Transcript Raising Good Children

Raising Children of Character:
What Parents Can Do & How
Schools Can Build the Partnership
Dr. Thomas Lickona
Author, Raising Good Children
Director, Center for the 4th and 5th Rs
www.cortland.edu/character
This talk includes material
adapted from the author’s books
Character Matters and
Raising Good Children.
WHY IS PARENTING HARDER
THAN EVER?
1.
2.
3.
Society has changed.
Families have changed.
The peer group has changed.
1. Society has changed.
Much of the media—TV, movies, video
games, entertainment and sports icons,
porn on the Internet, and the marketplace
culture—promotes materialism, hedonism,
violence, and vulgarity, all of which most
kids can now access via portable, everchanging technologies.
2. Families have changed.
More are broken or fragile; don’t provide
kids with enough love, guidance, or
supervision; lack the structure and support
of a faith community or other support
system; and are stressed by work
responsibilities and overcrowded
schedules that reduce family together
time.
3. The peer group has changed.
Because lots of kids are being raised by the
popular culture instead of their parents,
the negative values they pick up contribute
to a peer culture that considers it okay to
lie, cheat in school, shoplift from stores, or
have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
INTENTIONAL PARENTING

A societal environment that can’t be counted
on to support good character means parents
have to be more vigilant, more intentional,
than in past generations.

We must take deliberate steps to create a
strong family life that builds close
relationships, teaches good values, and
fortifies kids against the cultural temptations
and pressures.
The Home-School Partnership
 The
family is the first school of
virtue.
 Schools and families must work
together to develop good
character.
Letter to parents . . .
1.
The family is the first and most important
influence on a child’s character.
2.
The school’s job is to reinforce the
positive character virtues (hard work,
respect, honesty, caring, etc.) being
taught at home.
PARENT LEADERSHIP COMMITTEE
1.
2.
3.
Organizes school-based, characterrelated events for parents (e.g., special
assemblies, parenting talks, family film
nights, common book project).
Helps parents model and teach character
in family life (e.g., monthly “Character
Corner” newsletter).
Develops a parent resource center.
Parent Support Groups
Meet every 6-8 weeks in someone’s
home.
 4 couples with students at the same
developmental level.
 Parents choose the topic for the evening.
 Parents share success stories and
challenges around the focus issue.

Character Education Homework
 Parent
and child, independently,
each make a list: “Who are 5 of
your heroes? Why?”
 Then
compare and discuss lists.
MORAL COMPACT WITH PARENTS

Ask parents to “sign on”:
“We commit to working with the
school to promote good
character.”
Grilled Cheese Sandwich Story
We don´t have to be
perfect parents.

“Our children don’t need to
see a perfect role model, only
someone who is trying.”
Parenting Does Not
Create the Child
Parents can put their children on
the right path, but the final
forming of a person’s character
lies in their own hands.
—Anne Frank
11 Principles
of Parenting
Principle 1
Know what good
character is and make
character development
a high priority.
What is the content of
good character?
10 Essential Virtues
Wisdom (Good Judgment)
2. Justice (Golden Rule)
3. Fortitude (Inner Toughness)
4. Self-control
5. Love (Sacrifice for Others)
6. Positive attitude
7. Hard work
8. Integrity (Honesty w/Yourself)
9. Gratitude
10. Humility (Desire to Be Better)
1.
RECOGNIZE KIDS’ VIRTUES AND AREAS
FOR GROWTH

“That was generous of you to share with your
sister.”

“How can you work on controlling that temper?
Let’s make a plan.”

We should make it clear that we are also striving
to be a better person. Our character, like theirs,
is a work in progress.
performance character (needed for best work);
moral character (needed for best relationships)
Smart & Good High Schools
Download free from:
Center for the 4th and 5th Rs
(Respect and Responsibility)
www.cortland.edu/character
Family Impact on Performance Character
In their book America’s Smallest School: The
Family, Paul Barton and Richard Coley report
that students do better in school when:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
there are two parents in the home
children are well cared for and feel secure
the family environment is intellectually
stimulating
parents encourage self-discipline and
perseverance
parents limit TV, monitor homework, and
ensure regular school attendance.
A father of 7 asked his
kids:
“What goal are you
working on this month?”
Make character development a
priority by taking the long view:
We are “raising adults.”
—James Stenson, Compass: A
Handbook on Parent Leadership

What will my kids be like when they are
grown men and women? Will they be
hardworking and responsible?

