Transcript Plain Language Writing

Presented by
Jola Edwards, M.Ed.
Rachel Drew, M.F.A.
Center for Policy and Innovation
Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services
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Today’s Schedule
1:45
1:55
2:30
3:00
3:15
4:15
4:50
Take the pretest
Intro
Plain writing techniques
15-minute break
Plain writing techniques/exercises
Contest
Take the posttest
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At the end of class, you should
 Understand what plain language is and
where it came from
 Know some of the techniques for writing in
plain language
 Be able to begin using some of those
techniques in your own writing
 Know where to get more information and
help
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What makes good writing?
What do you think makes good
writing?
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Plain language: It’s about
communicating.
What is it?
Why should
I use it?
How do I do
it?
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Plain language is a worldwide
movement.
 Sweden
 Government
 UK
 Business
 European Union
 Healthcare
 Canada
 Legal
 Australia
 Mexico
 United States
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U.S. Federal Efforts
President Clinton’s
Executive Memorandum, 1997
Plainlanguage.gov
Plain Writing Act of 2010
 Signed by President Obama on October 13, 2010
 “The purpose of this Act is to improve the
effectiveness and accountability of Federal agencies
to the public by promoting clear Government
communication that the public can understand and
use.”
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“Clear writing from your
government is a civil right.”
—Former Vice President Al Gore, 1998
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Why use plain language?
 Saves time
 Reduces
mistakes
 telephone calls
 litigation
 frustration

 Saves money
 Is more easily translated
 Is more accessible
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Testimonial from the federal government
“The focus on PL let everyone
know that it is OK to be clear, that
we don't have to hide our
message behind big words and
bureaucratic language.”
(Veterans Benefits Administration)
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Just Say What You Mean.
Plain
language
makes it
easy for
readers to:
 Find
 Read
 Understand
 Act on
INFORMATION
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The Plain Language Writing Process
Step 1: Identify why and who
Step 2: Organize your information
Step 3: Use plain language writing
techniques
Step 4: Test your document
Step 5: Revise
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Step 1
Identify why and who
 Why am I writing this?
 Who are my readers (my audience)?
 What does my audience know?
 What does my audience need to
know?
 How will my audience use this
document?
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Step 2
Organize your information
 Organize for your readers
 Organize information in a logical order
 Choose an appropriate format
 Use descriptive headings
 Use white space
 Use tables
 Try using the “inverted pyramid”
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Step 3
Deploy your PL techniques
 Use active voice
 Use present tense
 Use the simplest word
 Avoid hidden verbs
 Minimize acronyms and jargon
 Use short sentences
 Keep subject, verb, and object close
together and in order
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Step 3, continued: More PL Techniques
 No extra words
 Parallel phrasing
 Simple tables
 “Must” instead of “shall”
 Well-structured lists
 Well-placed words
 Personal pronouns
 Question and Answer




format
Breaking up noun
chains
Paragraph unity
Fewer sublevels
Words, not slashes
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Step 4: Test your document
1. Read your own document.
2. Have a reader test your document.
3. Look for “naïve” readers as well as
experts when you seek feedback.
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Step 5: Revise
 The writing process always includes
revising.
 Use the results of testing.
 Look first at big issues like format and
organization.
 Edit at the sentence level.
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Accessible design is plain
design
 Informative headings
and subheadings
 Left-aligned, ragged
right
 Line length of 65
characters or less
 Bulleted or numbered
lists
 Tables
 White space
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Document Design:
Which would you rather read?
Diagnostic Procedures
At the beginning of the process are the application and diagnostic procedures upon
which you base your eligibility decision. Your role as the counselor is to initiate, analyze,
and evaluate information considering the overall process. It may be helpful at this stage
to "begin with the end in mind"—in other words, consider what outcomes are needed
from each piece of the process to move to the next step.
At application and throughout the diagnostic interview, you have the first opportunity
to investigate the impact of disability on the consumer. Investigating this kind of
information in the diagnostic interview is a complex process of probing and exploration.
You must be prepared with the right questions and focus on the outcome to ensure that
you can gather pertinent information, if it is not readily available.
You may consider part of the interview as a service orientation in which you explain
your role of counselor as direct provider of services, arranger or coordinator of services,
and consumer advocate.
The consumer must glimpse what is possible, even if the person does not yet fully
understand the role he or she will play in becoming successful. Depending on the level of
participation possible from the consumer, you should also explain any further diagnostic
procedures, the eligibility process, and decision making that influences further planning.
A sensitive, thorough interview is necessary, since one outcome may be that you find no
indication of a disability and recommend that the person seek services from another
source.
