4
© John Mallison
How To Listen Actively
• ‘User Friendly’ Environments
–
–
–
–
–
Noise can hinder
Switch off your mobile phone or pager
Lighting
Seating arrangements
Space
• Use Appropriate Body Language
– Posture
– Make appropriate body movements
26/5
© John Mallison
How to Listen Actively cont...
• Give Feedback
- Paraphrase
- Perception check
- Behaviour description
- Summarise
- Reflect feelings
- Accept the feelings
being expressed
- Describe your own
feelings
• Let The Other Person Lead
- Invitations to talk
- Avoid overtalk
- Restrict story-telling
• Other Skills
- Use ‘I’ messages
- Indicate you are with them, using ‘little words’
and ‘non-words’
- Infrequent questions
- Responsive silence
26/6
© John Mallison
Active Listening
The Importance Of Listening
True Listening
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Paraphrasing
Perception check
Behaviour description
Summarise
Reflected feelings
Accept the feelings being expressed
Describe your own feelings
26/7
© John Mallison
Active Listening cont...
Feelings People Experienced
When They Were Heard
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Accepted
Valued
Encouraged
Motivated to be open
Supported
Significant
The relationship deepened
26/8
© John Mallison
Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication
Non Verbal
55-65%
(Facial Expression,
Body Language)
Verbal
7%
Vocal
38%
(Tone, Emphasis,
Inflection)
26/9
© John Mallison
Listener

Speaker

I understood you to say…
Reverse roles when first speaker
satisfied he/she has been heard
26/10
© John Mallison
Let anyone with ears to hear…
Listen!
Mark 4:9 (NRSV)
Listen to advice and accept instruction,
That you may gain wisdom.
Hear that your soul may live.
Prov 19:20 (RSV)
Is 55:3 (RSV)
26/11
© John Mallison
‘Let everyone be:
Quick to hear
- slow to speak’
James 1:19
26/12
© John Mallison
More Guidelines For Mentors
• Take The Responsibility Seriously
– Mentoring is a sacred responsibility
– Seek to be accountable
– Prepare for each mentoring session
• Degrees Of Intensity Vary
• Practise Mutual Accountability
• Seek Out Their Real Needs
The presenting need may not be the real need
27/1
© John Mallison
More Guidelines For Mentors cont...
• Setting Assignments
– Mentorees work between meetings
– Enable mentorees to set goals and actions during
most meetings
– Sometimes be directive, giving them an assignment
• Goal Setting
Goals should be:
– clear and understandable
– measurable
– achievable
– have a realistic time frame
– state the desired outcome
• Be Open And Honest
27/2
© John Mallison
More Guidelines For Mentors cont...
• Be Prepared To Be Firm
Don’t lay unnecessary burdens on others.
However there are times when we need to be firm.
Timothy was instructed by Paul to ‘correct, rebuke and
encourage’ (2 Tim 4:2)
• Keep Records/notes
• Build In Some Serendipity
Plan some happy surprises!
• Take An Interest In Their Spouse And Family
• Be Willing To Receive
27/3
© John Mallison
More Guidelines For Mentors cont...
•
Do your follow-up
•
Learn to use your phone
(Emails have limitations)
•
Celebrate wins
•
Trust them to God
27/4
© John Mallison
More Guidelines For Mentors cont...
The First meeting
A time for assessment
• Begin by getting to know each other
• Share your understanding of the aims
and purpose of mentoring
• Understand what is expected of you
• Assess whether you are meant to continue
• Setting a time frame
– for frequency of meeting
– for the initial length of the relationship
– agree on some guideposts
27/5
© John Mallison
Designs For Mentoring Sessions
Initial Inquiry
‘Would you be willing to be my mentor?’
‘Let’s meet to talk about it and see how we both
feel’
28/1
© John Mallison
Assessment Session
• Get Acquainted
• Explain your understanding of mentoring
• Identify needs
• Agree on a time frame
• Introduce other matters
• How can I help you now?
• Agree on an assignment
• Pray together
28/2
© John Mallison
Ongoing Sessions
•
Start where they are
•
Report on assignment
•
Discussion of ongoing or new areas of need
•
Begin to help them build a prayer base
•
Agree on a new assignment
•
Pray together
28/3
© John Mallison
Accountability
The support that helps keep the leader and group focused.
Involves oversight of attitudes, values, behaviour, spirituality and
performance .
Based on the Biblical teaching of "covenant".