Will they make loving husbands and wives
and capable mothers and fathers?

How might my actions now as a parent
affect those outcomes?
I was an only child, and my parents
knowingly let me have my way most of
the time to show how much they loved
me.
But the long-term effect on me is that I
have struggled with selfishness my
whole life. I’m used to getting my own
way, and when someone goes against
me, I take it very personally.
Research finds that adults who were
overindulged as children have
difficulty coping with life’s
disappointments.
They have a distorted sense of
entitlement that gets in the way of
success in the workplace and in
relationships.
Ways to Say No
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
No.
No, and that’s final.
No, and don’t ask me again.
I have thought about it, and the
answer is no.
I know you know how to nag. It
won’t work.
Nice try, the answer is still no.
A Character-Centered Family Culture
THE DAVIDSON WAY






We don’t complain or make excuses.
We don’t lie, cheat, steal, or intentionally hurt
others.
We learn from our mistakes.
We work to keep our minds, bodies, and souls
healthy, strong, and pure.
We commit to growing in our faith and trusting in
God’s goodness and His plan for our unique
potential.
We live with an attitude of gratitude and joy.
The father says . . .
We have this hanging in the kitchen
and review it at the beginning of the
week.
We also refer to it when something
comes up during the week.
It’s like the foundation of a home—it’s
what we build on.
WHAT MATTERS MOST?
 In
the course of family life,
parents reveal in a thousand
ways what matters most to them.
—Mary Reed Newland, The Saints and Our
Children
Principle 2:
Build a strong
marriage—based on
love, respect, and
commitment.
If you are a single parent . . .
 Find
at least one other parent and
share parenting experiences.
 Be emotionally supportive of your kids.
 Be firm but not harsh in your discipline.
 Know where your kids are and what
they are doing.
Marriage Ritual: Daily Talk Time
Plan a regular time for 15 minutes of oneon-one conversation with your spouse.
 Don’t use it to discuss conflicts or make
difficult decisions.
 Re-connect with each other; share
thoughts and feelings about the day.

—Dr. William Doherty, The Intentional Family

Work on communication—
understanding each other’s
needs and feelings.

In a conflict, take turns “being
understood.”
(Use active listening.)
Reconciliation Rituals

Healthy families have rituals that enable
them to forgive and make up quickly after
an argument. (Traits of a Healthy Family,
Dolores Curran)
“Please forgive me.”
 “A hug for health”
 “Let’s pretend that blow-up didn’t
happen—and wipe the slate clean.”

Work Together as Parents
1.
2.
3.
Share the work of parenting.
Talk about the kids.
Support each other. If you
disagree about how to handle a
situation with a child, do so
privately.
Principle 3
Love children
(affirmation, time,
communication, & sacrifice)
#1. Attention and Affirmation

Notice and nurture your children’s
interests—an authentic way of loving
and respecting them.

A sport, talent, or other interest helps
a young person develop their sense
of being their own person.
MOLLY’S STORY
A15-year-old girl in therapy because of
rebellion against her parents’ values

To avoid this kind of rebellion,
help kids develop their own
interests and their own identity as
a person.
Praise more than you criticize
“My father criticized me constantly. He
wanted me to be tough. I guess he
thought that by pointing out my faults,
I would get better. It made me stop
trying.”
—Meg Meeker, M.D., Strong Fathers,
Strong Daughters
EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION DISORDER
In Healing the Unaffirmed, the
psychotherapist Conrad Baars describes
patients who suffer from “emotional
deprivation disorder.”
 They struggle with feelings of being
unloved and unlovable, oversensitive,
insecure and afraid of life, depressed, and
unable to make friends and relate to
others.

