Transcript Writing Material Analysis

Advanced English Writing
Lecture Ten
Project 1: Describing People
Contents
1. Writing Material Analysis
2. Descriptive techniques for essay development
• Practice 1: Last week you found a mobile phone in a
classroom on campus. Lucky for the loser, you’re an
honest person and you want to return it. The problem is
that the phone’s battery is dead, so you’re unable to
contact the owner. Yesterday, by chance, you saw the
sign below posted in the student union building on your
campus. You think this could be the owner, but you want
to be absolutely sure. Work with a partner and think of
some questions you might ask this person. One example
has been done for you.
e.g. What color is it?
Help Me!
I’m a poor college student and I’ve lost
my mobile phone…
Are the questions listed there the same as the ones you chose? Are
there any you didn’t consider?
•How old is it?/ What year was it made?
•How big is it?
•What shape is it?/ What is its shape?
•What does it look like? / Can you describe what it looks like?
•What kind of phone is it?/ What is the brand name?
•Does it have any distinguishing marks?
•Can you call the mobile now?
•When did you lose it?
•Exactly where did you lose it?
Practice 2: at the sight of this picture, what appears in your mind?
Write down as many words to describe this man as possible.
Word Wheels
Practice 3: The following are some words someone has chosen to describe Fela
Kuti, a musician from Nigeria. One problem is that he mistakenly uses some nouns
instead (do you have the same problem in your work?) Identify which is used in the
word wheel below, writing an N if it’s a noun and an A if it’s an adjective. If it’s a
noun, write the adjective form next to it, and vice-versa (some words may not have
a noun or adjective form).
perseverance
confrontation=N/ confrontational=A
reckless
rebel
fearlessness
enlightened
brilliance
non-conformist
boisterousness
complexity
wild
Word Wheels
confrontation=N/
confrontational=A
perseverance=N/
persevering=A
rebel=N/ rebellious=A
reckless=A/ (no noun form)
fearlessness=N/ fearless=A
enlightened=A/
enlightenment=N
brilliance=N/ brilliant=A
non-conformist=N/ nonconforming=A
boisterousness=N/
boisterous=A
complexity=N/
complex=A
wild=A/ (no noun form)
Developing Your Vocabulary
Practice 4: with a partner, list out as many adjectives that describe
the following aspects as possible. Use a dictionary to help you
find adjectives that are vivid, not boring.
Adjectives Used to Describe Human Physical Appearance
Adjectives Used to Describe Personality Traits
Adjectives Used to Describe Objects
Adjectives Used to Describe Food and Drink
Adjectives Used to Describe Human Physical Appearance
Slender 苗条的
stocky
矮壮结实的
Chubby 丰满的
overweight
Robust
精力充沛的
well-built
体格健美的
Muscular
肌肉强健的
Burly
魁伟结实的
Obese 肥胖的
Trim 整洁的
Petite 小巧玲珑的 Stunning
晕厥极好的
striking
有吸引力的
dazzling 耀眼的
attractive
unattractive
elegant
文雅，端庄的
Scrawny
骨瘦如柴的
skinny
Boney
瘦骨嶙峋的
average-looking
plain
Neat
灵巧，优雅的
Tidy 整洁的
well-dressed
gorgeous
tall
Squat 粗短的
Adjectives Used to Describe Personality Traits
Bold 大胆的
Shallow 浅薄的
Reckless
不计后果的
Accomplished
多才多艺的
unique
simple-minded
头脑简单
annoying 恼人的
Inept
无能的，不称职的
Enthusiastic
热心的
Green 无经验的
Witty 机智诙谐的
Clumsy 笨拙的
Excitable
易激动的
Fragile 脆弱的
Sharp 精明锐利的
Informed 见多识广的
Realistic
现实主义的
Frail 脆弱的
Dull 迟钝呆滞的
uninformed
Unrealistic
Cautious 小心谨慎的 Reliable 可靠的
Boisterous 狂暴的
Jumpy
活跃，神经质
Considerate 周到的
unreliable
Conscientious 尽责的
Jittery
战战兢兢的
understanding
Sentimental
感情脆弱的
Graceful 优美的
Weird 怪异的
Contentious 好争斗
Rebellious 叛逆的
Elegant 文雅端庄的
Odd 奇怪的
Touchy 暴躁的
sweet
Deep 诡计多端的
Adjectives Used to Describe Personality Traits
Cocky 骄傲自大
的
quick-tempered 性急
的
child-like 天真烂漫
的
sophisticated 久经世故
的
adventurous
even-tempered 冷静
的
lovable
Cultured 有教养的
Suspicious 可疑的 Composed 沉着的
Approachable 平易
近人
Enlightened 文明的
Conservative 保守 Admirable 令人钦佩
的
的
Engaging 动人的
Aggressive 好斗的
Liberal 自由主义
的
Brilliant 有才气的
Aloof 冷淡的
Courageous 勇敢的
wide-eyed
Sociable 擅交际的
capable
Impulsive 冲动的
grumpy 脾气暴躁
的
anti-social
competent
Obsessive 强迫性的
wild
Outgoing 对人友好的 incompetent
ordinary
Gracious 亲切高尚的
Gifted 天才的
Industrious 刻苦的
