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Chapter 12
Socioemotional Development in Early Adulthood
Stability and Change from Childhood to
Adulthood
For adults, socioemotional development revolves
around adaptively integrating our emotional
experiences into enjoyable relationships with
others on a daily basis
The first 20 years of life are not meaningless in
predicting an adult’s socioemotional life
Attachment plays an important part in socioemotional
development
Stability and Change from Childhood to
Adulthood
Adult’s attachment is categorized as secure, avoidant, or
anxious:
Secure attachment style
Adults have positive views of relationships
Avoidant attachment style
Adults are hesitant to get involved in romantic relationships
Anxious attachment style
Adults demand closeness, are less trusting, and more emotional,
jealous, and possessive
Love and Close Relationships
Love -- vast and complex territory of human
behavior, spanning a range of relationships that
includes friendship, romantic love, affectionate love,
and consummate love
intimacy -- self-disclosure and the sharing of private thoughts
Erikson’s Stage: Intimacy Versus
Isolation
After individuals are well on their way to establishing
stable and successful identities, they enter the sixth
developmental stage, which is intimacy versus isolation
Finding oneself by losing oneself in another person
If a person fails to develop an intimate relationship in
early adulthood, according to Erikson, isolation results
Gateways to attraction
Exclusion criteria
Intimacy and Independence
Development in early adulthood often involves
balancing intimacy and commitment with
independence and freedom
Intimacy and commitment, and independence
and freedom are important themes of
development that are worked and reworked
throughout the adult years
Friendship
Friendship plays an important role in development
throughout the human life span
Women have more close friends and their friendships involve more
self-disclosure and exchange of mutual support
Talk is central to their relationships
Women share many aspects of their experiences, thoughts, and
feelings
Romantic Love
Some friendships evolve into romantic love
Also called passionate love, or eros
Romantic love has strong components of
sexuality and infatuation
Often predominates in the early part of a love relationship
Sexual desire is the most important ingredient of romantic love
Affectionate Love
Affectionate love -- type of love that occurs when someone
desires to have the other person near and has a deep, caring
affection for the person
also called companionate love
As love matures, passion tends to give way to affection
Consummate Love and Sternberg’s
Triarchic Theory
Sternberg proposed a triarchic theory of love in
which love can be thought of as a triangle with three
main dimensions—passion, intimacy, and
commitment
Passion is physical and sexual attraction to another
Intimacy relates to the emotional feelings of warmth, closeness, and
sharing in a relationship
Commitment is the cognitive appraisal of the relationship and the
intent to maintain the relationship
Components of love
Triangular model of love – Sternberg (1988)
Liking – Intimacy only
Companionate love – Intimacy + Commitment
Empty love – Commitment only
Fatuous love – Commitment + Passion
Infatuation – Passion only
Romantic love – Passion + Intimacy
Consummate love – Passion + Intimacy + Commitment
Adult Lifestyles: Single Adults
More adults are remaining single longer today
In the last 30 years, there has been a dramatic rise in the percentage
of single adults
Advantages
Freedom to make decisions about one’s life course, pursue one’s
own schedule, privacy
Common problems
Loneliness
Forming intimate relationships with other adults
Finding a niche in a society that is marriage-oriented
Cohabitation
Cohabitation -- living together in a sexual
relationship without being married
cohabitation has changed
many couples view their cohabitation as an ongoing lifestyle
Disadvantages
Disapproval by parents
Difficulty owning property jointly
Legal rights on the dissolution of the relationship are less
certain
Elevated risk of partner violence
Intimacy
Domestic violence
Common couple violence
Intimate terrorism
Change process – Prochaska & DeClemente
Precontemplation
Contemplation
Preparation
Action
Maintenance
Relapse
Marriage
Traditional marriage
Egalitarian marriage
Social exchange theory
Married Adults
Changing norm of male-female equality means marital
relationships are more fragile and intense
More than 90 percent of U.S. women still marry at
some point in their lives; projections indicate that in
the future this rate will drop into 80–90 percent range
Marriages in adolescence are more likely to end in
divorce than marriages in adulthood
Average duration of a marriage in the United States is
currently just over nine years
The Benefits of a Good Marriage
Individuals who are happily married live longer,
healthier lives than either divorced individuals or
those who are unhappily married
People in unhappy marriages may experience
numerous physical ailments, such as high blood
pressure and heart disease, as well as
psychological problems such as anxiety,
depression, and substance abuse
Discussion
Why do people divorce?
How are children affected by divorce? Remarriage?
What do you think about nonbiological parenting?
Is it riskier than biological parenting?
Divorced Adults
Increases in divorce are correlated with youthful
marriage, low educational level, low income, not
having a religious affiliation, divorced parents, having
a baby before marriage
These characteristics also increase the likelihood of
divorce:
Alcoholism, psychological problems, domestic violence, infidelity,
and inadequate division of household labor
Strategies for Divorced Adults
Hetherington recommends these:
Think of divorce as a chance to grow personally and to develop
more positive relationships
Make decisions carefully
Focus more on the future than the past
Use your strengths and resources to cope with difficulties
Don’t expect to be successful and happy in everything you do
Remarried Adults
Divorced adults remarry within three years after
their divorce
Men remarry sooner than women
Men with higher incomes are more likely to remarry
Remarriage occurs sooner for partners who initiate a divorce
Adults who get remarried have a lower level of mental health
(depression)
Financial status improves after remarrying
More shared decision making
Gay and Lesbian Adults
The legal and social context of marriage creates barriers to
breaking up that do not exist for same-sex partners
But in other ways, researchers have found that gay and
lesbian relationships are similar to heterosexual relationships
in their satisfactions, loves, joys, and conflict
Contrary to stereotypes, one partner is masculine and the
other feminine in only a small percentage of gay male and
lesbian couples
Only a small segment has a large number of sexual partners
Prefer a long-term, committed relationship
Social and Emotional Development
Marriage
Marital Satisfaction
What do women want from their husbands? What do husbands want from
their wives?
Marriage and emotional exchange:
Gottman (1994) – predict divorce and time frame with 94% accuracy
Lab interactions – how handled disagreements: labeling action vs. person
Women want to talk about emotions, men not as much
Divorce: label person as dumb, insensitive…. Instead of action
Women use contempt or disgust – Men use stonewalling (closing up)
Most satisfied with marriage when conversations were 2-way and non-labeling
Making Marriage Work
Gottman found a number of main principles
determining whether a marriage will work:
Establishing love maps
Nurturing fondness and admiration
Turning toward each other instead of away
Letting your partner influence you
Creating shared meaning
Gender and Communication
Tannen distinguishes two ways of
communications:
Rapport talk -- language of conversation; a way of establishing
connections and negotiating relationships
Report talk -- talk that is designed to give information; includes
public speaking
Women enjoy rapport talk more than report talk; men’s lack of
interest in rapport talk bothers many women
Men prefer to engage in report talk
Discussion: Having Children
Think about your parents’ child rearing with regard to the
emphasis they placed on authoritarian, authoritative, permissive or
neglectful styles. Do you think you have or will have similar styles?
Why or why not?
What do you look forward to or what do you enjoy most about
having children?
What is your biggest fear about your ability to raise children?
If you choose to have children, about how old do you want to be
(or how old were you) when you have (had) your first child? Why
this age and not an older or younger age?