Ultimate accountability to God. (Romans 14:10-12)
Membership of the 'Body of Christ'
- Members one of another. Need each other. ('One another’, 'each
other' and 'together' passages in N. T.)
- Need to moderate our individualism
- Must work at maintaining unity within the ‘Body‘
Obedience and submission to leaders (Heb. 13:17)
Must reflect spirit of the Divine covenant…..
Grace not law
28/4
© John Mallison
At the heart of good mentoring
Accountability
– Nudging in love
– Openness and honesty
Avoid creating unreal guilt
In framework of
Grace
Not law
28/5
© John Mallison
PAUL’S ‘PARENTING’ OF NEW BELIEVERS
(1 Thess 2)
As a ‘MOTHER’ (v.7) – ‘gentle’, ‘caring’
• We LOVED you so much
• Delighted to share with you
not only the gospel of God
• our lives
As a ‘FATHER’ (v.11)
• Encouraging
• Comforting
• Urging you to live lives worthy of God
29/1
© John Mallison
“Parenting” New Christians
What can we learn from Paul's nurture of the new
Christians at Thessalonica (2:6-12) about our
own attitude, behaviour and help offered when
working with beginners in the faith?
29/2
© John Mallison
Mentoring New Christians
• Which one or two have been most helpful to you
personally, in your early Christian development?
• Which do you consider to be the four most
important in this list?
• With which would you begin when working with a
new Christian?
29/3
© John Mallison
Mentoring In Small Groups
Support And Development Of Leaders
Each leader:
•
A Mentoree
- On own (with exp. leader)
- In leaders’ group
•
A Co-Mentor
- With another leader
- One to one
30/1
© John Mallison
Coaching Small Group Leaders
• One-to-one meetings with co-ordinator
• Leaders' support group
• Informal mentoring among the leaders themselves
• In large networks
30/2
© John Mallison
Mentoring Leaders Of Small Groups
One-to-one Meetings With Co-ordinator
Focus is upon
– leadership style
– keeping the group life vital
– understanding and helping group members
– helping members to learn and keep growing, etc.
– the leader’s personal life
30/3
© John Mallison
Mentoring Leaders Of Small Groups cont…
Leaders’ Support Group
Focus is upon
– ongoing development of group and leadership
skills
– difficulties encountered
– celebration of successes
– sharing of ideas, resources, new insights
gained
– caring for one another
– worship and prayer together
30/4
© John Mallison
Mentoring Leaders Of Small Groups cont…
• Informal Mentoring Among The Leaders
Themselves
– in pairs to co-mentor each other
• In Large Networks
– leaders are grouped in fives (‘Tree’ structure)
30/5
© John Mallison
Leaders’ Support Groups
• Difficulties discussed
• Successes celebrated
• Ideas, resources, insights shared
• Evaluation & planning
• Pastoral care
• Peer mentoring
• In-service training
30/6
© John Mallison
Mentoring In Large Networks
(Tree Structure)
Co-Ordinator
Group Leader 1
Group Leader 2
Group Leader 3
Group Leader 4
Group Leader 5
Group Leaders
30/7
© John Mallison
Network Leadership Team
Level 1 Coordinator
Level 2 Leadership
Level 3 Leadership
Mentoring
Coordinator  Level 2
Level 2  Level 3
30/8
© John Mallison
Mentoring Emerging Small-group Leaders
•
Healthy, growing groups are seedbeds
for identifying and
beginning to develop new leadership.
•
Group leaders need to know :
– how to recognise potential leadership
– how to nurture their potential.
•
Leaders should consult with
their own personal mentors and leaders’ group
•
Identify, affirm, develop and use
the new potential leader’s gifts,
provide needed support and ongoing mentoring
•
The emerging leader will be given increasing responsibilities
– a potential leader first needs to
learn to serve
be affirmed
and endorsed as an apprentice leader
30/9
© John Mallison
Mentoring In Small Groups cont…
Development Of Emerging Leaders
• Identification
- By Group Leader
- Confirmed by other leaders
• Development
- In group
- Mentored by leader
- In Leaders’ Community
• Affirmation by their own group
Mentoring In Small Groups
•
Members
- By leader
- By group
- One to one
30/10
© John Mallison
Group Leader Mentors Emerging Leaders
• Issue (or acknowledge) call
• Discernment, affirmation &
development of gifts
• Personal & spiritual development
• Skill development
• Involved in leadership (support in
preparation)
• Reflection on performance
• Pastoral care
• Sponsoring
(consultation with mentor/coordinator)
30/11
© John Mallison
Group Members Peer Mentoring
Note needs, concerns, etc
Shared by partner in group
Support between meetings
30/12
© John Mallison
Mentoring In Discipleship Groups
• Keep small enough to permit the leader to mentor
each member individually
• Follow a planned series of topics
• Be sensitive – this is a “kindergarten” class
• Allow time to deal with immediate issues
30/13
© John Mallison
Mentoring In Spiritual Formation Groups
Groups of three or four people
• Seek to take their discipleship more seriously.