An Affirmation Ritual:
The Christmas Letter
“Each Christmas my husband and I wrote a
letter to each of our 5 kids and put it under
the tree.
“We told them what we loved and
appreciated about them, the ways we had
seen them grow during the past year, the
talents and character strengths we saw
emerging….”
#2. Time
 We
need psychologically intimate,
face-to-face time with our children.
 Attending
their sports games and
other events does not meet this need.
A son remembers . . .
“When I had a cold, my father would rub my chest
with Vicks and cover it with a red flannel cloth.
“On Sunday afternoons, we would walk together to
the top of the hill by the dam. We would sit on a
rock and look down on the town below us.
“Then I would tell my problems to my father, and
he would speak of his to me.”
—Christian Barnard, originator of the heart
transplant
A Saturday Ritual
“I have four kids. Each of them
gets one Saturday afternoon a
month where it’s just the two of us
doing something we both enjoy.”
—a School Superintendent
# 3. Communication:
Back-and-forth Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
How was today on a scale of 1 to 10—where
1 is “terrible” and 10 “terrific”? Why?
What happened today that you didn’t
expect?
What did you accomplish today that you feel
good about?
What did you learn today?
What’s an interesting conversation you had?
The Family Meal:
Have a “Topic.”
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What was the best part of your day?
What did you learn today?
How did you help someone today?
What is something you’re grateful for?
What’s a problem you’re having that the
rest of the family might be able to help
with?
# 4. Sacrifice
“The most important thing parents can do for
their children is to love each other and
stay together.”
—a mother
“Being a responsible parent means putting
yourself second for a quarter of a century.”
—Albert Ellis
Dr. Judith Wallerstein
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce:
A 25-Year Landmark Study
Help for troubled marriages:
www.retrouvaille.org

Wallerstein: Children of divorce typically
experienced not one divorce but a series of
"mini-divorces" as their parents went in
search of new partners. Karen’s case was
common. After her parents' divorce, her
father remarried. His second wife was nice
to the children but three years into the
marriage left without warning.
Then the father had four more girlfriends who
caused him a great deal of suffering when
each of them left. Karen's mother had three
unhappy love affairs prior to her remarriage,
which ended after five years.

Each of these ruptures renews the turmoil in the
child's life. Only seven of the 131 children
Wallerstein studied experienced stable second
marriages in which they had good relationships
with both sides of the divorced family.

As a result of this ongoing emotional upheaval,
children of divorce typically take longer to grow
up. They often fear commitment. They enter
relationships wondering when they will fail.
They have no template for working out conflicts.
For a great many, time does not heal these
wounds.
WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS:
THIRTY CONCLUSIONS FROM THE SOCIAL SCIENCES
(2011)
W. Bradford Wilcox, Editor
18 Family Scholars
“Four in 10 children are exposed to a cohabiting
relationship. Cohabitating households with
children are now the largest unrecognized threat
to the quality of children’s lives.”
Principle 4
Be an
authoritative
parent.
Parents must have a
strong sense of
moral authority
—their right to be
respected and obeyed.
RESPECT: THE FOUNDATION
 In
The Moral Child, Stanford
psychologist William Damon states
that how well parents teach their
child to respect their authority lays
the foundation for future moral
growth.
INSECURE PARENTING

In Take Back Your Kids, family
psychologist William Doherty says that we
face “an epidemic of insecure parenting.”

Insecure parents are skittish about
exercising parental authority, refuse ever
to get angry with their kids, and
consequently allow their kids to walk all
over them.
Occasional (non-abusive)
parental anger is necessary.
—William Doherty,
Take Back Your Kids
How to Teach and Get Respect
Article by Dr. William Doherty in
excellence & ethics
(spring 2013)
www.cortland.edu/character
3 styles of parenting
(research of Diana Baumrind):

Authoritarian

Permissive

Authoritative.
Authoritative parenting combines:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Love
Confident authority & rule enforcement
Reasoning to motivate compliance
Listening to child’s feelings if
expressed respectfully (parents make
final decision)
Encouragement of age-appropriate selfreliance.
Authoritative parenting combines:
 Demandingness
(setting and
supporting high expectations)
 Democratic
parenting (giving kids
opportunities for voice)
At all developmental
levels, the most
confident and
responsible children
have authoritative
parents.
THE OBEDIENCE SPEECH

There’s something very important we want you to
understand: Mothers and fathers have the job of being in
charge of the family. Kids have the job of obeying their
parents—doing what we ask you to do. It’s the same in
school: A teacher is in charge of the classroom. Kids have
to do what the teacher says.

So when we ask you to do something—come to dinner,
pick up your toys, get ready for bed—you have to obey.
You can’t say, “No.” That’s not allowed. If you forget, we’ll
give you one reminder: “Remember our talk about
obedience.” If you continue to disobey, then there will
have to be a consequence.

