“Embracing Change To Experience Life!” Proverbs 10:17

Proverbs 10:17….

“He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.”

(NIV)

Proverbs 27:5,6….

“ (v.5) Better is open rebuke than hidden love. (v.6) Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

(NIV)

The sign of a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP….

•

NOT an absence of conflict.

•

BUT the ability to resolve conflict in a positive, healthy way.

The real test of our congregation’s health is our

ability to resolve

these conflicts in a healthy, biblical way.

Six Steps to….

Proverbs 10:12….

“Hatred stirs up dissension, but LOVE covers all wrongs.”

(NIV)

The Hebrew word for … simply refers to

“strong dislike for another person.”

Strong dislike for people stirs up arguments .

covers over all wrongs. This Hebrew verb

“

cover

”

here comes from the Hebrew word for

"

forgive

."

Therefore….

“to cover a wrong”

is to forgive an offense; to let an offense go.

1 Peter 4:8….

“Above all, love each other deeply because

love covers a multitude of sins

.”

(NIV)

Decide ahead of time to conduct yourself with love .

With every

conflict

we face a

crossroad

, a

decision

of whether to conduct ourselves with love or to conduct ourselves in an unloving way.

This

DECISION

is often a difficult one…. that costs us and goes against our natural impulses. This is the Christian path of GROWTH and MATURITY , the pathway of love.

LOVE

is making the decision to act in the best interests of the other person.

LOVE

is a decision that puts the needs of the person above our own needs at that moment.

By willingly going to the Cross, Jesus made the decision to do what was in our best interests at great cost to Himself.

1 John 3:16.…

“ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers

.

”

(NIV)

Matthew 5:46.…

“ If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?

Are not even the tax collectors doing that?”

(NIV)

Proverbs 19:11….

“A person’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to

overlook an offense

.”

(NIV)

The

“wise person”

learns to overlook offenses.

… forgive that offense Therefore, the decision to love gives the wise person the capacity to forgive .

For FORGIVENESS to occur, there has to be an acknowledgement that an offense occurred.

is simply the choice of not holding on to an offense.

Proverbs 19:11.…

“ A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

(NIV)

A refusal to forgive a person is

UNWISE

because it ends up poisoning our lives with bitterness.

According to the Bible, a lack of forgiveness causes two things to happen….

1) It opens our life to satanic power.

2) It chokes off God’s grace.

Proverbs 27:5,6….

“ (v.5) Better is

open

rebuke than hidden love. (v.6) Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

(NIV)

Direct confrontation is always better than unexpressed love!

must

confront

sometimes!

HIDDEN LOVE

is a love that’s too timid and afraid to confront a person.

Whenever we’re in a

CONFLICT

with another person, we need to

“open ourselves to correction.”

To solve real problems, we need to learn to

“OPEN UP”

to one another.

We need to

OPEN OURSELVES UP

to any part we played in the problem.

When we

open ourselves

to receive correction,

WE GROW!

Proverbs 28:13….

“He who

conceals

his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and

renounces

them finds mercy.”

(NIV)

Only the person I hurt can make the choice to

"cover"

or

"overlook"

my offense.

cuts off God’s blessings in my life. hinders my prayer life.

chokes off God’s love.

builds a blockade God’s presence. against

When we confess and renounce our sins, we discover

MERCY

.

simply means

“agree”

or

“acknowledge.”

means

“to abandon” “Renouncing”

means we leave that sin behind, turn away from it in repentance.

We always find

MERCY

from God when we confess and renounce, BUT we don’t always find

MERCY

from people.

Proverbs 29:22….

“An angry person stirs up dissension, and a hot tempered one (person) commits many sins.”

(NIV)

In any conflict,

“ANGER”

is like petrol, and when anger is expressed inappropriately, minor conflicts can become volatile arguments.

When we lose our temper, we end up committing more and more sins. We hurl words of abuse and insult on the person.

We cut and slash with words of sarcasm. We destroy the person’s reputation with other people.

According to the Bible, it is possible to be angry and express our anger without sinning!

This same verse also commands us to refuse to allow the day to end without dealing with the

ANGER!

Unresolved anger is like toxic waste; when we refuse to deal with it, it seeps into every aspect of the relationship, contaminating it.

What about the other person?

The reality is that you have absolutely

no control

over how the other person acts in a conflict.

Proverbs 9:7 9….

“ (v.7)

mocker

Whoever corrects a invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked person invites abuse. (v.8) Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise person and he will love you. .…

Proverbs 9:7 9….

…. (v.9) Instruct a wise person and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous person and he will add to his learning.”

(NIV)

The

"mocker"

in this section is a person who is simply not open to correction.

Proverbs tells us,

“Don’t bother with this person.”

LOVE this person. PRAY for him.

Matthew 7:3….

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

(NIV)

In other words,

look at yourself first, and only after you’ve done self evaluation, are you ready to bring correction to others.

When we correct people we need to

carefully balance

with

is needful.

… is extending compassion and mercy to people when we confront them.

… comes when we’re willing to forgive, when we avoid name calling and sarcasm. … means giving the other person the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming that they have impure motives.

is also important.

… is being open and honest with what the other person has done and how their actions have affected us.

… refuses to minimize the issue, but it also doesn’t blow the issue out of proportion. … is also being honest with your emotions, taking the risk to share what’s going on in your heart.

People who are weak in

GRACE GIVING

often

REFUSE to forgive.

We need to in our life!

John 13:35….

“By this all men [people] will know that you are my disciples [followers], if you love one another.”

(NIV)