Transcript Ministry to the Grieving - Bukal Life Care & Counseling Center

Ministry to the Grieving
CPE Symposium
PBTS
Celia Munson
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Definitions
Crisis:
the state of disequilibrium (loss of
homeostasis) produced by a perceived threat
or adjustment that one finds difficult to handle.
Trauma: an event that is outside what is
expected in life of an individual that breaks
past normal coping and defense mechanism,
resulting in strong emotional pain.
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Definitions
Loss: a gradual or sudden removal of
something meaningful to an individual.
Grief: the intensive emotional suffering caused
by loss of someone or something valuable
through misfortune or disaster. It is the
process of separating from the loss.
Suffering: the bearing or undergoing of pain,
distress, or injury.
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Definitions
Stress: the entire person’s response – physically,
emotionally, socially and spiritually to internal or
external demands. The sum total of “wear and tear”
on the body
Cumulative Stress: stress arousal that slowly builds up
over time, sometimes leading to a condition of
“burnout”
Eustress: a positive motivating force that may lead to
increase of health and performance
Distress: a negative dysfunctional force that may lead
to disease and erosion of health.
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Key Concepts
“Crisis can happen without trauma but
when there is trauma, crisis always
happens”
“Crisis is always linked with stress”
“Crisis always leads to loss”
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4 Types of Losses
Real
or Concrete Losses
Abstract Losses
Imagined Losses
Threatened Losses
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3 Types of Grief
Anticipatory
Grief
Acute
Grief
Chronic Grief
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Grief is…
…A normal healthy response for
anyone who has experienced the
loss of something or someone
they have valued or have had an
emotional investment.
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Common Clichés [Linn, (1986)]

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Exhort people to be strong:
“ The person who died wouldn’t want you to cry”
Want people to hurry up their grief:
“ Life goes on”
Increase guilt about how people grieve:
“ You aren’t counting your blessings”
Suggest religion should comfort:
“God never gives you more than you can
handle”
Discount and minimize:
“ I know just how you feel”
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Common Myths
 Don’t
Grieve
 Grief Harms our Faith
 Always be Positive
 God is Absent if You Grieve
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Movements of Grief as a Healing
Journey
#1 Joining
“It is completely normal to long for
those you love, and weep over their
absence. It reveals our Christ-like
nature of compassion, love, empathy
and concern for others.”
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Movements of Grief as a Healing
Journey
#2 Normalizing Stormy Emotions
There are “numerous stages through
which the bereaved must travel
through in order to resolve their
loss.”
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Steps of Grief [Kubler-Ross, 1969]
Denial
 Anger
 Bargaining
 Depression
 Acceptance
[Can vary person-to-person and
culture-to-culture]

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Movements of Grief as a Healing
Journey
#3 Understanding
“What can I learn from this and how
can I best proceed with my life?”
“We also realize that grieving is a twopart process: the loss of a loved one,
and the recovery of our spirit.”
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Movements of Grief as a Healing
Journey
#4 Surrender
“… we finally accept that we could not
have changed our loved one’s death.
We accept that we are unable to turn
back the hand of time– we cannot
bring them back nor are they coming
back.”
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Movements of Grief as a Healing
Journey
#5 Praise, Again
“How does one move beyond pain to
the point of praise? It is impossible
by our own strength; but miracles
happen when we ask God to
empower us.”
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Complicated Grief

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Preoccupation with yearning for, and
searching for the deceased
Intrusive images, ideas, recurrent
dreams/nightmares
Active avoidance of thoughts, communication,
or action associated with the loss
Interference with daily functioning
Persistent symptoms
(Ogrodniczuk, 2003)
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Risk Factors
History of difficult relationship
 Challenging circumstances of the death
 Intensity of grief reactions, both in
anticipatory grief and bereavement
 Poor quality of support network as
perceived by bereaved person
 History of unresolved losses (e.g. grief,
abuse, abandonment)

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Risk Factors (cont’d)
Concurrent stresses (e.g. job or
relationship difficulties, other caregiving
roles, financial distress)
 Multiple losses
 History of drug or alcohol use
 History of illness, mental health issues,
developmental problems

(Cairns, Johnson,& Wainwright, 1993)
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10 Commandments on Dealing With
Stress
<HANDOUT>
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Ways to Cope After a Trauma
<HANDOUT>
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Holmes-Rahe Stress Test
<HANDOUT>
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“HELP US TO BE THE ALWAYS
HOPEFUL GARDENERS OF THE
SPIRIT, WHO KNOW THAT WITHOUT
DARKNESS NOTHING COMES TO
BIRTH AS WITHOUT LIGHT NOTHING
FLOWERS.”
-MAY SARTON (1993)
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Bibliography
Augsberger, David. Pastoral Counseling Across Cultures, 1986.
Cairns, M., Thompson, M., Wainwright, W. (2003) Transitions in
Dying & Bereavement. Baltimore: Health Professional Press
Clinton, Tim and George Ohlschlager, “The Movements of Grief as
a Healing Journey”. Christian Counseling Today. 2003 Vol. 11
#2, 16-22.
Won, Chiyon. Class Notes for “Crisis Counseling” Class. Philippine
Baptist Theological Seminary, 2006.
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