And we’d like you to obey cheerfully, without complaining.
Obeying cheerfully makes the family a happier place for
everybody. (Obedience is a virtue, a way of showing love.)
Have a zero tolerance
policy for
disrespectful speech
and behavior.
 Require
children always to speak
respectfully to you—in what they
say and in their tone of voice.
Set a consequence in advance:
“What is a fair consequence
for speaking to me
disrespectfully?”
Insist on respect, courtesy, and
kindness in all family interactions.
Don’t tolerate disrespect or
disobedience to you, or rudeness
(“Shut up!”), name-calling
(“Stupid!”), or other unkindness
toward siblings.
Principle 5
Teach by
example.
Moral Moments
Our Children Remember
The stands we
take define
our values.
Do our kids know where we
stand on . . .
1.
2.
3.
4.
Respect for life?
The plight of the poor?
Respect for the environment?
War and peace?
Other Positive Role Models

The Giraffe Hero Project, www.giraffe.org

www.teachwithmovies.com (hundreds of
films categorized by values)

Books That Build Character by William
Kilpatrick (Touchstone, 1994)
Principle 6
Manage the
Moral
Environment
The importance of supervision:
The most academically motivated and
morally responsible teens—the least likely
to engage in risky behaviors:
1.
Have warm and involved relationships with
their parents
2.
Have parents who set clear expectations and
monitor their children’s activities in ageappropriate ways.
-Building a Better Teenager,
Child Trends 2002 research report, www.childtrends.org
Your Kid’s Friends
We become like the company
we keep.
 What is a true friend? A false
friend?
 Share stories from your life.

Media Facts

The average child sees about 100
commercials a day.

The average young person consumes nearly
7 hours of electronic media a day.

Three-quarters of 6th-graders have their
own TV in their bedrooms.
—Kids and Media at the New Millennium,
www.kff.org
What The Research Shows
1.
2.
3.
Kids who watch the most violent TV
are the most violent.
Kids are also desensitized by exposure
to violence.
Teens who frequently watch sexual
content are more likely to become
sexually active.
Set Limits on Use of Media
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
The use of all media in the family is a privilege
(not a right) that requires a parent’s permission.
“We don’t allow media that goes against our
family values.”
Have “quiet nights” (TV is off).
Make watching TV a special family event, not a
private or regular pastime.
Set reasonable limits on time spent on Internet,
video games, telephone, etc.
The Moral Low-Down on Movies

www.screenit.com

www.kidsinmind.com
Explain your rules and expectations:
“I don’t want you going to R-rated
movies with a lot of sex and violence
because I care about you.
“I don’t want you putting junk into your
mind, just as I don’t want you to put
junk into your body.”
RECOMMENDATION:
Consider having
NO TV
while you have children
in the home.
Supervise Social Media

“For your own sake, I’ll check your online activity
(posts, texts, emails) periodically.
“Please let your friends know I’ll be doing this.”
—Michele Borba, The Big Book of Parenting
Solutions
Principle 7
Use direct teaching
and questioning to
develop conscience
and moral reasoning.
Judith Martin (columnist):
“Raising a civilized child takes
20 years of constant
teaching and another 10 of
review.”
Practice what you preach,
but preach what you
practice.
Parents of Rescuers
 Samuel
and Pearl Oliner, The
Altruistic Personality
 “My
mother always said to do
some good for someone at least
once a day.”
Forming conscience in 2-yearolds: Clarity + Concern
You hurt Amy!
 Pulling hair hurts.
 NEVER pull hair.

INDUCTION
Pointing out the consequences of
child’s behavior for someone else
Teach Empathy
“There are two kinds of hurts:
outside hurts that you can see,
and inside hurts that you can´t
see—like a hurt feeling.”
A daughter remembers . . .
When I was 15, I adopted the ungracious
habit of referring to certain classmates as
“losers.”
My father took me aside and pointed out that
it wasn’t right to dismiss anyone like that,
as if they weren’t persons—as if they
didn’t have a soul.
That habit ended that day.
Dad’s Two Sets Of Threes

On honesty:




Never lie.
Never cheat.
Never steal.
On adversity:



