Transcript Descriptive Essay

Descriptive Essay
Sample of an A paper.
Yankee Stadium is a beautiful place. The beauty can be seen in the grass and
Memorial Park, and it can be felt in the electricity in the air. I love to visit there.
One reason is it is so beautiful is the grass. It is always frog-green. The lawn
is manicured and perfectly cut. Weeds are prohibited from entering.
Also, Memorial Park is a special place. One can view the plaques that have
been so delicately engraved in remembrance. There are jerseys to view that were
well-worn by the greats. They have tattered, old baseballs which have priceless
signatures.
The electricity in the air is beautiful, too. It is always there, and you can see it
in the eyes of the children visiting. The shouting of the fans sounds like the
Mormon Tabernacle Choir to the ears of a baseball lover. One can sense the
memory of greatness because their spirits live in the air at Yankee Stadium.
As one can see, Yankee Stadium is a beautiful place because of the grass,
Memorial Park and the electricity in the air. You should catch a game today.
Descriptive Outline
One reason: the grass
Green as a frog
No weeds prohibited
Too: The electricity
Eyes of children
Memory of greatness
Also: Memorial Park
Plaques
Jerseys
Baseballs
As one can see:
Yankee Stadium is a
beautiful place
Grading Rubric
5
Ideas and Content
Organization
Focused, Clear, and
Specific
Clear and Compelling Really Individual
Direction
and Powerful
My writing is full of
details that keep the
reader's attention and
show what is really
important about my
topic.
3
Just Beginning to
Figure Out What I
Want to Say
When someone else
reads my paper, it will
be hard for them to
understand what I mean.
Voice
Word Choice
Sentence Fluency
Extremely Clear,
Varied and Natural
Visual and Accurate
My sentences are
I've chosen an order that My paper has lots of I picked just the right
clear and delightful
works well and makes personality. It sounds words.
to read aloud.
the reader wants to find different from the
out what's coming next. way anyone else
writes.
Some Really Good
Some Really Smooth
Parts, Some Not There Parts, Others Need
Yet
Work
The reader usually
knows what I mean. I
need to tell just a little
more about what is
important.
1
These are the things I’ll think
about when I grade your story.
Individuality Fades Correct But Not
In and Out
Striking
Routine and
Functional
Conventions
Mostly Correct
There are a few
errors in my paper. It
wouldn't take long to
get this ready to
publish.
About Halfway
Home
What I truly think
and feel shows up
The order of ideas or
events makes sense most sometimes.
of the time.
The words in my
Some sentences are
paper get the message choppy or awkward,
across, but they don't but most are clear.
capture anyone's
imagination or
attention.
A number of
mistakes in my
paper need to be
cleaned up before I
am ready to publish.
Not Shaped Yet
Confusing, Misused Needs Work
Words, and Phrases
There isn't enough
My reader often asks, "sentence sense" yet.
"What did you mean This paper is difficult
by this?"
to read aloud, even
with practice.
Editing Not Under
Control
Not Yet Me
The order in my paper is I'm not comfortable
jumbled and confused. sharing what I truly
I'm feeling dizzy!
think and feel yet.
It would take a first
reading to decode,
and then a second
reading to get the
meaning of my
paper.