Adjectives Used to Describe Objects
Fragile 易碎的
out-of-date
Worthless 无价值的
Petite 娇小的
cheap
Obsolete 陈旧的
gorgeous
Bulky 体积大的
Sturdy 强健的
old-fashioned
huge
unique
durable
state-of-the-art
艺术的
Humongous 极大的
Priceless 无价的
rare
Treasured 珍贵的
gigantic
uncommon
Cherished 珍爱的
Immense
极大无边的
ordinary
practical
tiny
Worthless 无价值
Fancy
奇特的，异样的
Miniscule小的
Adjectives Used to Describe Food and Drink
Hearty 丰盛的
disgusting
plain
Succulent 多汁的
tasty
bitter
Savory
可口的，味美的
overcooked
gross 肥大的
spicy
undercooked
yummy (slang/nonacademic)
salty
sweet
Choosing a Topic
What you choose to write about may be even more important than how
you describe it. Consider your audience. Who is my reader? Does he
want to read an essay about Yao Ming for the one hundredth time? Show
your reader that you’ve given careful thought to your choice and aim for a
creative subject that hasn’t been written about a thousand-and-one times.
Do write about…
Something new, different or out of the ordinary
What you know
A person, place or thing that your reader may be unfamiliar with. It is an
excellent opportunity for you to teach
Something exciting
Don’t write about…
Something that’s been written about a thousand times
Something you know nothing about or that’s too complicated to explain
A person, place or thing that says nothing new to your reader
Tip!
A strong description will include less common words and
expressions. Include them in your writing, but be
reasonable about how many of them you use. You
shouldn’t try to impress your readers with big words—
this is often counterproductive. Pick and choose a few
areas to put more complex expressions in place of less
common ones. Start with the words you feel most
confident with and you should gradually introduce more
into your writing. Don’t worry about making mistakes once
your vocabulary base becomes larger. Writing is a
process of trial and error.
Fela Kuti
Virtually unknown until recently outside of Africa, Fela Anikulapo Kuti (usually
just called Fela) was born in 1938 in Nigeria, West Africa. A human rights
activist, political rebel and social nonconformist, he is probably best known as
the creator of a new musical genre called Afro Beat, a style that swept the
continent in the early 1970s. But for a small cult of serious music enthusiasts,
Fela's music has yet to be appreciated by a broader audience outside of his
homeland.
Relative to his adult years, Fela lived a rather uneventful upper-class childhood
in Nigeria, In1958 his privileged background allowed him to go to London with
the intention to study medicine. He soon became enamored with the city's
thriving music scene instead and went on to study at Trinity College of Music
where he formed his first hand. Koola Lobitos. He, along with esteemed
drummer Tony Allen, would be the forbearers of a totally new sound: Afro Beat.
Developed at the end of the 1960s, Afro Beat was a fusion of American Jazz,
Funk, and several traditional and modern African styles. Most of these songs
would last 10 to 30 minutes, with signature repetitive bass rhythms, wildly
creative drum fills and long instrumental parts that usually involved interplay
between the rhythm section, horns and guitars. Central to the music was an
explicit message that addressed Nigerian, African and world issues.
After spending time in the U.S. recording music with his band, by then renamed
Africa 70, Fela returned to Nigeria. His music began taking a political tone and his
target soon became the corrupt government and institutions of his native country. In
response to what he felt was a dishonest and vicious military government, Fela
formed his own republic, the Kalakuta Republic, on his spacious compound in the
early 1970s. He declared the compound independent from Nigeria. By this time the
boisterous and outspoken Fela had become the biggest star in West Africa.
Throughout most of the next 20 years, he was constantly harassed by police and
other government forces. He was jailed on several occasions, always under false
pretenses. One instance in 1977 witnessed an invasion on his home, the Kalakuta
Republic, by an estimated 1,000 soldiers. He was badly beaten and nearly killed.