• Make a simple covenant to ‘watch over one
another in love’.
• Choose a few questions to keep asking each
other.
• Be “grace-givers”!
30/14
© John Mallison
Renovare Groups (‘to renew’)
• contemplative (the prayer-filled life)
• holiness (the virtuous life)
• charismatic (the Spirit-empowered life)
• social justice (the compassionate life)
• evangelical (the word centred life)
30/15
© John Mallison
Life Transformation Groups
Focus:
– peer mentoring
– discipling of pre-Christian friends
• Two main elements of accountability
– open, honest sharing based on the Ten
Questions of Accountability
– reporting on how God has gained each person’s
attention through Scripture.
• Each identifies two not-yet Christian people who
become a prayer focus
• A specific prayer guide
30/16
© John Mallison
MENTORING A MINISTRY TEAM
• Ministry Team (Peer) Mentoring
– Team in Pairs to Build a Supportive Team Spirit
– Regular Meeting Times
– Occasional Retreats Away
– To Encourage and Learn From One Another
to Build a Supportive Team Spirit
• Attitudinal Mentoring
Attitude of the Team Leader Critical to
– Affirm and Build Self Esteem
– Maximise Potential
– Facilitate Growth
31/1
© John Mallison
Mentoring A Ministry Team cont...
• Formal Mentoring
Weekly or bi-weekly by leader with each member
• Resource Mentoring
Books, casettes, videos, seminars
• Sponsorship Mentoring
Opening doors to key leaders and ministry
opportunities
• Personal Mentoring
Team leader’s accountability to:
– church council
– the team
• Reciprocal Mentoring
31/2
© John Mallison
When working in a team, in what ways did
you experience:
•
•
•
•
Personal growth
Development of knowledge/understanding
Development of skills
Support and encouragement
What can we learn from Rod Denton’s model
for Mentoring a Ministry Team?
31/3
© John Mallison
Each Life Stage A Mentoring Opportunity
SIGNIFICANT LIFE STAGES
• Childhood
• High School
• Puberty
• First date
• Commencing university
• Entering the workforce
• Leaving home
• Singleness
• Becoming engaged
• Marriage
• First child
• Unemployment
• Coping with divorce
• Middle age
• Retirement
• Loss of a partner or life long-friend
© John Mallison
32/1
Mentoring Newlyweds
Older married couples help newlyweds
during their first year of married life together.
The amount of time the couples spend together
is not prescribed.
(Doctors Les and Leslie Parrotts’ resources)
32/2
© John Mallison
Life Stages
Focus on the period assigned to your group:
a) 0-25
b) 25+
or
1) 0-16
2) 16-35 3) 35-50 4) 50+
•
What additional stages would you add to the list
on page 161 for the period with which your group
is dealing? (List these on the worksheet
provided.)
•
Discuss the needs and possible appropriate help
for a few of the stages you listed (or for a few in
the book).
- Note your answers on the worksheet.
32/3
© John Mallison
Mentoring at Various Life Stages
• Select one of the life stages discussed.
• Identify the specific needs and areas of
vulnerability of that stage in life. (Make notes in
column 2.)
• Discuss the role of a mentor in offering help to
persons in this life stage. (Make notes in column 3.)
Major Stages
Needs etc
Help to Offer
32/4
© John Mallison
Life Stages
Kindy
Primary
High school
Sibling issues
Puberty
Individualisation
Sex / drugs / music / alcohol
Driving a car
Employment
University
Independent living
Marriage
Starting family (or not)
Unemployment
Parenting
Home ownership
Financial commitments
Promotion in work
Overwork
Divorce
Menopause
Grief and loss issues
Purpose of life (midlife issues)
Retirement
Transition in family structure
(From follower to leader)
Singleness
Major illnesses
Facing death
Death of spouse
32/5
© John Mallison
Churches Mentoring Churches
• Where A Church Plants Another Church
– The leader of the new group is in a mentoring
relationship with the pastor of the mother church.