The level and extent of evaluations you request to supplement the interview should be
based on your diagnostic appraisal. Conserving funds and time dictates obtaining only
the amount of information needed to evaluate the individual consumer. Again, "beginning
with the end in mind" helps you to clarify the decisions you must make for eligibility when
you first meet the consumer. The application, diagnostic interview, and subsequent
diagnostic procedures are the first of several cornerstone pieces of a sound plan of
services to reach the agreed-upon outcome.
Having sound diagnostic information leads you to determining eligibility. The
diagnostic interview is a significant vehicle for collecting information because it allows the
consumer to provide you with needed social and vocational history. If you have not
sufficiently developed this piece, you may fail to realize the need for a medical,
psychological, educational, or vocational evaluation, a failure that could lead to a poor
eligibility decision or developing a less than optimal plan for employment. You must see
the diagnostic interview as a critical part of planning and decision making. Your role is to
listen effectively and to ask questions as necessary.
Diagnostic Procedures
At the beginning of the process are the application and
diagnostic procedures upon which you base your eligibility
decision. Your role as the counselor is to initiate, analyze,
and evaluate information considering the overall process.
It may be helpful at this stage to "begin with the end in
mind"—in other words, consider what outcomes are needed
from each piece of the process to move to the next step.
Developing a Plan
At application and throughout the diagnostic interview, you
have the first opportunity to investigate the impact of disability
on the consumer. Investigating this kind of information in the
diagnostic interview is a complex process of probing and
exploration. You must be prepared with the right questions
and focus on the outcome to ensure that you can gather
pertinent information, if it is not readily available.
You may consider part of the interview as a service orientation
in which you explain your role of counselor as
 direct provider of services,
 arranger or coordinator of services, and
 consumer advocate.
The consumer must glimpse what is possible, even if the
person does not yet fully understand the role he or she will
play in becoming successful.
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Web Content Accessibility
Guidelines (WCAG) 2.0:
Guideline 3.1 Readable:
Make text content readable and
understandable.
—World Wide Web Consortium (W3C)
http://www.w3.org/TR/2008/NOTE-WCAG20-TECHS-20081211/G153
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Principle 3 Understandable
3.1.5 Reading Level: if reading level is above lower
secondary education level,
 add supplemental content,
 add a version at or below the lower
secondary education level, or
 make the text easier to read (G153)
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What Readability Formulas Can and
Cannot Do
Readability formulas can give a quick, general
assessment.
They cannot measure
 logical order
 vocabulary appropriateness
 gender, class, or cultural bias
 effective design
 concreteness and abstraction
 obscurity, ambiguity, or incoherence
 gobbledygook
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Don’t Hide Your Verbs in Nouns,
Use Action Verbs
Changing a verb into a noun hides the
action and substitutes a weaker verb.
Hidden Verb:
Let’s make a decision.
Action Verb:
Let’s decide.
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 Hidden Verbs
 Action Verbs
 perform an assessment of
 assess
 give consideration to
 consider
 make payment
 pay
 conduct a review of
 review
 issue a report
 report
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Why use action verbs
instead of hidden verbs?
Too many nouns
Active verbs
 Abstract
 Concrete
 Wordy
 Concise
 Sluggish
 Lively
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Active Voice
 Uses normal word order in a sentence:
subject—verb—object
 Tells “who” “did what” to “whom.”
Example:
Sally wrote the rule.
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Passive Voice
object becomes the subject.
 The doer of the action (the usual subject)
 The
 disappears, or
 moves to the end of the sentence in a "by" phrase.
 The verb uses a form of "to be" with the
past participle.
Examples:
The rule was written.
The rule was written by Sally.
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If overused, passive voice
• makes the reader
work harder
• creates sluggish,
foggy writing
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Never say never. . .even
about passive voice. . . .
 Use it when
 you don’t want to identify the doer
 the doer is unknown, unimportant, or
obvious
 the law is the doer
Example:
The rule was repealed in 2009.
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No Extra Words
 Cut out
1. extra prepositional
phrases
2. wordy phrases
3. unnecessary adjectives
4. clutter words
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Too Many Prepositional
Phrases
 Flabby:
… but only such services as are needed [for such
individual] [by reason] [of his condition] [of being
disabled]. (4)
 Lean:
… but only those services the person needs because
he or she has a disability. (0)
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Wordy Phrases
Phrases that use many words to do the work
of one or two.
 at this point in time
 at that point in time
 during the period when
 due to the fact that
 in the event that
 notwithstanding the fact that
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Wordy Phrases
 at this point in time
now
 at that point in time
then
 during the period when
when
 due to the fact that
since, because
 in the event that
if
 notwithstanding the fact that
although
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Unnecessary Adjectives
 [considerable] difficulty
 [pertinent] information
 [personal] opinion
 [integral] part
 [future] plans
 [new] innovation
 [violent] explosion
 [absolutely] necessary
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Clutter Words
 The office has not [yet] received the report.
 The worker denied [any] knowledge of the
new forms.
 The governor is [now] serving his third term.
