Transcript Polishing the Paper: Editing for Sentence and

A Graduate Student Success Workshop
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Coherence represents the work as a whole
◦ Focus
 Is the purpose clear and the audience recognized?
◦ Main idea
 Is the main idea referred to or supported in each
paragraph?
◦ Pattern of organization
 Can the reader anticipate what will come next?
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Cohesion looks at the flow as ideas progress
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Paragraph level
◦ Standard structure
◦ Transitions
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Sentence level
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Independent versus dependent
Old information versus new information
Passive versus active
Pronoun use
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How do the ideas flow?
◦ Logic
 Topic sentence—are the ideas all related to this one?
 Is this one explained sufficiently via the sources?
◦ Sources
 Is it relevant to the point you’re trying to make?
 Is it explained sufficiently—clearly related back to the
point of the paragraph!!!
 Does the source undermine the objectivity of your
paper?
Assess the use of topic sentences and
support in this first draft.
What should the author do to fix the flow of
ideas?
What should be added and where to shore up
the argument?
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Porter (1992) offers a particularly neat solution to some of
the complexities—that of the forum. A forum is a
“concrete, local manifestation of the operation of a
discourse community” (1992, p. 107). For Porter these fora
can range from being a defined place of assembly, to
being an occupational location, and on to being a vehicle
for wider discourse community connection (cf.
Kilingsworth and Gilbertson, 1992), such as a conference
and a journal. He then suggested that it is these forumlike
discourse community “traces” (p. 108) that provide
convenient points of entry for study and research (see also
Schryer, 1994, and Berkenkotter and Huckin, 1995).
From Swales, J. M., & Feak, C. B. (2008). English in today’s research world: A
writing guide. Ann Arbor: Michigan University Press. P.156
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Transitions show a shift of ideas, often
demonstrating a relationship.
◦ Coordinating conjunctions
 Shouldn’t usually begin a sentence
 Show equal ideas, usually in the same sentence
◦ Adverbial conjunctions
 Can begin a sentence, and can follow a subject
 Often link one idea to a previous sentence
◦ Subordinating conjunctions
 Proper punctuation required to ensure clarity
 Make an idea of lesser importance in relation to the
topic
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Although soul and hip-hop both spring from African-American
roots, they are very different musical expressions. Soul music
borrows from gospel and rhythm and blues. The singer’s voice,
backed up by live instruments, soars with emotion, with soul. This
music captures the optimism of its time—the civil rights movement
of the 1960s and the hope for social change. There are two types of
soul—the smooth Detroit style . . . and the more gritty, gospeldriven Memphis style. . . . Soul music is upbeat and often joyful; its
subjects are love and affirmation of the human condition. On the
other hand, hip-hop (or rap) draws on hard rock, funk, and techno.
The rapper chants rhymes against a driving instrument background
that may be prerecorded. Rap grew out of the New York ghettos in
the late 1970s and the 1980s, when crack and guns flooded the
“hood” and many dreams seemed broken. Of the rival East and West
Coast rappers, New Yorkers include Grandmaster Flash . . . While Los
Angeles rappers include Ice Cube. . . . The subjects of hip-hop are
racism, crime, and poverty. Both soul and hip-hop claim to “tell it
like it is.”
◦ Maurice Bosco (Student) (Fawcett and Sandberg 119)
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Although soul and hip-hop both spring from African-American
roots, they are very different musical expressions. Soul music
borrows from gospel and rhythm and blues, whereas hip-hop (or
rap) draws on hard rock, funk, and techno. The soul singer’s voice,
backed up by live instruments, soars with emotion, with soul;
however, the rapper chants rhymes against a driving instrument
background that may be prerecorded. Soul music captures the
optimism of its time—the civil rights movement of the 1960s and
the hope for social change. On the other hand, hip-hop grew out of
the New York ghettos in the late 1970s and the 1980s, when crack
and guns flooded the “hood” and many dreams seemed broken.
There are two types of soul—the smooth Detroit style . . . and the
more gritty, gospel-driven Memphis style. . . . Of the rival East and
West Coast rappers, New Yorkers include Grandmaster Flash . . .
while Los Angeles rappers include Ice Cube. . . .Whereas soul
music’s subjects are love and affirmation of the human condition,
the subjects of hip-hop are racism, crime, and poverty. Both soul
and hip-hop claim to “tell it like it is.”
◦ Maurice Bosco (Student) (Fawcett and Sandberg 120)
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Is it longer than 3 lines?
Is the INDEPENDENT idea the most important?
◦ The clause that can stand on its own should be the
focus. If you take out the dependent clauses, the
paragraph should still show the thread of the topic.
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Is the NEW information of the previous
sentence the OLD information of this one?
Does the passive voice add or detract from
the flow? Is appropriate to your discipline?
Look at the pronoun: what is the noun closest
in space that has the same number?
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Look at the two passages on your handout,
from a wonderful presentation offered at
Duke University. Which has better flow?
How could paragraph 2 on your handout be
re-worked in order to create old info/new
info flow?
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Periods: two spaces (APA)
Commas:
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After subordinate clauses the BEGIN a sentence
Around non-identifying adjective clauses
After adverbial phrases that BEGIN a sentence
Around adverbial phrases IN a sentence
Before coordinating conjunctions—in lists as well (APA)
Others?
Semi-colons:
◦ Sparingly!
◦ To connect two seemingly unconnected ideas
◦ Before adverbial conjunctions
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