– There is a bonding between the new and the original
administrative pastoral bodies.
• Adoption Of Small Or Ill-equipped Churches
By Strong, Dynamic, Larger Church
– The degree of support will vary. However, even
evidence of genuine interest, prayer support,
encouragement and occasional provision of
individuals and teams to share the ministry to assist
them in teaching,
evaluation and planning will
be valuable.
– Whatever support is offered must be realistic and
manageable.
33/1
© John Mallison
Implementing A Mentoring System
• Model Mentoring Yourself
Practical demonstrations are a good way to help others
catch the vision.
• Gather A Small Group Of Potential Mentors
– Share your vision
– Pray and think together
– Get them reading this, and other mentoring books
– Encourage the formation of peer relationships with each
other
– Mentor a few yourself
– Undertake training together
– Use this book
• Determine The Areas Of Need
Consider the various ‘life stages’ represented
• Plan Together (See questions at the end of this section)
34/1
© John Mallison
Implementing a Mentoring System cont..
•
Promotion In The Gathered Life Of The Church
– A sermon series
– Studies in the regular small groups
– Sharing of faith stories in regular acts of worship
– Weekly news-sheet
– Mention in the intercessory prayers
•
Pairing Of Mentors And Mentorees
According to common interest, passion, commitment, vision and
‘chemistry’.
•
Mentors Support Clusters
Include:
– relationship building
– reporting progress
– sharing of ideas and resources
– mutual ministry
•
Supervision And Support
By a professionally trained carer (if available) with a passion for
mentoring
– meets with each mentor on a regular basis
– available as a consultant
34/2
© John Mallison
A Mentoring Scheme Implemented
In A Church
• Practical training program of monthly workshops spread
over one year plus a weekend retreat.
• Now each participant is mentoring one or two mentorees.
• All mentors are encouraged to have their own mentor.
• Program and individual mentors are supervised by the
pastor and three elders.
• The three elders meet individually with the pastor for
supervision.
• Each in turn supervises a few mentors.
• Mentoring done on gender basis; meetings usually monthly
• Social activities, sharing in ministry, attendance at training
events and other special gatherings together are
encouraged.
34/3
© John Mallison
A Simple Planning Process
• Determine the ‘life stages’ groups represented in
your church
• Identify the needs of each life stage group
• Identify your resources (potential mentors etc)
• Decide where you will begin?
• Build in support and supervision
• Plan training
• Undertake enlistment
• Set date for commencement
• Use realistic promotion
34/4
© John Mallison
Modelling Mentoring
Why is it essential for the person heading up the
implementation of a mentoring system to model
mentoring themselves?
34/5
© John Mallison
Support And Supervision Of Mentors
• Why?
• In what ways?
• By whom?
34/6
© John Mallison
Gathering Potential Mentors
• How would you select and enlist these people?
• Are there other things in addition to those
suggested which you would seek to accomplish
in these gatherings?
34/7
© John Mallison
Mentors' Support Clusters
Suggestions are made on p.172 regarding what to
include in these meetings.
• How wouId you do what is suggested?
• What more would you include?
34/8
© John Mallison
Pairing of Mentors and Mentorees
•
Discuss what is suggested on p.172
•
What else should guide this process?
34/9
© John Mallison
Biblical Preparation
If you were planning a sermon series
and / or
studies for small groups,
what would you include?
34/10
© John Mallison
Prayer Preparation
What suggestions would you make
to the person leading the intercessory prayers
during the period in which you are seeking
to promote mentoring in your congregation?
34/11
© John Mallison
Supervision
• Why?
• In what areas?
• What should it cover?
• By whom?
34/12
© John Mallison
Supervision cont...
Why?
• Prevents excesses of controlling and
co-dependency, etc
• Accountability
• Guidance
• Framework for reflection
• Submission - Support
• Biblical model of ‘Body Life’ (not solo
ministry)
• Encouragement
• Maintains momentum
• Pastoral Care
34/13
© John Mallison
Supervision cont...
Areas Of Supervision
• Promoting best practice
• Enriching the process through
– providing resources
– planning, and
– reflection (evaluation)
• Ensures ongoing skill development
© John Mallison
By Whom?
• A key leader, with the appropriate gifts,
passion etc, for mentoring
• A person skilled in counselling (to do
assessments before assigning to
another counsellor or to undertake
counselling themselves)
34/14
Finding A Mentor
Ask
Pray expectantly yourself and ask others to pray
Seek
– Identify your needs
– Select some potential mentors
– Make an optimistic list
– Reflect on past or present relationships
– Evaluate your list
– Match to your needs
Knock
Approach appropriate person
35/1
© John Mallison
Finding A Mentor cont...