Worse, his 82-year-old mother was thrown from a window, later dying from the
injuries. The Kalakuta commune was burned to the ground. Infuriated, Fela refused
to back down, immediately writing songs verbally attacking the Nigerian
government, even holding the Nigerian President personally responsible for his
mother's death in one brilliantly conceived song titled, "Coffin for the Head of
State."
On the one year anniversary of the attack on the Kalakuta Republic, Fela continued
his confrontational ways by marrying twenty-seven women in a nationally
televised event. He did this in part as an act of disobedience against the social and
political norms of Nigeria. In 1979 he decided to take power into his own hands,
declaring his intention to run for President. The plan was unsuccessful, however,
as the powers managed to curtail his political rise by proclaiming his nomination
invalid, and he soon abandoned his ambitions.
Fela's music production slowed considerably in the late 1980s, and by the mid1990s he stopped making music altogether. He was secretly gripped by an illness,
the source of which may have been unknown at the time. The day after his death
in 1997, it was revealed by his older brother that Fela had long been suffering
from the AIDS virus. An estimated one million people attended his funeral.
Writing Assignment
In this assignment, you will write a paragraph
of approximately 250 words that describes the
personality of a close friend or relative. You will
follow the steps of the writing process.
Step 1: Free Writing
Free write for ten minutes about the family member or close friend
you choose to describe. Write as much as you can, without
stopping. DO NOT worry about making mistakes. instead, put all
your ideas on paper.
• Exercise 2 Constructing a concept map
In a concept map, the main idea is written in the center,
and the major points with their supporting details are
grouped around the main idea.
Step 2: Constructing a concept map
Lizbet used the ideas in her freewriting to construct a
concept map as the follow:
My cousin Jasmine is fun
physically
Socially
Personally
1. Short
1. Lots of friends
1. Active
2. Great smile
2. outgoing
2. Very frank, but
nice
3. Dark hair
Step 3: Focusing your concept map
Reread the assignment, and review your concept map. Then decide
what the main idea about your family member or close friend should
be. Revise your controlling idea if necessary. Cross out any
information in your concept map that does not relate to the main idea
you have selected.
My cousin Jasmine is very friendly
physically
Socially
Personally
1. Short
1. Lots of friends
1. Active
2. Great smile
2. outgoing
2. Very frank, but
nice
3. Dark hair
Step 4: Adding details to your concept map
Lizbet added more specific details to the major points about Jasmine’s
friendliness. She added specific physical details that showed
Jasmine’s friendliness, specific social examples of friendliness, and
specific personal information that showed her friendliness.
My cousin Jasmine is fun
Physically
•great smile
•people always
comment on
her smile, even
when they just
see her photo
socially
•Lots of friends/ outgoing
•Works successfully as a
receptionist
•Goes out 4 or 5 times a
week with friends
personally
•Very frank, but nice
•Telling the truth but
doesn’t hurt feelings
•If someone is late, she
doesn’t scold. She says
“Are you all right? I was a
little worried
Step 5: Filling in an outline
Lizbet used the information that she had gathered and organized to
write a first draft to her paragraph.
1) My cousin Jasmine is an open and friendly person who is liked
by others. 2) She is successful in her job as a receptionist because
she is outgoing. 3) She welcomes clients and answers the phone
warmly. 4) Jasmine has lots of friends and she goes out four or five
times a week. 5) Her friends say that they like Jasmine because she
ahs such a great smile. 6) People always comment on it, even
when they just see her photo. 7) Another reason she is so popular
is that she always tells the truth, but she does it nicely. 8) For
example, if a friend arrives very late, she does not scold the friend.
9) Instead, she says, “Are you all right? I was a little worried.” 10)
For all these reasons, Jasmine is one of the friendliest persons I
have ever know.
Step 5: Filling in an outline
Complete the outline with information from your concept map
Topic Sentence: ______________________________________________________
Major Point 1: _______________________________________________________
Specific Detail to support Major Point 1: _______________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Major Point 2: _______________________________________________________
Specific Detail to support Major Point 2: _______________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Major Point 3: _______________________________________________________
Specific Detail to support Major Point 3: ________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
Concluding Sentence:
___________________________________________________________________
Step 6: Writing your first draft
Step 7: Checking your writing
Step 8: Doing a peer response
Step 9: Revising your writing
Different Types of Writings about People
1) Biography: subjects for biographies are usually public figures
(Premier Zhou Enlai, JFK, Martin Luther King, Jr.); therefore,
biographers rely on published documents, interviewing the subject (if
he or she is still living) and people who know or knew the subject.