 The program will close [down] on July 1.
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Every word that is
unnecessary only pours
over the side of a
brimming mind.
—Cicero
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Say it succinctly
Before
Investigators at the contractor will review the facts in your
case and decide the most appropriate course of action. The
first step taken with most Medicare health care providers is
to reeducate them about Medicare regulations and policies.
If the practice continues, the contractor may conduct
special audits of the providers medical records. Often, the
contractor recovers overpayments to health care providers
this way. If there is sufficient evidence to show that the
provider is consistently violating Medicare policies, the
contractor will document the violations and ask the Office of
the Inspector General to prosecute the case. This can lead
to expulsion from the Medicare program, civil monetary
penalties, and imprisonment.
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Say it succinctly
After
We will take two steps to look at this matter:
We will find out if it was an error or fraud.
We will let you know the result.
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Simplicity is the ultimate
sophistication
—Leonardo da Vinci
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Say It Simply
YES
NO
 mean what you
“dumb it down”
write
 short sentences
 simple words
 precise words
 considered writing
“50¢ words”
slang
jargon
lazy writing
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Simple Words
Understood
quickly &
easily
Prefer the
Anglo Saxon
word to the
Latin
derivative
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Latin
Derivative
prior to
Anglo
Saxon
before
subsequent to after
acquire
get
adjacent to
beside
conceal
hide
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Simple, Everyday Words
Not these,
utilize
assist
numerous
individual
initiate
shall
obtain
But these:
 use
 help
 many
 person, consumer
 begin, start
 must
 get
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Example of a Simpler Word
Before:
 The counselor assists the consumer with
making an informed choice.
After:
 The counselor helps the consumer make an
informed choice.
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Our national tendency is to inflate and
thereby sound important. . . . But the secret
of good writing is to strip every sentence to
its cleanest components.
—William Zinsser,
On Writing Well, 1998
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Well-Placed Words
Keep related words close together:
 subjects, verbs,
& objects
 modifiers &
the things
they modify
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Does word placement matter?
Yesterday in town a mad dog bit five men in the
north end.
We will publish a list of properties that qualify for
relief under this subpart each October.
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Breaking Up
Noun Chains
Noun chain: baseball game ticket price
increase proposal
Break it up: proposal to increase the ticket
price of baseball games
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Well-Structured Lists
Well-structured lists
 make it easy for the
reader to
find all the items
follow the steps
 add white space for
eye appeal
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Find the list in this
sentence:
The student applicant should submit an
official copy of his or her transcript, two
letters of recommendation from
professors, a statement of financial need,
and a short biographical statement to our
grants office by April 15.
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Well-structured list
To apply, submit the following items to our grants office
by April 15:
 an official copy of your transcript,
 two letters of recommendation from professors,
 a statement of financial need, and
 a short biographical statement.
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Personal Pronouns
 engage
readers
 simplify verbs
 reduce
wordiness
 provide a less
official tone
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Simpler Verbs with “You”
3rd person:
The counselor assesses the consumer.
2nd person:
You assess the consumer.
or
Assess the consumer.
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How to Use “You”
Use “you” for the person who reads and may
need to act on what you are writing.
Example from City of Austin website:
We encourage vendors to register in VSS so
that the City can notify you about new
opportunities.
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Identify who “you” refers to in
your document.
Examples
 If you are the VR counselor, you must . . . .
or
 In this chapter, “you” refers to the VR counselor.
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How to Use “You”
If you are writing to the consumer,
 use “you” to refer to the consumer, and
 use “we” or “us” to refer to the agency.
Example:
You may request a duplicate certificate when you need
one by contacting us.
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Example: More than 1 “You”
 Use the following guidelines to help people with
physical disabilities when an evacuation has been
ordered.
o If you are a floor safety coordinator, you must
1.
2.
check on employees in your area who have special needs
during an evacuation, and
ensure that each employee with a disability has an
evacuation buddy and a back-up buddy who will help the
person in the evacuation.
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Example, continued
 If you are an evacuation buddy,
o attempt to rescue or evacuate a disabled employee
only
1.
2.
if you have had rescue training, or
if the employee is in immediate danger and cannot wait for
professional help;
o always ask the person
1.
2.
3.
how you can help,
how you can best move the person, and
whether there are any special considerations, or items you
need to bring with you.
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Using “You” in Q&A Format
§ 3501.16 Does my permit or lease grant me
an exclusive right to develop the lands covered
by the permit or lease?
No. Your permit or lease gives you an exclusive
right to the mineral, but not to the lands.
—Bureau of Land Management
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Writing is an art, not
a science.
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Exercise 1: Identify who and why
Scenario:
Your boss asks you to write a communication to the
entire staff of your agency explaining the new agency
process for submitting requests for help to the IT
department. How do you communicate this
information?