Don’t whine.
Don’t complain.
Don’t make excuses.
-John Wooden
Ask-Don’t-Tell
Use questions to get kids thinking:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What’s the rule about this?
What will happen if you keep arguing?
How can you solve this problem?
How can you help make this a good day
instead of a bad one?
Why am I upset with you?
Why is it wrong to cheat?
1.
2.
3.
4.
It violates trust.
It’s unfair to those who aren’t
cheating.
It’s a form of lying.
It will lower your self-respect.
Why not drink?
“You’re laying the foundation for your future
during these years. You don’t need drinking
when you’re learning to drive. You don’t
need drinking when you’re learning to relate
to the opposite sex.
“Save drinking for later, when you’re mature
enough to handle it, and it will be legal for
you to drink.”
Why Wait for Marriage?
“Sex is so special, it deserves a special
home. It is most meaningful when it’s part
of something bigger. When you are
married, your sexual intimacy expresses
your total commitment to each other.
“The ultimate intimacy belongs within the
ultimate commitment.”
“10 Emotional Dangers of
Premature Sex”
www.cortland.edu/character
(Character-Based
Sex Education Tab)
The attempted suicide rate for 12- to16-year-old girls who have had
sexual intercourse is six times
higher than for peers
who are virgins.
D. Orr, M. Beiter, & G. Ingersoll, “Premature sexual
activity as an indicator of psychosocial risk,”
Pediatrics, 87, 141-147.
What Are the Rewards of Waiting?
1.
2.
3.
4.
Waiting will increase your self-respect.
It will teach you to respect others.
It means a clear conscience (no guilt,no
regrets).
By waiting, you’re developing the kind of
character (virtues such as respect, selfcontrol, modesty, and courage) that will
attract a person of character.
The Real Love Character Test
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Is this person respectful and kind to me?
Does this person always expect to get his or her
own way?
Can I trust this person?
Does this person ever pressure me to go
against my values?
Would I be proud to be married to this person?
Would I want this person to be the father/mother
of my children?
What’s Wrong with Porn?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
It violates the dignity of persons by treating
people as sex objects. It takes something
beautiful and makes it dirty.
It puts images in the mind that you can’t get rid of.
It’s addictive—it brings short-term pleasure but
then starts to run your life. For males, it is also
usually accompanied by masturbation.
It will lower your self-respect.
It causes problems in marriage.
T. G. Morrow
Achieving Chastity in a
Pornographic World
Chastity: bringing sexual desire into
harmony with right reason.
Other books about doing the right thing:
 Sean
Covey, The 6 Most Important
Decisions You’ll Ever Make
 Hal
Urban, 20 Gifts of Life
(www.halurban.com)
 Tom
and Judy Lickona, Sex, Love &
You: Making the Right Decision
Principle 8
Discipline Wisely
Have consistent rules
Help with clean-up after meals.
 Answer the phone politely. (“This is Max
Lickona. Who would you like to speak to?”)
 Don’t call me from another room (“MOM!”);
come to where I am.
 Don’t leave your clothes lying around the
house; hang them up.
 Say, “May I please have . . .” not, “I want ...”

When kids do something
wrong, require them to . . .
1.
2.
3.
Say, “I’m sorry.”
Say why they are sorry.
Ask, “What can I do to make
up for it?” (restitution)
“What do you think is a fair
consequence for what you did?”
Principle 9
Provide opportunities for
kids to practice the
virtues.
Character development is not a
spectator sport.
Virtues are habits we develop
by performing virtuous
actions.
—Aristotle
Children develop character by
what they see, what they
hear, and what they are
repeatedly led to do.
—James Stenson
HARVARD STUDY
John and Beatrice Whiting studied 6
cultures: the U.S. and 5 “developing
nations.”
 U.S.
kids had the fewest
responsibilities in family life.
 U.S. kids were the most selfcentered.
The New Yorker, July 2, 2012:
“Spoiled Rotten”
Time/CNN Poll: Two-thirds of
American parents think they
have spoiled their children.
TEACHING RESPONSIBILITY
Chores are a way to contribute to
the family.
 Don’t pay kids for doing them.
 www.10kids.com (chores chart)

SERVICE BEYOND
THE FAMILY
Principle 10:
Solve problems
and conflicts
fairly and with
love.
Hold Family Meetings
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Set/review rules: Respectful talk, no put-downs.
Open: “What’s something you appreciate that
someone in the family did for you this week?”
“How can we all make this a good week?
What’s a problem/challenge we need to solve?”
Go around, giving everyone a chance to speak:
(1) views of the problem, then (2) suggestions
for solving it fairly. (Leader writes down and
then reads back what each person said.)
Combine ideas into an agreed-up plan; all sign
and post agreement, including follow-up mtg.
Family Meeting to Assess Progress

Set a weekly time.