2) Autobiographers: Benjamin Franklin, for example write about
their own lives even though they may include others who have
somehow been involved in their lives; therefore the main source of
data is their memory and their personal documents (old diaries, letters,
and so forth)
Different Types of Writings about People
3) Memoir: (one written by a bodyguard of the late Premier Zhou)
usually presents an important person the writer once knew well, so it
also relies heavily on memory and personal documents.
4) Reportage: (newspapers and magazines are full of them!) is
usually written about an interesting or unusual individual and the
writer relies on interviews and observation of that individual and
others who know him or her.
We are going to talk about essay-length( about five papers long,
double space) writings about people we remember from the past.
Writing Material Analysis
Questions for Critical Thinking, Discussion, and Writing
1. Does it remind you of any of your childhood experience? Does
anyone in your life somehow resemble Uncle Willie? Were you forced
to learn something, e.g. to play certain music instruments (the piano, the
violin, etc.)? Who in your family is more "strict" and who is "kinder, "
your father or your mother? Why? Has your opinion of that more strict
'disciplinarian" in your family changed? Why and how?
Writing Material Analysis
Questions for Critical Thinking, Discussion, and Writing
2. Out of so many things that, happened during the years Angelou
lived with her uncle, she chose only two anecdotes to write about, one
in paragraph 2 and one in paragraphs 6 -18. Why? What does each
anecdote tell us about Uncle Willie, and about Angelou herself? Why
is the narrative of the first anecdote rather brief while the second is so
elaborate?
Writing Material Analysis
Questions for Critical Thinking, Discussion, and Writing
3. What specific narrative action contributes to the vividness of the
second anecdote? Does the dialogue catch the mood of the scene and
the emotional state of Uncle Willie and young Angelou?
Writing Material Analysis
Questions for Critical Thinking, Discussion, and Writing
4. In paragraph 20, Angelou explains why Willie is tired of being
crippled that particular day. Can you offer any additional or different
explanation? Could it have anything to do with the fact that those two
visitors from Little Rock are teachers? If you think so, can you cite
any fact from the first part of the story to support yourself?
Maya Angelou, a poet and autobiographer, grew up during the
1930s in the small Arkansas town of Stamps, where she lived with
her brother Bailey, her grandmother (the "Momma" in this
selection), and Uncle Willie who operated a small grocery store.
“Uncle Willie” is excerpted from I Know Why the Caged Bird
Sings (1970).
Uncle Willie
Maya Angelou
When Bailey was six and I a year younger, we used to rattle off
the times tables with the speed I was later to see Chinese children
in San Francisco employ on their abacuses. Our summer-gray potbellied stove bloomed rosy red during winter, and became a severe
disciplinarian threat if we were so foolish as to indulge in making
mistakes.
Brief Comment:
Angelou doesn't simply tell why Uncle Willie is a
significant person in her life: rather she shows it through
vivid description of narrative action and dialogue.
The opening is short but effective in arousing our
interest: How would the kids be "disciplined" if they dare
to make any errors?
Uncle Willie used to sit, like a giant black Z (he had been crippled
as a child), and hear us testify to the Lafayette County Training
Schools' abilities. His face pulled down on the left side, as if a pulley
had been attached to his lower teeth, and his left hand was only a
mite bigger than Bailey's, but on the second mistake or on the third
hesitation his big overgrown right hand would catch one of us
behind the collar, and in the same moment would thrust the culprit
toward the dui; red heater, which throbbed like a devil's toothache.
We were never burned, although once I might have been when I was
so terrified I tried to jump onto the stove to remove the possibility of
its remaining a threat. Like most children, I thought if I could face
the worst danger voluntarily, and triumph, I would forever have
power over it. But in my case of sacrificial effort I was thwarted.
Uncle Willie held tight to my dress and I only got close enough to
smell the clean dry scent of hot iron. We learned the times tables
without understanding their grand principle, simply because we had
the capacity and no alternative.
Brief Comment:
We "see" a not so pleasant or flattering portrait of Uncle Willie,
the subject of this narrative: He's sitting there "like a giant black
Z," with his lopsided face, his tiny left hand and overgrown right
hand. On top of that, he is a harsh, almost cruel "disciplinarian."
We "see" the traumatizing, almost nightmarish experience for the
five-year-old Angelou. Yet that negative feeling (both the author's
and ours) would be more than counterbalanced by the picture of
Uncle Willie that emerges from the second anecdote: a proud but
vulnerable human being tired of fighting, at least for one day.
The description may be somewhat exaggerated, but it is certainly
accurate in showing what was going on in the fertile mind of a
five-ear-old, full of imagination yet scared to death.