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Exercise 2: Edit to Expose the
Hidden Verbs
Before entering the store to buy candy, the boy
 makes a decision to buy Fizzle Skittles, and
 engages in a raid of his mother’s change purse.
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Exercise 2: Edit to Expose the
Hidden Verbs
Will the real verbs please stand up?
Before entering the store to buy candy, the boy
 decides to buy Fizzle Skittles, and
 raids his mother’s change purse.
Suggested Answer
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Exercise 3: Use active voice
1. Since last seeing my chiropractor, my back
exercises have been done twice a day.
2. Logistical checklists are contained in the
business continuity plans to guide department
team members during recovery operations.
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Exercise 3: Use active voice
1. Since last seeing my chiropractor, my back
exercises have been done twice a day.
Since I last saw my chiropractor, I have done
back exercises twice a day.
2. Logistical checklists are contained in the
business continuity plans to guide department
team members during recovery operations.
The business continuity plans contain logical
checklists to guide department team members
during recovery operations.
Suggested Answers
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Exercise 4: Cut extra words
Vocational rehabilitation services for eligible
individuals involved in pursuit of education are
currently the responsibility of the Division for
Rehabilitation Services and not the responsibility
of state colleges and universities.
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Exercise 4: Cut extra words
Vocational rehabilitation services for eligible
individuals involved in pursuit of education are
currently the responsibility of the The Division for
Rehabilitation Services, and not the responsibility
of state colleges and universities, is responsible for
vocational rehabilitation services for consumers
enrolled in education.
Suggested Answer
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Exercise 5a: Use second person
Edit the following sentence to use “you” for the
counselor.
When the counselor becomes aware of a lawsuit, the
counselor
 provides the consumer with a copy of the legal
action form, and
 reviews it with the consumer to answer any
questions.
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Exercise 5a: Use second person
When you become aware of a lawsuit,
 give the consumer a copy of the legal action form,
and
 review it with the consumer to answer any questions.
Easier to read, isn’t it?
Suggested Answer
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Exercise 5b: Use second person
Edit the following sentence to use “you” for the
consumer.
When the counselor becomes aware of a lawsuit, the
counselor
 provides the consumer with a copy of the legal
action form, and
 reviews it with the consumer to answer any
questions.
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Exercise 5b: Use second person
When the counselor becomes aware of a lawsuit, the
counselor
 provides you with a copy of the legal action form,
and
 reviews it with you to answer your questions.
Suggested Answer
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Exercise 6: Make a list.
Company employees, if they work in the field and drive
agency-owned vehicles or if they drive their own cars
while transporting customers, must submit to drug
testing.
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Exercise 6: Make a list.
Company employees must submit to drug testing if
they work in the field, and drive
 agency-owned vehicles, or
 their own vehicles while transporting consumers.
Suggested Answer
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Exercise 7a: Well-placed words
(keep modifiers close to the words
they modify)
The purpose of the study guide is to make information
about the Board for Evaluation of Interpreters (BEI)
Interpreter Certification process, which is administered
by the Office for Deaf and Hard of Hearing Services
more user friendly.
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Exercise 7a: Well-placed words
(keep modifiers close to the words
they modify)
The purpose of the study guide is to make provide
user-friendly information about the Board for
Evaluation of Interpreters (BEI) Interpreter Certification
process, which is administered by the Office for Deaf
and Hard of Hearing Services more user friendly. The
Office for Deaf and Hard of Hearing Services
administers the BEI Interpreter Certification process.
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Exercise 7b: Well-placed words
(keep subjects and verbs close)
Bottlenose dolphins who are born at the sanctuary and
hand raised by experts who undergo an intensive
certification program after completing graduate work in
marine biology have a life expectancy of 20 to 25
years.
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Exercise 7b: Well-placed words
(keep subjects and verbs close)
Bottlenose dolphins who are born at the sanctuary and
hand raised by experts who undergo an intensive
certification program after completing graduate work in
marine biology have a life expectancy of 20 to 25
years. The sanctuary dolphins are hand raised by
experts who undergo an intensive certification program
after completing graduate work in marine biology.
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Exercise 8: Breaking up noun chains
The organization that wins the grant will perform a
national crime history record information review.
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Exercise 8: Breaking up noun chains
The organization that wins the grant will perform a
national crime history record information review
national records of crime history.
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The Hoity-Toity Gobbledy-Gook
Writing Contest
My beagle, Miss Mugsy, won “best in show” at the
Humane Society’s dog show last Saturday.
or
The speech was so boring and hard to understand
that most of the audience was too sleepy to be
angry about it.
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Want to learn more about PL?
 Plainlanguage.gov
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In Conclusion
 Plain language techniques are not new; most of
them are the tenets of good clear writing that have
been around for years.
 PL is all about identifying and respecting the readers,
not burdening them with abstract language.
 PL is a journey, not a destination.
 PL provides the best customer service to our
readers.
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