How are we doing?

Give everyone a turn to speak.
 First celebrate success: “I think we did better
on . . . .”
 Discuss areas for improvement: “I think we
can still do better on . . . .”
The Fairness Meeting
1.
2.
3.
Achieve mutual
understanding.
Find a solution everyone
thinks is fair.
Have a follow-up meeting
to discuss how it’s working.
Fairness Agreement
1. If Mom has promised to do something with us,
she will tell the person she is busy and will call
back later.
2. Will make a list of things to do while mom is
on the phone.
3. Mom will try to make her calls shorter.
4. If mom has to be on the phone for a longer
time she will tell us, and we will behave.
Mom, Phillip (7) and Ben (5)
Principle 11
Foster spiritual
development
I see so many people just going through
the motions: get into a good school, so
you can get into a good college, so you
can get a good job, so you can get a
better job, so you can get rich and die.
—Recent High School Graduate
A 17-year-old high school senior in
CA got double 800s on her SATs.
Asked by a reporter, “What is the
meaning of life?”, she replied, “I
have no idea.”
LIFE’S LARGEST QUESTIONS
 What
is the meaning of life?
 What is the purpose of my life?
 What leads to lasting happiness?
 Is this life all there is?
 Is there a God?
3 Sources of Authentic Happiness
Affirmed by Cross-Cultural Research:
1.
2.
3.
Maturity of character
Loving relationships
Doing some good in the world.
—Tony Devine, et al., Cultivating Heart and
Character
One Girl’s Mission Statement:
1. Be honest.
2. Do what’s right.
3. Be kind to everyone.
4. Do your best in everything.
5. Have fun.
6. Always remember who you are and
what you stand for.
100 GOALS
1. Write 100 goals you’d like to achieve
in your life.
2. Divide them into categories (career,
family, adventure, service, major
accomplishments, etc.)
3. Select your top 10 goals.
4. Write a paragraph on your #1 goal.
—Hal Urban, Lessons from the
Classroom (available from
[email protected])
The Path to Purpose
—William Damon
Religion’s impact on character
Research shows that teens who regularly
practice a religious faith are:
More involved in service activities
 Less likely to steal, be violent, or use
drugs and alcohol
 Less likely to have sex.

-www.childtrends.org
 Soul
Searching: The Religious
and Spiritual Lives of American
Teenagers (national study)
—Dr. Christian Smith, University
of Notre Dame sociologist
36% of teens say they feel “very close to
God.”
 35% say they feel “somewhat close to
God.”
 25% say they feel “some degree of
distance from God.”
 3% say they don’t believe in any God.

—Soul Searching (2005), based on a
longitudinal study of American youth
Weightlifter story
You can be an ethical person without
being religious, and having religious
faith does not guarantee that a
person will behave ethically.
But for many persons, religion
provides an ultimate reason for
leading a moral life.
“If you have a faith tradition, renew it
and try to pass it on to your children. It
will be your most precious gift to them.”
—Barbara Jones, former director of the
Council for Religion in Independent Schools
The 3 Goals of Life from a Religious
Perspective
1.
salvation—our own and others’
2.
service—using our God-given talents to
build a just and caring world
3.
sanctity—growing in holiness.
One mom asked, “What if you’re
not sure what you believe?”
Why do many young people fall
away from their faith when they
leave home?
If You Want Your Kids to Pray, Teach Them…
1.
“Give God at least 2 quiet minutes at the
beginning of the day.”
2.
“Talk to God as if he’s right there.”
3.
“Be silent, and listen with your heart.”
4.
“Understand how God answers prayers.”
Mother Teresa:
“I always begin my prayer in
silence. God speaks to us in the
silence of our hearts.”
A high school boy:
“I never used to pray. Now I believe that,
basically, you need God. You can always go
to him—there’s someone who’s always there.
“When you’re a teenager, you face a lot of
problems—all these things are coming at
you. When you pray, your problem might not
get fixed when you want, or in the way you
want, but you get help.”
As in all other areas, modeling matters:
“Dad always closes his letters with, ‘Work
hard and pray a lot.’ This never sounds
phony because it’s what he does.
“He has worked hard all his life, and he
prays throughout the day.”
—a young mother
For more resources on developing
character in the family or school:
Center for the 4th and 5th Rs
www.cortland.edu/character