Transcript Boundaries at the Workplace

Boundaries at the Workplace
Reclaim your personal life while achieving greater
professional success
(Seminar based on The One-Life Solution by Dr. Henry Cloud)
Dr. Scott Harris
Our aim should be to live life well, not just climb the ladder of success.This seminar
will address how appropriate boundaries at work actually lead to greater ethical
and integrated success in the workplace while protecting our most important
measurement of life well-lived – our relationships with the people we care for most.
Scott Harris is the director of Oklahoma Baptist University’s Graduate
School in Oklahoma City. He is and his wife, Kathryn, have been married for
14 years. They have four boys. His family resides in Oklahoma City.
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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What is your vision for your life?
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Begin with the end in mind. (Steven Covey)
◦ What do you want said of you after you’re
gone?
 Top Priorities?
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Personal Integrity?
Relationships?
Loved his/her work?
Used gifts fully?
Fulfilled purpose in life?
 You write your eulogy a little each day.
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
2
Biggest Obstacle to
Your Vision
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LACK OF BOUNDARIES
“Boundaries provide the structure to your character that will
make everything else work.”
“In life, you get what you tolerate.”
– Henry Cloud,The One-Life Solution
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You cannot control others, but you can
control yourself.
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
3
Boundaries: What are they?
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Define where you end & others begin
◦ Values, Priorities, Direction, Possessions
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Six Key Components of Boundaries:
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Ownership
Control
Freedom
Responsibility, Accountability, Consequences
Limits
Protection
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
4
What Boundaries Do for You
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Provide Structure
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Differentiation & Separateness
Containment
Definition
Limits
Values
Self Control, Freedom, Autonomy
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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What Hinders Boundaries?
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Power Drains (When you give away power)
◦ Need for security
◦ Need for approval
◦ Fear of being alone / isolated
◦ Fear of conflict
◦ Fear of disagreement
◦ Fear of anger
◦ Fear of feeling inferior
◦ Fear of someone’s position of authority
◦ Inability to say “no”
◦ Lack of internal structure
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
6
The Audit
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“Your time is your life. Period. How you
spend it ends up being what your life is.”
– The One-Life Solution p. 66
◦ Awareness is needed of
 Where / how you spend your time (work, home…)
 (Dis)connections between your values and how you
spend your time
 Personal issues that contribute to the problem
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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Laws of Boundaries
Law of Sowing and Reaping
 Law of Power
 Law of Respect
 Law of Motivation
 Law of Evaluation of Pain (hurt vs. harm)
 Law of Envy
 Law of Activity
 Law of Exposure
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OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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You need to build / repair the
boundaries in your life…
Why?
“Boundaries provide the structure to your character
that will make everything else work.”
“In life, you get what you tolerate.”
– Henry Cloud,The One-Life Solution
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
9
You and Your Words
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“It’s unethical to say one thing (or not say
something) yet mean something else.”
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I think… (separateness)
I won’t… (limits)
I want… (desire)
I will… (activity)
“Yes” and “No” (definition)
I don’t know… (honesty)
I was wrong… (humility)
When you… (communication)
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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Boundaries on the Job
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Who’s in charge of your agenda?
◦ You or your in box?
◦ You or other people?
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“An integrated & ethical life means you
are in control…”
◦ Directed by vision & values
◦ Maintained by boundaries
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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Create Time and Space
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Give entire focus to needed task at hand
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Close email for set time
Assign a time to check & respond to email
Turn off ringer on phone during meetings
Close the door
Ask “Why?”
Set limits on tasks
Learn to say “No”
Know why you are saying “Yes”
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
12
Needed Choices
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Make “No-Choice” Choices First
◦ Illus: Paying our mortgage
◦ Being the dad or mom who was “there”
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Follow the Misery / Make a Rule
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Toxic Relationships
Managing Energy for High Performance
Chatty-Cathy and Talks-a-lot-Tim
Avoiding work email at home
Taking the Blackberry on your date
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
13
Getting Balance Sheet in Order
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“You cannot control other people, but
you can get in control of yourself.You
have to be able to make the choices you
need in order to make your life work,
belong to you, and integrate around the
things important to you.” The One Life Solution p 182
◦ Strengthen your equity
 Position self for strength
 Support of friends, broader revenue base, new skills…
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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Balance Sheet (continued)
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End Some Things Now
◦ Some endings are necessary and good
 Negative things that are not fixable
 Positive things that keep you from the things you care
about most
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Financial Soundness
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KEY: Put yourself in a position to create or
maintain your boundaries.
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Q: Can you say “no” to a bad work situation?
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
15
Communicating Boundaries
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“There is a difference between negative
information and negative communication.”
– The One-Life Solution p. 203
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Difficult Conversation Tips
◦ Tone
◦ Affirm person / Balance care with truth
◦ Be specific about issue, not the person
◦ Get agreement
◦ Stay separate from difficult person
◦ Set Limits
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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Summary
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Boundaries establish control of self. They
integrate your life around your values.
Boundaries define you from others
Audit your life to identify power drains
Your words and choices either strengthen or
weaken your boundaries
Get your Balance Sheet in order
Communicate your boundaries clearly
“In life, you get what you tolerate.”
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
17
“One Life to Love” by 33 Miles
He never thought he cared so much about the minute hand
Until he started praying for, a second chance
If he could only do it all again
He'd trade the long nights that he spent behind his desk
For all he missed
He tells his wife "I wish that this moment in this room was not me
dying, but just spending a little time with you."
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life...
To love....
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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“One Life to Love” (continued)
She never thought she cared so much about those little hands
That held on tight the day she left
Til she was scared to death
Sitting all alone on a hotel bed, the end of the road
The sun had set on her big plans
To feel young again
She picks up the phone, dials the number, hears that little voice
That's haunted every single mile, since she made that choice
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life...
To love............
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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“One Life to Love” (continued)
You only get just one time around
Only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life........
One ride, one try, one life........
To love....
OK Ethics Summer Symposium,
August 11, 2010
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