The tragedy of lameness seems so unfair to children that they are
embarrassed in its presence. And they, most recently off nature's
mold, sense that they have only narrowly missed being another of
her jokes. In relief at the narrow escape, they vent their emotions
in impatience and criticism of the unlucky cripple.
Momma related times without end, and without any show of
emotion, how Uncle Willie had been dropped when he was three
years old by a woman who was minding him. She seemed to hold
no rancor against the baby-sitter, nor for her just God who allowed
the accident. She felt it necessary to explain over and over again to
those who knew the story by heart that he wasn't "born that way. "
In our society, where two-legged, two-armed strong Black men were
able at best to eke out only the necessities of life, Uncle Willie, with
his starched shirts, shined shoes and shelves full of food, was the
whipping boy and butt of jokes of the underemployed and
underpaid. Fate not only disabled him but laid a double-tiered
barrier in his path. He was also proud and sensitive. Therefore he
couldn't pretend that he wasn't crippled, nor could he deceive
himself that people were not repelled by his defect.
Only once in all the years of trying not to watch him, I saw him
pretend to himself and others that he wasn't lame.
Coming home from school one day, I saw a dark car in our front
yard. I rushed in to find a strange man and woman (Uncle Willie said
later they were schoolteachers from Little Rock) drinking Dr. Pepper
in the cool of the Store. I sensed a wrongness around me, like an
alarm clock that had gone off without being set.
I knew it couldn't be the strangers. Not frequently, but often
enough, travelers pulled off the main road to buy tobacco or soft
drinks in the only Negro store in Stamps. When I looked at Uncle
Willie, I knew what was pulling my mind's coattails. He was
standing erect behind the counter, not leaning forward or resting
on the small shelf that had been built for him. Erect. His eyes
seemed to hold me with a mixture of threats and appeal.
I dutifully greeted the strangers and roamed my eyes around for
his walking stick. It was nowhere to be seen. He said, "Uh .. this
this ... this ... uh, my niece. She's ... uh ... just come from school. "
Then to the couple — "You know ... how, uh, children are ... th-ththese days ... they play all d-d-day at school and c-c-can't wait to
get home and pl-play some more."
The people smiled, very friendly.
He added, "go on out and pl-play, sister. "
The lady laughed in a soft Arkansas voice and said, "Well, you
know, Mr. Johnson, they say, you're only a child once. Have you
children of your own?"
Uncle Willie looked at me with an impatience I hadn't seen in his
face even when he took thirty minutes to loop the laces over his
high-topped shoes. "1 ... I thought I told you to go ... to out-side
and play. "
Before I left I saw him lean back on the shelves of Garret Snuff,
Prince Albert and Spark Plug chewing tobacco.
"No, ma'am ... no ch-children and no wife. " He tried a laugh. "I
have an old m-m-mother and my brother's t-two children to I-look
after. "
I didn't mind his using us to make himself look good. In fact, I
would have pretended to be his daughter if he wanted me to. Not
only did I not feel any loyalty to my own father, I figured that if I
had been Uncle Willie's child I would have received much better
treatment.
The couple left after a few minutes, and from the back of the house
I watched the red car scare chickens, raise dust and disappear
toward Magnolia. Uncle Willie was making his way down the long
shadowed aisle between the shelves and the counter - hand over
hand, like a man climbing out of a dream. I stayed quiet and
watched him lurch from one side, bumping to the other, until he
reached the coal-oil tank. He put his hand behind that dark recess
and took his cane in the strong fist and shifted his weight on the
wooden support. He thought he had pulled it off.
I'll never know why it was important to him that the couple (he
said later that he'd never seen them before) would take a picture of
a whole Mr. Johnson back to Little Rock.
He must have tired of being crippled, as prisoners tire of
penitentiary bars and the guilty tire of blame. The high-topped
shoes and the cane, his uncontrollable muscles and thick tongue,
and the looks he suffered of either contempt or pity had simply
worn him out, and for one afternoon, one part of an afternoon, he
wanted no part of them.
I understood and felt closer to him at that moment than ever
before or since.
Brief Comment:
In the second anecdote, the writer uses dialogue
extensive1y to help recreate the scene and reveal the
mental and emotional state of Uncle Willie. It is possible
that he stammers (while talking to the visitors) because
of a speech impediment, but more importantly, the
stammering shows he is not used to “pretending,” and he
feels uncertain and vulnerable. The impact of this event
on young Angelou is significant: a very observant
(noticing something "wrong" right away) and sensitive
young girl, she is willing to pretend to be his daughter
and she now understands the uncle (and humanity?)
much better.