• Further Suggestions
– Follow up on offers of help
– Use a referral approach - seek to find a person
in their network
– Talk to key leaders as special events
• Beware Of The Obstacles
– Being deterred by a person’s busyness
– Procrastination
– Being put off by the time it will demands
– Distance
– Fear of transparency
– Unwillingness to be accountable
• The First Meeting With Your Mentor
First impressions are important
35/2
© John Mallison
Being A Good Mentoree
What Mentors Look For
· Teachable spirit
· Ability to reflect
· Performance
- Eagerness to learn
- Courage to take risks
- A growing maturing
- Readiness to take responsibility
· Growth in spirituality
· Responsibility
· Reliability
· Appreciation
35/3
© John Mallison
Being A Good Mentoree cont...
Other Things To Do
· Celebrate surprises!
· Ask for extra support
· Have your mentor meet those close to you
· Introduce your mentor to your workplace
· Keep your mentor up-to-date
· Meet costs if possible
· Pastor your mentors
35/4
© John Mallison
Spiritual Direction
Attentiveness to the specific detail of
everyday incidents,
the everyday occurrences of
contemporary life.
… Eugene Petersen
36/1
© John Mallison
Spiritual Direction is:
What we are doing when we don’t think we are
doing anything important. It is what takes place in
the corners, in the unscheduled parts of our day.
We do less of it because most of us are so tightly
scheduled or so intently involved.
It had a much larger place in pastoral ministry in
earlier centuries.
… Eugene Petersen
36/2
© John Mallison
Spiritual Direction takes place when:
Two people agree to give their full attention to what
God is doing in one (or both) of their lives and seek
to respond in faith. More often than not these are
unplanned; at other times they are planned and
structured conversations.
Three convictions underpin these meetings:
1. God is always doing something; an active grace is
shaping this life into a mature salvation;
2. Responding to God is not sheer guesswork: the
Christian community has acquired wisdom through
the centuries that provides guidance;
3. Each soul is unique: no wisdom can simply be
applied without discerning the particulars of this
life, this situation
… Eugene Petersen
© John Mallison
36/3
“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ”- 1 Cor. 11:1
“Join in imitating me and mark those who so live as
you have an example in us”- Phil. 3:17
“What you have learned and received and heard and
seen in me, do.” - Phil. 4:9
37/1
© John Mallison
You should do good deeds to be an example in
every way for young men. When you teach, be
honest and serious. And when you speak, speak
the truth so that you cannot be criticized. Then
anyone who is against you will be ashamed
because there is nothing bad that he can say
against us.
Titus 2:7,8
37/2
© John Mallison
“Consider your own call, brothers and sisters:
-not many of you were wise by human
standards,
-not many were powerful,
-not many were of noble birth.
But God chose
-what is foolish in the world to shame the wise;
-what is weak in the world to shame the strong;
-what is low and despised in the world
-things that are not, to reduce to nothing things
that are,
so that no one might boast in the presence of God.”
(1 Cor 1:26-29)
37/3
© John Mallison
‘Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?
Come to me! Get away with me
and you’ll recover your life.
I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me
- watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me
and you will learn to live freely and lightly.’
Matthew 11:28 (The Message)
37/4
© John Mallison
‘...in ALL things
Grow up into...Christ’
Eph 4:15
37/5
© John Mallison
‘We announce the message about Christ
and we use all our wisdom
to warn and teach everyone
so that all of Christ’s followers
may become mature
That’s why I work so hard
and use the mighty power he gives me.’
Col 1:28,29 (CEV)
37/6
© John Mallison
‘There are different gifts and functions;
individually grace is given to us in different ways...’
‘His gifts were varied...
His gifts were made that Christians might be
properly equipped for their service,
that the whole body might be built up
until...
we arrive at real maturity,
- that measure of development which is meant by
‘the fulness of Christ.’
Ephesians 4: 7, 11-13
37/7
© John Mallison
‘Two Are Better Than One,
because they have a good reward for their toil.
For if they fall, one will lift up the other;
but woe to one who is alone and falls
and does not have another to help.’
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
37/8
© John Mallison
‘Iron sharpens iron,
and
one person sharpens the wits of another.’
Proverbs 27:17
37/9
© John Mallison