Transcript FRIENDSHIPS
FRIENDSHIPS
Nature
Development
Pressures
Guidelines
Nature of Friendships
Friendship
is voluntary where the people
involved like each other & enjoy each
other’s company.
Willing to invest
Time
Effort
Thoughts
Feelings
Nature cont.
Emotional
closeness-intimacy, a state of
“close union, contact, association or
acquaintance”
Physical-hugs, holding, FWB
Dialogue/Intellectual Sharing-women
Emotional-create feelings of closenesswomen
Shared activities/Doing-men
Gender speech community
Feminine
Focuses on talking & listening to know inner
selves
Large
Speech Community
& small
Responsive & Supportive
Nonverbal
for emotional responses &
feedback
Acceptance
Gender cont.
Masculine
socialization
Shared activities & doing are primary
emphasis + helping activities
Negotiate activities, common goals, sense
of camaraderie
Team
sports
Soldiers
Grow on one another, feelings of
interdependence, appreciation, mutual
liking
Nature cont.
Acceptance
Unconditional
Accept
as we change over time
Homosexuals-big dependence on friends
b/c they substitute for families
Additionally,
computer & internet relied upon
Nature cont.
Trust
Dependability
Emotional reliability
Develops
based on
Individual histories
Family scripts
Willingness to take risks
Nature cont.
Support
Expressing & listening
Availability
Women-more
verbal support, increase depth
Men-covert intimacy by grabbing shoulder,
punching arm. More instrumental support by
solving problems, assisting. Diversions
Cultural influences
Individualistic-
American
Understanding
Respect
Sincerity
Similar in age &
ethnicity
Collectivism-
Japanese
Togetherness
Trust
Warmth
Similar in age &
ethnicity
Cultural influences cont.
Priorities for
friendships
European
–
Americans
Sincerity
Freedom to express
African-Americans
Problem solving
Respect for ethnicity
Priorities for
friendships
Asian-Americans
Courtesy
Restraint
Respect for families
Latina/Latinos
Relationship support
Emotional
expressiveness
Exercise-Male & Female
Friends
Development of Friendships
Role-limited
interaction
Standard social rules
Scripts
Stereotypes
Can be awkward/feelings of uncertainty
Develop Friendships
Friendly
relations
Each discover common ground/shared
interests
“Harry Met Sally”
Develop Friendships
Moving
Toward Friendship
Personalizing
Outside contexts
Self-disclosure
Limited disclosure & investment may
stabilize relationship at this stage
Develop Friendship
Nascent
Friendship
Embryonic
Increased interaction
More self-disclosing/sharing values, feelings,
concerns, interests, etc.
Private rules
Develop Friendships
Stabilized
Friendship
Continuity
Future interaction taken for granted
Mutual high level of trust
Interned
discussions are increasingly popular
Relationship rules for regulating interaction
“Swingers”
Last stage-develop friends
Waning
Friendship
Drift apart
One or more stop investing
Boring
Run
natural course
Pulled apart due to other demands
Violation of trust
Decreased quantity or quality of
communication
Pressures-Internal Tensions
Relational Dialectics
1st Dialectical Tension
Independent-Dependent
The tension between wanting freedom to
pursue individual activities & depending on
someone for help and support
2nd Dialectical Tension
Expressive-Protection
The tension between wanting to disclose
personal information & not disclosing too
much for potential criticism and/or rejection
3rdDialectical Tension
Judgment-Acceptance
Being able to accept a friend for who s/he
is & feeling free to offer criticism and advice
4thDialectical Tension
Affection-Instrumentality
Whether friends focus more on feelings of
warmth or on instrumental tasks
5thDialectical Tension
Public-Private
How the relationship is negotiated in public
versus private
6thDialectic Tension
Ideal-Real
What the friendship “ought to be” and
what the relationship “really is”
Baxter’s Dialectics Theory
“Every relationship experiences ups & downs, no
relationship stays the same from start to finish. The
dialectical perspective captures the dynamic
nature of relationships and describes some of the
common tensions, or ups & downs, that relational
partners experience.”
“We have to juggle our need for dependence
with our need to be independent; wanting to be
completely open vs. wanting to protect ourselves
by not revealing everything; wanting to have a lot
in common, but not so much that the relationship
feels boring and predictable.”
3 Major Dialectical tensions:
Integration-Separation
Stability-Change
Expression-Privacy
Each has both an internal & external
manifestation
Internal Manifestation: tensions experienced
between relational partners, including how they
communicated with one another
External Manifestation: tensions between a
couple and other dyads or society, including
how the couple present themselves to others
Integration-Separation: tension b/t
social integration & social division
Internal Manifestation: Connection-Autonomy
Tension-the desire to be close & the desire to
be independent
More freedom/don’t smother vs. more
attention/affection
External Manifestation: Inclusion-Seclusion
Tension-the amount of time partners spend w/
other people in their social network (inclusion)
& the amount of time they spend doing things
only w/ each other (seclusion)
Couple move to new city for new job following
graduation
Stability-Change: desire to want
security/continuity vs.
excitement/discontinuity
Internal Manifestation: Predictability-Novelty
Tension-desire some routine/rules and desire
some excitement/spontaneity
Boredom is one to the top reasons couples give
for breaking up suggesting excitement is vital
External Manifestation: ConventionalityUniqueness Tension-desire to be accepted by
society in acceptable ways & the need to be
special
American dream w/ house, job, & NO Kids
Celebrate holidays-decorate cactus rather than
tree
Expression-Privacy: need to be
heard by others & need to
keep some info private
Internal Manifestation: Open-Closed Tensionpush/pull regarding how much info should be
disclosed to one another
How much of background/relationships should
you reveal
External Manifestation: RevelationConcealment Tension-what partners tell other
people about their relationship
Do you tell your best friend about the fight you
had w/ partner last night?
More internal pressures
Diverse
Communication Styles
Sexual Attraction
External Pressures
Competing
demands
Personal Changes
Geographic Distance
Friends of the heart
Friends of the road
Particularly strong liking & shared
history
Maintaining Friendships:
Abide by Friendship Rules
Show
support
Seek support
Respect Privacy
Keep confidences
Defend your friends
Avoid
public
criticism
Make your friends
happy
Manage jealousy
Share humor
Maintain equity
Final Thoughts
Engage
in Dual perspective
Communicate honestly
Grow from differences
Don’t sweat the small stuff