Transcript Look How Far We`ve Come, In Writing 421 Lesley Hardwick Mr

I chose this essay because Mr. Kelly
provided criticism for it that I’ve used in every
writing piece since then.
I’m also very fond
of this essay
because I wrote
about a nice
memory that I’ve
never shared with
anyone before.
“Awk way to
end the
intro.”
I began to write this
essay by choosing a
memory in my brain that
makes me happy when I
feel sad. After I chose
this topic, the words just
seemed to flow.
Chose event
Brainstormed
First draft
Peer edited
I thought that my heart was in the right place
and I had the right ideas in this piece.
However, there were many choppy sentences
and lots of awkward sentences. If I could
change it now, I would want more fluency.
In the end, despite my
awkward introduction
paragraph, I did get
some good feedback.
“A great story and
fantastic tribute
to your grandma.
Well done Lesley!”
This particular essay marked the very first
six out of six that I’ve gotten in Mr. Kelly’s
class. That’s one reason why I’ve chosen to
talk about it. Another reason is because it’s
one of my more emotional pieces. This essay
helped me to really grow as a writer. It helped
to bring out my emotional side of writing.
To write this piece, all I had to do was tell the
truth. It was the easiest thing I’ve written this
semester.
Picked a history
Searched in heart for feelings
Peer edited
Rough copy
After seeing this feedback from Mr. Kelly, I saw that
the writing that came straight from the heart was not
only easier to write, but more beautiful and sweeter to
read.
“Lesley, I’m
Personally, I do think that
speechless. This
this was my best work. However,
was beautifully
written! Excellent
this essay wouldn’t be where it is
essay & tribute!”
today without the help of my
peer-editor, Brittany Murphy.
What I like about this essay
is that all I had to do was tell the
truth about the relationship with
my twin to get full marks.
 Writing can be made fun!
Respect
Grammar
Reading period is for reading
Lab days